semper memento
by hinoiri lwin
Summary: will you remember to always remember? —yuunoa—
1. when devil gets desperate

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _she is not living in lies, not living a phantasm,  
or so she thinks  
he is not living a lie, not living in phantasm,  
or so he says  
both of them, are broken, are incomplete,  
are forgotten  
they are not really different,  
aren't they?  
_ **.**

.

will you remember to—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ **.  
.**

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:**

Hello~ I'm back with a fresh Yuunoa minna-san. Just yesterday, I'd finished my first university's entrance examination and I literally felt like shit after answering those damned 150 questions, so I ran (not surprising) again from my preparations for the second test days later to clear my mind with Yuunoa XD. This is quite a long one, isn't it? My first multi-chapters really, because after I managed to finish my other hellhole I'm going to enjoy my long awaited two months holiday so I thought, why not? But I'm going hiatus again though after this chapter. Don't worry, I have been writing the second chapter, but it needs a long way to go before it reach 10k+ words like this one. (Yeah it's going to be 10k+ for each chapter, just because :D)

I don't think I can update this story really fast like my one shots, because well, writer's always connected with author's block, am I right? But I will try my best if there are many of you who really want an update. And I will occasionally write some one shots or a multi-one shots, if I'm in the mood~

This is going to be my very first multi-chapter story, so please be patient with me okay? I would be pleased to hear your opinions, so don't hesitate to tell me anything, alright? This story will focus at Yuichiro and Shinoa (obviously) but Shinoa is going to be the center of this story because the light novel really, really left a lot to imagine. Just read it, it's really good! :D

I really hope you're going like this story though. It's going to be a long one, after all. Shinoa past is totally dark and angst-y but Yuu will be there to cheer her up. This story is a mix of angst, fluff, romance, tragedy—well, almost all the genre is mixed inside this one. The title of this story is once again came from a latin phrase " _semper memento_ " which means " _always remember_ " which is kind of a spoiler, I think XD. I have been planning this story for a week and it was like, insanely long. Still, I'm still a beginner, and english is not my mother language, so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes or errors and such. Enjoy reading minna-san~

 **disclaimer:**  
I do not own owari no seraph (if I do, there's going to be a lot of yuunoa moments to fangirl about.)

* * *

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

" _Noa-chan?"  
_ "Yes?" _  
"Do you want to hear a story?"  
_ "About what? Please not another princess-sy tales. I hate clichés, remember?"

 _"I know, I know. You're just weird like that."  
"I thought all little girls love fairy tales."_

"Not me."  
"You're looking at the wrong little girl. I'm not that childish."

 _"It's not childish, Noa-chan. It's pretty normal."  
"Why do you hate it so much anyway?"_

"Just... because."  
 _"Really? Just because?"  
_ "…..yep."  
 _"I can detect some lies. Ne, spill."_

—

"…fine. I don't like fairy tales, okay?"  
"It's sickening, and revolting, and – and…. not real."  
"It's fake. A child's play."  
"A dream."

 _"A dream… huh?"  
"What makes you think that it's not real?"_

"Because, there's no such thing as happily ever after."  
"There's no true love."  
"There's no fate."  
"No princesses in beautiful gowns twirling on the dance floor."  
"Nor princes charming kissing them awake."

—

"In our world, real world,"  
"There's no peace."

 _"Shinoa—"_

"There's no happiness. You know that better than anyone."  
 _"It's not—"  
_ "The world is cruel."  
 _"Yes it is."  
_ "I know you would understand."

—

" _But there is hope."  
_ "….what?"

—

 _"You can still hope, Noa-chan."  
"Perhaps your life would be like that of a fairy tale."  
"Who knows, really."  
_ _ **.prologus.**_

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _She has grown, hasn't she?  
I still remember those pudgy little fingers and chubby cheeks,  
those sweet smiles and grins and I wonder  
just how much of the world has changed since I was gone."  
_ **-that boy-**

* * *

 **the first memory  
** [when devil gets desperate]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The horizon above her head was flaming bright blue, painted in a shade of a blooming morning glory. Lapis cerulean sky washed over her tired eyes, azure to pools of coppers, and she blinked out the dust from tainting her vision. The sun was high, scorching hot upon her ivory skin and warm against her eyelids. And everything around her was burning heat.

It was summer.

Or, it used to be summer.

In this broken world she was living in, the seasons didn't matter anymore, just like lives worth less and deaths being thrown around decapitated bodies and discarded feelings. Just like those nightmares left forgotten behind her eyelids. She was used to this indifference, though. It'd been years – _years_ – and at least it spared her from the never-ending pain.

(Ignorance's a bliss, after all.)

But today, she was living again. When she woke up this morning, nothing had changed. Everything was the same.

(Same stillness. Same loneliness. Same solitary. And she was on mission again. Killing again. She'd lost count at how many souls she'd robbed, how many breaths she'd stopped, how many live she'd ruined, how many times she'd killed.)

And killed.

And killed.

Even though she despised those beings so much, even though it felt right, _killing was_ _killing_. It didn't matter who, or when, or what, killing was count for killing, and that's it—she'd killed.

Shinoa held her breath and waited for another day to pass.

(She wondered who she was going to kill today.)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Your mission is simple." Guren said, flicking a strand of stubborn raven hair out from his eyes. "Recently, there are some reports stating that our soldiers had witnessed a few abnormal activities in Harajuku. But the thing is; they're not _quite_ sure about the cause. Perhaps, you can say that they _can't_ be sure, because whatever it is, it always managed to escape at the last moment and left destruction on its wake."

Beside him, the jade-eyed boy frowned. "Is it a—"

"For god's sake, I'm _not_ finished." The Lieutenant general warned him with a glare. "The Central Base is still in the dark about the situation on the ground, for they haven't checked the perimeter yet; but from the information we managed to collect, the being is most likely to be an independent vampire or," his eyes darkened into molten violet, "—an _abnormal_ one."

The wind suddenly blew ferociously from the western sky, drifting by their naked skin and between their hairs. There was something wrong, perhaps even _peculiar_ with his connotation. Soemthing they couldn't put their fingers on. But they tried to trust Guren even though they could feel cold slowly creeping up their arms.

Perhaps It was fear. Fear of knowing, fear of something unknown. Fear, because it sounded like they weren't supposed to know this information. Fear, because it sounded like he was hiding something from them.

(Like he was going to send them off into death's door.)

Shinoa swallowed a lump which formed behind her throat and pushed the thoughts away when Yuichiro open his mouth.

"Abnormal?" he murmured. "What do you mean by that?"

"Yes. An abnormal vampire, to be precise." he nodded, shifting his eyes to meet a pair of greenish aqua orbs. "It didn't _play'_ with any of our people, you see." Guren said, violets orbs darkening ever so slightly. "The creature instead _ignored_ them. Isn't that weird?" he said rhetorically. "I want you brats to check that place for us."

Shinoa narrowed her eyes.

 _No, that can't do._

"Chūsa?" she called, stilling her thumping hearts into a steady beat. "I have a question."

Guren nodded and dipped his head a little, giving her an opportunity to talk.

"Isn't it dangerous for us to venture out with just five members?" she said slowly, each word coated with lucid doubts. "The situation is not determined by all means. Isn't it better for us to observe first, rather than jump into the place directly?"

 _And besides_ , Shinoa thought, with this particular squad, she didn't dare to wager that they could come back _unscratched_.

"Yeah." from behind, Kimizuki agreed. "She's right. It's not like I'm underestimating our power—because I'm not, seriously—but what makes you think that we can caught it for certain, when you _know_ the others didn't even catch a glimpse of that thing?"

The lieutenant colonel smiled, quite amused by the boy's reasonable suspicion. "That's true, and I do understand that you're concerned, but I have a valid reason of why I choose this team to carry out this mission." Guren turned around to face Shinoa, "This," he emphasized, "Is where your demon's ability is required." then he turned his gaze to Yuichiro and Kimizuki, "And your ability to hold a good fight in a close range would help also."

"My demon…?" The girl in question narrowed her eyes as the two special privates frowned a little. "What do you—"

"Believe it or not, this team is one of the best for _any_ type of mission invented. Not counting when your idiocies start to kick out, of course." he pointed at Yuichiro, snorting. "Especially for undercover mission, I think Shinoa's demon ability is the best out of everyone. I know that you like it better to be in the front lines, but this type of mission is important too."

"Wait, you still haven't answered my question." Shinoa glared at him. "What do you mean by—"

"Now," interrupted Guren, the corner of his mouth lifted a little, forming a wry grin. "This is the plan—"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The plan, to put it simply, was totally easy to follow. Head straight to Harajuku, find their target, and finish their job marvelously.

 _Easy._

But sadly, things didn't go as planned.

Honestly, they didn't know when it happened. Or how, or even _why_ it happened in the first place; why _now_ of all times. They had been walking with their usual safe route, deeming it important to avoid any possible enemies along the way, when droplets of fat water suddenly prickled their clothed skin, staining the black materials wet. At first, it was just a drizzle, no harm done, and they'd foolishly thought that it would be over in a count of minutes. But apparently, fate loved it to mess with their life, so just imagine their shock when torrents of rain began to pour even harder, even harsher, onto the dry earth below.

It was not exaggerating to say that they looked like a bunch of wet dogs with their hairs clinging to their scalps and faces like a second skin.

"Seriously?" The black-haired boy muttered as he cursed inside his mind. "Of all time…."

 _Damn it_ , he thought, it would take _forever_ before it'd stopped for real, and night was silently approaching. They couldn't wait that long _._

 _But it couldn't be helped_ , Yuichiro thought as he stared blankly at his now soppy boots. He was such a mess. The damp, ebony hair which clung on his face was uncomfortable, and he blamed the rain for its bad timing. From the corner of his eyes, he watched his comrades drying themselves off with some towels they'd found, ruffling their heads continuously.

But sadly, a towel or two weren't enough, and after a few curses being thrown here and there plus several unsuccessful attempts to fix their messed up state, Mitsuba and Kimizuki stood up from their respective corner to fetch any kind of thing that, hopefully, could help them up. It didn't take long before Yoichi left his side to join the two in their little hunt around the barren building.

As the trio were busy scavenging around, Yuichiro sat quietly near the glassless window, perched on its steel hinges as he gazed at the pelting rain. It was only him and his little leader now, and he couldn't help but stare at the short girl as she struggled with her hair ribbon. Her periwinkle colored tresses was half-tied, half down to her back as her hands clumsily tried to get the thing off of her hair.

Yuichiro squinted his eyes a little sharper, a frown on his face.

 _Hair. Shinoa's hair._

Now that he thought about it, she _always_ wore the same hairstyle every single day; same twin braids, same bun, same ribbon. The only time he'd ever seen her hair down was that time in Shinjuku, and it was only for a moment before she'd tied it back again.

Oh well, it's not really his problem anyway. But he had to admit; her hair color was a bit fascinating. Just a little though. He didn't know why, but he liked the color. At first glance it's just a simple shade of royal purple, soft and calm just like violet, but there was a noticeable hint of blue that made it different when it was sun kissed. He couldn't explain it by words, but he _liked_ the color.

And, by some kind of weird fascination, he suddenly wanted to feel it between his fingers.

(So he did.)

"Oi Shinoa." he called the maiden over as he watched her struggled even more. "Shinoa!" he raised his voice a little when she didn't respond his call.

"W-What it – is, Yuu-san?" she managed to answer between gritted teeth. "Can't–you see that—" she gasped when she accidentally pulled one of her braids a little too strong. "—I'm try–ing to get… this thing… off… of m-me?"

Yuichiro sweatdropped when the girl almost tore her hair off in frustration.

"I know." he deadpanned, aquamarine-green eyes shining bright with amusement. "That's why, come here."

Shinoa stopped for a moment to stare at him from her shoulder, titling her face a little. "Huh? For what?"

The green-eyed boy only watched her blankly for a moment, shuffled on his feet, before he walked straight at her. After he was only a breath away, he began eyeing her messy knots of violet tresses with contemplative gaze, and the next thing he did made her eyes widen in disbelief.

 _He touched her hair._

He touched her hair _and_ ran his fingers through it. After a few fleeting caress he untied the ribbon from the mess she called hair, parting her silky damp tresses gently with his long digits before he dried it with a towel she didn't notice he brought. His movements were careful, and perhaps even flaccid, nothing like his usual boisterous way of handling things. She didn't feel any discomfort at all when he unfolded her bizarre knots, and she'd to suppress a moan of satisfaction when his cold fingertips ran against her sweltering scalp.

Shinoa didn't even know that he could be so gentle and considerate. He seemed like a different person now. Like—well, she didn't really sure. But she sure liked this side of him. A smile unconsciously bloomed on her face at the thought.

Wait a moment.

What's _wrong_ with her?

Why her heart beating so fast? And her cheeks, they were _burning_.

 _What happened to me?_

"Y-Yuu-san…" she said nervously, her heat beating against her rib cage like a drum. Without knowing, she bit her lower lip hard until her teeth dugs into the soft flesh. "W-What are you…?"

"Lunaria." she heard him whispered, his hot breath tickling the sensitive skin of her neck which forced her to shudder a bit.

Shinoa blinked her eyes in confusion, cheeks still flushing red. "Huh?"

"Your hair color is a shade of lunaria." he said, tangling his long digits between her hair. "Or perhaps monkshood. I dunno, you have a very weird colored hair."

"What's with that?" Shinoa snorted, a wry smile blooming on her flushed face. His innocence and bluntness calmed her a little though. How silly of her to get this worked up about his weirdness? "I hope it's a compliment." she said playfully, finally regained her composure.

"It is." he agreed, albeit a little awkward. "Now stand still."

Yuichiro brought his eyes into her head again, his fingers swimming between her soft hair. Just like what he'd imagined, it was soft and silky and when he sank his digits deeper into the sea of lunarias, parting it a little, he could even smell the faint fragrance of said flower from it. "Oi, can't you keep still?" he grunted when he felt her changing her position. He didn't like it when her hair slipped away from his hand.

"Uh…" The short girl was truly at lost, didn't sure what to do ( _or think_ ) in a peculiar situation such as this. Well, it's not like she was _not_ enjoying the feeling of his fingers between her hair, but it wouldn't be long before the others come back from whatever they'd been doing—

 _And if they find us in this position,_ Shinoa mused. They _certainly_ would have the wrong idea—especially Mitsuba. With that thought in mind, she titled her head a little to meet his eyes. "Ano, Yuu-san, you know I…."

She faltered when their eyes met, and then everything was suddenly still. Why did she suddenly feel like drowning when she saw those viridian orbs?

 _Why I'm behaving like this?_

Shinoa shook her head and forced a smile on her face. "I—Um, I can do it by myself, really."

"Like hell you could." he only snorted, mockingly, as he carefully combed her hair with his fingers. "Just a moment ago you were _wrestling_ with your own ribbon, you know. And now you tell me that you can handle this by your own? Don't make me laugh."

What.

Okay. That was totally _uncalled_ for.

 _That crossed the line_ , Shinoa thought, the sharp words stabbed her right in the heart. Her eyes twitched, lips formed a half-homicidal, half-dark what-supposed-to-be-a smile. Gone was the previous embarrassment as she watched him from the corner of her eyes.

"Hee~" she lifted an eyebrow, a patch of skin at corner of her eyes ceasing slightly. "What was that Yuu-san?" she said with a very sweet, very fake, shrilly voice.

"What?" The emerald eyed boy stopped combing her hair abruptly when he saw her flashing her infamous plastic smile which _always_ meant trouble. "What have I done this time?" he asked incredulously, raising his hands up like a criminal got caught in the act.

Shinoa rolled her eyes. "You ins—"

Before she could even form a coherent sentence, a loud, booming voice interrupted their little moments with a holler of;

"OI. FREAKING DEAF GIRL AND BOY OVER THERE—ARE YOU TWO BARKING MAD?!"

 _Speak of the devil and here she comes_ , Shinoa mused. She _knew_ that this would happen.

"We've been calling the two of you _nicely_ for five freaking minutes, FIVE!" Mitsuba glared, but when she saw them blinked at her, genuinely confused, she snapped. "For the love of—ARE YOU _KIDDING_ ME?! Both of you _seriously_ didn't hear our calls, all this time?!"

They shook their head and the girl's jaws hanged open, widely, just like that of a black hole.

Mitsuba seethed. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS—"

"Can you please shut up?!" and now they could see their bespectacled and timid comrades from afar, fruitlessly trying to cover their ears up from the barrage of ear-assaults. "Are you planning to blast my and Yoichi's ears off?!"

"WHAT IS YOU PROBLEM YOU JERK! I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE FOR SHOUTING OUT LOUD!" she screamed back, face flaming red with unrestrained anger.

"You _are_ shouting." Kimizuki mumbled under his breath, irritated by another outburst yet again, before he glared menacingly at the two lovebirds. "And YOU." he snapped, pointing his index finger at them, "You better come here before I drag your body with my bare hands." It was a threat indeed, but it was mostly directed at the dark haired boy rather the two of them. "We're going. _Now."_

Yuichiro snarled at him. "The hell Kimizuki—"

"The rain had long stopped but you're too busy dilly dallying to even notice the freaking weather." Kimizuki cut him off, snarling back.

"WHA–WHAT?" Yuichiro squeaked loudly, his face flaming red like apple. "We're not—I mean–Shinoa and I–we—"

"I don't care." he deadpanned. "Now get your ass right here you idiot."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Their previous disputes gladly ended with another of Shinoa's homicidal grin and unsaid promises of pain. No one dared to utter a thing as they walked into the now dry road. After a few insults and profanities hurled between the two sword users, they finally got back on their track and reached their designated place; Harajuku.

Or perhaps _not._

"Hey, you sure this is the right place?" Yuichiro frowned as he looked at his surroundings. "Doesn't look like a battlefield for me…"

The ground beneath him was indeed crumpled, like a paper would when it's kneaded inside a palm. Blocks of stones and bricks were scattered around the damaged place. Remnants of decaying woods and rusted metals were also noticeable, but beside that, it was – dare he say _–_ _normal_. He was used to watch such a scene since he was a child, after all.

But this kind of state, it didn't seem like there was any fight truly happened in this forsaken place, for there was no blood; no cursed gears; no _corpses._

 _It's too normal to be real_ , he thought.

"Eh~" Shinoa grinned from his right. "What were you expecting? A ruin of abandoned tower, with bloods and innards splattered over its ground? Really Yuu-san, you're such a child~" she said teasingly.

"Shinoa you—" The boy blushed when a wave of embarrassment swept through him. "That's _disgusting_. I didn't mean it like that, I just thought when Guren said destruction.…" he trailed off, searching for a word to describe his earlier expectation.

"A wrecked earth and bloodbath?" Kimizuki supplied blankly.

"Exactly." Yuichiro nodded his head, strands of ebony hairs floated around. "It's… I don't know? Too… normal?"

From the back of the group Mitsuba scoffed standoffishly. "Remember what Guren-chūsa said? That thing was—"

"—not prone to massacre. I know, I know." Yuichiro cut her over. "Just a big baby who loves to play around and mess up things, _I know, okay?_ "

"Well, it doesn't matter now." they stopped talking when Shinoa put her scythe on the ground. "Let's proceed to the plan."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _So, brattlings, I'm going to summarize the whole thing so you all better listen, alright?_

 _The Central had been trying to locate the unidentified being several times, with various types of radars, the bureau's security systems, our best security threat management system, you name it. But still, no noticeable incident reported between the notification date and the release of exploit code._

 _There was nothing._

 _No response, no feedback, just an abandoned ruins and buildings._

 _With our last hope turned into dust, the only thing that we could think about was another form of detection. We have a few hunches of why the systems didn't work as we expected, and The Central decided that electromagnetic waves is useless, for the being we're trying to caught is not even human._

 _This is where you squad came into the picture._

 _Shinoa, your demon's special ability is to scout and detect, am I right? And it may work to locate the beast exact coordinate. So I would like for you to use it, and if you find any signs of disturbance, don't hesitate to fight back. Just went with a little resistance—especially the two of you, Yuu and Kimizuki, who's good at close range battle. Mitsuba and Yoichi will stay at the back to support the three of you when it's needed._

 _I need to remind you though, caught it alive._

 _But if the situation is dire, just eliminate it and if you could, bring some remnants of its parts for our laboratory._

 _That's your mission._

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"You caught something?" Yuichiro whispered to his side, where the lavender haired girl stood on her ground, eyes closed briefly in concentration as her demon's black aura licked her lithe body with dark flames.

"No." she said between even breaths. "But stay alert, if I feel something I need you to act fast."

"Noted." they nodded their head, hands already full with their own respective cursed gears. The air around them began to feel heavy, it was hard to breathe, and they'd to struggle from leaping into the enemy. After two weeks of lazing around the base, they were itching to get some actions done, especially the two knuckle heads in the squad.

"Good." Shinoa whispered, her eyes kept flickering around. "Now keep quiet."

The four of them obeyed their leader and sealed their mouth shut. There was silence as the wind slapped their face harshly, that they'd shivered from the sudden unpleasant contact. The leader of their little squad was still waiting for any signs, and it lasted for a few seconds, before she puffed out a breath and tucked her scythe down near her knees.

"I can't feel anything." she said blankly. "I think we need to observe this place first. Or get a little further inside, maybe I can detect it then."

Yuichiro frowned when he felt her distressed tone seeping into his bones. "Should we separate then?" he asked, "It would be more efficient."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." she muttered under her breath, but loud enough for them to hear. "Now, let's—"

But before they could even move, there was a static sounds rumbling from beneath them, shaking their footfalls. Eveything was still and quiet before they felt the _chills_.

Shinoa stopped breathing, stopped moving for a moment, her lungs failing her and the others began to worry when they saw her scrunched up face. Her breaths became labored as her grip tightened around her scythe. But she didn't say a thing, and it made the silence even more deafening than before. Their hands instinctively curled around their gears a little bit tighter, waiting.

"What is it?" The bespectacled boy murmured from her side, asking for confirmation, but the girl only stilled on her place, barely breathing and he began to feel the cold crawled on his skin.

She didn't answer him.

Yuichiro put his palm over her trembling one. "Oi, Shinoa—"

"No—" Shinoa gasped suddenly, cutting his sentence off in the process as her eyes grew wide. "Everyone we need to move now—"

It was unusual for her to panic, very unusual, and it made the situation even more concerning as they searched for any kind of threat from their peripheral visions. Their surrounding was bare and still, there was nothing there. But then, suddenly, before they could even move a foot, the ground started to rumble beneath their feet and they realized that it was already too late to run.

 ** _Crack._**

It was barely a second before their foothold cracked and broke down into nothing.

And they fell.

And fell.

(The last thing that they could remember was a blinding light as gravity pulled them into the ground below. )

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Oi. Shinoa—Shinoa, wake up."

His voice was deep and rough as he patted her cheek gently, trying to wake her up, but the girl only mumbled incoherent words back, clearly still unconscious. He tried again, the back of his palm connected with her face several times, and finally she began to show a slight response at his touch. It took him a couple of minutes of prodding before she finally opened her eyelids and blinked her beautiful pair of chocolate-crimson eyes, only to stare at his worried ones.

"Yuu… –san..?" Shinoa whispered softly when his eyes connected with hers, and weakly asked; "What… happened?"

"I'm the one who should say that. What was that?" Yuichiro frowned, holding her body against his to keep her upright. "You certainly knew what would happen, even though it's too late, so what exactly you felt back then?"

"I'm…" her eyes blurred a little when she tried to recall the previous aura she had sensed. "It's… It was awful... I don't think that any kind of person—or even a monster—could produce such a dark and raw powerful energy..." she paused, "But it did, apparently. And I was caught off guard."

Yuichiro frowned even deeper when he watched her unconsciously bit her bleeding lips from the nervousness until it drew blood again. _This is bad_ , he thought as he watched her bruised form. Not only they were separated from the rest but the enemy was quite powerful too.

"Y-Yuu–san?" she called him over, noting his quietness. "Uh—Eto… you could let go of me now…" she mumbled, a little embarrassed by their close proximity.

"Huh?" Yuichiro stared blankly at her for a while before his eyes suddenly opened wide. "O-Oh, s–sorry." he muttered, releasing his hold from her. He didn't even notice that he was holding her all this time. He did flush a little when his arms accidentally brushed against hers when he was untangling his body from her small frame. _This is so awkward_ , he grimaced, looking away from her.

After then, a moment of silence passed on as Shinoa rose up to sit beside him. They roamed their eyes around the place desperately, hoping to catch a glimpse of their comrades. But it was no avail, as the only thing reflected on their bleary eyes was only an empty underground filled with countless of ruins.

"What do you think happened to the rest?" Shinoa asked as she tucked her head above her knees. "Do you think they are safe?"

"They have to." he said, firmly. "They _have_ to, you know they are not weak."

"Yeah." The girl paused, "Maybe I'm just a little paranoid. We have to move from this place as soon as possible. It would be better to walk around than being copped up in this place any longer." she dusted off her uniform before she stood over the ground.

"Yuu-san?" she held out a hand for him to grip, smiling a little, but Yuichiro only blinked at the hand extended to him; confused as what to do.

"Huh?" he blinked again, "What?"

The petite girl titled her head in a confused manner before she laughed, a little amused by his antics.

"Come on, Yuu-san, just take my hand. We should get going now."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Damn. Where the heck is the freaking exit from this place?" Yuichiro grumbled as he walked through the long, narrow corridor. "We have been walking for what? Two hours? And still no exit?"

The lilac haired girl could only sweatdropped when she saw him comically kicking some unfortunate stones upon his feet. It looked so clear that he was already fed up with their current situation.

"The poor thing~" Shinoa humored him with a little pout. "You shouldn't let your anger cloud your minds, Yuu-san. Look at the little guy, _he's hurting_."

"Huh?" Yuichiro just _knew_ that his eyes were twitching badly. "The hell are you talking about?"

"Ahaha~ Nothing~" she whistled when he glared at her. "Come on, it's just a joke~ You're such a boring person, aren't you Yuu-san?"

 _Why she was being such a—_

Yuichiro _snapped_.

He didn't need this okay. He couldn't take any more of this shit.

"Shinoa you little—" he seethed, grinding his teeth hard. "How could you be so calm after all of this—this bullshit?!" he screamed in frustration. "Isn't worrying supposed to be _your_ job? I mean… you–you _are_ the squad leader! So shouldn't you… I don't know, pay more attention of our predicament? It's… it's been two hours Shinoa! And... and we—we haven't… we _haven't_ found the others yet!"

After the loud outburst, Yuichiro was left gasping for air as he calmed himself down _._ Seconds passed before colors drained from his face. It was finally dawned on him, what he had done.

(What he had said.)

 _That's… that's too far_ , he cringed when he recalled his harsh words. He felt a little guilty, no, scratch that, he felt like an asshole. No matter what the situation, and no matter how frustrated he was, he shouldn't have taken it out on her. Damn it, now he felt like a total jerk for being an ass just because he was afraid—

He paused.

 _Afraid, huh?_ He thought as his mind was filled with memories he should have forgotten but didn't.

(It's been a long time since he felt that.)

"Feeling better?" hearing her melodic voice made him still for a moment, before he woke up from the images of his past and raised his head up. She was smiling at him, that girl, albeit a little tired, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Why she was smiling at him after all he'd done to her?

"….what?" he murmured meekly, his eyes stretched wide in disbelief.

"You've been so tense." Shinoa offered him another smile. "And~ As a good comrade that I am, I thought I should cheer you up!"

Cheer… him up? She was trying to cheer him up? All this time? With those ridiculous comments and half-jokes? All of it, for him? Yuichiro couldn't say a thing. He couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't _answer_ as he stared at her sincere smile. All this time, when he was so busy with his own little world, when he was so selfish with his own problems and worries, she had been looking out for his well-being, not minding her own. He knew that deep down, she must have felt a lot worse than he could ever imagine. Shinoa was like the squad's mother, after all.

And yet, she'd put himself over everything. She'd put himself _first_. No one had done that for him before.

"…sorry." The green eyed boy mumbled guiltily, but sincerely. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay." she interjected him, shrugging her shoulders. "I know you're frustrated, who wouldn't when faced with a situation like this? So you don't have to feel bad okay? I don't mind."

"Even so, I shouldn't have taken it out on you." he flinched when his own words echoed inside his mind. "I shouldn't have screamed like that. I should have restrained myself better." he paused, "I was selfish. And… and for that, I'm… sorry."

Silence fell between them as the girl watched her comrade bowing his head deeper, hiding his viridian eyes as he refused to meet her pair of bronze ones. Shinoa knew that he was frustrated, and so did she, she really _did_. But she had always been the calm one, the reasonable one, so she shouldn't – _couldn't_ – afford to be so selfish like he was. It was not hers to feel, and should not feel, that human feeling.

It'd been a long time since she'd felt this way. This _human_ , and honestly, she didn't know what to do. It confused her, the feeling. The warmth which settled beneath her skin was foreign too, but she knew that little by little this person before her changed her world. He changed her, he fixed her, he made her feel again.

Shinoa didn't sure whether to feel grateful or mad with him, really.

(But she knew that she owed him one.)

"You know Yuu-san," she squatted in front of his hunched body, sad eyes staring up at him. "Being selfish is a good thing. I'm not being sarcastic but… once in a while—no, every single time…. you have to be selfish _every single time_ because that's how we – us – _humans,_ survive." the smile she gave him was bitter and askew, jagged on the edges. "You don't have to apologize for being selfish. I like it better if you're selfish Yuu-san, if it means you're going to survive, if it means you're going to live in a twisted world like this."

His eyes softened. "Shinoa…"

"Don't keep things to yourself, okay? If you need to vent up, I will always be here, by your side. If you bottled it up, you'll drive yourself crazy just hoping that someone will ask if you're doing okay or wondering if anyone can see that you're aren't happy as you're acting." she said, her smile turned wistful as her gaze dropped to the ground. "And I'm not saying to wear your feelings like a new pair of shoes, but it's important to know that you can open up, and it doesn't make you weak."

She suddenly paused, raising her head to stare into his eyes.

"It just makes you human."

Yuichiro didn't raise his head, still bowing down into the earth, but she knew for sure that he listened to her every word, and she was fine with that. Satisfied, she settled herself down beside him, their shoulders and arms touching, and she unconsciously smiled when she felt him instinctively moved closer. The night had almost reached its end and she watched as the moon shone through the creaks of the bricks wall, creating an eerie picture when it clashed badly with the darkness inside.

"Na, Shinoa." he called her out of the blue, and she noted that he finally had enough courage to meet her straight in the eyes.

"Hm?" she hummed softly, a little bit pleased that he was finally talking to her again. "What is it?"

The boy hesitated for a moment, as if considering something, then sighed. "What I am doing, really?" he mumbled to himself before he put his palm awkwardly on top her smaller one.

"Yuu-san?" Shinoa didn't bother to hide the crimson blush when she felt his hand curled around her, their fingers tangled with each other. "Wh-What are you—?"

"You don't mind, don't you?" Yuichiro cut her over as he tightened his grip. "If you do, just say it. I'm going to stop."

There was a little shade of pink on his cheeks, dusting its pale white complexion, and Shinoa couldn't help herself but laugh a little when she saw his embarrassed face. Here he was the one who started it, and yet, he was also the one who was blushing even harder than her.

"No~ Not at all~" the pretty grin was still etched on her face, wide and teasing. "You sure are a sweet boy when you want to be, ne, Yuu-san?"

"S-Shut it." Shinoa giggled even harder when he fixed her a heated glare, his face almost resembled that of a ripe tomato.

 _This is the usual Yuu-san_ , she thought.

Finally, he was back.

 _They_ were back _._

She teased him again and he scowled at her, but their hands still linked, never apart.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The moon hanged across the sky, just enough to illuminate the cold ground where they were standing. One of them raised his hand upwards, watching as the silverly light bathed his skin into a shade of purple and ivory. He sighed, turning back in time to watch another person lagging behind him.

"Oi, Yoichi," he called over his shoulder as he continued to walk ahead, long strides stretched upon the ground. "Do you think they're safe?"

It was only him and the timid boy, walking along the river bend near their campsite. Moonlight shone brightly, its full ratio reflected on the still water below. _Time has passed too fast_ , he thought, and they didn't know what to expect anymore, beside another grim report or negative shakes of heads from yet another research team. But before he could voice his cynical doubts, Yoichi opened his mouth in a hushed voice.

"They are."

To put it bluntly, Kimizuki was quite surprised when he heard his firm tone. He wondered just when he'd change when he was watching after him all this time.

This boy behind him, when he'd grown so strong?

"What makes you so sure?" he stopped walking altogether, and turned on his heels to face him head on. "What makes you think that they're not bleeding somewhere, waiting for death to claim them?"

" _They are fine, okay?_ " Yoichi said sharply, avoiding his question. "They have to be. They—Yuu-kun and Shinoa-san, they are _strong_. Strong enough to survive for a few days. We will find them soon, and they are going to be safe by the time we found them. We will be complete again, just wait."

"Yoichi, you—" Kimizuki contemplated when he saw the boy's blank gaze. "It's been five days. Almost a _week_ since that incident. We're… We were lucky enough to get swept away down the river, and they found our unconscious bodies—but them… the two of them…" he hated to be frank but the boy needed to understand. "I'm—" he paused, "I'm not saying that they're…. not safe… but—" he refused to use the word _dead_. "It's been five days, and still no reports, no signs— _nothing_."

His comrade didn't respond, he didn't even sure if the boy even _listened_ as he crouched over the river, staring at his hazy reflections on its blurred surface with an almost religious intensity. Kimizuki looked at him again, a little bit worried of his weak state. The peach haired boy called him softly then, just a whisper, but Yoichi didn't move, didn't budge over his position as he was too focused at the twin reflection beneath him to even hear his desperate calls.

"Yoichi?" Kimizuki tried again, this time louder. "Are you—"

"Stop it." it was just a mere whisper, but for him it was painfully _loud_.

Damn, he had done it, hadn't he? "I didn't—"

"Save it."

The peach haired boy groaned. That child, he was being difficult. "Please stop being so stubborn, you kn—"

"I know what?!" The green eyed boy snapped, his body trembling from his overflowing emotions. "I know what, huh? Tell me Kimizuki-kun, I know what?" he chocked on his own voice. "That there's no chance to find them? That there's no chance to save them? Or that they're as good as dead?" he laughed bitterly. "Tell me already, _what do I know?_ "

Kimizuki flinched at his accusing tone, his heart crumpled beneath his skin as he felt the boy despair reached his own. He didn't mean it like that, he also wanted to believe, like he did. But it was hard, and on top it all, it _hurt_ to hope when there was nothing to grip on besides false promises and an illusion that they were alright. Because they were not. _They were not._

"The truth hurts, okay?" he whispered harshly. "It stings and burn like flames, engulfing you in pain so awful it doesn't seem real. The truth _kills_ , and I hate it. And even though I'd rather live in a world full of lies rather than be drowned by the words of one truth, I need to wake up. I need to acknowledge it. For my sake or theirs—I, you, we… we need to say it with our mouth before it's too late to come back. Am I wrong, Yoichi? Am I wrong?"

"I'm…" Yoichi muttered between harsh breaths, "I'm not… I'm not an idiot. At least… at least I know that… t-that—" he chocked down a sob, his heart refused to acknowledge the truth. "….I'm… I just want them back… I w-want Yuu-kun and Shinoa-san back. I want them to be alright, I want them back. I want them back…" his eyes blurred as the tears keep on coming. "I want them…. b-back…"

And just like that, the brown haired boy crumpled into the ground, bawling to his heart's contents. His desperate cries and painful sobs made Kimizuki clutch his chest a little, feeling the hurt that stabbed into his heart as his every word embed itself into his very soul.

He knew this is a soldier's life, but he didn't know that it would be like _this_.

Sound of chocked sobs and half-cries echoed around the vast landscape, and Kimizuki prayed to a god he'd long forgotten, to protect them wherever they were, to keep them safe.

 _Please, please god. I beg you, just this once. Don't take anyone from me again. My sister was enough. Mirai was enough so please—_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Really, just how long is this freaking corridor…? How could they create this freaking underground anyway?" a voice faintly echoed inside the bunged up place. "Stupid… tunnels… stupid... underground-makers… stupid…. Guren….." Yuichiro mumbled as he dragged his feet on the ground. His companion beside him could only smile wryly when she heard him nagging to thin, _empty_ air. She wasn't really sure why their Lieutenant Colonel's name had been brought up, but perhaps it was just Yuu-san being Yuu-san.

"I didn't know that staying inside an enclosed place for too long could bring damage to head." Shinoa mused as she walked along with him, her short strides barely keeping up with his longer ones. "You should get that brain of yours checked when we're back, okay?"

"Shut it." Yuichiro glared at his apparently amused friend. "Not funny." then he pouted.

"Ahaha~ Of course it's funny~" The short girl grinned from teeth to teeth, imitating that of a cheshire cat. "Don't be such a grumpy head Yuu-san, or you're going to get an early wrinkle." she smiled again, trying to hold her snickers at bay, but alas she giggled when he glared even harder.

"You really, _really_ love it to tease me, don't you?" he said exasperatedly as he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Of course~ Of course~" Shinoa chimed from her place. "Making your life totally miserable is one of my purposes of life, after all." she nodded to herself with a smile on her face.

Yuichiro stared at the girl blankly for a few seconds before he sighed. "Whatever, I shouldn't have asked…."

Really, sometimes this girl beside him could be totally irritating at times that he wanted to tear his hair out in agony. He didn't know why, and he didn't _want_ to know, but apparently she found it amusing to tease him relentless for some reason. Sometimes her jokes were annoying, enough to aggravate him in many occasions, but she'd never got too carried away, never got too far and he wondered if she was playing it safe with him.

But, it was okay. It was okay. It was enough.

If it weren't for her odd jokes, he wouldn't be this content after all. This calm, and deep down he thanked her for such reassurance had brought him up to his feet again.

As Yuichiro was busy with his melancholy thoughts, the object of his musings was occupying herself with her new favorite hobby – since a few hours ago _–_ which was staring at the moon. It wasn't like she could saw its full body or what, but at least the little ray of dim light was enough to keep her distracted.

Moon…. light?

 _Wait a minute._

"Ne, Yuu-san…." he furrowed his eyebrows when her lips formed a frown on her face. "You… do you feel a little bit strange?"

"What?" he met her squinted eyes, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not…. really sure." her frown deepened, there was something… something which missing from their eyes. "But I—Yuu-san," she gasped. "How—how long we've been walking along this underground?" her tone turned firm and hurried when she faced him, colors began to fade from her face entirely. "How long?!"

He blinked his eyes in confusion. "What's wrong with y—"

"Yuu-san!" she shook his shoulders. "How long?!"

Yuichiro scrunched his forehead, thinking. "M-Maybe.. five hours or so?"

"That's… weird." she mumbled as she thought about their current predicament. "We—When we arrived here, if I'm not mistaken, it was almost midnight." Shinoa began, each words grew even more worried than the last. "And if we have been walking around this place for almost five hours then—"

 _If they have been walking around… for.. five… hours—shit._

"Are you saying—!"

 ** _ScrEEeeeCh!_**

Shinoa gasped loudly when she felt the same dark killing intent from before. The very same aura, the very same intent. She could faintly hear Shii-chan whined inside her mind as her body shook from the nervousness. The killing intent—it was so dark, so powerful and she _honestly_ didn't want to know just what kind of monster it was, if it could emit such vivid and thick thirst of blood when it was _barely_ ten meters from their place.

 _This is not good. We must run. We must freaking run_ , she thought, _like—now_. Whatever it was, it was walking towards them.

 ** _scre-eeEEe—seCheEr–ch!_**

"Yuu-san!" she didn't mean to scream quite loudly, but the pressure was too much to handle. "D-don't—don't talk! You can't—just ke—"

 ** _scrEeee—eeer-ceRRc-eERrrcHh!_**

But before she could warn him further, a hand appeared out of nowhere and dragged her into the darkness.

 ** _sCrEeee—eEer-ceRRc-eer—ERhh!_**

Then, everything was suddenly still, before a scream tore the thick silence into halves.

"SHINOA—!"

(Too late.)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"How's the situation?" The white-haired man tapped on his clipboard with his long, boned fingers, eyes looking straight to the owner of the office he was apparently trespassing on. "Still no news?"

The Lieutenant Colonel only sighed, long and bitter, and perhaps also a little bit worn out. "Nothing. There is nothing. Zero. Nix. Yada." he deadpanned. "Now get out from my office, I hate seeing your face."

"Oh come on Guren~" Shinya whined when the black haired man glared at him. "And here I am, trying to make a civil, good conversation between us men, and yet you refused my heartfelt hospitality with a cold shoulder." he wiped an imaginary tear from his face quite dramatically, imitating an actress he had seen in tv a long time ago. "How cruel can you be to you own best friend?" he faked a sniffle to add on the effects.

"Heartfelt hospitality my ass… Best friend my ass..." Guren muttered under his breath, ignoring the ever-so-jolly man in front of his desk. "Get out."

"Guren," Shinya said sharply, his eyes darkening into molten blue. Guren flinched a little. That look was familiar. He was playing serious now, and he knew that look was problem. "Are you alright?"

 _Do you have to ask?_ Guren thought bitterly as once again he ignored his companion.

"Oi Guren." Shinya Hiiragi, for once glared at the moping man.

"What is it Shinya? Can't you see that I'm quite busy here?" he said nonchalantly as he skimmed over a few documents. "If you can then please get the hell out my office." he paused before a moment. "Thank you." he added, just to mock him.

It was still for a moment, and then suddenly;

"She is my sister too."

Guren stopped breathing.

His voice was barely a whisper and hearing that sentence uttered from the same mouth of the man he had known since childhood froze him for a second, his hand paused its troublesome task, before he smiled sardonically at him.

 _I don't need your pity._

"Was." Guren corrected the man, eyes blank but Shinya saw another inside those bleak orbs. "She _was_ your _adopted_ sister."

It was too cruel. It was uncalled off. Guren _knew_ that. He saw him flinched, hurt filled his pair of clear blue eyes and honestly, Guren felt like a total arsehole for saying such a thing, but he didn't need his pity-party. He didn't need to be coddled like a freaking toddler all the time just because he couldn't handle death better than his peers.

He didn't need pity. He didn't need _his_ pity. He didn't need it.

"Why?" Shinya asked then, hurt still visible on his face, even only for a moment. "Why are you always—" he bit his lips until he could taste the bitter metal between his teeth. "Always... _always_ trying to shoulder everything… _every damn thing_ on your own? You don't – you never—" he paused to catch his breath. "Why Guren? You are angry at yourself because you miss her too, don't you?" he gave him a little smile. "And him too—he is like a little brother you never have, isn't he? Or maybe he is like your own child? I don't really sure when it comes to you."

 _Why he's so—_

Guren had enough. Why that idiot had to talk as if they're still here? Why he talked as if they're still alive? It made him sick. He was so sick of it all.

(It was enough.)

"Get out." his grips on the documents was forceful, his knuckles turned into a ghastly color of pale white as he gritted his teeth. "Get the hell out."

Shinya could only stare at his trembling form for a second, before he headed to the polished door with even steps.

"You know Guren," he stopped for a while, tilting his head a little and gave him a smile. "She is still your little sister. And he is—I think he is more like your child. A son, perhaps." he chuckled a little before he smiled again. "They're going to be back. I'm going to make sure of it."

He closed the door behind him, its jagged edge scratched against the tiled floor and it created a painful wail inside Guren's ears.

 _Why? Why would you promise something you can't keep?_

Shinya didn't look back, he never did, not even once. But if he did, even only just for a moment, he would catch a pair of moist eyes behind the curtain of midnight colored bangs, staring after his fading form in silence.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Hee~ Look at what I found~ Two puny humans wandering alone at night?" Shinoa could smell his foul breath as he held her inside a tight-lock grip, one of his palms covered her mouth and she had to choke back the urge to vomit all over him. "Aw~ aren't you two so sweet~" he cooed.

"LET HER GO YOU SCUM!" Yuichiro snarled at the monster, baring his gritted teeth as his hands shook uncontrollably from the fury he was feeling. How dare that lowlife touch her? _How dare he fucking touch her?!_

"Heh." The being snorted, before he sniffled his prey a bit. "This one sure smell tasty~ Why you smell so different, dear? Not like those human I've met before. Even though I like vampire's meat better, yours is not bad~"

Shinoa gagged when she smelled stench of blood and rotten meat from his mouth and body. This was the being that Guren-chūsa had told them about. He was right, he was _totally_ right, this one was indeed an abnormal. It was not like a normal vampire, as he looked more like a savage with that unruly hair and tattered cloak rather than the usually noble-like vampire she had seen most of the time. And on top it all, he was a _cannibal_. He ate his own kind for dinner.

They were really in a deep shit right now.

"You fucking bastard—" Yuichiro sheathed his black sword and pointed it out to the thing – he refused to acknowledge it – and Shinoa began to panic because he couldn't have even _think_ about leaping into the enemy just like that.

But she couldn't speak as she watched her hot headed comrade glared hole into the vampire's face, ready to swing another attack.

"You should keep that pointy little thing away." The vampire suggested with a rueful grin. "This place is my domain. My playground. I don't usually play with human, as my own taste is only that of my kind. If you back down now, I'm going to leave you unscratched."

"You think I care?!" Yuichiro snarled as he leveled his sword onward. "I said let her go you piece of shit!"

The abnormal only gazed blankly at his prey's fuming form, not quite taken by the bloodlust he was leaking out. "You should. If you haven't notice it, this place—" he gestured at the space around him. "Is my territory, my own space, _my own time_." he smirked wickedly, "Hey, little livestock—"

Bright crimson eyes with a tint of violet suddenly zeroed him inside a terrifying gaze

"—have you ever wondered why it's only night in here?"

A moment of silence passed them. _That explain everything_ , Shinoa thought as she cringed from the stinging pain on her chest. This vampire—this monster who held her hostage was an abnormal. He had a special ability, just like that of a demon. No, maybe _he was a demon_. He could control the space and time around this place, that's why The Central couldn't detect him, this was his district, his _domain_ , which was off-limits to a mere human.

 _But… from where he got this kind of power?_

She gasped when she remembered one little fact about this abnormal. He _ate_ his own kind. It must be because of that. He ate other vampires to get their lifespan and also their ability. This was bad, he was certainly on a whole new level away from them. She turned her head to look at her comrade desperately, trying to convey her message, but Yuichiro didn't meet her in the eyes and instead he glared even harder at the being in front of him.

"I said—" he seethed. "Let. Her. _GO!_ " he let out a loud battle cry as he leaped forward. But the vampire only stepped on his side, missing the blade strike only by a few centimeters as he kept on ignoring the furious boy to play with his prey's hair.

"Let's have a lots of fun~" he smiled crookedly as he pulled her ribbon from her lavender locks. "Just ignore the boy, okay? He's so boring after all." he leaned closer, "You're going to ha—" he tsked again as he evaded yet another strike aimed to his head. "Hey~ That was so close. Are you trying to kill your sweetheart too?"

Silence.

The abnormal vampire narrowed his eyes when the black haired boy suddenly disappeared from his sight. "Hooo~ Playing hide and seek aren't we?" he snickered loudly, "Fine! I will join this childish game of yours!"

There was a deafening silence before sounds of screeching metal pierced the air.

"Rot in hell, you piece of trash."

Yuichiro thrust his sword forward.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Shinya turned around when he saw a speck of golden passed him in such a hurry. He knew who she was, well, he had to, she was his little sister's squad mates after all. And most importantly, he knew _where_ she was heading.

"Mitsuba-san?" Shinya called as the girl was walking ahead of him. "Mitsuba-san, please wait for a moment." he jogged a little to meet her.

As she heard her name being called by someone, Mitsuba stopped on her track to saw a white-haired man that seemed so familiar. Where did she have seen him before? She was certain that she knew this person.

 _(You see that white haired man? The one in that totally cool sport car over there?)_

A distant memory passed across her mind, her tiny friend's chirpy voice echoing inside her head repeatedly like a broken record.

 _(Do you know him? He is quite known within our peers for his status in the army. Though it's uncommon to hear, he is my older brother. Step brother, to be precise. Unlike me, he was adopted by the Hiiragi family, his name is—)_

Mitsuba swallowed hard.

"…Major General Hiiragi Shinya-sama….."

"Halo, Mitsuba-san." he smiled brightly at her, sky-eyes twinkling with warmth. Mistuba raised her eyebrow at the casual greeting. He wasn't like what she'd expected. "You're going to Guren's office, aren't you?"

 _Busted_.

"E-Eh, uh… yes. I'm… I'm well…" she trailed off, didn't sure what to say to this man in front of her. "I'm just…."

"Nah, you don't have to be so nervous in front of me." Shinya laughed when he saw the girl fidgeted over her skirt, eyes refused to meet his welcoming ones. "I don't bite, promise." he said playfully, quite amused by her antics.

"U-Uh, I'm sorry. It's just—I'm…" she paused, a blank expression upon her face as she asked herself;

 _What I want to say again?_

Shinya only smiled when he watched her fumbling with her words. "You want to ask for the permission to move on your own, don't you? To search for them by yourself."

 _Bullseye_.

Mitsuba cringed at the blunt truths uttered about, seeing how much it sounded like a stupid idea when she heard it from other people's mouth. But she needed _this_ , she really needed this closure, at least before they'd forced her to give up forever. She had to see it with her own eyes, at least, not from some stranger that she didn't know of.

"I'm not going to stop you." his voice snapped her out from her thoughts. "But I'm afraid to say that today is not the best time to ask him. Guren is…. a little bit preoccupied right now." he said sheepishly, his eyes crinkled into crescent moon.

"Oh…" Mitsuba didn't know what to say, it was all confusing for her as hordes of memories came crashing down into her mind. She wanted to be mad, to crawl and vomit all over the floor, to rip her hair out in frustration, to hurt herself; because— _because_ above all shits she had to put through, _this_ was the worst. Because hell, she didn't need another grim remainder.

But she guessed that it couldn't be helped, could it?

Shinya sighed tiredly, sweeping his stubborn hair out from his face. He was pretty sure that the girl was going to flip him over if he was another unfortunate soul. It was her nature, and he couldn't really blame her. If he was banned from saving a person he cared dearly, he would have felt the same like her.

Shinya smiled sympathetically at the girl's hunched form, a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah." she paused, biting her lower lip. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"You can go back tomorrow." he offered with another smile.

Mitsuba bit her lip harder.

She knew that. She knew that much.

(But she didn't know for sure if they were going to be alive tomorrow.)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Yuichiro was seeing red.

There was blood everywhere. On his hair. On his face. On his arms.

It was practically bathed him in a nauseating layer of crimson as his heart began to hammer quickly inside his rib cage. He didn't know just how much time had passed – he didn't dare to breathe, didn't dare to avert his eyes – and he didn't _care_ because the only thing that matter to him right now was fucking bleeding all over the ground as she gasped for breath.

She was _dying_.

Shinoa was dying.

(No. No. No. No. No. No—)

Yuichiro chocked back a scream as he watched her blinked her blurry eyes, beads of crystal tears formed at the corner of her tangerine orbs and she was beautiful, so beautiful but she was dying. She was dying and he couldn't – he _couldn't –_ do a damned thing beside watching her struggled with her lifeline. He could only watch as she fought with her own heart.

"Y-Yuu –s-san…." the long gash upon her stomach was bleeding continuously, but she ignored the aching pain to look at his pair of desperate eyes. She didn't speak, she _couldn't,_ and he knew that, but her message was loud and clear.

(Run. Please get away from here. Save yourself. Just leave me here, because I'm going to—)

"He~ That was close." Yuichiro heard that – disgusting, detestable _, hideous –_ monster laughed tauntingly from behind. "It's such a pity that she's going to die though. And here I thought we're going to have some fun~"

How dare he?

 _How dare that son of a bitch talks about her in such a manner? How dare he fucking insults her like she's nothing but trash? HOW DARE HE TOUCHED HER? HE MADE HIM HURT HER. HE MADE HIM HURT HER. HE MADE HER BLEED. HE HURT HER._

Kill—he needed to kill him.

 ** _KILL THE BASTARD._**

" _Then call me."_ Yuichiro could hear his demon whispered sweetly inside his head, _"Call my name and I'm going to give you the power to save her_. _You want to save her, don't you?"_

" _Yes."_ he said _. "Give me the fucking power now!"_

" _Then, give me your blood in return—and I will give you heaven."_

" _I'll give you anything, just save her!"_

He felt a stinging pain at his neck as a pair of sharp fangs embed their way into his vein, sucking on his blood so quickly that he could feel his consciousness began to fade little by little. His body was hurt all over the place as if he was being pierced by invisible force but then the pain was gone as quickly as it came, leaving him gasping for air as dark flames licked his skin and burned his wounds away.

Yuichiro laughed with a crazed smile upon his lips, the mark of his curse scattered over his ghastly skin like plague as black smokes encase him in a thick killing intent. A smirk stretched on his eerily pale face when he felt power surged through his veins, mind was blank as he gazed at his prey. Feeling a dark bloodlust coming from the boy, the vampire backed away from his place, a little put off with the turn of event.

"Hey~ Hey~" he tsked before he pulled out a silver dagger from his cloak. "Are you really human? What's up with that fancy mark on your skin?"

Yuichiro didn't answer, another smirk split his face to halves as he leaped towards the unsuspecting vampire. They met in the middle, sword clashed with dagger, but now the situation was reversed. Instead of the vampire overpowering him, it was _him_ who cornered that monster with his frightening strength. He was invincible. He was strong, _too strong_ as an immeasurable power kept on pulsing inside his every nerve and he smiled mockingly at the creature in front of him.

"Are you afraid?" his voice was rough and deep with malice, it was tantalizing and the vampire gritted his teeth from the fear that began to overwhelm him.

"Like hell I am." he spat the words with venom. "You're no human, aren't you? What kind of human could bring out such a dark killing intent?" he laughed out loud. "If you think about it, we are not really different, are we not?"

The vampire smirked when he saw his narrowed eyes. "It doesn't matter though, prepare to die, livestock."

He leaped forward.

If there was a word that Yuichiro hated the most, it must be that godforsaken brand on his peers. He lifted his sword then, preparing to tear the enemy down. There was a screeching sound when metal met metal once again, and Yuichiro had to smother another laugh when he saw the shock and fear that visible in his opponent every move. He was dominating this fight, and when he felt the monster faltered, Yuichiro didn't wait long to thrust his sword straight into the creature's heart.

"Die, you bloodsucker." he spat maliciously, eyes glowing slightly crimson. "See you in hell." Yuichiro yanked his sword back, blood splattered on its sharp edge.

"Y-You… de–mon…." The vampire chocked out bloods as his body began to burn into ashes, "Y-You a-re…. and that… g-girl also… y-you—"

His body vanished into thin air, dusts and ashes alike swept by the unkind wind. Yuichiro laughed then, throaty and raucous, when he realized that he'd killed that thing. He'd killed that fucking bastard. _This power is great!_ He thought happily. With this kind of power he could kill those bloodsuckers in a blink of eye, he could kill any _vampire_ —

He paused.

 _But I still couldn't save her._

With that thought passed in his mind, the hatred and loathing, and that sick kind of happiness that he's currently feeling were replaced with regret and despair. That satisfaction faded into bitter feelings as he remembered her. It was finally dawned on him that she was _dying_ right now. Power left his body as the curse began to retreat into the darkest part of his skin before it disappeared completely into nothing. It was horrible, the pain that pierced his body, but he ignored it to crawl desperately towards her still form.

Yuichiro didn't need any power if it meant that he had to lose her.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Shinoa didn't know what was this place. It was, simply put, _a dome of nothingness_.

The place was barren and void like the desert, except it was painted in a shade of washed-out white that she kept on seeing in her childhood rather than the gold sand scattered about. She wondered, _where is she?_ The only thing she could remember was his crushed face and pain which pricked her stomach, but beside that, she remembered nothing.

What happened to her, exactly? What's this place?

"This is your mindscape." a voice echoed faintly, and she turned her head abruptly to see a figure sitting on a lone chair—the only chair existed inside this place. "Nice to see you again, princess."

"What did you say?" she squinted her eyes, but she still couldn't make out the figure's face, only a few black and white dots visible to her blurry eyes, but she knew it was not her demon. It _couldn't_ be her demon. "You're… I know you're not Shii-chan." she said evenly, "If you're saying that this is my mind… then who are you?"

The person – was it? – paused for a moment, weaving silence between them. "Who am I, huh?" it muttered. "Looks like you still can't remember… I guess I need to wait a little longer…."

"What?" she asked, confused with it choice of words. She didn't understand what he was talking about. "What do you mean? Who are you exactly? What do you want from me?"

"You are useless now, and here I thought that I'm going to have some fun." she saw the figure shifted from it slouching posture. "Meh, whatever. Just go back to that boyfriend of yours, I'm sure he is feeling a lot worse by now."

"W-Wait!" Shinoa shouted desperately at the fading figure as the washed-out dome began to fade away from her eyes. "Don't—Wait! What are you doing?!" she gritted her teeth, "Answer my question first, who are you?!"

"Ask that when you finally remember, little one."

The figure and the dome, the blinding light, everything flashed in front of her eyes before it was replaced by a total darkness.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It was gone. The blank world was gone.

It disappeared completely before her eyes as she felt droplets of water continuously hitting her face.

 _Who?_

They were warm and bitter, the tears, when they touched her lips. She wondered where she's now. Shinoa fluttered her eyes open then, blinking them up several times to clear her sight, and saw him looming above her.

 _Crying._

"…please wake up, _"_ a chocked sob echoed inside her ears. "I... Shinoa I'm… _please…_ "

He – that reckless, hot headed, but caring, ridiculously kind, strong, strong boy – was crying.

 _For her._

Shinoa felt like the heart beneath her skin was about to shatter in million pieces. Like a glass vase being dropped to the floor, like she was a brick wall about to crumble, like she was about to collapse on herself and fall into the harsh ground. The image of him crying was forever embed into her memories. It certainly wasn't something she wanted to remember for the rest of her life.

"Y-Yuu-san…?" she called, voice small and raspy. "I'm….." she licked her dry lips, searching for suitable words to say, and yet found none. "I'm… I'm okay now…"

That was true. She was fine. The hole that previously tore the skin on her stomach was gone, only specks of blood left, and she didn't know what to think about because it was weird, it was—

 _Impossible_.

Her thought was cut short when she felt him stiffened, it looked like he'd finally realized that she'd awakened from her brief sleep. He sucked in a breath, his pair of clear viridian orbs widened as he gripped her body instinctively, eyes glistened with what should be unshed tears.

"…Shinoa?" his tone was that of disbelief, pools of emerald gaping wide and boring into her half lidded ones as a lone tear escaped and fell across his cheek. "You're… you're.." he gulped down the lump which formed behind his throat, "…alive?"

That moment, Shinoa realized that she hated tears.

(And she hated it more when it came from him.)

"Of course I am…" she pouted a little, trying to put a smile on her face. "You're so cruel… do you want to get rid of me that much?"

Yuichiro couldn't talk as he stared at her disbelievingly, before he suddenly brought her petite body into his larger one in a desperate hug, sobbing nosily on her shoulder.

Shinoa blinked her eyes as blood rushed in her cheeks. "Y-Yuu-san?"

He stopped breathing for a moment when he heard her voice. That sweet and even pitch, he missed it so much. Feeling her soft breath upon his face, another batch of fat tears escaped from his eyes, because he was truly, utterly happy, so damn happy that she was— that Shinoa was alive and well and she's… Shinoa—

 _God, thank you._

"I'm sorry Yuu-san…" The girl whispered softly into his ear. "I made you worry…. forgive me?" her voice was tender and sweet as she stroked his back gently, offering him a subtle comfort as if she were calming a child.

"You… Shinoa you… stupid—I'm–" his lips faltered as the words died on the plane of his tongue, but his embrace didn't, and instead he drew her even deeper against his trembling body. Seeking comfort. Seeking warmth. "I'm glad that you're alive…"

The girl smiled as she wrapped her arms around his built form.

"So am I," she murmured, soft and tender. "So am I, Yuu-san…."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The black haired boy frowned when he saw her messy state; hair undone, uniform tattered, and don't forget the large blotch of blood still visible on her stomach. Now that he thought about it, did her wound healed completely? But it was impossible right? It couldn't heal that fast. She did say something about her demon power and all, but even so…

It was weird.

No wound supposed to heal _that_ fast.

Yuichiro frowned even more. "Hey? Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Nah. I'm fine, I'm fine~" she chortled happily. "No need to worry. It's already healed after all. Now we need to go back to our base as fast as possible." she put a hand under her chin. "If I remember correctly, that vampire from before had some sort of time manipulation ability, right? The thing is, I'm afraid that our time perception and the real world didn't match at all when we were trapped inside that underground."

Yuichiro sighed tiredly when he remembered that particular abnormal vampire. It sure had such a troublesome power. When they were trapped inside that forsaken tunnel, even though five hours had passed from midnight, the scenery outside didn't change even a bit; the same full moon loomed in the sky. To think that such power existed was quite mind-blogging.

"Alright, I guess we need to start hitting the road then." Yuichiro raked a hand through his messy raven crown. "For all we know, it's already days or even weeks since that time."

Shinoa nodded her head, locks of lavender bouncing on her shoulder blades. "Yes. Let's go then."

"Wait."

She stopped walking when she felt his hand on her arms.

"Yuu-san? Is something wrong?"

The boy looked conflicted for a moment before his eyes met her. "Do you… do you want me to carry you?"

"E-Eh?" Shinoa squeaked, face a little flushed. "H-huh? What are you saying Yuu-san... Ahaha..." she laughed nervously.

"I'm asking you if you want me to carry you back home." he deadpanned, a little blush colored his cheeks. "I'm serious. That wound on your stomach…" he flinched when he remembered that he was the one who gave it to her. "It couldn't heal that fast, you don't have to force yourself..."

 _That again._

"I'm okay." Shinoa replied firmly. "I can walk, you know?" she humored him with a smile, but he didn't smile back. "It's okay Yuu-san, if I feel something then I will not hesitate to tell you. I promise." she said softly, giving him a squeeze of a hand.

Yuichiro gave her another look before he smiled tiredly at her. "Fine. You promised."

"You're really such a worrywart aren't you?" she laughed when he saw him scowling. "Really Yuu-san, you should—" the short girl stilled for a moment, eyes flickered around as if she was searching for something.

"Shinoa?" Yuichiro said worriedly. "Is something wrong? Is your wound hurting?"

"Ssst," she shushed him, "Please keep quiet for a moment Yuu-san."

"What are you talking—" his eyes turned sharp. "Is it an enemy?"

"No." she bit out. "In fact, I knew whose aura I'm feeling. He's familiar. But I don't know for certain, for my power is not fully back and I didn't want to jump into conclusion."

"Then we should hide. Watch from afar." he suggested. "It would be better for us, right?"

She nodded her head at him, and they began to head to the nearby buildings to camouflage themselves. But before they could even move from their place, a figure emerged from their back with a loud crash.

"Shinoa-chan?!"

* * *

— _tbc_ —

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

Okay, this is such a looooooong story, 40 pages, for shouting out loud….. This story is going to be long and hard and painful as their relationship grew overtime. But alas, there's also a lot of fluff and such and maybe a little bit spoilers from the light novel because I just adore the idea of chibi Shinoa. Her past is dark though, especially about her sister and the whole Hiiragi's business, and I will try my best in writing it. Though I didn't read the whole LN but at least it gave me some ideas. And also, her relationship with Guren and Shinya is beautiful and I'm okay with the idea of her being the two's daughter.

They're so sweet together after all XD

This one ended with a cliffhanger, but I'm certain that you all know who is that person, right? It's pretty obvious after all the only one who call her with –chan suffix is only him (as far as I know from the LN and DC, though). ANYWAY, this is the first chapter from me. The very first multi-chapter and my first attempt ever at writing an action scene (god I don't know what to say, it was hard), so I hope this is up to your standard. Please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts, alright? Okay then, I guess this is it. Until we meet again in the next chapter~

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	2. difference between dream and nigthmare

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _she wants to embrace her veracity, her truths  
_ yet her oceans are too deep  
and her nightmares are too shallow  
 _he wants to face his weakness, his avalanches  
_ but his mountains are too high  
and his dreams are too short  
 _ **.**_

.

i know that you are living a nightmare, but even so, will you—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ **.  
.**

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:**

Hello minna-san~ I'm back with the second chapter~ I hope I hadn't made you wait for too long. This whole university thing-y had taken its toll on me and made my pitiful self super busy with all their bullshit. This chapter is going to be bright like the sun at the beginning (I'm making up for the last chapter angsty-ness :D) and then turn angst-y and shit as the story goes on.

I think this one could answer some of your questions, or maybe not XD. You know, I kinda want to slap Guren because of that infamous 11th episode. I don't know why. I like him in the manga, but in anime… he just what I would call as an epitome of magnificent jerk. But well, I'm willing to forgive him because my ship sailed beautifully XD. And hell yeah the last episode is bae. Waiting for the second season like a maniac! (0_0v)

Before we proceed to the story, I want to say that I'm so happy that this story got so many attentions. Even though there was also a negative response I'm still glad that there are people who still willing to read this story, despite how many faults and shortcomings this one might be. I'm glad to find that there's a lot of people who had followed and favorited and even reviewed this new story of mine. Thank you for everyone who had reviewed the first chapter!

 **disclaimer:  
** I do not own owari no seraph ( _if I do, there's going to be a lot of yuunoa moments to fangirl about._ )

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _Hm? Shinoa-chan?"  
_ " _She is... short. She is smart. She is playful.  
She is… strong, really, really strong.  
Even stronger than most of us."  
_-  
" _I have known her since... forever I guess.  
_ _Shinoa-chan is my ex-fiancé's little sister after all!  
_ _And she has this weird relationship with Guren too..."  
_ -  
" _But if you ask who is she to me…. then—  
_ -  
" _Shinoa-chan is  
_ _my cute little sister!"  
_ **-Hiiragi Shinya-**

* * *

 **the second memory  
** [what is the difference between dream and nightmare?]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Laughter filled the air as they were sitting side by side. Their surrounding was blurry with a sea of people, thousands of colors greeted their eyes as it was full of bustling soldiers about, talking and walking around the spacious hall briskly without a care. Shibuya Observation Post was clearly very busy in this time of a day, and it was quite risky for them to be here, but they didn't have any choice but to rest themselves inside the crowded building.

Well, let's just hope that no soldier could recognize their faces.

It's not like they were in hiding – or playing criminal in that case – but it's better for them to go unnoticed for a while.

They were presumed dead, after all. Not going to start any unnecessary ruckus.

"You two really surprised me!" Shinya exclaimed, eyes dancing with mirth as he was sitting on the empty lounger propped by the wall. "And here I thought it was hopeless…" he trailed off before he shook his head. "I should have known better that there is no way you two can die that easily."

"You bet, Shinya-san!" Yuichiro exclaimed rather loudly, kicking his feet up the air. "We're strong after all. A mere vampire like that wouldn't stand a chance." he nodded his head confidently.

Shinoa stared at the black haired boy with an amused expression. "Sure, Yuu-san. But what's up with that bruises and cuts on your body?" she said mockingly, eyeing some red and blue marks across his wan skin.

"Eh… uh.. this…." Yuichiro stammered as the heat that began to rush his cheeks. Now that was something he couldn't, _wouldn't_ answer as long as he's alive. "T-That's none of your business!" he squeaked out, face flushing red from the embarrassment.

"Riiiiight~" The girl chimed, feeling a little satisfied when she saw his flushed face. "You're really are an idiot, aren't you?" she teased.

"S-Shut it!" he retorted back, eyes twitching badly. "Keep your comment for yourself!"

"Ahaha~ Okay Yuu-san~" she smiled suggestively. "Anything for you~"

Shinya could only watch from the sideline, amused smile upon his face as the lovebirds were busy prancing around in their usual act of insulting each other. Both of them were too absorbed in their little contest of glaring and giggling to notice the now-even-more-amused man beside them. The said man was sitting with his arms propped on the table now, eyes staring blankly into the ceiling above, wondering about their current predicament.

 _It's been a long day,_ he mused, and it was certainly been a long walk from Harajuku to Shibuya. They literally felt like shit after such a long journey, so it wasn't surprising that they had stopped for a while in Shibuya Observation Post to rest their legs.

Especially that the two of them had spent _hours_ walking and killing a random psychopath on the loose in some unknown underground facility.

It was not exaggerating to say that they'd got sidetracked on the way, though.

Well, for his defense, it was _supposed_ to be a simple route.

The three of them had been planning to head straight to Shibuya after their sore muscles had enough rest. They were itching to inform the others that _no;_ they haven't died yet, and _yes;_ they were still in one piece. Especially their squad mates and Guren.

 _( you know the reason. )_

But as fun as coming back home would be, as a normal human in a not-so-normal world, they needed to satisfy their stomach first before dancing right into a dozens of monster out there. That was one of the reasons why three hours later they found themselves sitting inside Shibuya Observation Post mess hall, eagerly stuffing themselves with a portion that could have rivaled Guren's stack of paper works.

 _( the other was, maybe they were a little bit afraid. maybe. )_

"Ne, Shinya-san." Shinoa called as she nibbled on her green apple. "Now that I think about it, how did you find us exactly?"

The two had to stop and stare for a minute when they saw the said man stilled in his place, mouth opened in shock. _There's nothing wrong with her question, right?_

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Shinya… -san…?"

"Mou~ Shinoa-chan!" The white haired man snapped out from his daze to pout at her. "How many times I have to tell you to call me Onii-chan!" he stood up from his place to sit beside her. "Shin-ya-o-nii-chan, you know~" he spelled each one of the syllable slowly, as if he was talking to a toddler.

"Eh…" the lavender haired girl could only sweatdropped. "Uh… fine… Shin.. ya –onii.. chan..?" she said quietly, unsure of the man bizarre antics.

"That's right~ Ah, I'm really happy to hear that cute voice of yours again." she just _knew_ that the blue eyed man had forgotten her question as soon as he whirled around with an unbelievable speed to the equally perplexed boy on her left. Shinoa wrinkled her forehead when the man began to babble excitedly about something, clearly ignoring her question in the process.

"Shinya-oniichan?" she could have sworn that Yuichiro had winced from the corner of her eyes, almost chocking on his ramen when he heard her sugary sweet voice. But as always she ignored the boy. "Um, my earlier question, please?"

"Oh yes, of course." Shinoa sighed, at least the only adult they could count on finally back on his clean state. "Well, that's quite a hard question…" he mumbled under his breath.

"Huh?" she narrowed her eyes, "Can you please repeat that? I can't hear you."

"E-Eh… It's n-nothing." Shinya laughed nervously. "Eto… it's easy you know! It's not a secret that the two of you were lost in Harajuku, so… so I just… kinda walk around… hoping to find you by chance?" he muttered each of the word slowly and painfully, the tone of his voice turned unsure as the sentence rolled from his mouth that it's almost like he was throwing the question back at her.

They stopped eating for a while, abandoning the half-eaten food before them. _It's obvious that he is lying,_ they thought as they glanced at each other. Both of them then shifted their gaze to stare at the uneasy man, it was clear as day that there was something he was hiding from them.

"Let me rephrase the question then." Shinoa tried another tactic and brought her eyes up to meet his. "How could you even go to Harajuku in the first place? And alone for that matter? Isn't that forbidden? Especially for a major rank like you are."

 _Shit_ , Shinya cringed as her words of truth began to pile up. It's not like he wasn't aware of the consequences, he had planned everything marvelously after all, but it slipped from his mind that these two brats were Guren's disciples. They must have known that he was lying to cover up his mistakes. _Shinya, you're a smart man_ , he whispered words of courage inside his mind, _so don't be such a wimp and lie flawlessly to their face!_

He inhaled.

"Eh~ That's not really important." he tried to shrug it off nonchalantly, trying desperately to hide the nervous vibe from his (forced) monotone voice. "I'm a Major General after all, so it's not a problem if I acted on my own."

Shinya immediately admitted his defeat a second after he saw their blank gaze.

"You're lying, aren't you?" Shinoa stared at him flatly.

"Yeah, you're definitely lying." Yuichiro agreed from her left.

Shinya pouted, "You brats are certainly not fun." he mumbled quietly, "And here I thought it was a fine plan…."

"What really happened, Shinya-san?" Yuichiro raised his eyebrows. "It can't be that bad right?"

"Easy for you to say…" his tone was sad and solemn, "I think the Central is going to fire me for missing another meeting this week."

"Fire you?" Shinoa cocked her head. "For missing another meeting?" she asked, grinning widely.

"Yep…" he sighed. "Four hours ago was my, well, _supposed to be_ , lunch time which equals my almost limited free-time so I decided to go to Harajuku, sneaking from that secret passage built in underground to find the two of you." he informed them, babbling miserably. "And two hours ago was my, well, _another_ supposed to be meeting with the inner circle, yet here I am sitting with you two, munching on my strawberry flavored ration bar."

A pause.

"You are going to get killed, aren't you?" the looks they shot his way was pitying and sympathizing as if he had done something so offending that his soul couldn't even be saved anymore. Shinya cried without a sound when he remembered those promises of pain which was waiting for him back home.

"I know…."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Where the fuck is that idiot now?"

Guren cussed behind the document he was currently reading, eyes twitching in irritation as another call of his went into a voicemail. It's been hours since the meeting had ended, but the impact the said meeting had done to him was not ludicrous. The inner circle just had to mention Shinya's absence in front of him, and he couldn't help but think it was _somewhat_ his fault. And also that Hiiragi _fucking_ Kureto just had to rub the fault on his face _twice_ , for shouting out loud, _twice_.

But that's not a problem here.

At first Guren didn't want to know ( _and plainly didn't care_ ) just what kind of trouble that idiot was having right now. Though for a moment there he had almost succumbed from the urge to locate that annoying friend of his and have his way with him but Guren immediately pummeled the idea down for it was _so_ not worth his time.

But alas, he was too much a saint to ignore his troublemaker of a friend, so he tried to be a good comrade and contacted the rascal numerous times but the said rascal didn't pick it up. He tried again. And again. And again. But that freaking rascal still didn't answer his call. No, that's not right. That freaking rascal still didn't answer his _calls_.

"Shinya I swear to god," he gritted his teeth furiously as he dialed his wayward friend's number again. "If you don't answer this call again I'm going to—"

A clicked sound.

"Moshi moshi~ Guren~? Is that you~?"

That fucking voice. He knew that fucking voice.

"Shinya?"

"Yes~?"

He couldn't believe it. The bastard finally picked the freaking phone up.

"Where are you now?" he said, trying to keep the anger at bay.

"At my office~ Why~? Is something wrong~?"

 _What do you think? You git,_ Guren had to bit his lower lip hard in order to maintain the profanities from escaping out. All this time he had been worrying for nothing? He even thought that his friend had been battling with some mutant monster out there for an instance.

"The fucking heads were complaining about your lack of absence in today meeting." he began with wry tone. "And I just know that you have done something bad behind by back, so _spill_."

"Eh~ I didn't do anything bad~" Guren could imagine the bastard pouting face right now. It was so clear that he wanted to bash his head against his desk. "In fact, I have done something so unbelievable that even you can't help but wanting to hug me~"

 _What kind of crap that he's spouting about now?_ Pigs would fly before he even dared to touch the man.

"What nonsense are you implying?" Guren clicked his tongue in annoyance, bracing himself for any ridiculous answer he would have taken on. But suddenly there was a deafening silence, and he started to worry if he had said something wrong.

"Oi. Shinya?" he called, "Are you—"

"I brought them back, you know. Just like what I promised. Both of them."

Guren's heart stopped beating for a while, his face slowly paling into a sick color of stark white at the reply he had received.

That was certainly not an answer that he was expecting.

He ran.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Shinya-san? Are you talking with someone?" Yuichiro asked when he saw the man flipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Eh~ It's just my superior. Nagging about my absence today and all~" there's no way that he could say the truth to their face. No, he _wouldn't._ Even if there was a blood thirsty madman who was coming rapidly into his office. Nope. He would never.

"It doesn't look like that though." Shinoa titled her head. "For a moment there I thought you almost shat your pants."

"I didn't!" he quickly interjected. "I swear I didn't! Ahahaha~" and then laughed nervously as two-thirds of the occupant in this room stared blankly at his fidgeting form. "Really children~ I'm not lying, it's the truth!" he shrunk back in dismay when their stare didn't falter. "I'm honest…."

They stared again for the umpteenth time before they finally gave up. Forcing this man to admit the truth was as hard as making Guren smile from the bottom of his heart. "Whatever you say, Shinya-san. Whatever you say." she waved her hand carelessly and the man exhaled, relieved that they'd put the matter down for now.

"So, Shinoa-chan, Yuu-chan." he called, a big smile plastered on his face. "Why don't you check that first aid kit over there? I think you need that box considering that bruises and cuts all over your body."

The two of them paused for a moment to look at each other's battered bodies. That was true, the bruises and cuts had decorated their skin with countless of red and blue dots. It's time to get it treated properly.

"That's a great idea." Shinoa nodded her head as she made her way into the said box. "I think Yuu-san need to go first though."

"Eh? Why me?" The black-haired boy protested, clearly disagreed with her. "I'm not the one with a hole on my stomach!" he pointed out.

"I don't have a hole on my stomach." she bite the word back at him, the box securely propped on her hands. "And for shouting out loud it's healed!"

"No it's not!" he argued stubbornly. "I don't believe you. You go first!" he said through gritted teeth.

"It's healed for god's sake! Is it necessary for me to strip naked now so you will believe me?" she shot back, feeling a tad annoyed by his behavior.

"W-what?!" he sputtered out, face flamed into apple red. He couldn't believe the nerve of this girl. "The freaking hell– _Shinoa you_ —have you no shame?!"

"Yuu-san..." she sighed exasperatedly, his willful responses had taken its toll on her as she massaged her throbbing head. "Please stop being such a whiny child and let me tend that wounds of yours." she almost begged, hands already hovering near his bruised form.

"No fuckin' way." but alas, he refused again, battling her hands away from treating his wounds. "I said you go first!"

The quarrel went on and forth, and amidst the petty war of who-is-the-first-to-be-treated that currently breaking inside this room, the white haired man had successfully disappeared from his place without any of them noticing.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Now….." Hiiragi Shinya glanced suspiciously around the hallways of the building in which his office located, searching for any signs of the madman he was currently anticipating about. "Where is he…?"

The blue eyed man was hiding behind some unfortunate overgrown plant beside his office's door, silently glaring to the hallway entrance just a few feet in front of him. He was twitchy and emotional, but it was not an understatement because for Kureto's sake having an equally emotional man like Guren craving for your blood was not something to look forward to.

He shouldn't have told him about them before he retreated to a safe location. It was stupid of him and now he had to face the consequence of his idiotic emotional move.

Shinya closed his eyes.

He breathed in. He breathed out. He opened his eyes again.

But to his relief (and disappointment), the place was barren and void like a desert, devoid of any live and for a moment there he thought that he was safe. _At least for now_ , he thought nervously as he began to head back to his office.

 _ **BAM!**_

How wrong he was.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Did you hear that?" Shinoa furrowed her eyebrows, her hands suddenly stopped from harassing the boy's body.

"Hear what?" he muttered back with annoyance. "I didn't hear a thing. You're hallucinating."

"No I'm not." she pinched his bruised skin for that insult and Yuichiro had to bite down a scream because for shouting out loud it was painful. "I think it was a door opening or so. And from the loud noises I'm hearing the person is not amused."

"I don't… care." he gasped when one of her hands put too much pressure on his throbbing bruise. "J-Just keep your hands off of my body!" he cried out when pain began to creep up his swollen abdomen.

"You're hurting." Shinoa deadpanned. "There is no doctor or nurse. I'm the only one who is eligible enough to treat your wound." she nodded her head, heart swelled in pride and he groaned again because it was pretty obvious that the girl wasn't going to listen to any of his protest.

"Eligible my ass…" Yuichiro mumbled under his breath. "You're only making it worse…."

"Yuu-san," her smile was sugar sweet and he forced down the fear that began to breathe down his neck. "What was that? I can't hear you~" she asked him sweetly, pulling the bandage tighter around his torso without remorse and the boy groaned again from the double pain.

"I didn't…" he gasped for breath. "I'm… ugh… it's nothing…" he rasped out.

"I'm glad to hear that." she smirked. "Now keep quiet."

"Fine." he snapped, apparently fed up with all the spats they were having. "But please do your job properly this time!" he said desperately, almost in a brink of throwing his pride away just to beg for the girl's mercy.

"Yes~ Yes~ I will." The lilac haired girl promised with a big grin on her face, satisfied with his obedience. But then she noticed his unusual numbers of bruises and a frown suddenly made its way to her face. "Now that I thought about it, why is your body full of wounds? Is that the vampire's doing or—"

"Nothing! It's nothing!" Yuichiro interrupted the girl before she finished her sentence, "It's not important!" he laughed nervously. There's no way that he was going to answer that question. No, he would never. No way.

"Is there something you've been hiding from me again?" she said suspiciously when she recognized the edge on his voice.

"No!" he almost shouted from the nervousness. "You're just imagining things!"

"Really? You're not lying?"

"Yes! I'm honest!"

 _Nope_ , he thought. He certainly wasn't going to tell the girl the truth, even though those bruises and cuts were the result of protecting _her_ from that fall back then.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Before Shinya could even move a foot, the door in front of him blasted open with a loud crack, splinters of wood flying everywhere and he could have sworn that the black haired man had almost ripped the polished door off its hinges with his super power.

 _SHIT._

That word was enough to express the situation he was facing right now. But if he had given the chance to prolong the statement then his exact sentence would be:

 _Shit Guren's coming what should I do what should I do he's gonna kill me I'm going to die._

"Shinya."

He stopped breathing when the man's glare drilled into his face.

"Y-Yes?!" he squeaked out, it was the first time he had ever felt overwhelmingly scared of the person in front of him. But thankfully, the violet eyed man was not equipped with his cursed gear. If he was, Shinya didn't know what to think about those children's future.

"Shinoa. Yuu. Where."

"I-inside!" he had to force down the urge to salute at his angry friend.

And just like a passing breeze, Guren slipped from his eyes and slammed the door behind him open.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

To put it simply, Guren's arrival was not predicted by either of them. So just imagine their surprise when the said man suddenly emerged from the front door, a thick, black aura loomed behind his body.

"G-Guren-c-chūsa…." Shinoa managed to say the man's name as she fidgeted around. She didn't know what had happened but the face he wore was scary. No, scratch that. She _knew_ what had happened but it didn't mean that the Lieutenant Colonel had to look at them with such a dreadful glare.

Beside her, Yuichiro was no different as he muttered words under his breath, silently cursing their bad luck. Of all people they had to meet first, it had to be Guren.

"Yo brats." The man began and the two of them suddenly stiffened at his voice. "Miss me?"

That smile he shot them was homicidal and brutal, and they instantly knew that it was promising a certain death. They just _knew_.

"Uh… Baka-Guren… w-we…" he stammered out when Guren began to walk to their direction, it was slow and excruciating, almost like that scene in a horror movie he had watched before. "Ugh, we are…" he glanced to his right desperately, begging the girl to come up with a smart plan to save them from whatever hellhole he was going to create.

But sadly, Shinoa didn't have a clue how to counter this seething man in front of them. All that they could do was bracing themselves from the impact of his anger. They had expected this kind of thing to happen, after all. So they swallowed their fear down and lowered their head, refusing to meet his eyes. They waited for him to explode.

Seconds passed. A minute passed. Nothing.

Huh?

They waited again but still, there was nothing. They had been so accepting with their current situation, even going as far as remained still on their place to let the man had his way. But the promised fist never came and instead they felt a rough hand atop their heads, gently messing with their strands of hair.

"…..Chūsa?" Shinoa said confusedly, head titled a little to meet the man's eyes. Even Yuichiro had to gulp down the peculiarity of this moment and raised his head up, wordlessly asking for a confirmation. But Guren didn't stop as a honest, small smile began to crept up his face, his hands continuously mussing up their nest of hair.

"I'm…." they heard him talked then, voice so soft and quiet that was so unlikely of him. "I'm glad, that you brats are alive…"

He… _that Guren_ , he was smiling down at them, a true and sincere smile, not that half-assed grin he had always graced them. And contrary to their belief, he wasn't mad. He didn't even give any kind of indication that he was angry at them. No, not even a punch or a hit, no trash-talk, no punishment. Just a simple smile and it was… weird, those uncontrollable feeling of guilt and happiness that bursting inside their chest as they stared at the relieved man. They couldn't help but wonder just how worried he was in those past day they'd been gone.

"Both of you," his voice snapped them out from their thoughts. "Welcome home." Guren said then with another smile.

Their dropped jaws and widened eyes were sure ungodly, but beside that, they were content.

Yeah, they had certainly missed this man alright.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"So brattlings, care to tell me about what the fuck happened out there that you didn't even spare a thought to contact us, hm?"

Dammit.

 _I take it back_ , _I take it all back!_

Yuichiro grimaced beside his equally pained comrade. That person was a demon. No, the spawn of evil. A godforsaken monster. Why would he ever thought that he's a changed man was beyond his mind.

"Oi. I'm asking you why, brats. Answer me when I am talking to you." they shivered when a sadistic smile stretched on his face.

"Yuu-san!" Shinoa whispered urgently to her side. "How do you reckon we should escape from this mess?"

"I don't know!" he whispered back. "You think about some smartass plan or what!"

"I can't!" she almost shouted at his annoying face. "You think about something!"

"I'm not a freaking genius for god's sake." he muttered quietly, minding his voice. "He's a demon. Spawn of evil. What can we do to counter such a force?"

"Just think of some—"

"Oi brats." they froze. "Who gave you a permission to talk with each other, hm?" Guren smiled homicidally at their sweating form. "Now answer the fucking question."

They glanced at each other, both feeling totally freaked out by the black haired man. "It's uh… a long story.." Yuichiro trailed off for a moment. "We… got… c-captured by… a super nasty time-controlling bastard…?"

A pause.

"You got captured by a _what_?" Guren said incredulously.

The look that Shinoa had thrown his way was doleful and Yuichiro began to doubt if he was qualified enough for this job.

"Uh, a time controlling abnormal, Chūsa." she glared sharply at the fidgeting boy. "That's why we took a long time to come back. The time and space around him was distorted enough that our time perception didn't match at all." she said with a matter of fact tone.

"Explain." The Lieutenant Colonel demanded as he frowned.

"Well—"

Shinoa stopped short when she heard loud noises by the door. It sounded like there was a raging war happening out there with all the noisy ruckus. "Uhm, Chūsa? I think someone just broke the door." she informed the man flatly, like it was normal.

"Huh?" The man abruptly stood up from his chair. "What are you tal—"

"Y-YUU-KUN! S-SHINOA-SAN! YOU'RE BACK!"

A bullet of warm body suddenly came barreling from nowhere, knocking both of them into the cold floor. They winced a little when a pair of arms wrapped itself around their body in a desperate hug.

"HUH? WHAT THE—Y-Yoichi?" Yuichiro toned his voice down when he saw tufts of chocolate brown hair under him. "Yoichi what are you—"

"Yuu-kun… Shinoa-san… I'm… I'm glad..." he was crying bullets, tear marks already marred his flushed face. "I'm so glad…"

"Y-Yoichi-san…" Shinoa groaned from the pain of their fall. "I missed you too… B-But I think you should loosen up your grip a little… I can't breathe…."

"B-But… both of you…" he sobbed noisily on Yuichiro's shoulder. "B-Both of you are safe a-and I…"

"Yoichi…." Yuichiro muttered when he saw his meek friend started to cry even louder. "Hey… don't cry… we are fine, see? No harm done." he tried to console the whimpering boy with a patience he didn't know he possessed.

Then, all of sudden, they could hear a faint sounds of hurried footsteps from outside the room, despite the loud episodes that Yoichi's currently having.

 _Well, if Yoichi is here…_ they mused, _then those footsteps must be—_

"You idiot…" they could hear someone muttered behind them, "Both of you stupid heads…. I can't believe it… that stupidity of yours…"

"Baka-Yuu…. Chibi… I swear to god I'm going to kill you two for this…." another voice joined.

"Huh?" Yuichiro turned his head to look from his shoulder. "Oh, it's you Mitsuba, and Kimi—"

 _ **BONK!**_

"IT'S HURTS!" he screamed when two fist collided with his head with a force so hard he was crying. "WHAT THE HELL YOU TWO?! Why I'm the only one who got clobbered?!" he demanded childishly, eyes glistening with unshed tears from the throbbing pain inside his head.

"Heh," Kimizuki scoffed standoffishly. "Isn't that pretty obvious, right, Mitsuba?" he said mockingly.

"That's true." The blonde clicked her tongue. "Totally obvious."

"Why you little—" Yuichiro gritted his teeth in frustration. "I'm going to kill you! Why did you hit me you bastard?!"

"Because you're an idiot." was their simultaneous answer.

"You little…." he seethed even more when he saw Shinoa bowed her head low, obviously trying to hide her snickers from him. "And you!" he pointed his finger at his ( _one-sided_ ) partner in crime's shaking form, "STOP LAUGHING ALREADY!"

"Ahahaha~ I can't~" Shinoa laughed freely, eyes dancing as she looked at him with something akin to… happiness? There were tears in her eyes, red painted her flushed cheeks, and Yuichiro had to stop for a moment to admire her beautiful, honest smile. He didn't know why but his heart began to throb uncontrollably inside his rib cage. So fast, that he had almost thought that it was going to burst open.

He didn't know what's the name of this feeling, but he didn't mind.

 _( he would certainly know as the time pass, right? )_

His thoughts was cut short when he felt Mitsuba curled her arms around their mess of tangled bodies on the floor, her usual malice was nowhere to be found and even Kimizuki rested his hands on top of his and Shinoa's head in such a relaxed manner. Warmth began to envelope his body, and it felt like every doubt, every fear and every grief had evaporated from his heart when he realized that they were _together_.

 _( they were together, they were family and he was happy, so happy )_

In the midst of his blurry happiness, a fleeting phrase resounded within his ears.

Yuichiro smiled.

He was sure that someone had muttered a _'Welcome home'_ between his and theirs vibrant riots.

 _( i'm home. )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"They are definitely a good team, aren't they?" Shinya had to resist a smile when he saw their long awaited reunion. On the floor. With a bawling boy and two pissed off comrades. He broke into a round of laughter when he saw Yuichiro fruitlessly battled Yoichi's attempt at rubbing his snot-nosed face into his chest.

"Yeah." he could hear Guren muttered beside of him. "Those brats really are a handful bunch." he sighed tiredly, "I didn't ask for this when I applied to military, you know." he complained frivolously.

"Yes. I know." The white haired man smiled, sky-eyes bright with life. "But you are happy, aren't you Guren?"

The said man paused for a moment, before a small smile painted on his lips.

"Yeah." he whispered into the wind. "Yeah. I guess I am."

"Good then." Shinya hummed when he heard his soft tone. "After all I hate seeing your depressed face."

There was silence, a comfortable one, before the black haired man settled his hand on top Shinya's silvery white hair.

"Shinya?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

 _( for everythin_ g, _I owe you lots, thank you. )_

"You're welcome."

 _( I know, you don't have to tell me, we're friends, aren't we? )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It had been weeks since they returned to Shibuya, and the town was still as busy as ever.

They watched as countless of peoples swarmed inside the spacious hall, talking and bickering with each other and somehow they felt like drowning in the customary lifestyle around them. They had spent a few good hours inside Guren's office, explaining about their predicament—about the abnormal vampire, his ability to control time and even how they had met Shinya on the way back after a long lectures of ' _use your common sense'_ and _'please don't be suicidal'_ the man had ruthlessly kicked them out from his office muttering _'idiot'_ and _'brats'_ and _'I'm too old for this'_ under his breath.

The two formerly missing soldiers were, unsurprisingly, banned from any mission until they were fully healed, and it meant that the entire team wouldn't get a mission for a long, _long_ time. So in those long weeks of hectic days, they used the opportunity to train themselves off, and perhaps wondering about the town, just fooling around, really.

After all the thing they had been through, the normal everyday life was exactly what they needed to recover.

Nothing changed, and it was relieving to see that everything was mostly the same, except for a few things like the mess hall location or the breakfast menus and such. Yuichiro couldn't help but wonder though if there was another thing they had missed when they were away.

"Nah, it's the same, y'know." Kimizuki said when they were training at the combat grounds. "Just a few changes here and there, but overall nothing has changed."

"Is that so?" Yuichiro muttered as he blocked another of his mean strike with his own. "We had been gone for two weeks, right? You sure nothing has changed?"

"Pretty sure—" he paused to stoop down, evading the strike aimed on his head. "Hey, that was close you idiot." he said as he brought his twin-swords closer.

"I was aiming for your stupid head." he chucked a stone at the peach haired boy, but he easily evaded it. "I'm sorry though…" his tone began to waver as memories of the past days bottled within himself.

"For what?" Kimizuki stopped his attacks when he saw the boy faltered on his steps. "You idiot, we have been through this, haven't we?" he clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Just how many times I have to say that it's not your and chibi's fault?"

"Lots of time." Yuichiro sent him a crooked smile, "Just making sure that you haven't changed your mind."

Kimizuki could only stare at the oddball in front of him. "You're really an idiot, aren't you?" he scoffed.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean, huh?" came his biting reply, but it was not discerning, but rather fond of him.

"Yuu-kun! Kimizuki-kun!" they stopped when they heard Yoichi called from a distance, "We got a mission! We have to hurry, come on!"

Yuichiro and Kimizuki looked at each other before an identical grin broke in each of their face.

"Race you to the office!"

"I'm going to beat your ass!"

"Hah. You hope!"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

Yuuichiro glanced around the enormous building, seeking his little friend among the sea of peoples. But he couldn't find that unique lavender everywhere, only lots of boring brown and black reflected inside his eyes and it was worrying, because the last time she wasn't by his side Shinoa was—

He frowned and gave Mitsuba a look. "Where is Shinoa?"

"Huh? I don't know." The violet eyed girl wrinkled her forehead. "She's not with you guys?"

"No…" Yuichiro murmured, eyes still searching for his little leader. "Yoichi said that the two of you had gone ahead. I thought she's with you." he deadpanned.

"Yeah." Yoichi agreed from his left. "Shinoa-san said that she would be with Mitsuba-san. I'm sure I'm not mistaken..." he muttered anxiously as he played with his fingers.

"Ehh? Seriously?" Mitsuba shouted incredulously. "That's not true. I mean, she didn't say anything about going together whatsoever. I thought she went with you guys."

They stopped for a moment to glance uneasily at each other, _what's that supposed to mean?_

"Do you have her number?" The bespectacled boy asked after the painful silence. "If you do, just call her." he suggested.

"Uh, fine." without hesitating she dialed her short friend's number, waiting as the line connected with the other. But even after a minute, the owner of the phone didn't pick it up, and her call went into a voicemail instead.

"She's not answering…." Mitsuba bit her lower lip in concern. "It's so unusual of her…"

The four-fifths of Shinoa's squad stood in silence, each of their face supporting an identical frown. It was not a coincidence, it _couldn't_ be a coincidence. There must be something happened which made her couldn't make it on time. No, scratch that. It was _so_ not like her to be late, especially for mission, she was after all the leader of this little squad, so it was out of the question.

So why? Did Yoichi hear wrong? But it was impossible, it was impossible unless—

 _( unless she lied. )_

"I'm…" they turned to stare at the black haired boy motionless form, "I'm going to her apartment. You guys go ahead." he said blankly, his pair of viridian orbs devoid of any emotions.

"But—" Mitsuba stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder to find Kimizuki standing tall behind her shorter statue, eyes hard like stone as he gazed to the still boy.

"Fine." he said quietly, but enough for them to hear. "You go. Bring that Chibi fast would you?" before Mitsuba could even protest the twin-swords user had dragged her body away forcefully, not minding her loud shrill of a voice. Yoichi reluctantly followed the two of them from behind, but paused for a moment to shoot an encouraging look at their last squad mate—but to his disappointment, Yuichiro had already disappeared into thin air, leaving only dust and emptiness on his trail.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

She saw it again.

That dome of nothingness inside her mind.

The place was once again painted into a blinding white, a dome she kept on seeing since that time she'd almost died. She couldn't see a thing but that lone chair in the middle of the vast landscape, all warped in solitary. But that person, whoever it was, she couldn't find it anywhere but instead there were memories.

Memories of her past that buried under the dust of time.

It had been weeks, and the memories began to morph into nightmares, plaguing her mind as the day passed by. She didn't know what's wrong with her, but piece by pieces it began to eat her consciousness away. Sometimes it left her between a half-sleep, half-awake state. Sometimes it kept her awoke for the rest of the night, didn't even give her a chance to close her tired eyes. Never compassionate and it kept on filling her mind with scenes of a distant past she couldn't even remember anymore.

 _( there was mahiru )_

Her kind and heavenly beautiful _, so beautiful_ older sister. She remembered her kind smiles, her soft touches and her chiming laughs. She remembered her warmth and the feeling of her soft skin when she hugged her little body closer to her chest. She remembered her sweet little kisses when she whispered words against her ears, lulling her into a deep slumber when she was too afraid to sleep at those _horrible_ nights.

 _( there was guren )_

Her awkward, rough, but _soft-hearted_ guardian. She remembered his atrocious grins, his feeble half-smiles and his potty mouth. She remembered his gentle touch upon her head when he messed with her long strands of lavender hair. She remembered his half-embrace when she was crying for her sister, begging for her to come back because, _because_ she was all she had inside this forsaken world. She remembered his promises and reassurances when it was hard and painful to keep on living.

 _( there was shinya )_

Her weird, delicate and yet gentle, _gentle_ older brother. She remembered his little laughs, his crooked smiles and his kindness that seemed like it had no boundaries whatsoever. She remembered his soft palm when it grazed against her scalp, stroking her head so tenderly. She remembered his playful doings, those incredible pranks they'd played on a certain black haired man back in the day. She remembered his hug when she was angry and sad because her sister was _dead_ and her world was _breaking_ all over the place.

 _( and then, there was him )_

A crimson haired boy. The only one she couldn't name, he was like a void inside her heart, someone she didn't know from her childhood. And compared to her other memories, his was the most vague. She couldn't remember that much, but she remembered his fiery red eyes that almost rivaled the color of his hair. She remembered his happy laughter when they were playing and goofing around. She remembered his tender smiles and timid grins but she couldn't, _couldn't_ remember who he was and what he was to her.

 _( who is he, she wondered )_

She remembered it all over again.

She was _forced_ to remember it all as the memories kept on repeating like a broken record. But his name, it was one thing she couldn't remember. It made her sick, _she_ was sick. She couldn't take it anymore. She was sick of it all. It was enough.

It was enough.

 _( it's enough )_

Shinoa had to bit her tongue to keep the scream at bay.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"— NOA! OI SHINOA! OPEN THIS DOOR!"

A loud banging suddenly broke Shinoa from the shackles of her deep sleep, bringing her stolen consciousness into the surface. She didn't know what had happened, but she remembered her dream—no, her _nightmare_. And yet, that voice certainly didn't belong to any of her memories, so who was banging on her front door in this time of a day?

"—NOA I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR I'M GOING TO BREAK TH—"

 _Wait a minute_. That voice, she knew that voice. And he's going to _what?_

"—IS STUPID THING INTO—"

It was her door for god's sake, there was no way that she would ever let him break it down.

"—SMITHERNESS AND YOU ARE GOING TO REG—"

She scrambled onto her feet and ran to the front door as if a vampire were hot on her tail.

"—RET IT! NOW OPEN THIS DO—"

Shinoa pulled the handle down with an iron grip and blasted the door open into his face. And for a split of second she regretted her misdeed because it's actually looked _painful_.

"SHIT!" he cursed out loud when the door slammed flat into his face, leaving a red mark for the world to see, and for a moment there she wanted to laugh at him but thought better when she saw his pale face and messy appearance. "What the—Shinoa!" he shouted when he finally saw her face emerged from the door. "You're—are you—is there—I mean—you okay!?" he stammered and yet maintained his loud voice when he was at it.

"H-Huh? Y-Yes? Is something… wrong?" she asked confusedly, _what's wrong with him?_

"You—The mission—Why—Argh, Forget it!" he cussed a little before he pushed her nimbly into the hallway. "Let me in!" he demanded.

"W-Wait a moment Yuu-san!" she exclaimed as the boy began to make his way inside, before he threw the door shut carelessly. "Wha—What are you doing!?" Shinoa screeched when he abruptly manhandled her roughly. It was unbelievable, the heat that began to burn her face when he suddenly backed her up into the nearest wall, trapping her body in the process. Shinoa winced a little when her back collided with the hard concrete, eyes widening in disbelief when the boy slammed his hands on each of her head, caging her petite body with his larger one.

"Y-Yuu–s-san?!" she stuttered, cheeks flaming red. "Uh.. I'm w-what happe—"

"Are you okay?! Are you hurt?! Is something wrong?!" he cut her over, his tone hurried and anxious, almost in a brink of madness and she didn't know what to think because, _because_ it was _terrifying_ to see him in such a state. It made her _afraid_ to see him like this.

 _( it's familiar, too familiar. where she had ever seen this before? )_

"Y-Yuu-san…. I'm... I'm okay…" she managed to draw out a few words, still shaken up with his bizarre behavior and not to mention that their _position_ right now was making her nervous. "I'm... m-more importantly... what... just what happened...?" she asked quietly, still looking at his dilated eyes.

"I-I… y-you... I mean…" his words were feeble and unsure, as if he was back into his younger days, like a _child_. His wide-open eyes drilled into her meek ones and she could have sworn that she saw fear and horror inside those beautiful green. "I... I thought… I t-thought…" he began to stammer, the particular wild look still apparent on his stark white face.

 _( his voice was hot and burning against her skin. )_

"You thought…?" she whispered between his and her breaths, they were close, _frighteningly_ close that she wondered why they haven't touched yet. But her thought was cut short when she felt him move even closer to her still form, his lips dangerously hovering over hers. "Yuu-san…?" she addressed him quietly when he didn't open his mouth to answer her question. He just stood there, motionless, his dark bangs brushed against his forehead and eyes and it casted an eerie shadow over his face.

 _( she didn't like it. his eyes were too beautiful to be hidden, she thought. )_

It was deafening, the silence, and she couldn't help but bit her lower lip, hoping the pain would keep her feet anchored on the cold floor. She didn't dare to move, didn't dare to talk and then out of the blue he began to drop his head low, onto her right shoulder, and she felt her heart stop beating from the mere contact. She could feel his hot breath upon the naked skin of her neck, and Shinoa had to fight the squeal that threatened to break from her quivering lips.

 _( he melted her, burned her until she was nothing but ashes and dust. )_

"I thought…" she stiffened when he mumbled against her feverish skin. "I thought… you were gone…" he whispered brokenly.

 _( who's gone? i'm here, right here, right in front of you, she wanted to say. )_

"Yuu… –san.." she honestly couldn't catch his voice, it was so small and unclear to her ears. "W-what are you…?" she murmured, voice equally weak. His breath was scalding her neck into lava, and her mind, it was blank—strangely blank, barren and void just like a desert. The only thing that she could picture inside her head was him. His face. His eyes. His lips.

 _( only him. )_

"Shinoa…" he raised his head upwards, painfully slow, and the heat inside her cheeks began to explode again. "I'm…" their eyes met, green to crimson, both of their breaths mingled together and in that moment, Shinoa felt like drowning inside his striking orbs that filled with countless of emotions that she couldn't name. Thousands of feelings that seemed so foreign yet familiar at the same time.

 _( what's the name of this feeling again..? )_

"I'm…" he whispered again, unconsciously brought his face even closer and she held her breath, waiting. "Shinoa I th—"

 _ **SCREEECH!**_

"SHINOA! YUU! ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?!" a shout could be heard from outside.

"Damn it woman! Can't you slow down?!" another voiced joined.

"W-Wait! M-Mitsuba-san! K-Kimizuki-kun! Please wait for me!" and another.

Silence.

"Shi…noa?" The blonde haired girl peeked from the creak between the door and its frame. "Hey, you guys okay?" she asked as she pulled the door open.

Another silence.

Mitsuba frowned when none of the occupants of the room answered her questions, she was sure as hell that her voice was loud enough for them to hear. With that in mind, she walked straight into the hallway of her friend's apartment eagerly. _Ah, there she is!_ Mitsuba smiled when she saw her lavender haired friend standing a few feet ahead, but frowned when she realized that it was only _her_. _Alone_.

"Weird… I thought that idiot is her— _YUU!_ " Mitsuba shrieked when she saw a bundle of black lying on the floor. "Hey! Are you okay?!" she said frantically, even went as far as bending down to shake his shoulder. But all she got was a series of groans and moans of _'damn it hurts'_ and _'why the hell did she hit me'_ and _'I didn't ask for this'_ and another _'it hurts'_ as the boy weakly rolled over the ground.

"Uh… Yuu?" Mitsuba could only sweatdropped when he saw him sobbing childishly into the floor. "Um… are you.. okay?" she cringed when she noticed the large bump on his pale forehead. Was Shinoa the one who did this…?

When she realized that asking the boy was impossible, she whipped her head quickly to stare at the other (thanks god) conscious people in this room, which was standing on her feet, mouth agape with a face that almost rivaled a tomato.

"Shinoa…?" she muttered unsurely, just what the hell happened before she came? "Are you… okay?"

But sadly, even though the girl was awake, it seemed like her mind wasn't. She could just tell by the blank look upon her face.

 _Just what the hell happened here?!_ Mitsuba screamed desperately inside her mind.

 _ **BLAM!**_

"M-Mitsuba you l-litte…" she snapped her head when she heard a loud booming sound and saw Kimizuki by the door, gasping for breath like a maniac. Mitsuba beamed, that bespectacled boy didn't know how happy she was when he broke into the room. "I swear someday I'm going to kill you… and that idiot too..." Kimizuki muttered with heaved breath, then paused.

"Huh? Why is that idiot lying on th—"

"KIMIZUKI!" she almost felt like crying when she saw that ugly frown upon his face. "Come here quickly! _That idiot_ need your att—"

"M-Mitsuba-san! K-Kimizuki-kun!" a shout cut her over. "Ah, there you are!" Yoichi emerged from the wide-open door with his sunshine smile and forest eyes. "I thought I almost lost the two of you ba— _YUU-KUN!"_ Mitsuba sweatdropped, really, his reaction was an exact copy paste of hers. "Y-You are alive aren't you?! Y-Yuu-kun! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" he sobbed noisily when he saw the black haired boy soulless form.

"Y-Yoichi! Stop hogging him over! We need to att—Shinoa! Don't just stand there you little—Kimizuki you go support him!"

"Why me?! And what the hell happened to that Chibi?! I don't wa—Yoichi stop crying for god's sake he's alive!"

"YUU-KUN! NO! PLEASE DON'T DIE!"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"What the hell happened to you?" Ichinose Guren raised his eyebrows, eyeing the grouchy boy with scrutinizing look.

"Don't ask." came the biting reply, "Just tell us already what the freaking mission is. I don't have time for any of your crap…" he muttered grumpily, nursing a large bump on his forehead.

"Heh." The man snorted. _T_ _hat bruise sure look ridiculous on him,_ he thought. "It suit you well. Made you even more charming." he mocked the boy.

"Shut up!" Yuichiro finally snapped. "It's not my fault that someone—" he pinned a glare into the lavender haired girl. "Was cranky, just because she overslept!" he snapped.

Shinoa winced from his obvious jab on her peculiar barbarism earlier this morning, but paid him no mind because really, no matter how much she wanted to mock him back it was _entirely_ her fault.

Or perhaps not.

 _He_ was the one who made her into a blubbering mess, after all. Personal space, please?

She pursed her lips into a tight line. "Yuu-san need I remind you that—"

"Oh well, whatever." Guren waved them off, and both of them turned their sinister glares at him instead. "Personally, I'm a bit skeptical about giving your squad another mission, considering the mess that had happened a few weeks ago." he said idly as he sat back into his chair, "But we're understaffed so I don't have a choice but sending you brats into the battlefield." he nodded his head.

"Understaffed my ass…" Yuichiro mumbled when he read the mission briefing printed on white paper, "You just want us to babysit some box around, you jerk…"

That was pretty much the summary of the whole mission. Their squad was charged with some box's safety, while Guren's squad and Narumi's squad acted as the executioner of the group. He didn't know what was so important about this freaking box but Yuichiro refused to do such an easy task just like that. He wanted to fight vampires for shouting out loud, not babysitting an inanimate being around.

"You're not just simply babysitting, you brat." Guren scoffed as if he was reading his mind. "You're _guarding_. That box is more important than you think. Now stop pouting. I hate seeing your ugly face."

"Fine." Yuichiro grumbled under his breath. "Where is Narumi's squad anyway?"

His comrades paused for a moment to stare disbelievingly at the confused boy.

"What?" he asked when he felt eyes on him. "Why the hell are you guys staring at me like that. It's creepy." he shuddered.

"You should really pay attention when someone is talking, you idiot." Mitsuba face palmed, feeling a bit down because of her comrade's idiocy. "They are waiting outside the gates, preparing some equipment."

"Oh…"

"Do you always ignore everything that wasn't physically beaten into that skull of yours?" Kimizuki said blankly from his place. "I'm sure as hell that everyone in this room heard it loud and clear."

"Why you…" Yuichiro twitched his eyes, quite taken by the insult. "You want to take this outside?!" he said through gritted teeth.

"Bring it on! I'm going to beat your stupid ass in a minute!" Kimizuki shot back, fired up from the taunts.

"Maa~ Maa~ Yuu-kun, Kimizuki-kun, don't fight now okay?" Yoichi came between the two seething males. "We have a mission you know, please save it for later, alright?" he said as he smiled at them. The two hotheaded boys tsked before they gave each other a torrent of grumbles and curses from their mouth.

"Someday I'm going to sue you for not doing your freaking job." Guren whispered to the squad leader of this peculiar bunch. The said leader only smiled widely at his miffed face.

"Just try it, Chūsa." her smile widened even more when she saw the two idiots began another spat over some random thing. "I'm going to sue you back for children abuse."

Guren paused, eyes twitching madly from irritation.

"Just go die." was his only comeback.

 _Today is a cheerful day_ , Shinoa decided as she laughed openly at her superior distress. Despite that particular weird situation between her and Yuichiro this morning, she was happy and content because at least, _at least_ his oddity could sway her mind away from those horrible nightmares she was having recently. And also her little circle of friend, they just knew how to always make her days interesting.

 _( she just wished from the bottom of her heart that it would continue just like that. )_

She didn't know what the future would bring, but she hoped that there would be no storms for her to face eventually.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

*hide in the corner* I'm so, SO, SORRY. I trolled you guys with that almost-kiss scene. Even my cousin had pinched me for that one (T^T). Blame my miniscule experiences at handling romance. Honestly, I don't have a clue. That's why their relationship is going to be hard and painful and excruciating with a lot of half-assed ship-tease, according to my little mind :D. I swear I'm not stalling their relationship or what, it's just… well, kind of weird if they'd suddenly kissed just like that. Need a lot foundations whatsoever first, I think XD.

Eto, the next chapter is going to be a new arc which is a brand new mission in Nagoya with Narumi's Squad and Guren's squad. I wonder about Shinya though (he's bae tbh). Should I include him inside this mission too? Just like in Nagoya? Because apparently this mission play an important part in this story and his relationship with Shinoa is beautiful. Well, about Narumi's squad… just pretend that chapter 34 never happened? Pretend that the said chapter ended with a happily ever after? Or pretend that they had met before the Nagoya's arc? *feeble smile* I guess it's kinda hard to do but I like it better to use Kagami-sensei characters after all. I'm going to warn you though it's going to be angsty and painful for Yuunoa and… well, everyone. Here's the preview for the next chapter:

 _"Don't you dare to put the blame on me, Noa-chan..."  
_ " _Please stop with all this rubbish. I'm not aware that demons love it to play with their human happy memories."  
_ " _Ne, Guren-chūsa, you… promised me, remember?"_

Ah, I think that's all! Thank you for reading this story of mine. What do you think about this chapter? Is it bad? Is it good? Or is there something wrong or what? Don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts about this chapter alright? I would be happy to hear your comments! Until we meet again minna-san~

- **Hinoiri Lwin-**


	3. i didn't ask for salvation

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _this is how we end, this is how we die  
our dreams fade into the distant horizon and it burns,  
it burns red and aflame  
then it breaks in two, dust to dust, ashes to ashes  
broken prayers left between our never ending cries as  
heaven falls hard onto our feet  
_ _ **.**_

.

even if i die today or tomorrow, please don't forget to—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ _ **.  
.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:  
** Well, halo minna-san! We meet again~ Sorry for the long wait, here's the third chap! This chapter would be a mix of angst-hurt/comfort-humor-romance-and… lots of other genres XD. But I warn you though, it's going to be a bit dark, so prepare yourself fufufu~. I don't think there's much to say, so I will save my comment at the bottom page, enjoy reading! Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you for the reviews minna-san, I really appreciate it!

 **disclaimer:**

I do not own owari no seraph (if I do, there's going to be a lot of yuunoa moments to fangirl about.)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _"Nee~ Little Noa-chan, how are you?"_

That creature's vile voice vibrated inside her ears, light and teasing, it was so loud and painfully clear to her but she blocked her ears and counted her measured breath instead. Then, after the numbing aches faded into nothing, she rose to stand on her toes; wobbly legs planted on the imaginary ground as her blank eyes wandering through the farfetched distance.

She couldn't see a thing. It was like she's blind.

And it made her a little bit afraid.

"Oi. Don't ignore me human."

It demanded, and she _understood_ , she honestly did, but she didn't care. She just wanted to escape from this horrendous place. To wake up from this dream she called nightmare.

 _( to break free. )_

"Oi! I said don't ignore me you ungrateful little—!"

She heard it shrieked, too loud for her liking. It was repeating the same thing all over again and she blocked its annoying voice from her head, desperately so. But she knew, deep down, that she wasn't going to win this petty war they were having.

Another shrill was hurled. Another wailing scratch. Another twinge beneath her throbbing chestbone. But she didn't care anymore because, _because_ _—_

 _( enough. she has enough. )_

"What do you want?" she spat the words like they were poison, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Why I'm here?" Her stagnated breath mingled with thin air, chest heaving up and down with her irregular rhythm as she took in another gulp of air to fill her empty lungs.

The creature paused for a moment, before it grinned from ear to ear, pleased with her obedience. "You finally answered me, Noa-chan." it said sweetly.

"Who are you…?" she whispered through ragged breath. "What do you want for me?" she paused, biting down her lower lip. "Why are you doing this to me?" she chocked back a sob as another wave of nausea hit her by. She was sick with all of this. So _damned_ sick.

 _Why won't it stop, the pain?_

"Who am I…?" The creature wondered, eyes widening in a twisted delight. _Sick_. _It_ was _sick_. "What I want…? Why I'm doing this? Why, why, why—" it stopped to throw her another of its hideous grin. "—I'm doing this, you ask?"

The grin widened.

" _Don't make me laugh!_

Shinoa gulped down bile rising in her throat at the animalistic growl it was producing before she threw a glare, daring it to answer.

 _I dare you, I dare you, I dare—_

"I exist because of you!" it hollered in some kind of sick resentment, throwing her a lopsided smile and twinkling eyes. "Don't you remember, dear princess?"

She didn't answer. Her head was hurting. Her throat burning.

The creature smiled.

"Nee, wanna hear a secret?" it cooed, cupped her wet cheeks tenderly, before it brushed its lips against her earlobe. Her head began to throb again, pain searing through her body, and she had to bite down a scream down her throat from the bitter feelings bottled inside her every cell.

" _I was born within you._ " it hissed. "Remember?"

A shiver suddenly racked her body. Her mind was a mess, countless of images flashed inside her head and the _pain_ , the pain was—

"Stop it…" she said softly whilst tears fell like a river down her face. Her head hurt so much. "Please stop it… I'm sick of everything… please just… just stop…" she whispered brokenly.

It snorted at her, a mocking sneer plastered on its face. "It's not _my_ fault, my dear little Noa-chan. It's _your_ fault for forgetting in the first place. Entirely your fault." Its voice was low and dangerous as it hovered over the lone chair.

And then, just like before, the stark white dome suddenly cracked open, its shells shattered into pieces as silvery white flakes rained over the barren place and Shinoa began to feel again.

 _( your fault, your fault, you fault, don't forget, don't forget, don't—it chanted. )_

The dome was no more. She breathed in when everything vanished before her eyes.

"Don't you dare to put the blame on me, Noa-chan..."

It was the last thing she heard when the whitewash phantasy replaced with a blinding light.

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

"Shinoa…? Heh, that girl."

"Believe it or not I have known her since she was eight.  
And in those years I have known her, nothing has really changed.  
Still the same cheeky brat, same grins, same attitudes and all."

"No, I'm not complaining. That's just how she is.  
I know that better than anyone."

-  
"You see, a long time ago I made a promise to keep.  
She was the one who asked for it, and I couldn't refuse."  
"But you know?"

"I wish I had never made that promise in the first place."  
 **-Ichinose Guren-**

* * *

 **the third memory  
** [i didn't ask for salvation]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Nagoya, in all its glory, was the capital of Japan's Aichi Prefecture, a modern manufacturing and shipping hub in central Honshu. It was the largest city in the Chubu region of Japan, and also Japan's third largest incorporated city and the fourth most populous area. But after the fall, it was nothing but ruins. Its magnificent building flattened into the earth, hundreds of peoples died meaninglessly by the unnamed vicious virus and its greatness had disappeared into the dark period of vampire reign for almost eight years since _that_ time.

And now, they were standing on its land, a place they had seen a long time ago.

It had been months since they saw this place. The last time they'd set their foot in Nagoya was two months ago, when they were tasked to exterminate eight of ten nobles resided in Nagoya. The mission, to put it bluntly, was easier said than done. Almost half of their units were wiped out, a quarter was gravely injured and the rest could barely stand on their own feet, waiting for the reinforcement to come. Thankfully, the elite battalion did come, but after such a disastrous mission they opted to lock the bitter memories away from their mind.

It was ironic to think that they were back to execute another horrendous mission in the exact same place. However, this time was not for the damned nobles, but for an entirely different reason.

They were going to raid Nagoya Castle and seize the entire stock of cursed weapons which hidden inside its magnificent building.

The plan was quite simple. Head to Nagoya, find the said building which located precisely at the central of the city, grab the cursed weapons stored inside, and finally stuffed them all inside that box they were guarding. Apparently that box was enchanted by an extremely strong anti-demon barrier despite its ordinary look upon eyes, as long as they executed it right, nothing could go wrong.

But the question is, why would they need this many people to do such a simple thing? They even needed a Major General rank to act as a supervisor for some unknown safety reasons.

 _Well, how hard it can be?_ He thought _. Raiding an_ _empty_ _building is quite an easy task, isn't it?_

"Can't you be more stupid?"

Yuichiro narrowed his eyebrows at the smirking violet-eyed man, a frown pasted on his lips. "Of course because it's dangerous, baka." Guren shook his head in mock exasperation. "Shibuya, Shinjuku and Ikebukuro—" he paused for a moment to level his stare straight on the boy. "Outside of those human cities, lies a wasteland teeming with monsters—"

He growled. "Cut the crap! I know that already! What I'm asking is—"

"Don't interrupt me, _gaki_. You really don't have any manner whatsoever." The man scoffed standoffishly. "I'm going to say this once, so you better listen. _All of you_." he said sharply, eyeing the rest of the group with cold violet eyes. Seeing that he was serious, they focused their attention on the Lieutenant Colonel, waiting.

"As you know, our mission is to seize all cursed weapons stored inside Nagoya Castle. It seems like an easy task, but don't forget that Nagoya was, and still is, the most dangerous city in all Japan." he gave them a death stare. "Nobles or not, there are lots of things that you shouldn't mess with on this land."

His tone was hard and harsh, dripping with translucent venom as he walked closer their place. When they heard his deep voice they couldn't help the shiver that began to creep up their body. It was, they thought, literally felt like drowning in freezing water.

Lieutenant Ichinose Guren was famous for his coldness, after all.

"Before the fall, Nagoya was undoubtedly one of Japan most populated area, and more, it was also Japan's leading manufacturing city. That's why in the past it was often used as the most favored location for several top-secret class experiments." he directed his eyes solely to a certain lavender haired leader for a split of second before he shifted his eyes again, blatantly ignoring her questioning gaze.

"Top-secret… experiments?" Yoichi muttered. "What kind of experiments….?"

" _Human experimentation_." The black haired man smiled wryly when he heard their shocked gaps. "Nagoya was famous for its human experimentation."

"What are you implying exactly?" Squad leader Narumi frowned. "Are you saying that there's also—"

"—experimented beings left inside that building?" Guren supplied with a crooked grin. "Who knows? For all we know that place is haunted by a dozen of mutant humans, demons or even vampires. That's why we need enough people to execute this mission, to counter any necessary battles if we _do_ cross path with one of those monsters _._ It's not an easy task, you understand that, don't you?" he dropped the bomb with one of his trademark grin before he trotted out from the circle of people leisurely.

There was silence for a moment as they were trying to comprehend the whole information inside their mind. Honestly, out of sixteen of them, only five understood the real horror of the said human experimentation. It was not a common talk between soldiers, sure, but it didn't mean that they didn't know either.

It was scarce, but it was _known_.

 _( in this broken world, everyone was broken as they could be. a little dose of sin wouldn't have changed that. )_

Then, after a few sighs and nervous smiles, they began to walk silently into the direction of their leader, trying their best to ignore the bad, bad feeling inside their hearts.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

It was raining.

Shinoa pressed her fingers against the freezing window glass, watching as the monochrome sky crying hard into the earth. The blanket and pillows which thrown carelessly around her body formed a makeshift bed, as if they were trying to protect her from the merciless cold.

 _If only the weather has been kind with us, it would be quite a beautiful night for sure_ , she mused, staring as the rain poured even harder.

Instead of sleeping, she was watching the rain—it was the only thing she could think at the moment; a desperate kind of solution to ignore this weird feeling nested inside her chest. She knew that the order was to sleep and rest, and she should have followed it but she _couldn't_ even close her eyes without seeing pictures across her mind. She couldn't; not when that peculiar stare aimed at her back then was still haunting her mind.

 _Nagoya castle, sacred land, and human experimentation, huh?_

Shinoa wrapped her blanket closer, a grim smile drawn on her pale lips.

She had a bad feeling about this.

"Hm.. Shinoa…?"

She blinked her tired eyes when a sleepy voice brought her back into reality. She looked around and found him a few feet from her place, propping his feeble arms on his makeshift bed to sustain his weight. "Why you haven't slept yet…?" he mumbled incoherently, slightly ruffling his hair into a mess.

"I'm not tired, Yuu-san." she smiled gently at the older boy, noting his cute bed hair and half-lidded eyes. "Just go back to sleep, okay?" she whispered softly, trying not to wake the rest up.

"Like hell I will…" The boy muttered quietly as he crawled to her place. "You are obviously not going to sleep, aren't you..?" his words slurred a little, it was clear that he's still half-awake.

"I can't sleep." she said sheepishly.

"Obviously." he nodded his head absentmindedly, raven colored hair fell across his face like waterfall. He squinted his bleary eyes and moved his face closer, as if he was trying to read her face or something before a lazy grin was drawn on his lips. "Nah, I'd slept enough, so I'm going to accompany you. Be grateful, Shinoa."

She raised an eyebrow at him, hiding a smile when she saw him blew yet another yawn. What a stubborn boy, he was. "I'm not blind Yuu-san, I know you're tired. Just go back to sleep, okay?"

"Nope." he pouted, blinking furiously to clear his vision. "Not tired… not… in the slightest…" he mumbled childishly, fighting hard to keep his beautiful viridian eyes open. "Scoot over." he grunted as he made his way into her makeshift bed.

"E-Eh.. w-what are you—Yuu-san!" she squeaked when she felt his warm body patched right on her side, his much larger built leaning against her smaller one. "Uhm.. Yuu-san?" she murmured nervously as heat began to paint her cheeks crimson.

His warmth was almost burning and she hated herself for liking the way his skin brushed against hers.

"Hmm…?" he hummed, eyes fluttered open and close.

"I'm.." she paused for a moment, searching for words to convey. But sadly, she found nothing to describe this feeling inside her right now. "No… I—Just… forget it. It's nothing important." she said then, resting her head between the valley of her knees. After that silence fell among them, but it was not uncomfortable. No, it was calming, and reassuring and also… strangely pleasant.

"Hey, Shinoa." The girl stiffened when she felt his hot breath against her skin. "Why did Guren give you that..." Yuichiro paused to lick his bottom lip. "That… _weird_ stare back then?" he said slowly, a frown etched on his face.

 _He noticed it too?_ "I don't know." she said honestly, "Maybe it's just a coincidence. You never know when it came to him." The chocolate eyed girl giggled a little when she saw his scrunched up face.

"No way." he snorted. "Nothing with that idiot is a coincidence… I, for an instance, had learnt it the _hard_ way." Yuichiro flashed her a pained smile.

"Really?" she humored him with one of her trademark grins. "How cute. Both of you sure are pretty close, aren't you?" Shinoa poked his cheek in a playful manner.

"W-Wha—Hey! We don't! No way!" he whispered urgently, now fully awake as he furiously battled her hand away. "We don't, I tell you! He is annoying, infuriating, aggravating, bothers—"

"You do realize that it has the same meaning, don't you?" she cut him over, quite amused by his stubbornness to admit the truth.

"Ugh, um… " he fidgeted, face heating up into a shade of maroon. "Well... it's just—we don't—s-shut up!" he sputtered in embarrassment.

"Ahaha~ Isn't that good? He's just like a father to you." she said teasingly. Her smile, it was sincere enough for him, and yet there was also a noticeable hint of bitterness between her flaccid words. Unfortunately, he didn't notice it as he was busy thinking about the said man with an almost religious persistence.

"Guren…huh?" he whispered, his gaze far into the distance. "Well, I guess he's not really that bad…."

 _( does living hurt? )_

"He… Guren took me in when I have no place to live. He fed me, clothed me, paid for my needs, and even went as far as putting up with my childish whims."

 _( there's so much stuff you gotta do to live. but if you stick around, the day may come when someone needs you. )_

"He was the one who saved me from that hell… He taught me a lot of things. And even just a little, he gave me hope." his voice was barely a whisper, eyes staring off into a distance as an image from a distant past crossed inside his head.

 _( live. live until you find a new reason for life. )_

"He is brash, cocky and reckless. Has a potty mouth and no common sense whatsoever when it came to kindness. Totally not a parental figure." he chuckled a little when he remembered their stupid fights and occasional bickers. He didn't know why but he missed those halcyon days with him the most.

 _(_ _if you do then someday— )_

"But… but his hands are… warm…"

 _( someday, you will certainly find people who will need you. )_

"He may be annoying, still… if not for him, I wouldn't be here right now." he raised his head to give her a soft smile.

( _I wouldn't have met you. )_

"H-Hey!" he stopped for a moment when he realized the embarrassing things he had said. "H-He is decent b-but that doesn't mean that I like him or what!" he turned his head from her, desperately trying to hide his crimson cheeks.

"Hee~ Is that so? I'm so jealous Yuu-san~" Yuichiro saw her smiling from the corner of his eyes, but somehow, he didn't like that smile. He stared at her face, wondering what made him so uneasy when he saw her smile. This smile she was wearing was void and hollow, just like an empty shell; vacant, without meaning, lifeless, almost.

It made her looked like a plastic doll. An empty casket of her old self.

He didn't like it.

"Shinoa…?" he murmured her name, his hand tugging her hand inside a tight grip. "Hey, you okay?"

She hummed softly in acknowledgment, but the smile stitched upon her lips didn't wear off. "I'm fine, I'm fine~ No need to worry~" she waved him off. "I'm just… for a moment there, I… remembered my sister… and well, my memories regarding her are not exactly… _pleasant_ …" she whispered reluctantly, eyes staring off into a distance.

"Your sister?" he frowned, "The one who—?"

"Died?" she interrupted him, "Yes, she's dead."

"I'm sorry." he cringed when he realized what he had done, "I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay." she shrugged her shoulders off nonchalantly, "It's true you know. She has been gone for a long time now."

"Why… why are you being so cold? Don't—" he licked his bottom lip. "Don't say that… she's your family, right? So you have to, I don't know?" his mind was telling him to stopstop _stop_ but he couldn't as the words kept on coming out like an endless river. "Treasure your memories with her? Or maybe—"

"Yuu-san."

He stilled like a stone at her sharp tone, a knot formed at the back of his throat.

 _I have done it, haven't I?_

"Shinoa I—"

"Go to sleep, okay?" she interjected before he could even apologize, her pale lips pursed into a tight line. "It's late and we have mission tomorrow." she pulled her blanket off of him, wordlessly telling him to return to his own bed. But the boy didn't move, adamant on his place even when Shinoa had forcefully tore the cloth away from him.

"And leave you alone?" Yuichiro asked incredulously, "You seriously think I can do that?" he gripped her hand tight, stopping her from shoving him even farther.

She didn't answer, and out of sudden he felt like a total jerk for bringing her past like it was nothing to her face. It was certainly his fault. He should have known better than doing something so unthinkable. Out of all people inside this forsaken world, he should have understood the hurt of losing an important person, the bitter feeling of being left alone, and the _pain_ of _remembrance_.

"Hey, Shinoa?" he called her again, but this time it was more desperate, more hopeful. There's no doubt that he was a total jerk, and he knew that, but no matter what he _refused_ to left her alone like this. Not like _this_. "What… what she was like?"

She blinked at him, dull tangerine orbs devoid of any emotions.

"….why do you ask?" her voice was painfully small and his grip on her hand tightened, now he began to doubt that he could even help her at all. The look in her eyes made something within him break, there was a numbing ache near his heart and his chest hurt like hell.

He was afraid of hurting her, but he needed to do this. He needed to help her.

"I'm just… curious." he said softly. "After all, I know absolutely nothing about you." _Nothing at all_. "But… but you know a lot about me, right? It wouldn't be fair, for me at least, so... so you have to answer my question, then we're even."

Then, all that's left was silence.

He frowned when she cocked her head at him.

"….what?"

"….is that a blackmail?"

"….what?"

Shinoa giggled after a few seconds of staring at his confusion; the sour atmosphere had long been thrown out the window because of his ridiculous attempt to reveal her secrets. Seriously, the little leader couldn't keep up with his unpredictable quirks at all.

"You don't really think you can blackmail me with that, do you?"

"I do _not_ blackmail."

"But you _pout_."

"I do _not_ pout."

"You do. You _pout_." she insisted, her smile widening even further.

"I do _not_ pou—wait a minute." he paused for a moment, thinking. "Hey! You are trying to change the topic!" he shouted loudly, loud enough that Shinoa had to put her palm over his rowdy mouth, giving him a warning stare to keep his voice down. The green eyed boy shuddered away from her homicidal glare, grudgingly toning his voice down into an acceptable volume.

"Yah~ He noticed." now it was her turn to pout cutely at him, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "I thought you would never realize it~" she sang.

"Are you picking a fight with me?" Yuichiro twitched his eyes as he tugged her hand off, he truly _couldn't_ understand how a girl's mind worked. "Just answer my question. It's easy right? I mean you just have to ta—lk…."

He faltered when he saw her pained expression, cringing in guilt. Dammit, brain.

"….or maybe not." he muttered quietly, now he felt even _worse_ than before. "Uh, you don't have to answer that …"

"You are really kind, aren't you Yuu-san?" she said morosely, smiling gratefully at his not-so-subtle plan. Shinoa knew that he was trying to help her, to console her. He was coaxing her to confess her heart out, to lift the heavy weight off of her shoulders. It was such a kind gesture, one she had never experienced. So at least, _at least_ she could give him the answer he desired.

He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry for bri—"

"Ne Yuu-san, will you listen to my story?" she cut him over, eyes glinted with something he couldn't name.

Yuichiro clamped his mouth as he stared at her, astonished that she was willing to tell him her past. "Are you… sure about this?" he asked her again, lest she changed her mind, but Shinoa only gave him a positive nod, obviously certain with her choice. He gulped down bile rising in his throat, preparing to hear her out. "I guess that's… alright."

"Then, let's begin." she exhaled slowly, bringing her knees closer to her chest. "My sister's name was Mahiru. She was… nine years older than me." she started with trivial facts, titling her head a little to meet his eyes. "There's a little to nothing that I can remember about her, my memories are… a little bit foggy, but she was… she was beautiful, so beautiful that she almost looked like an angel to me." she smiled bitterly when her sister face flashed inside her mind.

 _( Shinoa, will you smile for me? )_

"I remember… her touch. It was not overly gentle like Shinya-niisan, or rough like Guren-chūsa. Her touch was soft, and delicate, just like…" the image suddenly flashed before her eyes, that night she held her little body close, stroking her head so tenderly and her smile fell for a moment as she turned her gaze into the sky outside. "Just like a _mother_." she whispered faintly, voice childlike.

 _( I'm going to protect you alright? so don't be afraid. )_

"I… remember the little things…" she paused. "Like our weekly dinner, her visits on every Saturday night, her weird obsession with ice cream and also..." she trailed off as her gaze turned distant. "She... she loved to play with my hair…" she reminisced, a faint smile upon her face as she curled her small fingers around her bangs.

 _Please don't make such a face_ …

He wanted to scream the words at her, he truly did. He wanted to do it so badly; to snap her out from her painful memories but he couldn't, and he _shouldn't_ be so selfish when she was trying her best to smile. He had to bear it, because she kept going, she kept _on_ going even though he knew that it must be hard and painful for her to recall her sister all over again.

He had to be strong for her.

"Your sister…" he said, "She sounds like a good person…" he said carefully, hoping that his words wouldn't aggravate her more than he already did.

"Yes…" she smiled at him, soft and hearty. "I guess you right…"

"Then why…?" he moved even closer, their shoulders touching, "Why you talked as if—"

"As if I hate her?" her smile suddenly became bitter, bitter enough to make his heart crumpled beneath his rib cage and for a moment there he wanted to lock her out from the outside world, from the pain, because he hated that— _that_ broken look upon her face.

"Perhaps, I don't really hate her…" she dropped her head low, onto her knees, "I'm just—just… bitter and—well, I always felt like she didn't care… I mean, she certainly didn't even _think_ about me in the slightest when she decided to throw her life away." she laughed hoarsely, like something had clawed on her throat, shearing its skin raw. "She just… she just _loved_ him so much. She sacrificed everything for him, whose fate wouldn't let them to be together, that she became obsessed with demons and met her demise."

 _Him? Could it be—?_

"Is that person… Guren?" he asked then, half-trying to distract her from the painful feeling, half-curious with her past.

"Yes. It's him." Shinoa nodded her head, "Isn't that pathetic? To think that I have been working under his command for years. After all, he was the one who killed my sister." she refused to meet his eyes when she said this.

"He was the one who kille—he what?!" his eyes widened in disbelief. "What do you mean that he kil—"

"He did." she buried her head deeper into the fold of her arms, hiding her face. "I don't know about the whole story but he did." she mumbled though the fabric of her clothes.

Yuichiro paused for a moment, still processing all the information he had received with much difficulty. He honestly didn't know what to say as he stared at her hunched form, eyeing her melancholy eyes and smile. He hated that heartbroken look on her face, or that somber smile painted on her lips. He just, he _just_ wanted to see _his_ Shinoa, not this _empty_ shell of her former self.

"You know, Yuu-san." he stiffened when she daintily switched her head's position to catch his face. "Maybe I _do_ hate the two of them, even only a little. Guren-chūsa, for _killing_ the _only_ family I ever had… and my sister, for… for leaving me all _alone_ inside this twisted _, despicable_ world." Shinoa had to bit her lower lip hard to keep her tears from flooding out. "You see?" she chocked back a sob, "Humans are such ugly creatures that it's so laughable. And I'm no different." she said while chuckling sardonically at the irony of it all.

 _Don't_ , he thought desperately, _please don't make that face_. He couldn't take it anymore. Her bittersweet smile and quivering voice had hurt him deeper than he thought. Yuichiro didn't _want_ to watch her like this. He _couldn't_ , because watching her grieving was like being stabbed in the heart numerous times. Watching her struggling to not cry was like burning on a stake, it _hurt_ him to see her in pain.

 _( no, please don't cry. )_

"Shinoa, come here." he tugged her into his larger built, gently settling her down between his legs. He could hear her shocked gasp in response of his bold action, but he ignored her and kept on dragging her body even closer. "Stop moving." he grunted when he felt her struggled with this position.

"Y-Yuu-san, what are you doing—" she gasped again when his arms suddenly circled around her small frame, enveloping her with endless warmth. "Yuu-san…?" she whispered quietly into his chest, didn't dare to meet his eyes. His embrace tightened and the heat began to explode inside her cheeks like a small firework, eyes widening in surprise and slight embarrassment at their current position.

"Sleep." he mumbled on her head, wrapping the blanket snugly around their tangled body. "I'm going to wait until you fall asleep, I promise."

She was silent for a long time, and he began to think that she didn't like it, to be cradled like a baby, by _him_ no less. But then he felt her lips curved against his skin and Yuichiro sighed in relief because at least, she didn't hate his touch.

"Yuu-san?" she brought her arms into his chest, clenching the fabric of his clothes with an iron grip.

"Hm?" he hummed as he put his head on top of hers, closing his eyes in bliss. Her smell was intoxicating; a hint of vanilla and lavender bloomed inside his nostrils. Her skin was feverish against his, and he couldn't help but wonder about her small frame. How could someone so short and dainty wield a scythe twice her size? But then again, she's Shinoa.

She was _his_ Shinoa, after all.

"Thank you…" Yuichiro froze when he heard her quiet murmur near his right ear, her beautiful pair of bronze eyes fluttered shut as her consciousness began to fade away. "…for listening."

A pause. A smile.

"Your welcome."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"—IOT AND SHI—H—TH…. —NOT APPRO—… SHE'S A GIRL! HOW—"

Yuichiro twitched his eyes madly, quite—no, scratch that, _totally_ disturbed by the high-pitched, shrilly voice which echoed inside his ears.

 _Just whose bright idea to scream that loud in this time of day? It's too early for this shit, dammit_ , he thought as he began to sleep again.

"—suba-san if you could— …to –ne do…. –ur voice a little… I'm tryi— …cute right?!"

 _Goddammit_ , he cursed inside his mind, eyes still stubbornly closed tight. No matter how much he tried to block it away the voices kept on ringing within his bleeding ears. It was so frustrating and his hands unconsciously tightened around—around… huh? _Wait a minute_. Now that he thought about it, why did he felt something soft leaning against him?

"—inya I swear— don't… –you d-are… –do—came…. don't—!"

 _ **FLASH!**_

"—DON—THE FLAS— …TU-RN ….FF—you're mak— …ke up!"

 _ **FLASH! FLASH!**_

The black haired boy jolted up from his relaxed posture when a bright light suddenly blinded his eyes.

"YOU IDIOT! THE FLASH!—THE _FUCKING_ FLASH!"

Yuichiro groaned from the sudden (horrible) wake-up call, blinking his tired eyes lazily. Just what happened? The only thing he could remember was his talk with—with…. _shit_. He grimaced when the event from last night finally dawned on him. Shinoa, her sister, Guren, and him, everything poured down endlessly into his mind, his sleep was forgotten as he frantically searched for any sign of a certain lilac haired girl.

He stopped when a speck of violet was caught within his peripheral vision.

Lavender head. Shinoa.

Yuichiro sighed in relief when he saw the girl curled under him like a kitten, her small hands gripping his clothes as she slept, exhaustion clearly apparent on her face. _Maybe she's tired because of last night conversation?_ he thought as he moved her head from its painful-looking position. After making sure that she was comfortable, he shifted his gaze into his surrounding, and the scene which greeted him made the emerald eyed boy stopped on his track.

 _Dammit._

Red-faced Mitsuba. Smirking Kimizuki. Blushing Yoichi. Palm-faced Guren. And—you must be kidding—NO. NO. NO. PLEASE GOD NO—

 _Is that Shinya-san with a freaking camera that I see?!_

His thought was confirmed when the silver haired man grinned widely, a finger ready to push the suspicious-looking button down.

God just kill him right now.

He was just about to flee from this place, from his life, from his job, far, far away from everyone he knew, _especially_ from Guren and his squad mates and maybe killed himself with the most painful method that he could think about when he was at it.

"Morning Yuu-chan!" _**FLASH!**_ "Look in my direction please?" _**FLASH! FLASH!**_ "Say cheese!" _**FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!**_

 _ **FLASH!**_

He officially hated his life now.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Hm?" Shinoa glanced around, seeking a certain green eyed boy among their group. "Where is Yuu-san?"

Pregnant pause.

Almost all the male occupants of this room (except our cinnamon roll of course) suddenly stilled like a stone, mouths clamped shut as their shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. If there were members of the group who didn't know about the 'incident' this morning, they definitely knew it by the next hour. Especially if there was an overly enthusiastic goofball which happened to own a dozen of said incident's embarrassing photos _and_ flaunting them about with burning passion.

"Eh?" she titled her head. "What happened?" she asked when they were nearly choking themselves from holding back laughs. It seemed like something had happened without her knowing. Shinoa raised her eyebrow when the dam broke and out of sudden they roared in laughter.

"What?" she pursed her lips in confusion.

Now, _that_ was weird.

No, _they_ were acting weird.

Guren shot her an exasperated gaze, lips quirked into a slight smile. Shinya flashed her one of his sugar sweet grin and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Kimizuki smirked as he gave her a thumb up, and the rest showed no different as they doubled back in laughter, a smile/smirk/grin painted across their flushed face.

Just what happened when she was sleeping?

 _ **BLAM!**_

The door behind them blasted open. Then came in the missing boy.

"Oi Kimizuki bastard where did you hide my—" he paused in mid-sentence.

 _ **STARE~**_

"No. Forget it. I'm going to kill you later."

Door slammed shut.

 ** _3_**

 _ **2**_

 ** _1_**

 _"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_ DID YOU SEE THAT? Those cheeks!"

"They're just too cute~ Just look at him~"

"HE'S BLUSHING, ISN'T HE? GODDAMN HE'S _BLUSHING_!"

"Oh god. If you put a tomato beside his face you can't even tell the difference!"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

After several attempts of felony and murder (by Shinoa, who was extremely pissed off at her cheerful older brother who, by all means, had used her and Yuichiro awkward situation to collect some blackmail materials), the group finally got back in track, marching to Nagoya with full speed. But sadly, because of the slight problem earlier, their original plan was rendered useless as they had arrived approximately two hours later than the appointed time.

"Heh, so this is Nagoya Castle huh?" Yuichiro wondered out loud, "Not bad." he whistled, admiring the enormous building in front of him.

A massive castle stood straight like a sore thumb between the vast landscapes of lush green environmental. The ancient giant was especially striking under the current clear summer sky, its darkening walls which coated with dense vines proved all the passing centuries it had endured.

Unfortunately, most of additional castle buildings were destroyed to the ground, flattened into the earth, including the castle keep and the little palace buildings. But the main building was still standing magnificently among the ruins. The park surrounding it was barren and void except for two circles of moats and impressive gate-like walls with corner turrets.

"Stop staring like an idiot and walk, Baka-Yuu." The black haired craned his head to find Kimizuki standing behind him, his face looked absolutely peeved as he shoved the poor boy briskly into the front gate.

"Oi! Are you asking for a fight?!" he glared at the rude boy.

"No you imbecile! Just walk!" Kimizuki crammed the scowling boy into the inner garden, slightly pushing the said boy with force. "The other teams are inside, checking the perimeter around its land, whether it's safe or not for us to trespass. Our job is to guard the box, which is already situated at the front door when you were busy gaping like a fool, you nitwit."

"Gezz, I know okay, chill." he rolled his eyes lazily, off the distance he could make out three silhouettes of his comrades. Two of them were hovering above the gigantic mahogany box, checking for any apparent damages on its surface and also its inside, and just a few feet from his place, their squad leader was staring intensively at the main door, her cocoa eyes squinted in concentration.

"Oi Shinoa." he called her over, watching as the girl traced pattern above the printed crest on the wooden surface. "What are you doing?" he stopped right beside her, eyeing the same crest with raised eyebrow. _What's so interesting about this emblem?_

"You don't know this crest?" she asked incredulously when she saw his questioning gaze. "Well, Yuu-san. Don't bother your head with it. It's just some lame, old fa—"

"OI BRATS. GET YOUR ASSES INSIDE NOW!"

They paused at the deafening roar ( _courtesy of their brash commander_ ) from the inner hall. "I guess we need to get going." she shook her head, an amused smile stretched on her face. "The devil spawn has called upon his darling minions to deliver his ultimate weapon of mass murder~" she sighed dramatically.

"—AND DON'T FORGET TO BRING THE BOX!"

"See?" she said again, choking back a laugh. "Come on Yuu-san, before he gets mad at us again." The lilac haired girl circled her arm around his before pulling him along with her.

"Yeah. Yeah." he muttered idly, why he had joined this mission again? "Hey! Stop dragging me!"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"So brats, we are going to execute our plan now. But first I'm going to explain some important things before we began so you better listen attentively because there's no way I will repeat it for a second time." he cleared his throat when the rest of the unit nodded in unison.

"First, for obvious safety reasons, we are going to work in two groups, which consisted of my squad plus Shinya, then a joined fraction between Narumi's squad and Shinoa's squad, in which the former will act as the executioner, and the latter protect the box." he sighed tiredly, tired lines marring his flawless face. "Well, at least it _was_ the plan. As you can see, this freaking box has a size of a fucking gargantuan, we can't exactly brought it everywhere we move, can we? Not only it will hinder our job, it will slow us down too." he clicked his tongue in annoyance, eyeing the black mahogany container with distaste.

"Are you implying that we have to leave it here? Isn't that dangerous?" Rika Inoue raised her eyebrows.

"Y-Yeah, Rika-san is right." Yayoi Endo chimed from behind, agreeing wholeheartedly with her fellow squad mate. "It's not safe…"

"Yes, if it's alone." The black haired man nodded his head, "That's why we're going to put some people over here, to watch the box. Even though we have a few barriers and protection spells around this place, we still need people who will act as the vanguards in case there's a surprise visit from our _dearest friend_." he muttered sarcastically. "The rest would proceed as planned, I'm going to give you a map which will show your assigned place later." he turned on his heels, gesturing to a pile of papers on the floor.

"Who will watch the box then?" Kimizuki asked. "And how many people will stay?"

"That's not for me to decide." he shrugged his shoulders. "But it would be better if they have a good detection skill, or long-range battle gear, which one doesn't matter. Approximately five people will stay to guard the box. Well four, if you count Shigure over here." Guren jabbed his thumb at his female retainer. "She will be the supervisor of the group."

"Well, it would be fair if there are two people picked out from each squad." Narumi put a finger under his chin, thinking. "But the question is, who?"

"I-I will stay!" Yoichi suddenly exclaimed from his position at the back. "I have my bow, it's useful for long-range battle and Gekkouin—my demon—also can detect enemy from a distance."

Well, he had a point and seeing that their timid friend had made up his mind, the rest of Shinoa's squad could only smile encouragingly at his braveness. Then, who would stay behind with him? Yuichiro and Kimizuki were their squad strongest fighters, so they were out of the question. It left their squad leader and Mitsuba, but it was already obvious who would get picked.

"I'll stay with Yoichi then." Mitsuba said leisurely as she walked to Yoichi's direction, beside the enormous box. "You guys be safe, would you?" she said softly, a small smile painted on her lips.

In respond of that request, they nodded their heads in unison, determined to live on their promise. There's no way that they would die in a place like this. No, _especially_ not in a place like _this_.

"Yoichi and Mitsuba, eh?" Guren cocked his head, smirking. "Not bad, you brats actually used your brain this time." he said teasingly, "What about your squad, Narumi?" he shot the maroon haired boy a look.

"Taro Kagiyama and Rika Inoue will stay as the vanguards." Narumi spoke evenly, directing his gaze solely onto the picked ones.

"Fine then." Guren nodded his head in appreciation, noting their good choices upon this matter. "Now I'm going to repeat about the team placement. There will be three groups. Two groups will execute the plan, when the other will protect the enchanted box." he paused to catch his breath. "The first would be me, Shinya, Sayuri, Mito and Goshi. The second would be Yuu, Shinoa, Kimizuki, Narumi, Endou and Iwazaki. The third group, the vanguards, will consist of Shigure, Yoichi, Mitsuba, Inoue and Kagiyama. You got it?"

"Yes."

"Understood."

"You bet."

"Yes, Chūsa."

"Just tell us the plan already."

Guren twitched his eyes at the particular rude reply, he just knew that it must be him. _That brat_.

"Damn it. I really hate brats…." he grumbled under his breath, "Now you lot, this is the plan…."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"I can't open the door." Yuichiro released his hand from the handle, a frown etched on his face. They were standing in front of a giant polished door inside the inner castle. The place was devoid of any live, barren an empty, except for some chairs and tables thrown around, dusted with time. Its wall was coated with vines and grime, a dozen of old portraits hanging on its smudgy surface.

They had long separated from the vanguards team, roaming around the building in accordance with the route they'd made before. And after a few minutes of walking around, they had arrived on this place, the said entrance of its isolated underground.

"What do you mean that you can't open them?" Guren walked into his direction, grabbed the silver handle before pulling it down. But just like the green eyed boy had said, it won't budge from its place. "Damn. It's locked."

"Just blast it open then." Goshi suggested nonchalantly. "We can't exactly find the key now, can we?"

"Yeah, just break it down, Chūsa." Narumi agreed. "It will save us the trouble."

"Fine." The Lieutenant Colonel nodded, sheathing his cursed sword from its leather case. "You lot, get back!" he warned, sword already drawn in front of his chest, ready to strike down the damned door open at any moment. But before he could even swing his gear, a hand suddenly came from nowhere, stopping his movement with an iron grip.

"No. You can't break it." Shinya warned. "I have seen this door before. There must be at least two or three traps prepared behind that door if you open it by force."

Guren paused, his sword clinked against the floor. "Traps? Damn. This place is troublesome…" he muttered under his breath, "So how do you reckon we should open this stupid door?" he asked, sheathing back his sword.

"See this button?" The white haired man pointed at a magenta switch situated beside the door's frame. "You pushed it down…" he did as he said and suddenly a glass plate slid from under it. "Then pull the plate out!" he said with a bright smile.

They stared at the door, waiting.

Nothing happened.

"Uhm, S-Shinya-sama…" Endou fidgeted with her fingers. "The door is…" she said sheepishly, pointing at the tight closed door.

"Can't you _please_ save the joke for later?" Guren face palmed. "We're on a mission you idiot." he sighed tiredly.

"I'm not finished gezz…" Shinya pouted cutely, a bit scandalized with Guren's lack of faith in him. "We need another requirement to open this door." he gave them a deadpanned look.

"Another requirement?" Sayuri titled her head. "Ano… Shinya-sama, what might it be?"

"We need blood!" The gun user said cheerfully, "Descendant's blood, to be specific."

"Hah? Blood?" Kimizuki raised his eyebrows. "How can we even find a direct descendant of this freaking castle? It's been years, hasn't it? They had either died or turned into _their_ plaything by now."

"Actually we have a rig—"

"He's right Shinya. How the hell we supposed to search for a freaking descendant of this damned building?"

"But Guren—"

"And we don't have the time for shouting out loud!"

"But I kn—"

"Save it for later okay? We will handle whatever trap behind that thing. I'm going to destroy this shit." the violet eyed man unsheathed his sword again, ready to blast the door into pieces.

"SHINOA-CHAN!" he stopped on his track when Shinya suddenly shouted, "Guren, Shinoa-chan is the descendant!"

"Eh?" The girl in question could only stare at the man for a moment, wondering if he had gone insane all of sudden. How could she be a descendant of this freaky cas—

Wait a minute.

"Ah!" Shinoa clapped her hands, finally caught on her older brother's train of thought. "That's right. So you need my blood?" she pulled out a small knife from her pocked and pressed the pointy steel against her hand, ready to slit her skin.

"W-WAIT. W-Wait a moment!" Yuichiro quickly snatched the knife before he broke into cold sweats. "What the hell are you doing?!" he almost screamed at her face, concerned with her mental state. It was not only him, but almost all the occupant of this room ( _except Shinya, who was smiling like a dork_ ) were staring at her in disbelief. What kind of sane people want to rip her own skin open?

"Well," Shinoa began, amused by their gobsmacked faces. "You see this sign?" she tapped at the golden crest which carved on its smooth surface.

"That is—" Mito gasped, along with the others except Yuichiro when they finally recognized the emblem.

"Huh? What are you guys talking about—"

"The Hiiragi Family crest. It's mean I'm a direct descendant of this castle." she cut him over, dropping her blood from a small wound on her thumb to the glass plate before she pushed it back into the wall. Not long after that, the door suddenly opened with a loud crack, shocking them all.

"See?" Shinya smiled smugly at them, failing to hide his mirth. "It worked!"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _You brats go follow your route, find the freaking weapons while you're at it, grab all the shit, and come back into this place unscratched. Got it?_

Those were Guren's words before his group disappeared into their own route. It was only his group now, walking inside this insanely long corridor with careful steps. The air around them was heavy, dust and ashes prickled their nostrils with its sharp sensation. But they had to endure it, for it was their mission.

"Oi. Narumi." Yuichiro called from his place. "How many rooms we're going to check again?"

"Six room, Hyakuya-san" It was not Narumi, but instead his squad mates, Iwazaki who had answered him. "If our prediction is correct, then we need to walk a little further to reach our assigned place. It's described as a big, round, empty hall with doors around its wall."

"Oh, okay. Thanks Iwazaki-san." Yuichiro grinned widely at him and the man could only smile in response before he continued his long strides.

"Yuu-san." he shifted his head at the sound of his name. "Um, do you feel anything strange?" she whispered into his ear quietly.

"What do you mean?" he whispered back, minding his volume. "An enemy?"

"I'm not sure…" she trailed off, looking at their surrounding with cautious eyes. "But Shii-chan became restless since we went past that door. I thought it was nothing but now it's worse than before." she bit her lower lip in worry.

"Should we tell the others?" he suggested, eyeing her pale face and frown. He didn't like the expression she was wearing one bit.

"Yes." she gripped his coat tightly, she didn't know why but she had a bad feeling about this. "Let's—"

 _Crack._

"Wha—"

 _ **BOOOOOOOOOM!**_

The wall beside them exploded into pieces.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Oi, did you hear that?" Guren narrowed his eyes, feeling somewhat distressed by the loud sounds he was hearing.

"Hear what?" his blue eyed friend frowned, eyeing his friend's perturbed expression. "I didn't hear a thing. Are you okay, Guren?"

The black haired man was silent for a minute, before he waved his hands carelessly, dismissing his previous question. "Yeah, yeah. Forget it. Maybe it's just my imagination. And Shinya?"

"What?" he tilted his head. "Is something wrong?"

"No—Not really." Guren sighed harshly, not believing that of all place that he had to step upon, it had to be this goddamn building. "I totally forgot about this shitty place. Nagoya Castle, huh? More like Hiiragi freaking Castle." he snorted humorlessly.

"Well…" Shinya trailed off, not sure what to say. Even he, one of the notorious Hiiragi Family was a little bit distraught about walking inside this forgotten district. This place was _dangerous_. "Before the fall, Nagoya Castle was used as the central base of _that_ Research Faculty, and more than once used as experimentation laboratory for…. their guinea pigs." he cringed a little, remembering those bloodcurdling screams and cries. "And also, my trial was held inside this building too, therefore I'm pretty much in tune with its routes."

"Hence why that fucking Hiiragi Kureto sent you with us." he scoffed in annoyance. "Supervising my ass…"

"No. You're wrong." he said blankly, "Kureto didn't send me here. I volunteered myself."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" now Guren had stopped walking altogether, staring at his longtime friend with an unbearable expression.

"When I said that this was an experimentation laboratory, I meant it." he said sharply, blue eyes darkening into deep sea. "This place was Hiiragi's secret vicinity for _that_ experimentation."

"You mean—"

"Yes."

"Shit."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Nee~ Wakey, Wakey, Noa-chan~ Wake up, wake up~"

 _Who is it?_

"Noa-chan~ You have to wake up."

 _I know that voice, it's familiar. who is this person?_

"Ne! You need to wake up _now_!"

Shinoa jolted up from her lying position, her breath deteriorated as she stared at the creature before her.

In front of her eyes was a boy – a child – with the most beautiful pair of cerulean blue eyes she had ever seen. A mop of lavender hair, almost like her own, framed his youthful face in soft tendrils. He was short, even shorter than her as he crouched over her breathless form. Long, sea blue scarf which matched his eyes wrapped around his neck loosely. He was wearing a sand-brown colored cape over his body, with a pair of knee-high boots to compliment his looks.

And he was _smiling_ at her.

 _Who?_

"I'm hurt Noa-chan. We just talked this morning, and you already forgot about me?" he sneered at her, little fangs protruding from his lips. "Honestly, you never change. Same old Noa-chan, the only thing you good at is for—"

 _This person is—_

"You!" she suddenly rose from her place on the ground, eyes widening in terror. "You're—you're the one who—"

"—gave you those memories? No, what you called it again—" he paused, grinning from ear to ear. "Ah, yes. Nightmares, am I right?"

"What do you want from me?" she snarled viciously, trying her best to ignore his malicious intent. "Why I am here?"

"You're unconscious obviously." he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "And this is your mindscape, so don't ask me." he smiled mockingly.

"Are you a demon?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Are you?"

"Why curious?" he titled his head. "And if I am?"

Shinoa paused for a moment, staring at the creature blankly before she shook her head. He looked like a human, but his eyes—his eyes were _not_ human. Even though they weren't blood red, and even though there was no horns protruding from his head, he couldn't be human.

Not a demon, but something much more terrifying than that.

"I take that back." she laughed hollowly, withdrawing her earlier statement. Her head began to throb again, just like before. "No, you must be something else. _What_ are you then?"

"Ehhh~ Why?" he pouted cutely. "I could be a demon for all yo—"

"Please stop this rubbish. I'm not aware that demons love it to play with their human happy memories." she bit her lower lip until it bled, "What do you want? Why _me_?"

"I can't answer that." the stare he gave her was blank and void, "You have to remember."

"Remember what!" she screamed in frustration. "I don't understand! Why you keep on sending me all of this? Why you—"

"I can't." he said sharply, cerulean blue eyes melted into vicious red. Shinoa stood frozen when he zeroed his gaze on her. "I CAN'T! YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, and as if his mere voice had hammered it beyond repair, the white surrounding around them began to shatter.

"No…" she whispered as everything began to fade away into nothing. _He_ was fading into nothing. "NO! ANSWER ME!"

Shinoa ran.

The dome and the little boy vanished before her eyes.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"H-Hiiragi-san…. p-please wake up… Hiiragi-san…"

A faint voice vibrated inside her ears, soft and lulling. _Who?_ _And where?_ The last thing she could remember was that cursed dome inside her head. If she was to be honest, Shinoa felt like breaking all over the place. She was pretty sure that bruises would surely paint her skin blue by now. And more, her head was throbbing painfully. She didn't know for sure whether it was because of that—that _creature_ doings or their unkind fall had finally taken its effect on her.

"Ugh… E-Endou-san…?" she groaned softly, trying to stand with much effort. "Where are we now? Just what... what happened?"

"I don't… I don't really know…" The short haired girl whimpered, tears already formed at the corner of her eyes. "I… there was… there was an explosion and—and then it was all black… I—I don't know what to do but now we are alone… I've tried but I—I can't find the others…" she bit her lips, trying to keep the tears at bay.

 _So we are separated…,_ Shinoa thought grimly. _Not good_.

"Don't cry Endou-san…" she said softly, patting the older girl's shoulder in comfort. "We will find the others, for now let's walk, okay?"

Touched by the girl kind words, the chocolate haired girl could only nod in acceptance. "Y-Yes… Thank you very much…"

"Don't mind it." Shinoa smiled a little before she made her way forward, pulling the bespectacled girl with her. No matter how much she wanted to find her comrades, they needed to move from this place. She was certain that those two would be okay, she believed in their strength after all. That's why, for now, she would endure.

 _Yuu-san… Kimizuki-san… everyone… I hope you're alright…_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Damn it!" Yuichiro kicked the wall beside him in fury. "Where the hell is this place!" he shouted angrily, glaring at its surface with so much hatred.

Kimizuki yanked him by his collar, stopping him from hurting himself further. "Quit it you idiot! We need to find the freaking exit from this place! You're not helping with this—this _childish_ attitude of yours!" he screamed at his face.

"What is your problem?!" he screamed back, manic greens orbs gaping wide. "Don't you see? They're gone! She's gone!" he trashed around, trembling with rage at his inability to keep his important person safe. "SHINOA IS GONE!"

"YUU!" he held the boy down with an iron grip, it was the _first time_ he had ever seen him so—so _furious_ and scared at the same time. And all because of their currently missing leader. Kimizuki was also worried about her, but it didn't mean that he was permitted to throw a tantrum like this, dammit. "What's wrong with you! Calm yourself down!"

"BUT SHE'S—!" Yuichiro stopped moving altogether, chest heaving up and down with his irregular breath. "….Shinoa is… she is… gone…." he whispered quietly, eyes brimming with unshed tears. No, not like this. Everything was an _exact_ copy paste of _that_ day, and he was sick—he was sick repeating the same thing all over again.

He couldn't lose her for a second time, no, he refused to. He loathed this stupid feeling, the helplessness and despair, he hated it with his every core.

 _( no, not again. not like this. )_

 _What should I say?_ Kimizuk wasn't sure, everything seemed like a hazy pictures inside his mind. He honestly didn't know what to do because the person in front of him was clearly _not_ in his right mind. There was something— _something_ was _wrong_ with him.

Just what happened with them back then? After that cursed mission, they had been acting so _strange_.

"She'g gone…" he heard him mutter again. "Shinoa…. I'm sorry… I couldn't save….."

"Oi, Baka-Yuu." Kimiuki called him quietly, releasing his trembling hand from his iron grip. The black haired boy gazed at him with empty eyes, unseeing, and in that brief moment he finally made up his mind.

 _( it's now or never, they said. )_

"We will find her." he vowed then, raising his head to stare at his troubled friend. "I promise."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Hiiragi-san…?" Endou called softly from her right. "Where are we going?"

"I don't… I honestly don't know." Shinoa shook her head slowly. "I have never been here before, despite my history."

 _( are you really? )_

The lavender haired girl stilled on her place, her face paling into translucence.

What was that? Who was talking just now?

"Hiiragi-san?" Endou stared at the girl worriedly, "Are you okay? Why did you stop?"

"No… it's nothing." she gulped down a lump inside her throat before she moved again. "Come on, we have to keep walking."

They had been walking for twenty minutes now, or maybe more, she didn't know. The corridor was long and narrow, and she couldn't make out its end, only darkness reflected on her eyes. At least they could see their surroundings well. It was a relief that Endou had brought a flashlight with her, if she hadn't, Shinoa didn't sure if they could even _walk_ around this underground passage at all.

"Hiiragi-san!" Endou suddenly exclaimed, eyes shining with happiness. "I see a door!" she pointed into the distance.

"A door?" without thinking Shinoa marched past the older girl, then stopped short when she found a dead end.

On its surface, was a wooden door.

"I think it must be the exit." Endou smiled brightly, snapping her out from her daze. "Let's check it then."

"Yes. Let's." The scythe wielder nodded her head, a hand firm on the handle. She was just about to pull it down, if not for a sudden pain on her head.

 _( don't go inside. )_

"Hiiragi-san? Hey, are you really sure that you're okay?" Endou asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Now she was really worried about her condition, especially when she saw the girl's pained face. "Do you want to stop for a while?"

"No. No I'm okay." Shinoa gritted her teeth, just what the hell was wrong with her? It felt like she was being hammered continuously by unseen force. "I'm okay, Endou-san. I'm going to open it now." she rasped out, pushing the door open with trembling hand.

 _( DON'T GO! )_

It was—

"….a room?" the hazel eyed girl said softly, voice whisper-like.

Behind that door was a barren chamber filled with rugs. It was windowless and on its bricks wall hanged a few damaged chandeliers. Now that she noticed it, the walls were recessed and protruded in such a complementary fashion to the walls on the opposite side, as if to reflect the sounds, ensuring that nothing would be carried to the outside world.

It's just like a tort—

 _No_ , it couldn't be.

Just what was this place? There was nothing except darkness and—

Metal chair.

Leather straps.

Glass syringes.

Razor blades.

 **( What are you doing to me? It hurts—no! Let me—! )**

Shinoa felt like drowning, barely breathing as her heart hammered against her rib cage.

 _ **( ...don't— le-t... go— it... urts.. )**_

A voice was ringing inside her head and it hurt. It _hurt_ so much.

 _ **( NO. NO STOP IT. IT HURTS. STOPSTOPSTOP— )**_

What flashed in her head was a crying little girl strapped on a chair. A very _familiar_ girl, with long lilac hair and a pair of chestnut eyes.

 _ **( NO STOPSTOPSTOP IT HURTS PLEASE )**_

Then, she was _there_.

 _ **( DON'T DO THIS TO ME NOSTOPSTOP ONEE-SAMA HELP ME )**_

She was sitting on a metal chair, wrists and ankles were bound with leather straps. Barely breathing as she tried desperately to rip her wrist free but it won't open, it _won't_ —whywhywhywhy—and bit her lower lip until it drew blood when she felt the narrow edges cut and craved into her bare skin. It hurt—it _hurt_ so much and she screamed out in pain as she kept struggling at the straps, but they only tore her flesh and painted out _red_.

It was horrible—the pain which crawled inside her every cell, yet she was powerless to wrench herself away from the leash which bound her deep in pain. The violent hum of screeching iron assaulted her bleeding ears, and the cursed sound began to echo—andechoandechoandecho—inside her mind like a broken record, and it was agony, that she felt.

 _ **( IT HURTS PLEASE STOP MAHIRU-ONEESAMA HELP— )**_

They were inserting something—a red liquid? it's blood? stopstopstop—inside her veins. And her body suddenly felt like burning, like she was being _boiled_ alive. The pain—the _pain_ was endless as those people, _those_ masked people began to inject her with more—andmoreandmore—red liquids and she didn't—she _couldn't_ feel her arms and feet beneath her skin. She was numb, she was _numb_ and her body was burning and boiling and scorching into heat and it _hurt_ , it _hurt_ so _much_.

 _ **( STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT I BEG YOU )**_

Then, all that's left was a deafening silence.

"No…." Shinoa staggered back, her breath ragged into a mere gasp as the gruesome picture kept repeating inside her mind. It was her, she knew that _it was her_. "What…. Just what—" she choked back a sob hysterically, trying to erase those horrid images from her mind.

 _( I told you not to go— )_

"Hiiragi-san…." Endou whispered when she saw her stark white face, the girl was trembling all over the place, sweating bullets as she kept on mumbling about something she couldn't understand. What's wrong with her? She looked… _awful_. "Hey, are you okay…?"

 _( —but you didn't listen. )_

"I'm…. I'm—" she bit her lower lip, drawing blood. "E-Endou –s-san.. I- w-we—"

 _ **Screeeeeeech!**_

She froze.

There was something—Shinoa didn't know what it was but it was _moving_ towards them. No, she couldn't see its form but it slithered and crawled into them and it, no, _they_ were fast—fast enough to reach them in a matter of minute and she—

 _ **Sreeeeeeeech!**_

 _( they're coming— )_

 _Who?! Who is coming?!_ She wanted to scream at the voice inside her head, those creatures were getting faster and faster and she didn't know what to do the because pain was pounding her into mess and her—she was—

 _( the monsters, get out, GET OUT! )_

"E-Endou-san…." the young Hiiragi managed to voice her mind, eyes dilated as she pushed the girl out from the room. They didn't have much time. They needed to— "Run…" she whispered between her quivering lips.

"What are you—" Endou stopped on her track when she saw a mons—no, _they_ were _monsters_ , _hideous_ monsters crawling behind the whimpering girl. "HIIRAGI-SAN BEHIND YOU—"

"RUN!" the girl hollered, shoving her even harder until she fell on her knees.

"HIIRAGI-SAN!" she shouted in horror when she saw those monster began to gnaw on the girl's feet. She couldn't leave her alone, no, she _couldn't_ they needed to—

"RUN!" Shinoa screamed at the top of her lungs, holding back the door with all she had. The ugly creatures were clawing and biting at her feet, it was horrible and she had to bit her lower lip from the searing pain. _At least_ , she thought, _at least one of us has to escape_.

"BUT—"

"ENDOU-SAN RUN! SEARCH FOR THE OTHERS!"

"I—Hiiragi-san—" she chocked back a sob before she turned her back, running with all her might.

 _I'm sorry…_

The door behind her closed with a loud _thump_.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Yuu!" he snapped his head back, watching as the Lieutenant Colonel marching his way into them. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I'm searching for Shinoa—and the rest! We—we're separated!" he shot back, but didn't stop running.

The violet eyed man pursued the strangely compulsive boy, feet clinked noisily against the tiled floor. "What do you mean you're separated?!" he screamed through the slapping winds. "I told you to stick together!"

"There was an explosion!" Kimizuki shouted from afar, trying to keep up with his unbelievably fast comrade. "We didn't know but—but it was so sudden that we—"

"What explosion?!" Guren bellowed again, his voice grinding painfully against his vocal chords. Speaking with two hysterical brats was certainly not an easy task. "Can't you stop for a fucking moment you twit! I can't talk to you properly like this!" he yanked Yuichiro's collar hard, prompting the boy to stagger back from the sudden impact.

"What are you doing?!" he snarled, teeth clamped tight as he twisted around to break free from the man's tight grip. "Let go! I need to find her!"

"Oi, calm down—"

"LET ME GO!" he hollered, body seething from the anger. "I NEED TO F—"

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND CALM YOURSELF!" as if he was being slapped in the face, Yuichiro stilled on his feet like stone, letting the furious man dug his fingers down his shoulders. "Tell me what happened." he said sharply.

All of them now had stopped running altogether, watching as the boy began to open his mouth. "She—we—there was an explosion and we—"

 _ **Tap.**_

"Wait." Guren shushed the boy up with a look. "Listen, all of you. Keep silent."

 _ **Tap. Tap. Taptaptaptapataptap—**_

"What is it?"

 _ **TAPTAPTAPTAPTAP—**_

"Something is coming, you guys shut the hell up."

 **Tap.**

 **Tap.**

 **TAP.**

No. He was wrong. It was not something, but _someone_.

"ENDOU!" Guren exclaimed out loud when he saw the girl's petite form emerged from the shadows. Her body was full of wounds; darkening bruises and cuts had literally covered her skin with red and blue dots. And her face—it was stark white, she looked as if she had seen a ghost. "What happ—"

"C-Chūsa! Hiiragi-san… HIIRAGI-SAN!" And yet, before he could even finish his question, the bespectacled girl had barreled to his chest, gripping the fabric of his uniform until her knuckles turned pale. "HIIRAGI-SAN IS—"

His blood ran cold.

 _ **SNAP!**_

"YUU—That stupid—WAIT YOU BAKA!" Guren barked when he saw the black haired boy immediately flee from his place the moment he heard her name, and when Kimizuki saw it, he also took his leave and ran after the boy. _Those two_ , he swore inside his mind, they needed to plan first dammit, not fucking parading into the enemy's lair just like that!

"Guren!" Shinya shouted from his side, panic and worry laced his voice. "Guren what is the plan? We need to act fast—come on!"

"Fuck." he cursed under his breath, "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Guren!"

"Goddammit!" he cursed again, but this time it was louder. "Sayuri, Mito, Goshi, you three search for Narumi and Iwazaki! When you find them quickly regroup with the rest and follow our trail!" he turned his head back to the shaking girl, "Endou! Show us the way!"

 _You better be alive, brat. I'm not going to lose you too._

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"T-That! That is the door!" Endou pointed at the familiar door with shaking hand. "She—Hiiragi-san is inside!"

 _ **BAM!**_

Without hesitating Yuichiro blasted the door open with his boot-clad foot, splinters of wood flying in every direction. They barged into the barren room, frantically seeking the girl among the darkness, but their surrounding was pitch-black and the little flashlight they had was not helping—

"Yuu-san…?"

He froze. That voice. He knew that voice.

Using his ears as guide, Yuichiro followed the direction in which her voice was coming from. Even though it was dark, he could make out a human-sized shadow from the corner of his eyes, and when it moved he instantly knew that it must be her. _Thanks god she's alive_ , he sighed in relief.

"Shinoa you—" he walked to her, eyes shone with clear happiness, but then he stopped almost abruptly when he finally got an eyeful of her current state. He was too absorbed with the fact that she's alive that he didn't notice his surrounding at all. But when he did, Yuichiro had to bit down the urge to scream in terror.

 _He was seeing red._

Blood, everywhere he looked he saw red and red and crimson and _blood_.

"Shinoa…. is that… you…?"

He couldn't exactly see her face, because everything inside that forsaken room was painted into a disgusting color of red. Her hair, her face, her arms—her _everything_ , every bit of Shinoa was dyed into a nauseating burgundy and he didn't know what to ask because—

 _Whose blood was it?_

"Yuu-san…" he could hear her voice, barely a whisper. "Is that you…?"

"Shi—Shinoa… just w-what…?" he reeled a step when the foul smell of decaying corpse pricked his nostril with its sharp flavor. His eyes widening as he captured the gruesome picture in front of him, face paling into a translucence.

She was—she was drenched in blood, _fresh_ blood.

He couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't breathe as the scent of blood began to assault his every sense. And in that moment of silence, Guren had wrenched his way near them, gasping for breath as the scene finally reflected on his eyes.

"Shinoa…" The man whispered faintly, eyeing the girl's horrid form with disbelief. "What h-happ—"

"Don't. Stay right there." she warned them sharply, her voice crawled over their skin like freezing snow. "Don't come closer."

"But—"

"I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed, and for a split of second there her eyes gleamed scarlet inside the darkness. "Stay.. away from me…" she said softly, gripping her hand near her chest.

"Shinoa…." Yuichiro began to walk again, finally slipped from his nightmarish daze and he knew that the black haired man behind him was following his lead.

 _What happened to you?_

"Ne… Guren-chūsa…" they halted on their steps, especially the said man as they watched the girl bowed her head low. "You… promised me, remember….?" she whispered brokenly.

"What…?" he muttered softly, just what promise did he ma—

No.

"Guren…?" Yuichiro stared as Guren tripped on his feet, every drop of blood drained from his face.

Not again.

 _( just like you did to onee-sama— )_

"Oi, Guren!"

 _( I… I want you to be the one to send me away… )_

She smiled at him.

Her eyes were blood red.

"Kill me."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

I'm SO sorry for the cliffhanger! *cry a river* This chapter is actually too long for my liking, but yeah so be it. I was planning to split it over but I don't have the time to check it all over again so please have this super-ultra-long chapter XD. OKAYYY everything is a mess. I don't know what to say but god writing this chapter was like playing football nonstop. I MEAN I TOTALLY ABUSED MY SFXS XD! And sorry about the slight horror, though I don't think it's scary at all… did I scare you guys? XD. In this chapter I used some references from the LN though only a little, and yeah still no kiss my dear readers. They still have a long way to go before it happen (^w^).

Eto, the next chapter will focus at Shinoa (why her eyes turn bright red and all that shit) and her not-really-demon thing-y. And also included Yuu-chan and Guren's angst too. And for you guys who's pretty curious about that little boy appearance (because I know that I suck at description TvT) inside Shinoa's mind, just check this fanfic cover image. That's my original drawing alright, so I'm sorry if it's such a mess! (TwT) It's been a long time since I touched my digital tabs after all~

Oh, I almost forgot, but here's the answer for Sayuri Tachibana-san! I'm going to include some spoilers from the LN, though only the ones which connected with my story. Please enjoy this one minna-san!

Warning: LN spoilers, beware!

* * *

 **what I used from the LN regarding this chapter :**

 **No.1** It's _implied_ that Shinoa got experimented as a child (Well, she was born from an experiment after all, both her and Mahiru), but the research regarding the said experiment was abandoned by the Hiiragi's. Don't know why though, maybe because of some internal problems? It's either she'd got experimented or it stopped with Mahiru's obvious talent.

 **No.2** Shinoa's flashback—the one about her strapped on a chair—came from the LN (Vol.3). You can google the picture. It was not really a torture, per say. Our darling Kureto just loved it to play around with Guren, it seemed XD.

 **No.3** I don't know about what the others think, but no matter how much manga/grown up Shinoa seems to hate (or at least bitter about) her sister so much, in the LN chibi Shinoa was pretty close with her, and also held some affections to her at a degree. I mean, Mahiru wasn't really a yandere little bitch like some love to call her. She was pretty decent in my eyes, and the things she did for her sister… (TwT)

 **No.4** Shinoa was pretty much abandoned as a child, even though there were Mahiru and Guren and Shinya. Still, what kind of hooligan have the heart to leave a freaking child, underline that, a freaking _seven years old child_ alone in an apartment? I can't believe them at all… (T^T)

I think that's all, thank you again for reading this story of mine! Please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts about this chapter okay? Your comments always motivate me to write after all! (^v^) Till we meet again~

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	4. goodbye halcyon days

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _we meet in silence, my eyes to yours  
in night, in day, in morning you scream and cry and kill and yet  
your voice is falling behind,  
but i chase after the faint whisper with trembling feet  
then i see the girl dances, the boy sings,  
and a moment later we die like sinking petals  
_ _ **.**_

.

this is the end, we won't meet again, but please—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ _ **.  
.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:  
** I think I'm dying.

No, scratch that. I'm _sure_ I'm dying.

This chapter had sucked the life out of me. Goddammit writing this was like prancing around on thorns. I almost sobbed my eyes out when I read-proofed it, damn you angst. Why I wrote this story again? Sigh. But anyway, sorry for the late delay, 'cause I've a lot on my plate for the last two weeks. Well, I've got news, both bad and good.

The good news is I PASSED MY UNIVERSITY ENTERANCE EXAMINATION! I PASSED I PASSED EYY! *throw confetti* Ahaha, I guess all my hard works didn't come to waste. And the bad news is…. updates would come later and later these days… and also expect a few hiatus here and there because I'm going to prepare for my lonely life as a college student… (T^T) But if there's a lot of you who want an update…. I think I will try my best, I promise! (^u^)

And also, thank you very much for favorites/follows/reviews! I really appreciate it minna-san! Enjoy reading :D

 **disclaimer:  
** I do not own owari no seraph (I'm a girl and seventeen and sane, thank you very much.)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Shinoa had never dreamed that she would die like this.

 _Not like this_ , she thought despairingly.

The monsters were cutting and shearing through her flesh, and she didn't know what to think besides ithurtithurt _ithurt_. So, _so_ much that she wanted to tore the skin raw by her own teeth and nails. Those hideous, _ugly_ creatures—they were disgusting, they _were_ humans but at the same time they _were not_ , for their skin was too fair, limbs and feet which missing or rotated in weird angles, and eyes as red as her blood.

They were monsters, and she was going to die.

The forces beneath her began to escalate even more, and no matter how many times she swung her scythe vigorously, no matter how many times she launched her feet into their thick skulls, no matter how many times she tried to destroy their bodies limb by limb they kept on shredding and gnawing and she started to think that—

 _( this is it, no turning back )_

Shinoa stopped trashing, stopped twisting and let her weapon touched the blood streaked ground with a deafening sound. She smiled bitterly as her body succumbed into the pain.

 _( i'm sorry )_

She closed her eyes, waiting for her end to come.

But it never came.

" _Do you really want to die that badly, little human of mine?"_

She gasped harshly when power suddenly spreading through her every cell. She knew it's not Shii-chan, she _knew_ that it's not her demon. But the power—it was so vivid and dense that she'd almost forgot to breathe when the numbness began to wear off little by little. She felt… strangely _pleasant_ , and for a moment there she thought that everything was over.

But she was wrong.

 _Dead_ wrong because the pain was still there, and she was still going to die.

"W-What do y-you want?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Don't you—d-don't you see that I'm going to die?"

" _I need you alive, there's no way I'm going to let you die._

The numbness increased again, and she bit her lower lip until it bled. "You _can't_ help me." she spat hatefully. "I'm going to d-die… sooner or later."

" _I can help you, but you have to be certain, this is a devil's deal, do you accept?"_

"What r-rubbish are you t-talking about?" she hissed through a mouthful of blood, by now the monsters had preyed on her thighs and stomach, and it hurt, _it hurt_ so much she wanted to die. "Accept w-what?"

" _My power—I offer my power, you can use it to save your skin, or you can reject it and die, which one do you choose?"_

 _Is it worth it to risk my sanity_? Shinoa thought bitterly. She was not an idiot. She remembered those gruesome pictures, even not entirely, only bits and pieces, but she remembered the pain and agony, she remembered the _feeling_ and she knew that whatever it was they were doing to her inside this room, it couldn't be good. And that little boy in her mind, he _must_ be the result of that horrible anguish she had suffered through.

He told her to remember ( _don't-forget-remember-don't_ ) and now she knew why.

" _Do you accept?"_

"What's t-the catch?" Shinoa coughed up blood when rows of sharp teeth pierced her stomach, shredding its surface raw.

And it hurt.

" _Nothing except your blood, let me drink your blood and I'll give you the power to kill them all."_

She started to think that it wasn't such a bad idea to accept the power. It couldn't be such a bad idea when it could keep her alive. Maybe the pain was plaguing her mind, maybe it was plain suicide, but at least she had to try.

She promised them, she promised _him_ and she was willing to fight.

"Then drink it!" her grip on her scythe tightened. "Drink it, I don't care anymore, just do whatever you want."

" _You have made your mind then, call my name."_

"Call your nam—w-what are you talking about?!" she screamed, frustrated with the turn of event. "I don't know your name!"

" _You do, you already know my name, don't you?"_

"I don't—" she paused when a memory passed across her head, and suddenly it hit her like bullet train. The image was not clear, it was hazy and blurry and unclear but she certainly knew that it was the right answer. "I—I… you… you are…"

Name, his _name_ , she knew his _name_.

" _Call my name, Shinoa."_

"….Kiyoshi." The girl whispered quietly, ignoring the way her contacted demon twisted and trashed around at the mention of said name. "Your name is Kiyoshi…" she repeated, voice more firm than before. It came to her naturally, like she had uttered it numerous times in the past, and she didn't care anymore, she had to survive. There were people she wanted to meet again, a person she couldn't bear to leave. She needed to meet _him_ again, at the very last.

"I accept your t-terms." Yes, she had to escape this nightmare, she promised that she would come alive, that she would come back. They trusted her, and this was time to live up her promise. "Now drink my blood!"

" _With pleasure."_

 _ **BA-DUMP**_

Her heart stopped for a moment before it went into steady beats.

 _ **BA-DUMP**_

Silvery white aura began to envelope her body like mantle, it trailed down her spine through her abdomen and it burned the wounds away until nothing remained beside her flawless translucence skin. Power surged down her body like crippling waves, and it felt like she was in heaven.

 _ **BA-DUMP**_

The pain was gone and so did the agony and she was invincible. Shinoa forced down the wild laughs from escaping out, and as if those monsters were nothing but flies, she yanked them off from her flesh, before she swung her scythe at them with frightening speed.

Then came the bloodbath.

She tore them apart, broke them, severed them, pulverized them until they were nothing but a mess of decaying flesh splattered over the tiled floor.

It was massacre.

 **ba- ….dump**

And she _smiled_.

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _Contrary to popular belief, I didn't start everything for him."  
_ " _I started everything for her."  
_ " _To spare her from the pain, to save her from the tortures and torments, to protect her from our damned family. This is all I can do."_

.

" _My heart bleeds every day and I hope to god that she wouldn't have to meet the same fate like me."  
_ **-Hiiragi Mahiru-**

* * *

 **the fourth memory  
** [goodbye halcyon days]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Guren! What's wrong with you?!" The green eyed boy shook the man from his stupor desperately. "What does she mean?!" his movement heightened into violent jerk when he received no answer. " _GUREN!_ "

"SHUT UP!" The man snapped back, his body convulsed badly as he staggered away from the horrendous sight in front of him. "G-Get back, we need to get back—before… before it's too late." he was gasping with difficulties, his eyes brimming with fear.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" he gave the violet eyed man a hard look. "We _need_ to help her! She's hurt!"

"JUST DO IT YOU IDIOT! _GET BACK!_ " he pulled the boy with him forcefully. "I—She's… Shinoa is—it's too late…"

"What are you— _dammit!_ " Yuichiro cursed when the distance widened even more. "Stop this instant or I'll— _GUREN GODDAMMIT WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!_ " he roared when he saw the Lieutenant Colonel sheathing his sword from its bind. "Don't you dare—I said _don't you dare_!" he hissed venomously, finally caught up with the man's train of thought.

"I _NEED_ TO DO THIS!" Guren lashed out at the hysterical boy, his grip on the leather handle tightened until his knuckles turned white. "I—I promised… I promised her…" he whispered frenziedly, as if he was in a daze. "I promised her…"

"PROMISED WHAT?!" Yuichiro shouted back, his teeth grinding painfully against each other. "Are you saying t-that you will—"

 _( kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me )_

"YES!" Guren spat out ferociously. "This is my job, kid. Don't you dare to fuck it over." he threatened.

"I can't—I can't believe you…." he said incredulously. "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALK—"

"Stop it…"

They stilled like a stone when a voice, a _familiar_ voice reached their ears.

"Please stop it… it's enough… _enough_ …" All this time she hadn't said a thing, hadn't moved, even just an inch, and instead she opted for watching from her place on the blood streaked floor. "Guren-chūsa… please, I can't hold it for much longer. Please, before it's too late…" she begged whilst tears continuously dripping down her face.

Yuichiro took in her damaged form with terrified eyes. "S-Shinoa w-what—"

"GUREN! YUU!" they moved their heads into the other pair inside this room. The two of them had been too focused on her to even notice that Shinya and Kimizuki were running to their direction with wild steps.

"Why are you screami—Shinoa… –chan…?" and just like the previous two, Shinya precipitously skidded into a halt when he saw the bloodied state of his younger sister's appearance. "What… _what_ happened to you?" he whispered disbelievingly, not quite certain with the sight his eyes presented inside his mind.

In front of him was a sea of blood, with her at the center of it all.

 _( what have you done? )_

Even the stoic bespectacled boy beside him could only hold his urge to empty his stomach out at the gruesome picture around him. He was used to death. But not like this. Not like _this_. "Yuu… what the—just what…?" he chocked out, a sick sensation swirling inside his stomach.

"I don't know alright!" Yuichiro raked his fingers between his midnight colored tresses. "I—I don't—everything is confusing and she—Shinoa is…" he gestured helplessly.

"She's turning into a demon." Guren cut him sharply. "Just like—"

"Just like Mahiru did…" The white haired man continued from where he left, smiling bitterly at the grim resemblance.

"Yes." Guren flinched when a memory of a certain someone passed before his eyes. "Yes, like her sister did."

There was silence as they watched the girl in red with unbearable eyes. She was writhing and whimpering continuously, as though every second she spent in this world was nothing but torture. Her eyes frequently flickered between rosy bronze into madder red as tremors swept through her bloodied form like waves.

It was painfully clear that she was turning into a demon, and they knew that there's no other option beside to end her right here, right now, before she could fully turn into one. Because if she did—

 _( they would die by her hands )_

"Guren, is there something we could—" Shinya started in hushed tone, but Guren cut him over before he could even finish.

"There's nothing, Shinya." he smiled crookedly at the irony of it all. At the glaring semblance of that girl who-could-have-been-but-gone-in-the-end. "Do you forget that _she_ was her sister?"

"No…." he muttered, the reason finally dawned on him. He was right, Shinoa's _her_ sister. She was a lost cause, he couldn't deny that. "But Guren—"

"You understand, don't you?" he cut him off weakly, staring at him helplessly, as if he was begging for an acceptance. As if he was begging for—he didn't know. But it'd been a long time since he saw that look plastered on his face. _Not since Mahiru_ , he thought. Not since Mahiru.

"Shinya."

The white haired man cringed back from his defeated look, but he didn't answer him, he _couldn't_.

Guren smiled bitterly.

"Now, get back." he said, once more bringing his cursed sword with him as he stood in silence. He'd made his mind up since that memorable evening eight years ago. Guren knew that he was the one who could do this without breaking a heart, for his already mangled beyond help at the bottom of his chest.

 _( i'm so sorry, mahiru )_

"Guren, don't you dare—I said _don't you dare!"_ Yuichiro immediately marched his way to the man's back, but before he could move a foot, two pairs of arms held him inside a tight-lock grasp. "Shinya— _Kimizuki you_ _bast_ —"

It's them, he _knew_ it _must_ be them, but why? _Why?_

 _( why why why why why )_

"What are you—let go, _LET ME GO!"_ he shrieked, eyes stretched wide as he tried to yank his arms away. "HE CAN'T—HE'S GOING TO _KILL HER!_ "

"I know." Shinya said blankly. "I know, but there's no other choice."

"Are you serious?" Yuichiro spat when he saw the man pursed his lips into a taut line. He couldn't believe him, Guren was trying to kill Shinoa and he's _agreeing_ with him? "Are you _fucking_ kidding me? SHE'S _YOUR_ SISTER!" he screamed at his face.

"I know." Shinya could only shift his eyes from his accusing ones. "I know." he whispered brokenly, his clutch on him lessened for a fraction of second before it tightened again.

"Then why?" he asked faintly. "Why?"

The cobalt eyed man fixed him a melancholy smile. "Because she _is_ my sister."

"Y-You… Shinya-san…" he choked back a sob as his eyes began to burn heatedly. He was breaking all over the place, his heart ached so much inside his rib cage, and the pain was suffocating when the thought that she would be gone flashed across his mind with a glaring bright color. He _couldn't_ do this, watching her die when she was still very much _alive_ , when she was still _there_.

"Yuu… please, you need to calm down." Kimizuki whispered into his ear.

"Don't you see…?" The boy muttered. "Shinoa's _there_. See?" he looked at them right in the eye.

"She is _right there_!"

The bespectacled boy clenched his teeth. "We know—we _know,_ but it can't be helped."

"But we have to— _GUREN!_ " Yuichiro shouted fearfully, his face twisted in unrestrained terror when he saw the black haired man moved from his place, his sword glinting dangerously among the darkness. "LET ME GO! GUREN!" he trashed and twisted around, desperate to stop the man from going even further, but it was no avail, he couldn't move. "GUREN _DON'T YOU DARE!"_ he cried out with so much anguish, so much sorrow, so much desperation as tears threatened to fall from the corner of his eyes.

But given how strong their hold on him, the jade eyed boy couldn't break free that easily and instead he watched as the man walked even closer to her place, his eyes as hard as stone. He watched as he discarded all his emotions into a blank, vacant countenance. He watched, it was crystal clear—

He watched as he ceased walking when the distance was near.

He watched as he squeezed his sword hard between his trembling fingers.

He watched as she stiffened when she felt him looming after her.

He watched as she accepted her death with a smile on her face.

It was all he could do.

 _Watching._

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Guren-chūsa…" she murmured weakly, raising her head up to meet his burning eyes.

 _Still violet eyes_ , she laughed quietly.

Shinoa loved his eyes.

But today she _hated_ his eyes the most.

She hated everything today. She hated the world, because it took her happiness today. She hated her sister for leaving her alone. She hated him for caring. But most of all she hated herself for dying.

There were so much that she wanted to say, that she wanted to do, but she knew that it's time and she needed to let go. She could hear her comrade's voice faintly from the distance, the pain and agony which laced his every word made it even harder for her to lock her heart away.

But she needed _this_ , she needed this _closure_.

"Yo, brat." he smiled painfully at her, so _bitter_ , so _sad_ , and the girl blinked away the hot tears before she smiled back at him.

"Hello…" Shinoa chuckled hoarsely, her tears mingled with blood that soaked her skin. "Send me away properly, would you?" a smile bloomed on her tired face, and the man muted a sound from escaping through because for the love of god, she wore the _exact_ smile like just like that _day_.

Guren swallowed hard. "…. _forgive_ me?" The man asked as he pointed the sword right to her chest.

"I _always_ do." she vowed then, _sincere_ and _pure_ , her voice breaking like shards of glass.

"Forgive me…?" he asked again, desperate for her forgiveness as he took a step forward, his sword dangerously close to the place where her heart hung.

"Always." she assured gently, this time louder and his heart cracked beneath his skin when he realized that this would be the last time, the last memory.

 _( it's time to say goodbye )_

He smiled again, broken and bleeding as he swung his blade straight to her.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

" _Where is Onee-sama…?" a soft, hearty voice resounded inside the vacant room. "Ne, Guren-san… where is she?"_

 _The black haired man bit his lower lip hard, searching for words to convey through this eight years old girl—child, his mind whispered—without making her cry in the process. But even though he had dug desperately into his mind, he found nothing that could remotely be classified as truths. Sweet lies were plenty, so did false reassurances, but he couldn't, couldn't do that to her._

 _Not her, at least. Anyone but her._

" _Guren-san…?" Shinoa said again, and this time he'd to force down the urge to flee from this place when she began to chew nervously on her lips. "Mahiru-oneesama… where is she? She promised me that she would come.… so where is she now?"_

" _She is…." he trailed off, refusing to land his eyes on the lavender haired girl who was sitting in front of him._ Does she even know? _He thought when he saw her hunched form and daunted gaze, her periwinkle dress scrunched up into a mess between her fingers._

 _She's a child, there's no way that she could understand, right? The fact that her sister's dead or the fact that he was the one who killed her or the fact that she was going to break either way?_

 _He banished the ridiculous thoughts, because, who was he kidding?_

 _He knew that she knew, it wasn't hard to, and she's a smart girl. He knew that she would understand him, but it was easier said than done when he got an eyeful of her crestfallen face and blank eyes._

 _But he needed to tell her. She deserved to know._

 _Guren breathed in._

"She's gone."

 _There, he said it, loud and clear. He saw the young girl froze for what seemed like an eternity, a pair of bronze orbs widening into saucers, her body deathly still but then her tense shoulders began to drop, so did her head that made strands of lilac colored hair cover her eyes from his wandering ones._

 _The silence was deafening until little Shinoa exhaled into thin air._

" _She would never come back?" she whispered quietly, head still bowed low. "Not even to you?" she insisted._

" _No." he blinked his eyes. He didn't expect this question from her. "Not even to me." he offered her a bittersweet smile. "Not even to me." he repeated ambiguously._

" _Okay." The young girl gulped down a lump inside her throat, trying her best to keep her facade up. At least, until she could find a place for her to drain those swirling nauseas inside her stomach. "Okay. I understand." she met him straight in the eye._

 _The man paused for a moment, eyeing the girl with compassionate gaze. "Do you, really?" he titled his head, he knew that she was lying. It wasn't hard to. "I don't think you do."_

" _I do." she said sharply, feeling a tad insulted by the man's words. "Maybe I'm a child, but I do understand. Ever since the beginning, I—"_

" _You are a child." The man agreed with her, nodding his head gently. "Then you should act as one." he pointed out._

" _I—What a-are you… I'm… I'm…" she stammered, not quite used dealing with so many emotions at once. "I'm just—"_

" _Act like one, Shinoa. I'm not going to judge you." he interjected, patting her head softly. "Don't have to pull a tough front with me."_

 _The girl choked down a sob, all the frustration, all the sadness, all the pain finally came crashing down her heart like an endless waves. She knew that her sister was gone. She knew, she accepted it, she would manage but why she felt like crying? "I don't understand what you mean by th—"_

" _You do. I know you do." he cracked a smile at her pertinacious denial, it was so long and bitter that her mask finally shattered into pieces, a lone tear escaped from her eye._

" _I don't—" she choked back a sob. "I-I d-don't…."_

 _"Believe me, I know." he whispered softly when he caught her glistening orbs, brushing his fingers tenderly against her wet cheek._

( you don't have to hide your sorrow, cry if you must )

 _Guren didn't even flinch when she flung herself into his arms, sobbing and screaming and twisting and downright broken._

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

" _Everyone is nice." The girl bobbed her head up and down, lavender colored tresses bouncing with her buoyant rhythm. "And Shinya-niisan is funny~" she folded her arms and gave him a stare. "Totally ridiculous." she bragged whilst grinning widely._

" _Oh really." he snorted, didn't bother to hide his amused smile. "He is?" he humored her with a raised eyebrow._

" _Yep." she popped up the word cutely. "I think I'm going to enjoy it here." she announced then, tone ever so proud._

" _Whatever brat." The black haired man tsked. "Remind me again why you're here?" he asked, glaring playfully at her cheeky face._

" _I'm bored~" Shinoa pouted. "And it's your job to entertain me~!" her eyes sparkles, literally, that he had to cringe from the glitters which assaulted his sight with vibrant colors._

" _Like hell it is." he muttered under his breath. "Get lost." cue his infamous cold-blooded, uncensored answer._

 _The girl pouted again before she wore a charming smile. "Rude~" she puffed her cheeks. "And here I am, cute little Noa-chan, trying my best to comfort you, a lonely, pitiful, estranged old man." she closed her eyes dramatically and put her hand above her chest. "So cruel~"_

 _The man twitched his eye while his pen was making a pitiful sound like a dying duck inside his hand. "Oh you've done it brat—"_

" _Aha~ I'm just saying the truth~" she countered back playfully._

" _That's it."_

 _He put his paperwork down and reached down to her head, mussing up her hair until it looked like a bird nest. Seeing that she wasn't going to win this petty war they were having, the chestnut eyed girl leaped off from her seat, before she proceed to throw another smartasses comment at him. This ridiculous activity lasted for minutes until the man shook his head exasperatedly, couldn't believe it that a child had outsmarted him._

" _Ne, Guren-san…" she plopped down into the chair, fixing her unruly hair with her fingers._

" _What?" he said absentmindedly, reading his documents with an almost religious perseverance. He was out of the deadline dammit, and he wasn't going to let a freaking child—especially her—made his live even more miserable._

 _Even though she kinda had. But that was beside the point._

" _Everyone is so nice…" he snapped out from his trance when he heard her talking whilst kicking her feet into the air._

" _I know. You've said it." he deadpanned sourly. Just what she's playing at?_

" _I want to stay forever." she continued again, ignoring his rude comment. "It would be nice, to stay here… Shinya-niisan is fun to be with, Sayuri-san is kind, and Shigure-san is a great company…" she titled her head a little to watch the man in front of her. "And you're not really that bad either, Guren-san." she said cheekily, even though there's a hint of bitterness on her voice._

 _He narrowed his eyebrows. "_ _Are you tryi—"_

" _You know," Shinoa cut him over, her gaze dropped into her lap. "I'm not one who enjoys life. I would be happy if I'm surrounded by many, but if such a joyful time finally passed away, I'm going to heed it and smiles like it's nothing." she chuckled a little. "I would say—Ah~ It was great when it lasted, but it's time and I shall bid my goodbye." she smiled. "I would say—until we meet again, I wish you the best, farewell…. just like that."_

" _What's your point?" his eyes stranded for a moment, watching the girl's smile faded from her face. Silence fell among them, and he began to worry that something was wrong with her. It was not her nature to be this quiet after all._

" _What is it?" he asked softly, mindful of his words._

" _I—I don't want to… go. Don't want to say goodbye." Shinoa gave him the answer, shrugging her shoulders off._

" _You're not going anywhere." he reassured her with a patience he didn't know he had. "You'll stay. I'll make sure of it."_

" _I know you will." she paused to catch her breath. "But you see, Onee-sama had gone ahead, to a place I can not reach." she lifted her hand to grasp the air above her, as if she was trying to reach something invisible. "And I know that someday, there will be a time when I have to go. So, if I must—" she paused for a moment, her eyes turned wistful as her gaze travelled outside, into the clear blue summer sky. "If I must, just like you did to Onee-sama, I want you—" she stopped again, and he bit his lower lip when he realized what she meant to say._

" _I want you… I want you to be the one to send me away." she caught his eyes with her own, and she smiled, so guileless and brutally honest for a child her age and he? He didn't know what to do beside to watch her talking as if she was going to die._

 _She seemed so old, so, so old in her younger days. A pair of eyes which jaded beyond belief, she looked like she'd given up completely. And she chose him to be her salvation?_

 _How could she do this to him?_

" _Don't say such a depressing things, brat." he dismissively waved off her heartfelt confession, trying to shake the dread away, even though he knew that she was not joking at all when she said those words. "I'm not going to send you anywhere soon, okay?"_

" _Then promise me." she titled her head. "Guren-san, promise me that if someday I turn into something you despise, if someday I turn into her—you will take me to her place." she requested, a smile bloomed beautifully._

 _No._

" _I—I…" what should he say? Everything was so laughable that he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs._ How stupid can I be? _He thought mockingly. She knew everything! She knew everything so why did he delude himself in such a pitiful illusion that she was okay? That she was fine when in reality, she was as broken as a human ever could?_

" _Promise me." she repeated when silence fell between them, begging for an answer._

 _It made him sick. He was sick. He hated this feeling inside his chest, it was like he was promising her death in the future. He couldn't—he couldn't… do this._

 _But he needed to, she needed this._

 _Guren swallowed hard. For the second time in his life, he made a mistake he couldn't undo._ " _I promise."_

" _Thank you." she breathed in, sounding so relieved and saddened at the same time, and he wondered if the time would come when he must live on his promise._

 _He hoped that it wouldn't._

 _How wrong he was._

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Time stopped, blood spilled, but it was _not_ hers.

It was _his_.

" _ **YUU-SAN!**_ _"_ The girl screamed in uttermost terror when the sword meant for her slashed his chest into a bloody mess. Everything happened too fast for her mind to process but he was suddenly here and there was blood, everywhere. "What are you…" she choked back a sob, watching as blood spurted from his mouth. "No… _no_ … please, god…" she murmured, her eyes never moved from the person in front of her.

The boy was chuckling quietly to himself, oddly satisfied with the turn of events. "L-Looks like… we're even n-now... huh?" he turned to look at her, caressing her cheek tenderly as his hand brushed against her tears and hair. "I'm g-glad… t-that you're alive…" he whispered to her ears, his vision began to lose its colors.

"Yuu…" Guren gazed at the blood on his sword with disbelieving eyes, his body frozen in place. "What have you done….?"

"I—I b-better…" he coughed up blood, sinking low into his knees before he fell forward, into her. "I better off d-dead… than watch her d-die..." he gave the man a side glance, a big smile adorned his face even though he was in a brink of dying.

"You can't… you _can't_ die… no… _please_ …" Shinoa whimpered as she held him inside her arms, her tears falling like raindrops as she tried to stop the bleeding with her trembling palm. But no matter how hard she tried, the blood kept on seeping past her fingers and she didn't know what to do because—

 _( he's dying )_

"No. No… _**NO!**_ " Shinoa trashed around in agony, her eyes glowed bright red. "I don't— _not like this!_ I don't want—" she clutched the fabric of his uniform tightly. "Why? Why why why why _**WHY?!**_ " she chanted like mad, the pain which pounded on her every inch was nothing compared to what she was feeling right now.

This desperation, _despair_ , inside her was eating her alive.

It made something within her crack into pieces.

Her hysterical cries escalated, wind howling rapidly around her damaged form as she cradled the boy close.

Guren cursed loudly, finally snapped out from his trance when a strong blow of air knocked him down. "She went berserk… she went berserk goddammit!" he hollered. "Shinya, Kimizuki, get him away, _NOW!_ "

"WE CAN'T!" Shinya screamed back, he was trembling on his ground when another blast of energy whisked him out. It was also the same with Kimizuki, he was also struggling with all his might to stand still. "We can't get near! She's too strong—"

" **NONONONO!** _WHY I DON'T—_ _ **HE CAN'T!**_ " her killing intent was flowing all over the place that they'd to shiver from her raw power.

"Shinoa—SHINOA _LISTEN TO ME!_ " The violet eyed man hollered from a safe distance. "LISTEN—YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN!"

"SHINOA-CHAN!" Shinya shouted desperately, trying to get close again. "Please _don't_ do this! Please calm yourself down!"

"SHINOA! THAT IDIOT IS FINE!" Kimizuki roared. "Come back to your senses already!"

" _ **NO!**_ " she screamed back. "He's—he's going to die!" she spat venomously as demon's characteristics started to appear that there's fangs protruding from her chapped lips. _"_ _ **BECAUSE OF ME!**_ _"_ a sudden gush of wind suddenly swept them up harshly that they were forced down to their knees.

"PLEASE— _ **LISTEN TO ME!**_ _"_ Guren desperately tried to moved, but she was too strong. No, the _demon_ power was too strong. Too damn strong that he couldn't even stand on his own feet. "He's—Yuu is not going to die!"

"YOU LIAR! He's going to—"

 **ba-... dump**

What was that?

 _Heartbeat?_

Shinoa paused in midsentence when she felt him shifted, her blast of energy stopped raging as she watched him blinking lazily. "Yuu-san…?" she whispered when he tugged down her hair gently, wordlessly asking her to stop.

"I'm not go–ing… to d-ie….. not now, or… ever so…" he choked back a groan as he forced himself up from her arms. "S-See? Not going to….. die, that's why—that's w-why you have to… come b-back. C-Come back… with us." he said weakly.

"I—I can't… it's too late, it's too late Yuu-san and I—" she blinked back tears, shaking her head in despair.

"Will live!" he cut her over, gripping her shoulders tightly. "You will live!" he flinched a little when her raw, mantle-like energy began to seep into his gaping wound. "I w-will not… I will not l-let you die… in a place l-like this!"

"Yuu-san….." she muttered abashedly, looking at him with her doe eyes.

"You will… live." he said between harsh breaths, taking her into an embrace. "You will live… I'll make sure of it." The emerald eyed boy mumbled as he buried his face into her hair. "I promise."

Hearing such sweet words from him made the horrible, bitter feelings inside her churned into nothing, and the world which had lost its color began to spark with shades that she had never seen in her entire life. It was beautiful, too beautiful that it's blinding.

A smile bloomed on her face like a first day of spring when she felt warmth began to spread throughout her body in gentle stream.

She forgot that it was not her time to go _yet_.

"Thank you…. Yuu-san..." she gave him a subtle clench as the crimson of her orbs fading into their usual bronze. "I'm sorry… I made you…. worry." she murmured against his neck, her eyes fluttered shut gently before she slumped weakly into him. "I made you… remember bad memories… I'm sorry… so… rry…"

Yuichiro could only hold back his tears from falling as his grip tightened even more, but then his consciousness began to drop as the pain finally took its effect on him. The last thing he saw was their comrades marching into them, before his eyes closed in bliss, his arms still curled around the lavender haired girl protectively.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _( send me away properly, would you?  
i always do  
i better off d-dead… than watch her d-die...  
you will live… i'll make sure of it )_

He closed his eyes as the images kept on playing inside his head like a broken record. It'd been days, and he still couldn't shake the sick feeling away. He could still picture her dull chestnut eyes, her broken smile, his pained face, and the way his sword tore his flesh away without mercy. He could still smell the crisp air, the fear which lingered around him, and the sharp scent of blood and broken metals. He could still hear her chocked sobs, his anguished cries, and his own furious screams.

He was disgusted with himself, so, _so_ much that he wanted to vomit all over the floor.

It was too cruel. First was Mahiru, and now _them_.

 _How funny_ , he mocked.

"...ren? Hey, do you hear me?"

He was so focused with his thoughts to have it broken by his presence. He cracked an eye open, and just like what he'd expected, it was _him_.

Shinya.

"Guren, how are you?" he tapped on the man's shoulder, seeking his attention but he gave him none. He exhaled when the man ignored his call again. "Ne Guren, are you okay?"

"Fine." he grunted reluctantly, shrugging his shoulders off. "Just… I'm fine." he said quietly.

"Good then. You worried me. I've been calling you for five minutes, you know?" he forced a smile on his face. "What about them?"

"What about the mission?" The man bit back, closing his violet eyes. It was easy to conduct that he was clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

The pale blue eyed man sighed tiredly, but made no movement to press the topic further. "We've got it covered. It was a messy attempt, but we did secure a good number of weapons. Narumi and Iwazaki are safe, but they're hurt quite badly." he frowned. "If I'm not mistaken it was the same creature which attacked Shinoa. At least we can assume so by… the remnants of their… body parts." his frown deepened even more. "The higher ups were asking for your attendance though, you better make it or they will throw a fuss again."

"I know." he clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Those bastards should get that stick outta their asses or someday they'll get castrated for sure." the man grumbled sourly, dreading every thoughts regarding his upcoming trial with the 'bastards' as he'd put it.

"Yes~ Yes~" The bayonette user laughed good naturedly at his friend's aversion, it was quite amusing if he'd to admit. "But those _bastards_ ," he emphasized nicely, "Will kill you for sure if you don't show your face in front of them by tomorrow." he slung his arms around the man to have it swatted off ferociously.

"Sheesh, I know that already. Don't have to rub it on my face." he grumbled, face sour. "Should've drop dead… those assholes…." he muttered under his breath.

"Language, Guren." Shinya punched his arm blithely, thought his grin couldn't mask his amusement. "Need I remind you that those assholes—"

"Shinya?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Ahaha~ you hurt my fragile heart Guren~" Shinya laughed again at his apparent dismay.

"Fragile heart my ass…." The black haired man glared hole into his face before he sighed. "Stop it, Shinya. I told you I'm fine already."

The said man stopped for a moment, staring blankly at the wall beside him. "You're not. You're _not_ , Guren. I've know you long enough to pick up your habits. You're not fine and I'm not going to leave you alone, so talk." his tone dropped a few degrees as he stared at him with eyes as cold as ice that it could practically give a normal person goosebumps.

But sadly, Guren wasn't a normal person so he stared back, eyes equally icy.

"Guren…." Shinya clicked his tongue in annoyance, he knew that the man was too stubborn to admit it, but he was too soft hearted for his own good. "Please, talk to me—"

"About what?!" the black haired man snapped, "About _what_ , Shinya? About how I tried to kill Shinoa, but hurt Yuu instead? About how I almost killed the two of them? Or about how everything's so fucked up just like eight years ago? What?" he gritted his teeth. "Tell me already, what _should_ I say?"

"Stop moping." for the first time in his live, Shinya felt like hitting his friend for his idiocy. "Do you think they would be happy seeing you like this? Do you think she would wake up if you blame yourself? Do you think that—"

"I KNOW!" he glared heatedly. "For fuck's sake I know that! But can you blame me for this? She's in _coma_." he hissed low, "A _coma_ , Shinya. We don't know when she would wake up, if she _could_ ever wake up at all." he clenched his palm, the nails of his fingers embedded deep into his raw skin until it drew red.

Shinya paused, his face devoid of any emotion. "She is." he said then, agreeing with him. "But you _don't_ know for sure."

"No, I know enough." Guren seethed in fury. "It's the same with Mahiru. But I don't fucking understand why it happened to her, of all people? Demon's blood may flow in her veins, and maybe she's also the weakest when it came to possession but she _doesn't_ have two freaking demons inside her mind like her sister did. So why? _Why_?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you." Shinya dropped his gaze into the man's pair of amethyst orbs. "Did something happen to her? Something… strange? There must be a reason for this."

"I don't know…" he shook his head helplessly, "Dammit, she's… Shinoa's a merry brat as always, and nothing happ—" he stopped, eyes widening into saucers.

"Guren?" the blue eyed man asked, worried that he'd gone mental.

"That mission." was his simple answer.

"What mission—oh, _that_ one. They certainly did a number with th—wait." now it was his turn to open his eyes wide. "That mission, it must be that mission." he shifted his gaze into the other occupant beside him.

"What is it? What do you mean?" he furrowed his eyebrows into one.

"Remember that incident?" Shinya tapped on his stomach lightly, his eyes filled with anxiety. "Yuu said that Shinoa was _stabbed_ , and the wound was grave but it's miraculously healed in short period of time. It was quite a large wound too, and to be able to heal it that quickly—"

"Must be a demon." Guren inhaled sharply, "But I don't know how. Her demon is Shikama-doji, it doesn't have any shittin' abilities in healing, especially _that fast._ " he stressed out.

"Then could it be…." Shinya trailed off, a bad feeling weighed down his heart.

"Another demon." The black haired man continued, eyes widening in horror. "There's another demon inside her mind, that's why—" his eyes widened even more.

"She went berserk, just like Mahiru did." Shinya interrupted, voice whisper-like.

"But how?" he raked a hand through his midnight colored hair. "How could she have managed to bind another demon without us knowing?"

"I don't know Guren…." Shinya frowned, the bad feeling grew even more. "I don't know…. we can only wait."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _"W-Wake… up— ..re you.. fi—ne… –Yuu-kun…?"_

The jade eyed boy fluttered his eyes weakly, but flinched away when a bright light suddenly shone through his eyelids, burning his retina with fire-like scorch. He blinked his eyes numerous times to sharp his sight, and found three worried faces looming above his battered form. He blinked again to adjust his vision, everything was still blurry colors and hazy phantoms against his eyes.

"YUU-KUN! I'm so glad that you're alright!" Those kind words and soft voice, tufts of brown hair, it must be Yoichi.

"Yuu… you idiot… don't make me worry so much, you stupid head…" Girl's voice, a blond blob, definitely Mitsuba.

"Baka-Yuu.. I swear you're gonna be the death of us someday…" And why would he'd ever forget about that prick Kimizuki, his hands were itching to plant a fist right on his annoying face.

"Stupid… bastards…" he chocked down a groan. His head was killing him. "Help me up... would you?" he asked, half-requesting, half-demanding.

They did as they were told, and the boy finally sit on his back against the headboard, occasionally wincing and twitching when pain surged through his body like raging flames.

"What happened….?" he asked. "Where I am…?" Everything seemed like a hazy pictures inside his head, there was him, and then blood and red and—

The three of them shared a look, didn't sure what to say. "Well, we don't know what exactly happened but—"

"Shinoa." They flinched when he uttered her name with distress. "Where is she?" he grabbed the nearest person's hand, which unfortunately was Yoichi's with an iron grip. "Where is Shinoa? What happened? Is she okay?" his questions came after one another, his eyes widening in terror.

"She's… Shinoa-san is okay, Yuu-kun. But… but we can't see her right now because she's still healing…" Yoichi bit his lower lip when he felt a little pain on his arm. "I—at least… they'd said so…" the last part was said with uncertainty and slight worry.

"What do you mean?" The boy asked again, "What happened to her? She's alive, right?" he stared at them, desperately waiting for a response.

"Shinoa is…" Mitsuba mumbled quietly under her breath, her voice too small that it was almost hard to catch. "She is in coma." she shut her eyes tight as he dropped the bomb.

"Coma…?" he whispered softly. "She's…" he gulped down a lump inside his throat. "How many days…?"

There was silence as no one of them was brave enough to tell him the truth, until Kimizuki balled his hand into a fist and broke the stillness with croaked voice, "Weeks." he said. "It's been three weeks."

Yuichiro didn't talk for the rest of the day.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Kimizuki, go have an inspiring talk between men with him." Mitsuba declared out of the blue.

He chocked on his spit. " _Pardon?_ "

"Go have an inspiring talk between men with that idiot." she deadpanned flatly.

"Excuse me?" he couldn't exactly believe his ears. It was too bizarre for his brain to comprehend. Where's Yoichi when he need him? "An inspiring… _what_?"

"An inspiring talk between men, or you prefer between boys?" she tilted her head. "You can call it a 'bro to bro talk' or whatever it is they call it these days. Just— _go_ , give him a pat on the back or a manly hug. I don't care. Just—just _fix_ him." she flapped her hands around, gesturing ambiguously.

He gave her a look of 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me' coupled with an intense laser glare but the girl swatted his menacing eyes away without even batting an eye. "Fix. Him." she emphasized each word sharply, pointing her index finger rudely to the moping boy who was busy staring at the bright, blue sky with empty eyes. It was no secret that the boy was depressed like shit.

"What the hell are you talking abo—GODDAMMN WOMAN YOUR NAILS! Your nails!" he shrieked like a little girl when she dug her fingers into his shoulders. "Dammit what's wrong with you?!" he snapped.

"Listen to me, you dimwit." she leaned in closer to level the boy's eyes. "You go have an inspiring, heart-wrenching and _deep_ conversation with him or I'll kick you hard in the place where the sun doesn't shine. Copy that?" she smiled homicidally.

He shuddered from the killing intent she was waving around. "C-Copy t-that."

Sometimes he forgot that woman was a scary creature which couldn't be crossed. And when they said _couldn't_ , it meant just-copy-whatever-hell-she'd-in-store-for-you-or-die.

"Good." her bloodthirsty grin replaced by a rainbow-sunshine smile in a matter of second as she skipped to the door with spring on her steps. "Do you job properly okay?" she turned at the door, smiling prettily. "If you don't—" her smile faded into a feral grin as she made a moving motion of slitting her own neck which scared him to bits.

Kimizuki cowered on his toes, nodding his head vigorously to the epitome of doom, praying quietly that she would be gone, and fast. Seeing his obedience, the amethyst eyed girl smirked before she walked out with agonizingly slow steps. He was sweating bullets by the time the blonde haired menace disappeared from his eyes. Damn women and their tendencies to be downright creepy.

Inhale. Exhale.

Okay, let's do this.

"Ahem." he cleared his throat exaggeratedly, but the idiot didn't even move an inch. " _A_ _hem._ " he tried again, this time louder, but the idiot still ignoring his presence.

"Oi, Baka-Yuu."

Ignore. Ignore. _Ignore._

"Yuu." he dropped the pet name, trying a nicer approach.

 _Ignoreee._

Okay, that's it.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Oi Baka-Yuu!" Yuichiro snapped out from his trance when a hand shook his shoulder roughly. It was Kimizuki, that bastard. Couldn't he see that he was not in a mood to start a fight?

"What do you want?" he spat out venomously, more harsh than he intended it to be. The bespectacled boy winced a little, then he sighed.

"You need to stop this." he said, giving him a look.

"Stop what?" he shot back, irritated. "Mind your own business."

"Moping." he said flatly. "And your business is mine." he added after a second.

"I'm not moping." he contradicted him, throwing his gaze out the window. He was not moping, at least he thought so. It's just… the whole thing with Shinoa had taken its toll on him. He needed to see her, to convince himself that _yes_ , she was okay, and _yes_ , she was very much _alive_. But that bastard Guren didn't even give him the permission to leave this cursed place just because a stupid reason that he's still healing.

Damn him.

"You are moping, can't fool me you idiot." Kimizuki sighed tiredly, dragging a chair near his bed for him to sit. "Just—help me alright?" he raked a hand through his hair. "If you don't talk, we won't know what's wrong with you."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" he gritted his teeth, "Stop putting words in my mouth!"

There was silence as the peach haired boy massaged his forehead, clearly tired out from this argument they were having. "I don't—" he paused, groaning quietly. "I—Come on, I'm not good at this, but _I was there_ with you. I… I—There's something slightly amiss with you. I noticed it, y'know." he shrugged. "After that mission… something changed between the two of you. And you're acting weird, and so did she and I don't know—" he paused again. "I just… _we_ don't know what to do anymore, but I was there and I saw everything and also… I want to apologize." he sighed. "For holding you back, for agreeing to… you know. I just… I'm sorry." he bowed his head low, ashamed with his past action.

 _Why he's telling me this?_ Yuichiro thought as he shifted his eyes to stare at the guilty boy with unreadable eyes. If he was to be honest… he was quite shocked to hear him apologize, and above all, to _him_. But after that mission, nothing could surprise him anymore so instead he exhaled a long breath, preparing himself to talk.

At least he needed to return the favor, right?

"You don't have to tell me that, idiot." he muttered. "I know you didn't mean it. I—It's me, my problem. I can't—" he paused to catch his breath. "I… after that mission when she'd almost died…." he trailed off, looking at his palms wistfully. "I can't bear it—seeing her hurt, watching her in pain. It hurt me." he chuckled bitterly,."I told myself over and over that I'll keep you guys at arm length, but I guess it's impossible huh?"

Kimizuki gave him a pained smile, and the emerald eyed boy grinned weakly at him. "Should've known since the beginning that it was impossible, but I'm happy… you guys are my family, and it feels right." he touched his chest gently. "But she's… Shinoa… she's _different_. I don't know how to say it, but her presence is different from Mika, Guren, Yoichi, Mitsuba... you…" he halted for a moment. "I can't name it. I don't even know what to call it." he sighed, combing his coal hair between his fingers.

"How different?" Kimizuki asked, suddenly intrigued with the boy's answer.

"I don't… know." he said feebly, knitting his eyebrows together when the image of her beautiful smile and heartbreaking tears mashed up inside his mind like a joined movie. He didn't know why he'd suddenly remembered the way she would bit her lower lip slightly or the way she grinned widely at him, her eyes twinkling with mischief. It was... weird. _He_ was weird.

"Shinoa's… different from the rest of you. I can't help but realize every little thing about her. I can't help but want to help her. I can't help myself but _notice_ her." he recalled the time when they were sitting side by side, with rain as their lonely companion as they were talking with hushed voice about her, about him, about pain, about sorrow. She looked so sad back then, and it made his chest hurt when he remembered it all.

"I can't leave her alone." he blinked as her image flashed on his head for a countless times that day. "It's hard to understand, but… she's always there. I always crave her presence, and when she's not where she's supposed to be, I'd got… this feeling on my stomach. The need to see her was too tempting that it's sickening. I just… losing her… it's not something I want to experience…." _ever again_ , Yuichiro thought, as he leaned back to the headboard, his eyes downcast.

Kimizuki watched him—and this time he really _watched_ , as if he was trying to solve a difficult piece of puzzles which scattered in front of him. It was hard to interpret his words. They were too vague, too obscure and he didn't want to jump into conclusion that quickly. But if he could then—

"Yuu." he began with even tone. "What do you feel about her?"

"What I feel…?" he wondered, his eyes widening in wonder when words stuck inside his mouth. What did he feel about her? She was… Shinoa. She was _simply_ Shinoa and she's rude, playful, sometimes annoying but she's also kind, compassionate and strong—yes, she's _strong_. She was Shinoa…. and she's his _family_ , right?

"I—I…. I don't... know."

The bespectacled boy released his breath, maybe it was too fast for the weight of his own words to sink down. "Just think about it, yeah? About your feeling, about her, and about you." he requested, a tired smile stretched on his face. "She's asleep right now, use the time to work on your own feelings, and when she wakes up, you have to talk to her. Get things straight." he advised him, cracking another smile.

The green eyed boy nodded his head slowly. "I guess you right. T-Thank you…" he muttered, almost tripped on his tongue when he realized who he'd thanked.

"No need to thank me, you idiot." he scoffed. "Family takes care of family, remember?" he mocked him playfully.

"Yeah, yeah." he chuckled and for the first time in days a sincere smile painted on his lips. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Hm? Where was I?

The last thing I could remember was his face and his warmth, and then… there was nothing.

Did I die? Maybe I did, but I wasn't sure. I came back, didn't I?

I stood on my toes, glancing at my surrounding but the only thing reflected on my eyes was white and white and _blinding_.

It's not that dome, I concluded. But then, where was I? I'd never set a foot in this place before, at least as far as I knew. It was an unfamiliar territory and now, I was stuck here. How unfortunate.

I snorted, since when everything _wasn't_ unfortunate for me?

My feet finally gave up, forcing me to sit on the cold ground. What should I do now? Sleeping? Moping? Staring into nothing?

Really brain, how smart of you. Maybe I should have started that ridiculous sleep therapy a long time ago.

I snorted again, enough of the jokes. What happened again?

I'd got possessed by that creature—no, by Kiyoshi, and then I lost control and begged Guren-chūsa to kill me. He _did_ try, but Yuu-san used his body to protect me and got slashed instead. And now I was stranded inside this stupid place, possibly in coma and Yuu-san was barely hanging on his life.

 _Wonderful_ , I thought bitterly, trying to bury the images away. To forget him, I needed to forget him, at least for a moment, for my sanity.

Sitting here, alone with nothing but silence as my company made me thought about the past events. About how I remembered those horrible tortures or about how I remembered his name out of the blue or about how he was _actually_ helping me get rid of those monsters.

He saved my life. And even thought in the end I couldn't control his power, he did give me a chance to come out from that place alive.

Then, did he care? He did warn me to not enter that room, he _tried_ to save me. He knew that room was bad business, he knew—knew everything. _Everything_ I forgot.

So that's why he'd always told me to remember, remember, remember until my ears bled and my brain throbbed like crazy. I guess I did forget about a lot of things. Maybe that's why he sent me those nightmares? To make me remember?

There were so many unanswered questions. But at least I knew that he did care, at some point.

I closed my eyes.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Ne, tell me why I'm here?" her voice vibrated through the vast landscape. Pearly white swept by her eyes, it was odd that after all the things she did, she ended inside this place again. Meeting _him_ again, how funny.

"Why do you always ask the same thing? I don't know how your brain works stupid." a voice shot back. Ah, there he was, sitting on the lone chair—that _not-_ demon of hers.

"I don't know." Shinoa shrugged nonchalantly. "You seem to know everything, even that time—when I'd almost died. You saved me, really."

"I hate you." Kiyoshi spat out venomously. "You can die for all I care."

"Nah. That's not true." she paused, remembering her earlier musings. "You do care about me, don't you?"

"Like hell I do." he snorted. "You're my vessel, human. If you die, there goes my fucking existence too."

"You care." she clicked her tongue, ignoring his previous statement. "I'm sure about that. If you don't, then I would be dead now."

The cerulean eyed boy gave her an incredulous look, "Are you kidding me? Why do you think you'd almost died in the first place?"

"Because of those monsters of course." she said indifferently, examining her nails in great detail. "Is there any other reason?"

He stared for what seemed like hours before he shook his head, "You're insane. I can't believe this." he bemoaned, "Why the hell—You've changed… I mean… why the hell did you change? You're more—"

"Beautiful? Sassy? Cute?" Shinoa nodded her head benevolently, "I know. No need to inform me." she waved her hand as if it was a common fact.

"Why you…." Kiyoshi twitched his eye. "You ungrateful, impolite, crude little—"

"Kiyoshi." she cut him over. "Care to tell me the truth, now?"

The creature stopped for a moment before he sighed, long and tired. "You still haven't remembered." he said flatly, for it was the harsh and cold fact. "Why I'm not surprised…" he mumbled quietly.

"I do remember," she shot him an impassive look, "I remember the experiment. The pain. The torture—" she bit her lower lip, "I remember your name, at least." she shrugged her shoulders.

"Is that why you're more ease in my presence now?" he asked, his tone blatantly mocking her. "Really princess, if that boyfriend of yours hadn't absorbed my power, you would be dead by now. Or perhaps, you would've turned into a full-fledged demon—just like your sister."

Shinoa was still for a minute, her bronze eyes filled with obscure emotions whilst staring off the distance. Seconds later, her gaze dropped into her fingers as they were tracing warmth which left by her palm. She could still feel his presence. His warmth.

 _He saved me again_ , she thought while smiling tenderly.

The peace was broken by her gentle murmur against the air. "So that's why I'm alive—need to thank him somehow…."

"Hmph, really, how stupid can you be." he snorted loudly when he saw her gentle smile, set on erasing the said smile by making her feel miserable. But to his displeasure, the girl didn't even acknowledge his rude little comment and instead she was lost among her own thoughts. "Oi, don't ignore me, human!" he whined like a child. "I'm talking to yo—"

"You know, Kiyoshi." she interjected. "I'd never thought that I would experience the same thing like my sister."

"You liar." he deadpanned. "You know since the beginning, don't you? You're a bright child, you know that you'll follow your late sister's steps. That you'll turn into one. That's why you made such a ridiculous promise with the pointy eyed man. You can't fool me, dear."

 _Busted_.

"I guess you right." Shinoa smiled sheepishly at him. "I just never thought I'd see the day where I'd got possessed by a demon like my sister. I always thought that I'd turn into one with natural causes, not like her. I thought it would never happen to me, because I _certainly_ didn't have two demons inside my mind like she did." she chuckled humorously."But I was wrong, wasn't I? You're here after all."

"I'm not a demon." he grunted when she gave him a 'are-you-kidding-me' look. " _Fine_ , maybe I am, but at the same time I'm not. Because as far as I know, normal demon certainly _wasn't_ born like I _was_." he muttered under his breath. "I am what you call an _abomination_."

A hitched breath, and then came a snort.

"Abomination… huh?" Shinoa laughed softly. "I like how it sounds."

A pause.

"I still hate you, though."

"Mou, Kiyo-chan. You ruined the moment~"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Kiyoshi, I'm bored." Shinoa complained as her fingers swimming through a sea of lavender-blue tresses. "So bored~" she sang.

"You're so annoying." Kiyoshi groaned when he felt hands messing with his strands of hair. "Can't you stop it?" he grunted when she pulled too strong, his scalp felt like it was burning. "That hurt, princess."

"Not my fault that you're such a boring companion." he swatted off her hands, quite taken by the insult. "Okay, okay. Kidding. Just kidding Kiyo-chan, no need to get all tsun-tsun with me." she poked his cheek teasingly.

"Goddammit…" he cursed in a low voice. "Why the hell I have to— _DAMN IT_ woman that _hurts_!" he gritted his teeth when she yanked up two or three strands off their roots. "I swear to god I will ki—"

"How long do you think I would be in coma?" Shinoa cut him over, candidly ignoring his protest as she titled her head a little. "My friends must be worried about me."

"Dunno." Kiyoshi grunted, massaging his sore head. "Maybe weeks? Or months? It's up to you, really."

"What do you mean?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Well, there's only one case of a dual contractor that I know of, and your sister had certainly brought it down to her grave, not a pretty ending, wasn't it? So I don't really know when you'll wake up. Sustaining two demons inside your head is not an easy thing to do. I wonder how you could maintain that poker face of yours days ago. I'm sure my 'gifts' were not exactly pleasant, weren't they?" he mused out loud.

"It was pretty hard." she admitted honestly. "Then again, my sister _took_ my demon, so it's not like she had two demons willingly, she just… she just wanted to—"

"Protect you?" he supplied blankly. "I know. But even a genius like her met her demise in the end."

"She did." she paused. "It's my fault that she died." she said bitterly, biting her lower lip until it drew blood. The atmosphere around them turned gloomy. "It's my fault that she went crazy. If only she hadn't took my demon away. If only our family is not a power-hungry scums. If only I had died—"

"You know that 'if only' and 'what ifs' can't change anything." Kiyoshi said, tapping her head absentmindedly. "You should let go of the past, Noa-chan."

"I can't." she chuckled weakly. "If I'd let go, I won't be _me_." she weighed down her words. "I won't be Shinoa."

"That's funny coming from you." he cocked an eyebrow arrogantly, as if challenging her into a duel. "Need I remind you that you still forget many things? The memories and also myself—you forgot about it all." he zeroed her a look.

Shinoa gulped hard, now that she'd thought about it, he's right. "I didn't mean to—"

"But you're trying to remember, so it's okay." he chimed in, his lips twitching into a slight smile. "Not what I've been imagining, well, at least it's decent enough."

The lavender haired girl took a breather before she puffed out her cheeks. "You're not going to tell me anything, aren't you?"

Kiyoshi only smirked in response, agitating her even more. He snorted loudly when she puckered her lower lip like a toddler would. "You look ridiculous. Absolutely preposterous." he mock-clapping her.

"Shut it, you squirt." she pouted cutely, blatantly ignoring his _'You're also a squirt!_ ' outrage. "You always tell me that I need to remember, but you won't even help me at all. Aren't you being a little bit irresponsible here?"

"I'm not being irresponsible." he mumbled. "It's not like I don't want to tell you—for god's sake you drive me crazy. You're acting like a freaking toddler, always asking a lot of things." he shook his head dramatically. "Well, back to the topic, I can't tell you anything."

"Why can't you?" she said exasperatedly. "You just—talk. Isn't that easy?"

"If only it's that easy…" he gave her a bitter smile. "Do you know why I'm here? Inside your mind? And of all times, why now?"

"I—I don't…" she knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "I don't… know." she whispered, her voice feather-like.

"Exactly." he nodded his head. "Your memories still remain, yet they're locked away—sealed away, but the said seal began to wear off, little by little and by the time it's gone completely, you're going to remember everything." he moved his hand into his chest. "This seal also keeps me on my place, originally I couldn't speak at you at all, but when you'd almost died that time—remember that nightmarish mission?—you severed the ties, that's why I could contact you."

She was staring at him with blank eyes, like she was trying to figure him out. But then, she dropped her gaze when she realized that digging a hole on his head wouldn't solve her problem. "Who? Who was it?" she decided to ask him directly. "The one who sealed my memories—and you—away from me? And why?"

"That, princess," he grinned widely at her, eyes gazing to a distance. "Is a story for another time."

"Huh?" she scrunched up her nose. "What are you—"

"It looks like your prince charming has come to kiss you awake." he smirked at her shocked expression.

"W-What prince charming?!" Shinoa flushed crimson. She felt like she knew exactly who he was talking about.

"Huh? Do you prefer _boyfriend_ instead?" he cocked an eyebrow at her. "How bold~"

"Why you little—" she growled low, and to his amusement her cheeks reddened even more.

Well, what a surprise. He would certainly stick with the 'prince charming' name calling but now he needed to shut her up.

"Shush," Kiyoshi put a finger on his lips. "Don't you want to hear him out?" he said with a feral grin.

She squinted her eyes at his smug face, "What are you talking ab—"

 _"Hey, Shinoa..."_

Her eyes widened when a familiar voice reached her ears.

It was him.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

OKAY WHAT IS THIS. _WHAT IS THIS?!_ I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN DAMN I SUCK. Ugh, anyway this whole angst-y-ness kinda sucked the soul out of me. Damn, even though angst is actually my favorite, too much depression isn't good for my heart. Anyway, here's the fourth chapter! For any of you who wanted to hunt me down and kill me for the last chapter (and maybe also for this one), just do it. I'm waiting with open arms (TuT).

Well, some of the secrets are finally out from the bag. But I know that there's still a lot of thing to explain, especially about Kiyoshi (it means pure in Japanese xd) origin and that crimson haired boy and the one who'd sealed Shinoa's memories away. But don't worry my dear readers, I'm going to explain it soon, so please be patient okay? AND IT'S ALSO THE SAME WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Mwahahahaha, Yuu finally dreading into dangerous territory, it wouldn't be long until he realizes his own feeling about our resident troll queen. Well, we just have to wait for it to happen XD. And like always, here's the LN spoilers!

Warning: LN spoilers, beware!  
 **what I used from the LN regarding this chapter :  
No.1** Shinoa and Guren already on first name basis since the beginning. The girl was (and still is, maybe even more) certainly a sassy little princess and Guren's a pitiful man. I mean, he got teased by an eight years old femme fatale about his love live. I pity him, I really do… though that one with Mika in tow is way too funny and I cracked up for a good five minutes (He called him a pervert for god's sake, way to go Mika!).

 **No.2** Well, about Mahiru, she did start everything for her little sister. She knew the pain of having a demon inside her mind, especially after she'd gone through puberty, it's even worse than before. She started the whole demon-fiasco thing-y to save Shinoa from the pain and also from their family. She took Shinoa's demon, that's why she's going all no-shittin-me in the novel. And that perfectly explain why having two demons inside your mind is not a good thing. Even a genius like Mahiru met her demise in the end. But yeah, I admit she'd got sidetracked in the process, especially with Guren and the development of kiju. But still, at least she did everything she could.

 **No.3** Shinoa's demon is a black demon series, just like Mahiru's (which was Ashuramaru, or Ashura Tepes if you read the last novel. Now, that would make another connection between Shinoa and Yuu). Both Shinoa and Mahiru were born for an experiment, in which involved a demon possessed mother in the process.

 **No.4** About Shinoa's maturity, well, she'd got it rough since the beginning. She knows that having an attachment is forbidden for Hiiragis. Still, as a child, she couldn't help but rely on her sister a bit. But she was frighteningly bright and cunning for a girl her age, and that makes me amazed and sad at the same time. Oh well, having a genius as a sister must have a disadvantage at some point.

I think that's all. I hope you enjoy this chapter! And oh, I almost forget, please tell me your thoughts about this chapter alright? I really appreciate it! See you in the next chapter! (^w^)

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	5. heaven lies, hell awaiting

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _you sleep for what like eternity, face white and blue lips  
i wait beside you like it is the end, even though it is not  
memories are always been that fleeting, that short-lived  
yet we try to rake over the ashes, me and him and her and us  
but at some point we forget that it never rains but it pours  
_ _ **.**_

.

we meet, we touch, yet never collide but i hope you will—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ _ **.  
.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:**

Hello minna-san *waves shyly*

 **I'm back** , I'm back! I'm back to tell you all that **I'm still alive and breathing** , though my soul is _half-half_ and don't make me start with my sanity (TuT). I'm going to warn you, this chapter is going to be **all mushy and feely stuff**. Need to work with their feeling, _somehow_. It's a really, **REALLY** hard thing to do because…. Well, to put it bluntly, both of them are _emotionally stumped_ (no, I'm not kidding, it's the truth, y'know?).

Anyway, here's the **fifth chapter**! It's such a surprise that I can update this fast ( _I mean, just in eight days?_ ), I thought it's going to take _weeks_ but well, you all are such a _dearie_ **thank you for the feedbacks** because without them I couldn't make this chapter a _reality_ ~ **Enjoy reading! (OwO)**

 **disclaimer:  
** I do not own Owari no Seraph or Yuu ( _damn_ ) or Shinoa ( _double damn_ ) because I'm very much sane, thank you.

 **.**

.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Yuichiro was standing beside the glass window; slender fingers against the transparent surface as his eyes wandering outside, into the starlit sky and smiling moon which sowed on the midnight blue yonder. The pearly white sphere loomed above him like a candle illuminating a pitch black room, its silvery light bathed his body with lustrous fluorescent glow. Tonight by no doubt was beautiful, remarkably so, and yet; he still couldn't stray his thoughts away from her.

From her— _Shinoa_ —a girl he didn't know how to feel about.

 _( what do you feel about her? )_

He leapt back, balling his hand into a fist that his nails grazed across his palm, and it brought forth pain throughout his nerves; but he paid it no attention and instead, he tightened his grip even more.

It drew blood. It hurt.

 _But it's okay_ , he mused. It was okay. It was better than—

He bit his lower lip when her image flashed in front of his eyes like a movie.

The pain was better than seeing her face inside his mind again. She was crying, sinking down to her knees. She was twisting, and scrunching, and wrenching into a mess—her agonized sobs were painful, and excruciating, and downright broken, and he—

Yuichiro couldn't bear it.

The pictures came and passed by, her and her again—always her. It was always her. _Why always her?_

 _Shinoa was different_ , he tried to tell himself. Shinoa was special. Shinoa was _significant_ ; _important_. He needed her like he needed air, he needed her like he needed water. She was a breather, his place to lean on, and without her, everything changed. Without her, he was incomplete.

So, what was she to him, exactly?

Shinoa was a twinkling laugh which reiterated inside his ears like chiming bells; a blurred personification of his lost, painful childhood. Shinoa was streaks of sunset overlapping behind his dull curtains; shone with dimmed light, golden strips on his pale, translucence skin. Shinoa was a desperate cry of _please open your eyes,_ and _wake up please please please wake up;_ a river of pelting teardrops; two pairs of trembling, delicate arms around his chest. Shinoa was a lucid proof of normality; of sarcastic smiles and biting jokes and cutting edge. Shinoa was _home_.

But Shinoa was also a girl he didn't know how to feel about.

 _( what do you feel about her? )_

It was confusing—he was confusing. Everything seemed like a monochrome frames against his eyes, but when she came into the picture; it was suddenly seven colors and vibrant hues. He didn't understand it, not even a bit. Shinoa was not like Mika; Shinoa was not like Guren. Mika was family; Guren was family. Shinoa was _family_ , and at some point, she stayed as _only_ family.

But then came the time when she _was not_.

Not a family, but something, much, _much_ more than that. _So what was she?_

 _( at some point between his rhetorical questions, a fleeting phrase flashed across his mind. it screamed care-love-smile-love-you-her, but he blocked his ears and tried again; a second time; another answer, an easy answer which he could understand, please?_ )

 _Shinoa was different_ , he told himself again stubbornly. And he, Yuichiro, was _also_ different.

Yuichiro wondered what changed between them.

No, he wondered what changed _within him_.

Before, it was crystal clear. He was a boy; who'd lost everything, and broken, and fractured, and damaged, but then he was granted a second chance to love and to be loved. He was a boy; who'd been gone and disappeared into nothing, but resurrected back, and patched, and glued together. He was a boy; who'd scorned bonds and family—

But now, he was the one who desperate enough to do _anything_ to have them back.

To have _Shinoa_ back.

The boy fluttered his eyes shut, the feel of her warmth lingered over his skin like a lover's caress.

 **.**

 **.**

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _He is confused, just like a child who sees the world for the first time. This whole thing is new for him—an alien kind of thing, in which he can't determine whether to run like hell, or catch her inside a deathlike grip and never let go."  
_ " _He does not want to change anything. It scares him, the changes. But no matter how much he tries to deny it, they've changed."  
_ " _They are too far to come back, too deep to resurface, too close to bring the distance again."_

.

" _She is definitely precious for him."  
_ " _He said it before, she is different, and now he is at a loss as to what to do."  
_ **-Kimizuki Shiho-**

* * *

 **the fifth memory  
** [heaven lies, hell awaiting]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"I'm going to see her." Yuichiro announced blankly, and in response they stared at him like he'd sprouted two heads. The three-fourths of them shared a look, he was asking the same thing like yesterday, and the day before, and _the day before_. Silence fell among them, before a raw of agitated sighs exited their mouths in unison. How many times he'd ask again until it drilled into his mind completely that he could _not_ meet her now?

"You can't, idiot." Kimizuki exhaled, giving him a weak glare. "We're banned from her room, remember?" he shook his head in exasperation.

"So?" Yuichiro drawled back, lifting an eyebrow. "You think I care?" he growled.

"Baka…" The only girl inside the room frowned, "We can't visit her. We've said it a countless times before, Guren-chūsa _didn't_ give us the permission to access her room, and on top it all you're still healing." she sighed, tired. "Please pay more attention at your health, that wound is not something to laugh of. You need to rest for the time being."

"You think I care?" The boy repeated again, fixing them a harsh glare before proceeding to stand from his hospital bed. "It's enough waiting on my part. I'm going to talk to Guren again." he said stubbornly, walking with wobble feet to be stopped by Yoichi's hand.

"You have to rest, Yuu-kun." he murmured softly, as if talking to a child. "We will ask Guren-chūsa, but you have to stay." he persuaded the persistent boy, tugging on his arms gently.

"You don't understand Yoichi." Yuichiro stressed out, "I _need_ to see her." he rasped out, his eyes pleading at him. At _them_.

Mitsuba made an annoyed sound at the back of her throat, "How many times we need to tell you that he—"

"If he ignores me like he did you, I will take drastic measures." The emerald eyed boy interrupted her. "Even it means I have to _personally_ drag that idiot from his office with my bare hands." he said coldly, to which they responded with widening eyes and gaping mouths.

He was so _unbelievable_ that it's ridiculous.

"Why are you—" Mitsuba paused, biting her lip. "I've had enough of this! You always— _always_ so stubborn!" she lashed out at him, finally fed up by his antics. "Shinoa is in coma! Even if you can see her, there's nothing you can do besides watching her sleeping like a corpse!" she glared ferociously at him, hundreds of feelings weighing on her senses. "There's—there's _nothing_ …!"

Yuichiro unconsciously clenched his palm until his knuckles turned pale, but he didn't make any move to stop the raging blonde. Seeing this— _this_ blank exterior upon his face only made something inside Mitsuba snapped from an unknown tension.

"Say something you bastard…" she staggered forward, closing her eyes tight. "I'm telling you there's nothing you can do beside _watching_!" her veins pulsed against her neck, " _NOTHING AT ALL!_ " she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Her outburst left a tangible taste of bitterness in the air. Yoichi and Kimizuki stilled, as torrents of fury, sorrow, and agony mingled into one; crushing them under its heavy pressures, their eyes never leaving the frozen boy who was hiding his eyes under his bangs. It was not too visible, but they could see his shoulder trembling with a plethora of emotions they didn't want to know about. He was shaking badly, whether in anger, or desperation, but one thing they knew—

She had crossed the line.

"M-Mitsuba-san please—" The meek boy held her back from going further, but the girl shrugged off his hand, harshly, from her shoulders.

"I've had enough Yoichi! It's him the one who needs to understand!" she spat venomously without moving her eyes from Yuichiro, "This idiot _needs_ to know that he has to stop this! It's always her! Shinoa this, Shinoa that—" she blinked back the tears when pain shot her heart like a bullet. "Always, _always_ her." she chuckled bitterly, a rasp in her voice. "You're hurt too!" she paused to catch her breath, "Think about yourself you stupid idiot! Don't worry about her when you're still hurting! Worry about _yourself_!"

Kimizuki gritted his teeth, even though he knew that she was just trying to help, her words were not something he wanted Yuichiro to hear. That boy had enough pain on his plate, had enough sorrow to last for a lifetime; he didn't need her to add salt on his gaping wounds.

The bespectacled boy bristled, walking to her direction, planning to shut her up before it was too late. Because dammit, this was getting out of hand. "Mitsuba you need to sto—"

"—you need to see that you can do nothing to help her!" Mitsuba ignored Kimizuki's warning, fixing her eyes solely into the bowing, silent boy. Her mind was a jumbled mess of grief and rage, it was screaming at her to stopstop _stop_ please just _stop,_ but she couldn't, the words flew from her mouth like honed razor, harsh and unforgiving. "There's _nothing!_ You heard me? _Noth—_ "

" _Mitsuba._ " The bespectacled boy snapped, his tone uncharastically cold. "It's _enough_." he hissed low, manhandling her roughly by the arm.

"Wha—Kimizuki let me go!" Mitsuba struggled veraciously against him, "He needs to—"

" _Shut up._ "

Their hearts stopped beating for a moment when his acrid, grating hiss, interjected her words with such an unnaturally toneless voice. Yuichiro was standing stiffly on his toes, his eyes still hiding behind his curtain of midnight colored tresses; but they could feel the raw, and chilled rage which hidden from their views.

It was _frightening._

 _Yuichiro was frightening._

Yoichi began to bit his lip hard, worried that he would explode and rage, "Y-Yuu-kun—"

"It's true that all I can do is watching." he cut him off, tonelessly. "It was the same back then, I was watching—just… _watching_." he croaked out, voice raspy and raucous from his throat, as though something scratched on its flesh. "But you—you _don't_ … you are the one who _don't_ understand." the said boy whispered through the air, successfully shocking them all with his restrained calmness. "You don't understand _anything_."

Mitsuba gulped down a knot which formed behind her throat. "I—I'm…" she cringed when she realized what she'd done. "I'm just—I don't mean to—"

"You're not there." Yuichiro stated evenly, breaking off his calm posture completely. "You're _not there_ with us—with _me_. You didn't see her drenched in blood, _fresh_ blood." he emphasized cruelly, and saw the girl blanched from a sudden nausea. He smiled, a twisted kind of smile. "You didn't see her crying in utter anguish. You didn't see her writhing and twisting and trembling with so much agony—so much _pain_." he paused, "You didn't see her smiling; it was so broken a-and sad and _fuck_ she was—she w-was _begging_ ," he chocked on his own words, the tears pin-pricked and hot against his eyelids.

"She was _begging_ to be _killed_. _Begging_." His words were nothing but a whisper, a gentle, soft caress to ears that she'd almost missed it.

But the thing was, they caught it. Loud and clear and unmistakably strong.

It sounded like a death march, if they were to be honest.

"And then—and then he… that stupid Guren told me that he _promised_ her to—" Yuichiro chuckled raucously, bringing his hands up to cup his searing, _burning_ eyes. "How laughable, he.… he just… _stood_ there, his fucking sword aimed at her heart and if I weren't fast enough—" he took a sharp intake of breath. "If I weren't fast enough she would be dead—she would be _fucking_ _dead_!" he jerked his head upward, and what greeted them was not something they could ever forget for the rest of their life.

His eyes—his beautiful pair of jade orbs, was brimming with unshed tears; as if the mere memories of that nightmarish day hurt him deep into his heart. His eyes were filled with raw emotions; so much sorrow, so much pain and agony—and in that moment of quietude he seemed so transparent, so lucent, just like a thin layer of glass as one intense feeling pasted clear across his face.

Pain, that was.

Yuichiro was in pain.

There was no word uttered. They were speechless, at least Yoichi and Mitsuba did. Kimizuki was _there_ , after all. He knew, he _knew_ about it all. He saw it with his own eyes, heard it with his own ears, felt it with his own tongue and skin. There was nothing he could name, which could compare to what Yuichiro was feeling right now. There was _nothing_. He was the most hurt. The most broken from them all.

"I couldn't…." they snapped back when he talked again, this time more mellowed than before. "I _couldn't_ protect her—I promised her that she would be okay, that she would survive but _goddammit_ I can't–s-she is—" he inhaled sharply, "You don't understand—you _don't_ understand that I _need_ to see her. I _need_ to be there for her. You _don't_ understand…" he shook his head weakly, "You _don't_ …. understand…" he whispered, throwing his head sideways.

"Yuu-kun…." Yoichi breathed quietly, his eyes began to burn when he watched his friend suffered between his own memories. "I'm sorry…. we—we don't…"

"Damn it." The black haired boy suddenly accursed under his breath, low and vicious, shocking them all. A chocked sound exited his mouth as he lifted his hands upward, wiping his eyes desperately while condemning the flames behind his eyelids. "Dammit!" he spat again, then stormed to the door before they could even blink.

"YUU-KUN!" Yoichi screamed, ready to run after the boy but a hand stopped him, holding him back. He spun his head to stare into a pair of blank magenta eyes.

"Leave him be." Kimizuki said evenly, looking so, _so_ tired behind his ages. "He needs this, believe me." he raked a hand through his head. "Now we need to—"

"I'm sorry…" they shifted their eyes to Mitsuba, who was sagging down onto the cold, tiled floor; sobbing continuously whilst tears marred her flushed cheeks. "I'm _so sorry_ …"

"Mitsuba-san…." The brown haired boy pried his hand from Kimizuki's, his gaze softening into warm chocolate as he crouched over the bawling girl. "Come on…." he gripped her shoulder with feather-like touch. "Don't sit there, okay? It's cold…" he pulled her gently onto her feet.

"I'm sorry…. I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" she sobbed again, the tears blurred her sight into mosaics. She didn't mean to hurt him. She was—she cared. She cared about him so much, _so_ _why couldn't he see that?_

"We know. We understand…" Yoichi whispered, rubbing her back soothingly. "I'm sure that Yuu-kun also feels the same…"

"I'm sorry… so… rry…"

Her painful cries echoed inside the still room, just like shattering glass, and Kimizuki tossed his gaze away from the pitiful sight to the endless expanse of azure sky outside; his heart weighed down with worry for their missing comrade.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Come in." he called out, arranging his documents half-heartedly. The silent, squeaking-like sound entered his earlobe and he winced a little. There was no sound, and he frowned a little. "What is it?" he asked, impatient, while tapping his pen on the wooden table, still not taking his eyes off from the heaps of paper works in front of him.

"Where is she?"

Guren dropped his pen abruptly.

"….Yuu." he lowered his document from his view, and just like he'd imagined, the boy with tufts of black hair much like his own was standing before him, his eyes strangely void and hollow as he looked at him with a passive glance.

"Where is she?" he repeated again, this time harsher.

Guren swallowed, hard. "I don't know what are you talking about."

"Don't fucking lie to me. I'm not stupid." Yuichiro spat out, "Tell me where she is!"

"I won't." The man's gaze hardened like stone, harsh lines upon his face. "I suggest you return to your room right now before I call the nurse to forcefully drag you away."

"Don't fuck with me!" The boy roared, grabbing Guren's collars down to level his eyes with his. "Where is she? Where did you hide her?!"

"It's none of your business!" Guren said through gritted teeth. "Now let go, brat. I'm not going to tolerate your stupid behavior more than this." The violet eyed man moved his face closer, hissing sharply.

"Why you—" Yuichiro wobbled back, flinching under the man's icy glare. "Is it not enough that you've kept her hidden for weeks? Denying her frie— _family_ from seeing her?" he accused, balling a tight fist. "I'm fed up with your lies and secrets. What should I do to see her, what _should_ I do? Tell me." The young boy asked, almost desperate, and for the first time in his life he was lowering himself down willingly.

 _( but what was pride, when he lived in such a twisted world? )_

"You little—" Guren exhaled, massaging his forehead tiredly. " _Goddammit_ Yuu, what part of it that you don't understand?" he said exasperatedly, "I'm not going to keep her huddled in forever! But we're trying to hide her, to _protect_ her from the higher ups here, we _can't_ act recklessly. When everything is finally in order, I will let you visit her—but not now, Yuu. _Not now._ "

"Oh, so you're trying to play innocent now. _Protect her?_ " Yuichiro laughed, a frighteningly cold laugh. "Remind me again who the hell tried to kill her back then?" he spat rhetorically, scathingly.

That shut him up. The violet eyed man flinched under the boy's stare. Hearing his bitter tone and cutting edges made Guren sick on his stomach.

He wanted to laugh so badly, but at the same time he wanted to cry too, because no matter how many times he tried to turn his eyes off the glaring resemblance between him and that ( _unknowing and happy, he could be happy—_ ) boy, the semblance was too much to ignore.

Seeing him, with that tousled raven hair and burning green orbs, so desperate to meet a person he held dear, so honest, so, _so_ honest made Guren remember his past self. Shorter, snarkier, and full of secret, he had been like that too, once upon the time.

But it was a long time ago, long, _long_ time ago when the girl he loved the most still existed.

How he had been happy, so happy, even though it was only for a moment.

 _( late evenings and sunday mornings in his little porch, with sunset overlapping against their liquid gold skin, smearing them warm. they sat there, leaning to the wall, a gap existed in between. there was only a few words exchanged, they did not talk much, silence was infinite for them, after all._

 _but there was smile. littlest of smile and reluctant grin, all mixed together with small, weak laugh but he thought, he thought that it was a laugh, anyway._

 _it was a laugh, and even though it disappeared as fast as it came, he really did miss those halcyon days with her. )_

"What is this? Why the sudden mute?" Yuichiro grinned cruelly, chuckling a little. Guren forced himself to abandon those bittersweet images from his head. Hating himself for remembering her, hating himself to remember in the first place. "I'm not wrong, am I? Don't be such a fucking hypocrite, Guren. I hate people like that the most."

"Stop it, Yuu." Guren sighed, raking a hand through his messy charcoal hair, mussing it up in frustration. "Stop trying to reel me in. I'm not going to snap, or get angry, or whatever you want me to do—"

 _ **BLAM!**_

"Damn you." Yuichiro hissed, finally lost it, backing the man to the wall behind him roughly, watching as he coughed several times, before gulping down air into his empty lungs as much as possible. Yuichiro knew that it was wrong of him to do this, but he couldn't help it. He _needed_ answers.

Guren cracked one eye open, his face twisted in slight pain, but he didn't make any move to free himself from the iron grip upon his shoulders. He just stared back at him, the raging boy, with contempt clear inside his dark eyes.

" _Damn you_." Yuichiro repeated again. "Can't you spare me from your lies? Watching me like this, suffering, _broken_ —is it not enough for you?" he asked, hurting. "What do you want from me, Guren? Pretend that everything is fine? That you've done a right thing? Pretend that it's all illusion? Huh? _What do you want from me?_ " he squeezed out, face twisted in agony.

The man sighed, so tired and wore out. "Nothing." he said. "I want nothing but your understanding. Is that answered your question?"

"No." he shook his head negatively, "Not a fucking bit. Tell me," he paused, "Why did she beg you to kill her?"

"Because she knew that it was a lost case." he robotically answered, ambiguous.

"What lost case?" Yuichiro stressed out, feeling his stomach swirled with nausea. "Even Yoichi came back, _so why couldn't she?"_

Guren froze, looking as if he were in some sort of daze, before he snapped out from his little episode. "It's not my story to share." he said solemnly.

Silence fell among them; the _tic-tac-tic_ sound of a constant ticking clock filled the tense stillness with mild beats. Sunlight blared over the sallow, swaying curtains; the smell of washed-out clothes and fresh picked flowers swarmed their senses as the wind blew soothingly. Time seemed frozen as their eyes captured each other ( _green to violet; austere gaze to somber eyes_ ), and it was deafening, the silence, but it was supposed to be like that, wasn't it?

Yuichiro released his grip, leaning back into his previous position, seemingly old, so, _so_ old in his younger days ( _sixteen summers was his age; how could someone being so young yet old at the same time?_ ). Guren watched, tentatively, as the boy wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, a chocked cries passed his quivering lips in short gasps.

"Yuu," Guren broke the silence, then said; "I'm sorry."

The jade eyed boy chuckled, a throaty kind of sounds, and gave him a bittersweet smile. "Are you happy now?"

"Yuu," he sighed, "Please."

"No, don't give me that. Just—just let me see her, alright?" he begged, relenting. "I'm not going to press this matter anymore, just let me see her."

"I can't do that." The man muttered. "You have to understand this. You have to wait." he paused, "You _do_ understand, don't you?"

Yuichiro bit his lower lip, trembling, his gaze turned downcast. "You're the one who _don't_ understand…" he shook his head, "I _have_ to see her…"

"Yuu please…" Guren closed his eyes, sighing for what like an umpteenth times. "Listen, alright…. You can't see her now, but I _promise_ I wi—Oh _come on_ ," he groaned when the boy's expression turned even sourer, a frown almost permanently stitched on his lips. Dammit, he _hated_ that sheer misery on his face. It was like he'd killed his puppy or something. "Ugh, fine. _Fine_ I'll let you meet her."

Yuichiro's eyes instantly lighted up like a Christmas tree. "Are you serious—"

"Yes. _Yes dammit_ … I'm sure I'm going to regret it later…" the latter was muttered under his breath, "Just—listen to what I'm going to tell you, alright? And when I said listen, I mean really _listen_." he emphasized.

"You have my words!" he chirped like a toddler who'd just won a lottery. His eyes actually sparkled that Guren had to cringe from the… sparky-ness.

"Uh… good." Guren cringed again, making a mental note to pull out a sack of drinks he'd stacked under his desk for emergencies' sake. _This is one hell of an emergency though_ , he thought darkly. "Now let's—"

"—go!" without even waiting for him to finish his sentence, Yuichiro zoomed straight to the door, knocking over a few utensils on his merry way.

"What the…?" The violet eyed man's jaw slacked from its hinges, staring after the dust the boy had left by. "I can't believe him…" he said disbelievingly, almost astonished, before he followed the boy's trail. "That stupid, _stupid_ prat!" he cursed.

Guren moaned into his hand, and whilst he was running like a madman craving for blood, he wondered if it was really a _smart_ choice to say yes in the first place.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 _It's like a light switch,_ Yuichiro thought.

The way his happiness suddenly evaporated from his every being when his eyes landed on her pale, lithe frame, which was lying on the white hospital's signature bed. Eyes closed and skin pale, he hated the wretched picture with all he had, but what exactly he expected besides that, really?

Yuichiro let out a breath he'd held, and put his eyes on her again.

 _Pretty,_ that she was. Shinoa was pretty, she _always_ was and he couldn't ( _and wouldn't_ ) deny that. Her exquisite lavender strands fanned around her like a halo, whilst honeyed light darted through the gap between the curtains into her form. The specks of golden created a beautiful sight when the glorious light bathed her with luminous gleam, its shade complimenting her porcelain skin. She looked like an exquisite painting, alluring in its own way, graceful, but also momentary and frangible.

The boy walked forward, forcing his feet to move, and _move_ as his heart flattened beneath his ribcage. As he carried his steps nigh, he could see her deathlike state, clearly, with his own eyes. She looked… _sick_. Her body was unnaturally thin, the skin of her face clung to her cheekbones tightly—and her wrists, god her wrists were too delicate looking, too frail, and he was afraid that they would break from a mere touch.

Yuichiro moved closer, but still maintained his distance. She was sleeping soundly, her chest heaving up and down together with her soft breaths. She looked almost peaceful, content, no; that's not the word. Shinoa looked _dead_.

He felt his chest tightened at the thought. Seeing her closed eyes, it made him feel helpless, powerless. When she would wake up? He wanted to see her again, alive and healthy, and _not like this_ , _not_ battered and bruised. He hated seeing her hurt.

Gulping down a lump which formed behind his throat, he pulled a chair beside her bed, then seated himself on it. Still maintaining his distance, not too close, but not too far either, he hovered after her still form. For a moment he was tempted to touch her hand, to curl his fingers around hers, but then he pushed the longing away. Settling his hand on her bed, his palms only an inch from hers, he took in a calming breath, long and tired, before he opened his mouth and began to talk.

"Hey, Shinoa…"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Yuu-san…" Shinoa whispered, eyes widening in shock as his voice nudged her ears gently. There was no mistaking that voice of his, Shinoa _knew_ his voice, it was definitely him. _But how?_

"You're in coma, princess. Not in after life. Of course you can hear him." As if he were reading her mind, the cerulean eyed demon snorted when he saw her gaping like a fool. "You know the drill. I think he is trying to tell you something. Just hear him out, will you?" he said, rhetorically.

"H-Huh?" she blinked her eyes in confusion, "B-But how? I mean, I'm in co—"

"In coma, yes?" Kiyoshi waved his hand nonchalantly. "You're unconscious, but it doesn't mean that your brain stopped working altogether. Just enjoy the ride, yeah? Now, shush. I'm going to leave the two of you alone, enjoy your time alright?" he grinned, sharp, and then without further notice he vanished into thin air.

"Eh?" she squeaked, stupefied. "Where did he go—"

" _Shinoa… I'm…"_

She froze when he started to talk again, Kiyoshi was forgotten completely. Her heart began to beat like a block thrown down the stairs. It'd been a long time since she heard him talk. Such a long time that she even forgot how to breathe properly when his voice brushed across her ears in gentle breeze.

" _Shinoa… how are you?"_ His voice sounded foreign to her, it was a little rougher on the edges, and also a bit scratchier than she'd used to. _"I am… I'm okay. Still healing—but, I'm…. okay. We are safe, all of us, if you are wondering."_

"Yuu-san…" she murmured quietly. She could imagine him smiling down at her right now. He was still a softhearted ball of rough skin, still achingly gentle, _suave_ , when he wanted to. _Ah_ , Shinoa thought, after all this time wondering, worrying, _lamenting_ about his state, finally, _finally_ she knew that he was safe. That he was alive and well, and for her, it was _enough_.

" _Things are so boring here…"_ Shinoa heard him chuckling softly, and another realization dawned on her; she missed his laugh too. _"We are on unspecified break until you wake up, and Guren's being a jerk as always so… so I'm sorry that you've been waiting alone all this time,"_ He paused for a moment and she hitched a breath. _"You must be lonely, aren't you? I'm sorry…"_

"Yuu-san…." The bronze eyed girl blinked back tears, why he always managed to make her looked like a gooey, mushy ball? "You don't have to say sorry you baka…" Because, he was here, wasn't he?

" _I…"_ She waited for him to continue, intertwining her fingers together. _"I'm sorry."_ he chuckled again, and she bit her lower lip in return, drawing blood. _"I'm sure that you are sick of hearing sorry all the time, but… b-but I don't know what to say anymore… you are here, but at the same time you are not, aren't you?"_

"I'm here Yuu-san…." she said between quivering mouth, her hands were itching to touch him, to feel him, to make him _see_ that she was _there_ , beside him, _with_ him. "I'm right here…" she whispered, softly.

" _You know what? I have been thinking."_ he began evenly, _"About you. About me. About us."_ Another pause _,_ it made her a little bit worried. What did he want to achieve by saying all of this to her? _"It's a little bit confusing, so bear it with me, will you?"_ Shinoa smiled a bit at this, he sounded so unsure, so embarrassed. She could just picture him grinning like a dork he was, and it made her longed for him even more.

" _I don't want to lie… especially to myself."_ He sounded so determined, so hell-bent that she grew even more curious. _"A while ago, someone asked me about you. '_ How do you feel about her?' _….. he said, just like that."_

Shinoa wanted to ask him what his answer would be, she wanted so _badly_ , but her voice was caught on her throat.

" _I told him the truth, of course."_ A pause, _"I told him that, '_ I don't know' _and then, he told me to think about it again."_ After that he gave out a laugh, _kind of sheepishly_ , she mused. _"I was such a moron, wasn't I? But my answer hasn't changed."_

She blinked owlishly, what did he mean by that?

" _I'm still not sure about my feelings. Even after two weeks of moping around I'm still at loss. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. This whole what-do-you-feel business makes my head hurts. But there's something I'd realized—"_ he inhaled, a sharp intake of breath. _"You're different."_

"D-Different…?" Shinoa felt a burning sensation swept by her face, painting it bright red. What did he mean by different? She was… she was Shinoa, wasn't she? He told her himself, that she was family, so why? Why she was the _only_ one who was different?

" _I don't know why, but for me, you are different from everybody else."_ The heat inside her cheeks intensified again, much, much more than before. Why he was telling this to her? _"I don't want to lose you… you are… important, to me. Seeing you hurt, seeing you in pain—it hurt me. But… but you—"_

 _It hurt me too_ , she wanted to say. Shinoa bowed her head, knitting her eyebrows together. It was the same with her too, when she saw him back then, lying on his own pool of blood, gasping for air as red coating his uniform crimson; she had lost it, hadn't she?

" _You… haven't told me anything, have you? You're always like that, shouldering everything by yourself. Never complaining, always relenting, even when it hurt—"_ he paused, and she held her breath _. "You remind me of Mika, sometimes. You stubborn head, why didn't you tell me that you were hurting?"_

"Yuu-san…" she whispered, wanting to apologize to him. Shinoa knew that her action was wrong. She refused to make him worry over her problems, but it didn't justify her actions ( _her ignorance_ ), it didn't mean that she _had_ to _lie_ either.

" _You're always,_ always _hiding behind your mask, hoping that no one could see, could get past that facade of yours."_ The air around her turned somber, and she thought, _she thought_ , how _right_ he was. _"I wonder, did you ever smile for real? It's always been so fleeting, your smile, that I don't know what to make of it."_

 _Hiding, huh?_ Shinoa couldn't deny that. She was a Hiiragi after all, mask and deception were something she'd learn since birth. And lying, pretending; they were so easy, so darn easy than saying the truth. But she'd always been perfect, her mask _was_ perfect, so why could he see past that facade of hers?

Perhaps it was her smile; her smile was anything but faked. Fleeting, yes, but not faked. Because he was the one who made her life so worthwhile, so how could she not smile from the bottom of her heart for him?

" _Maybe that's why I always looked at you funny…. because there's something I couldn't grasp about you. So, in an act of frustration, I began to watch you when you were not looking….. when your eyes were focusing on something more, more important than me. I began to notice you, that among the countless people scattered around me, you were the first I saw. Back then and even now, what I see first has always been your back."_ There was a pause, and then followed by a soft sigh. _"I always told myself to keep you at arm length, never get too close, but you broke my wall, anyway. You've become my family, my place to lean on, and before I realized it, you've become much, much more than that."_

"H-Huh?" Heat rose up her face again, she didn't like to jump to conclusion that fast, but did he—?

" _What is this feeling called again?"_ A sudden pause, then; _"Um, I think I forget..."_ He chuckled then, embarrassed, and that laugh tickled her skin softly, but at the same time it also made her heart drop into her stomach. _So it was not a…._

Shinoa exhaled, a breath she didn't know she held, and mumbled, "Stupid Yuu-san." under her breath, a trace of smile could be seen on her flushed face. Really, that boy certainly didn't understand a maiden heart, like, _at all_.

" _Well, either that or I don't even know what it's called. Complicated matter is not my favorite subject, you know?"_ She could picture him smiling again, not too widely, but at least it was not forced either. _"But we will figure it out, right?"_

"Yes…. Yes we will." she said, and then, more certain than the last, she vowed; "We will."

" _Na, Shinoa,"_ She gasped when warmth suddenly enveloped her skin tenderly, it was then when she realized that he was holding her palm inside his rough ones, gingerly, gently, and in that fleeting moment, she wondered; were they _always_ that warm? _"When you wake up… let's have a talk. A very long talk, just between us two. I….. Honestly, there's a lot of thing I want to tell you in person, so please, don't give up okay? I think I'm going to bonk my head on the nearest wall if you decide to prolong your sleep any longer, because for me—well…."_

Bonk his head on the nearest wall he said? "Baka Yuu-san…" she muttered as tears formed at the corner of her glassy eyes, threatening to fall down anytime from now. She missed him so much, that stupid head, that reckless boy, that gentle, _kind_ ; Yuichiro. When she could see him again? There was a thank you she hadn't said yet.

" _Shinoa…. I—You…. You always, always brought out the best in me, and right now I need that kind of reassurance, so... wake up fast, would you?"_ Shinoa chocked back a sob, pressing her palms against her searing eyes, it was the first time she felt so needed, so _loved_. _"I'm going to wait as long as it takes. Just—stay strong. There's always people in this world who want you to give up. Don't make their job any easier. I believe in you."_

Shinoa cried then, loose and alone, within the vast landscape of her own mind. She cried; for the strength he gave her, for every word of encouragement he said, for every fleeting compassion and affection. She cried; for sadness which lost within her, for happiness which bloomed inside her, for tranquility which spread through her veins and erased her fear. She cried; for a love she _found_ in him.

For a girl who never let anyone close before, Shinoa had brought him in, unconsciously letting him resided in her heart until he completely rooted deep. She had unknowingly craved his presence, more that she liked to admit, and now, the phase of _'loving is hoping'_ had never been truer for her. Because she hoped, she _hoped_ that the next time she opened her eyes, she could tell him how much he meant to her like he did her.

"Thank you…" Shinoa smiled then, so beautifully, so heartbreakingly, as tears were falling across her face like raindrops. There's a lot of thing she wanted to say, she was overflowing with countless of emotions she couldn't name, but the feeling inside her, inside her _heart_ , was too intense to be described by words so she settled with a simple, and soft; " _Thank you for everything_."

 _( in reality, sitting beside her sleeping form, Yuichiro felt her hand twitched for a split of second. )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

His visits started to become frequent as time passed by.

Shinoa didn't really know about the time ( _there was no sense of hour inside her mind after all, it's all about prediction_ ) but Kiyo-chan said that Yuu-san always came at dawn. He would greet her in the early morning, when the sky was still a shade of pink and purple, and still with his sleepy tone and raucous voice ( _and she supposed he was still in his pajamas too, she liked to see that just once_ ) he would chime _'Ohayou!'_ at her unconscious form cheerfully.

Yuu-san would sit beside her bed, settling himself on the noisy metal chair, and after that he would talk about a lot of random things; from the current weather ( _well, it's always been a bright day, according to him_ ) until a bizarre dream he'd had the night before ( _he dreamt that he was a puppy yesterday, and an apricot the day before; how creative_ ).

Then, when it was past noon, Yuu-san would pat her head gently and then trotted out from the room, once or twice bonked his head on the door's hinges ( _she could hear his antagonized cries loud and clear, seriously, his tendencies to hurt himself was getting alarming_ ), and he cursed. Yuu-san _loved_ it to curse at the poor piece of wood ( _she pitied that door, she really did_ ).

When the cerulean sky began to turn into a smooth shade of orange, Yuu-san would come back, plopping himself again on that not-so-comfortable chair beside her hospital bed, and this time, he would babble about how his day went.

About annoying Guren and bastard Kimizuki ( _that was pretty normal, wasn't it?_ ); about the stupid cafeteria workers ( _she rolled her eyes_ ); about sneaking ice cream from Guren's cabinet ( _she laughed a little at this, because who knew that Guren ate ice cream?_ ); and sometimes too, he would tell her about his exciting rendezvous among the hospital hallways ( _she snorted, only he could say that being chased all around the building by a hordes of mad people with syringes was a fun thing to do_ ).

Yuu-san would stay until sunset, and just like before, he would pat her head again and chimed a simple ' _Be right back'_ before he exited her medical ward, bonked his head on the hinges like always. She wondered why it was only him, though; the one who frequently visited her, why not the others? Didn't they worry about her? They never came into her room, not even once. But she won't jump into conclusion that fast, there must be a reason for their absence, right?

However, it was when the night came that she began to feel restless. At this time of a day, Yuu-san would walk silently to her side, with careful steps; a glaring contrast from his usual boisterous strides that she couldn't even pick up his move at all. Only when he seated himself on the squeaky chair beside her that she finally realized his presence.

The silence and tranquility were not something she associated with his image. Yuu-san was a blaze, fiery and buoyant, and not taciturn. It was…. peculiar for him to be so calm. No, _Yuu-san_ was peculiar when he didn't open his mouth as wide as a plate. He was _Yuu-san_ after all.

She didn't want to sound like a paranoid lunatic or what, but she seriously considering her earlier idea about Yuu-san _not_ being Yuu-san, _at all_. Well, he still talked to her about his day, but it was—boring, flat, and not exactly like his previous exuberant chats. His voice was thick, husky, and deep ( _was his voice always that deep?)_. It was… different, he was different. It made the hair on her skin stood, especially when he was too close for her heart to take.

But they weren't her only worries. Yuu-san had become bolder, and bolder in his demeanor toward her. At the beginning, it was only an innocent grips and nudges upon her hands. Just a fleeting caress; a momentary kind of touch. But then, _then_ he began to brush his hand gently against her freezing skin, melting its ice with his feverish palm. Sometimes it was on her temple, the side of her brow. Sometimes it was on her cheeks, or her button nose, and sometimes, _sometimes too,_ his fingers would brush softly against her lips, and even though it was only for a _moment_ , her heart felt like it was about to explode into a mass of red and crimson fragments.

It's not like she hated Yuu-san's touch, no, if she was to be honest, she kind of liked it. His touch was always gentle, and tender, just like a mother's and it made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it was… nice. She _liked_ it.

But then, it also felt wrong, not because she hated to be touched—

—but because this was _Yuu-san_ she was talking about.

This, was a side of him that she had never seen before. She didn't know this kind of him. She didn't know this person.

And it made her _afraid_.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Yuu, please stop for a moment."

It was a calm and serene evening when Mitsuba appeared before him, blocking his way with her body and stared at him with a troubled look on her face. It was a wonder to find her here, after all out of the vast building, the west hospital wing was mostly deserted from the living, not because it was abandoned, but rather because it looked like something that came out from a horror movie.

It was barren and void like a desert, its walls towered high with squeaky windows opened wide; gauzy curtains floated mystically when the wind blew softly against the windowsill. The hallways were long and narrow, and it created an eerie picture when night came over. The lighting was also bad, and the same went with its ventilation. To put it bluntly, the place was unnerving. Normal people would have gone to the other wings, so why she was here?

"What do you want?" he muttered, clicking his tongue in annoyance. It was a hassle to cross path with her, he needed to get past her somehow if he wanted to go to Shinoa's room. But how could he do such a thing without making her suspicious in the process?

"Where have you been for the past week?" she asked, quite peevish, and Yuichiro bristled, schooling his face into that of a sheer blankness. "You weren't in your room, so where were you?" she pushed again.

He gazed at her, eyes pale and hazy, with something she couldn't decipher; something nameless, _cryptic_ , and said; "It's none of your business."

Mitsuba flinched back from his harsh tone, not used being ignored by this other version of ( _rougher, harsher, colder_ , scarier) him. Why he was acting so cold to her? Did he still angry about their previous spats? "I—Are you… are you still mad because of t-that?"

"What?" he lifted an eyebrow, frowning. Just where in bloody hell she got that idea from? "I'm not mad."

"Then why?" she prodded, genuinely frustrated with his nonchalant attitude. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yuichiro deadpanned, discreetly hiding a grimace, but it was too late because she'd already caught a flicker of recognition inside his eyes. "Tell you what? There's nothing of importance for me to inform you."

The blonde haired girl laughed bitterly, gripping the fabric of her clothes hard. _He's still playing around, huh?_

"I saw you." she said, simply.

His heart dropped.

It was just a phrase, but it was strangely enough, at least, _enough_ to make Yuichiro stopped on his track, his eyes widening into saucers and his shoulders tensed. He was frozen on his toes, his orbs darkened into deep evergreen as a frown made its way on his face. Then, before she could even blink, the boy had dragged her away to a vacant room near their location, slamming its door shut with more force than needed.

"Did you tell anyone?" he cornered her, tone ever so hurried and harsh. "Did you?"

"No." Mitsuba denied, hurt that he dared to suggest such thing to her. She was not someone who would sell her comrades away. The Lieutenant Colonel had told them that Shinoa's current condition was a top class secret, and she would abide by his command. "Of course not. Why would I?" she asked quietly, refusing to meet his narrowed eyes.

The black haired boy exhaled; obviously relieved that his secret was safe. _At least for the time being,_ he thought despairingly. He had promised Guren that he would keep Shinoa's location a secret, even from the rest of the team. He knew that it sounded selfish, no, he knew that _he_ was _being selfish_ —but as long as he could see her, as long as he could sit by her side, even though he could only watch her still form; he would do anything in return.

"Yuu, tell me," he snapped out from his thoughts, shifting his gaze to the girl in front of him. "Why did you lie? Don't you trust me?" she whispered, and in that moment he felt a stab through his chest. He didn't mean to sound like a jerk to her, but he couldn't help but denied her kindness.

"Wait, I didn't—" Yuichiro sighed, raking a hand through his messy hair. "Listen, I promised Guren that I won't tell _anyone,_ okay? It's not like I was lying without purpose, it's just—he made it clear that I can't tell anyone, including you guys." he said, dropping his gaze downwards.

Mitsuba didn't say a thing in response, standing stiffly with her bangs covering her violet eyes. The silence was deafening, but then, the girl suddenly jerked her head up, only to stare at him with an obscure emotion he couldn't understand.

"Do you like her?" she blurted out.

"What?" he asked, his eyebrow lifted in confusion. "Of course I like her, she is my friend." he said sharply, staring at her face as if she were growing two heads at the moment.

"No, not like that." she shook her head, unconsciously biting her lower lip hard. "Do you like, _like_ her?"

Yuichiro stared again, feeling even more confused. "What are you trying to sa—"

She closed her eyes shut, and asked; "Do you love her?"

He stopped breathing. Eyes went unnaturally wide. A sharp intake of breath.

And then, it was suddenly still.

A long, excruciating silence fell among them.

There was no word, no sound uttered, and then she thought, _she thought_ that she was such a pitiful, miserable person for asking such an obvious question when she already _knew_ the answer.

It was clear as crystal for her, what his answer would be.

"Oh." she whispered, fluttering her eyes wide into saucers. Her heart was beating like crazy ( _thump thump thump, it echoed_ ); and her eyes, they were burning, and searing, and scorching with fire against her wet eyelids. Huh? Wet? Why? Why she was crying? Why her chest felt so tight all sudden? She should have expected this, right? She had seen it with her own eyes, so why it felt like she was about to break into pieces because of something she _should have known_ since the beginning?

"I need to go." it was the only thing he said, and without waiting for her answer, he fled the room. Gone from her eyes, just like a passing breeze.

 _( poof she thought, poof and then he was gone. gone, just like those lukewarm tear marks across her face; just like the trace of warmth upon her skin; just like the fading orange sky and her slowing heart beats. )_

Mitsuba leaned back into the wall behind her, before she lost her footing and sagging down into the cold, harsh floor beneath her.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

The wind kept on smacking across his face like a torrent of harsh slaps. He was running, almost soaring from the ground; his body was merely a blur as his feet thumped against the tiled floor before they leaped again into the air. His lungs were burning; his heart was throbbing, so much that it hurt; and his muscles were screaming at him to stopstop _stop_ but he refused to slow his movement down.

 _( do you love her? )_

What the hell was _that?_ What the hell was _wrong_ with him? Why _couldn't_ he answer her question? Why couldn't he _answer_ her? Did he really _love_ Shinoa? Was this feeling inside his heart—this longing, burning flames, was _love?_

 _All this time?_

"Dammit _. Dammit_." he hissed, shutting his eyes tight; the images of Shinoa's smile and Shinoa's laugh and Shinoa's tears and Shinoa Shinoa Shinoa ( _and her again, always her._ _why always her? why why why_ ) spun inside his mind like a broken record. He hated this feeling; it was suffocating, smothering, and burning and—and he, Yuichiro, had never, _ever_ felt something like this before.

 _( do you love her? )_

He opened his eyes wide, then spotted the familiar door a few feet from him, and before he could even register anything, his feet had abruptly skidded into a halt.

 _( do you love her? )_

The jade eyed boy took a step forward, but then backed away again, his boots scraped the smooth tiles beneath him. Why the sudden fear? He had walked through that door a countless times before; pressed its knob down; bonked his head on its hinges; cursed on its surface _so why did he hesitate now?_

Taking in a calming breath, he gripped the handle hard until his knuckles turned pale, then pushed it down.

 _( do you love her? )_

What greeted him was something that he thought only existed in a dream.

A figure he knew so well was sitting on top the mussed up bed, her pale, hazy form gleamed under the moonlight. Her face was turned to the side, the back of her head at him. She was looking out the steel window, her gaze to the starlit sky and smiling moon above. Soft, wild lavender tresses flew gently by the wind as a pair of bronze eyes shone through the darkness; her cheeks slightly flushed pink from the biting cold. Her translucent, porcelain skin glowed with silver streaks.

She was so unreal, just like an illusion, a phantasm. There was only one word to describe her right now.

Beautiful.

 _( do you love her? )_

"Yuu… –san?"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

A-HA, see how **cruel** I can be? This chapter is everything but **sane**. Writing their thoughts was like **riding on a freaking roller coaster**. But well, I kinda half-expected it, because both of them are **emotionally stumped**. One is a boy with trust issue, and another is a girl with mysterious past.

Hell, the boy had lost his family twice, has a family which turned into vampire ( _he's so angsty about it, practically his live goal_ ), has a freaking mutated gene in his bloodstreams ( _episode 11 everyone?_ ), and has a trust issue, don't forget that. **Trust. Issue.**

The boy was a _total_ loner before he met Shinoa and the rest. He didn't trust _anyone_ , even Guren, the one who'd saved him and been there longer. Before it was all about revenge, and now, he has a family to take care of, a family to protect, a family to save, and a girl to come to terms with. Pretty hard life, no?

And Shinoa. The girl had never experienced what it means to have a family who is _very_ , _**very open**_ about his/her emotions ( _no, Mahiru, you're_ _ **not**_ _count. The same goes to you, Guren. And YES Shinya you too you dork_ ), has an apocalypse as a birthday gift ( _basically the end of the world, 25 December, ring any bells?_ ), and now a boy has **suddenly** appeared in front of her, calls her family, then **wrecked** all her hard works in one go ( _building a perfect mark like that is_ _ **so**_ _not easy, and he broke it just like that, the nerve_ ). If I were her, let's just say that suicide sounds _very_ sweet in my ears.

And yep, I'm _not going_ to forget about the rest of the team. Currently, Kimizuki is the **mediator** , the one who holds most of the knowledge about the emotional wreckages around him. Yoichi is our cinnamon roll like always, his presence is **needed in the future** , I tell you. And Mitsuba, _how could I forget her?_ I'm **not** going to be a jerk and **ignore** her crush ( _or is it love already?_ ) on Yuu, _**no freaking way**_.

I respected Kagami-sensei plot, so I will pretty much stick to canon. Mitsuba's involvement could be a good thing for both of them though, but I'm **not going to bash her** , no, _**NO WAY IN HELL**_. I love that blonde chick. I'm going to work with her feelings too, so expect a few heartbreaking moments in the future chapters okay?

Ah well, enough about them. So, what about this chapter? I hope my explanations are good enough for you. They are hard to write, you know? Reviews and feedbacks are loved~ (owo). Now, I'm pretty excited to write their long awaited reunion, finally I can write **one normal chapter** after all the angsts and twists (^u^).

I will try to update fast (maybe in a week just like this one?). Well my schedule is _kinda_ loose for this week so please **wish me luck!** Anyway, there's **no LN spoilers** in this chapter, but in the next chapter I'm going to add a better explanations about Mahiru and Shinoa business (there's a lot of you who asked so yeah). Stay tuned minna-san, **see you in the next chap~ (^w^)**

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	6. exactly where they'd fall

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _her smile is a fleeting brush upon starry skies, painting up silver constellations  
_ _his tears are fragile, glittering pearly dew over starlit black canvas  
_ _they are the wild blue yonder, dawn of hope and silver lining  
_ _stars and crescents are stapled within their eyes,  
_ _bright and shining, they seem like forever  
_ _but in fact, they die far too quickly  
_ _sinking low and low, and then  
_ _turn into the horizon  
_ _ **.  
**_ _ **.  
**_ _ **.**_

our memories are well grounded hopes, but at least will you—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:  
** Hiii Minna-san~ *hiding behind a wall* **Sorry for the late update!** A lot happened…. like, **a LOT.** A thief stole my purse and Note 4, I almost got run over by a truck when chasing the said thief, my mother got into a car accident, my college year officially begins… Oh well, let's just say that july was a hard month for me… (TuT). Well, enough about me, here's **chapter six!** The long awaited reunion~ **And thank you** for the reviews minna-san, **I really REALLY appreciate it!** Love you all! XD. I hope you will like it, **enjoy reading~ (^w^)**

 **disclaimer:  
** I do not own owari no seraph ( _well, I'm just a random girl_ ), or Yuu ( _damn_ ) or Shinoa ( _double damn_ ), or Shinya-bae ( _I wish_ ).

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

* * *

.

.

The light burned her sight. Harsh and dazzling; and somehow it made her think of afterlife, of death, of _purgatory_ but sadly she was not one to die, was she?

She blinked again. White lilies bloomed and flourished against her throbbing eyes, and she woke up with a start; into an entirely different place, a different turn.

Kiyo-chan was not here, she realized.

But Shinoa was here.

And she was alone.

"Shii-chan?" Shinoa whispered, softly, gently, _so_ gently; because she was trapped inside an unknown territory ( _or a jail, she thought, her mindscape was always a jail she couldn't escape_ ) and her heart won't stop beating two miles per hour, and her lungs were burning with flames within her chest.

There was no answer.

"Shii-chan?" Shinoa tried again, another chance, the same question. "Are you there?"

"It doesn't matter, does it?"

A voice said, more like _hissed_ , and the girl blanched, gritting her teeth tight when a mouthful of bitterness swarmed her senses. She unconsciously bit her tongue, and it bled crimson as the liquid smeared upon her dry lips. A weird, repugnant sensation within her mouth.

Somehow it tasted like metal, and hell.

"It does matter." she said, wiping the substances into her sleeve, staining it red. "Why did you take me here?"

The demon stilled for a moment, then tipped his head to her. "Shinoa doesn't need me anymore."

"What are you talking about?" The lavender haired girl murmured, her fingers curled into her palms. "You are Shii-chan, _my_ Shii-chan. Of course I need you."

"No, Shinoa. I'm not Shii-chan." he denied.

"If you're not my Shii-chan, what are you?" she asked, despondent and wretched feelings swirled inside her stomach, burning her entrails with imaginary flames. " _What are you_ , then?"

"I'm a demon, _not_ your Shii-chan." a pause, a really long pause and Shinoa inhaled sharply when he said; "At least not anymore."

"Shii-chan?" Shinoa was smiling, but it was so forced, rough on the edges, just like a sharp broken glass. Shinoa walked to his place, her feet scraped against the smooth white surface, creating an eerie echo as they thumped and thumped. Then, when she was close enough, she raised her hand to touch him and murmured a small;

"Forgive me?"

The demon laughed.

"What to forgive?" Shii titled his head, giving her a blank stare. "You are not _my_ Shinoa, are you?" he blew a long breath, his breath rattled his cheeks. "My Shinoa is dead the moment she accepted that thing into her heart and body. You are _not_ my Shinoa, my Shinoa is long _dead_. _Long gone."_

Shinoa flinched back halfway, drawing her hands to her chest and said, "I'm still Shinoa. Please don't do this, Shii-chan." she paused, relenting; "Please talk to me? Kiyo-chan is _not_ a bad person, he _cares_ about me, so _please?"_

There was silence ( _Shinoa hated silence_ ) but it was soon broken by his loud and grating screech, startling her in the process.

"He _does not_ care about Shinoa!" The creature snarled, baring his sharp fangs at her. "He _hates_ you, he hates you so much that it _burns red_." he spat, and then; "Shinoa shouldn't trust him. You _can't_ trust him."

 _( you can't trust that demon )_

It was hard to breathe, for her. Because it was the first time she'd ever seen him screaming at her with so much hatred, with so much repugnance, with so much disgust. And it scared her, it really did, even to the point where she wanted to run away and bury herself deep six feet under.

But she could not die yet. Not before everything was over. Not before she'd remembered all her stolen memories.

And for that, Shinoa needed both of them. Her keys, her dangerous and warped hopes.

"Shii-chan, listen to me." Shinoa said desperately, "He _saved_ my life. He _cares._ "

"No he doesn't!" Shii screamed in response, grabbing her shoulders with an iron grip, shaking her roughly as if to wake her up from whatever illusion she held. "He's just an impostor. He wants to take Shinoa away from me! I've been there longer, so why him? I've been _here_ longer, so _why him?_ Why did you _choose_ him?" he asked, almost desperately, his wide eyes pinned straight at her.

Shinoa bit her lip hard, trying to calm her rattling heart before she took him inside a crushing hug.

"Please don't do this to me." she begged, "Let's just forget about Kiyo-ch—a-about him for now, so tell me what do you want? Ne?"

"Don't trust him." he whispered, clenching her arms tightly that she afraid it would leave marks. "He _hates_ Shinoa. He's not supposed to be awake, he _needs_ to sleep."

"Why he needs to sleep?" she said softly, patting his back with careful hand. "Does he a bad demon? What had he done?"

Shinoa felt him flinched under her touch, drawing himself away from her. "I—I'm sorry. I can't tell Shinoa. I can't—but don't trust him, don't." he chocked, his words almost inaudible but she caught them anyway. "Please don't." he begged again.

"Okay," The girl agreed, almost reluctantly, and ran her fingers among his mess of hair. "Okay I won't."

Between his skin and hers, Shinoa felt his tense and rigid body began to settle down under her warm hand. The fire which had been ablaze and smoldering was reduced into a mere heat, small flame dying overtime. She touched him again, and he stopped shaking, burying his face onto her chest.

"..…y'know 'hat I'm here longer, don' you? Shinoa…. won't cast me away, 'ight?" he mumbled into the fabric of her clothes. His grip around her loosened like a broken strap.

Shinoa didn't know what he meant by that, but she won't cast anyone away—especially her own demon which had been there longer for her and saved her live countless times before.

"Yes," breathed Shinoa, "I won't."

The little demon nodded weakly, "….good, 'kay… I'm happy…. don'—don' lea… ve?" he murmured into her feverish skin, before he leapt back from her and vanished into thin air. She blinked her eyes repeatedly, clearing her sight, and yet found nothing but empty space around her.

"Shii-chan….?"

The next thing she knew of, Shinoa was back into that place again.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Kiyo-chan?" Shinoa called, stealing his attention away from his musings.

"Hm?" The blue eyed demon titled his head a little, giving her the permission to continue.

"Do you hate me?" Shinoa asked, bluntly.

"Yes." The not-demon answered her without a miniscule of hesitation, his eyes too eerie and blank for her to take. "I hate you. I had told you before; I harbor no illusion about being a caring little boy or whatever shit you'd spouted about. I simply hate you from the bottom of my heart."

"Why?" she stressed out, the young Hiiragi honestly didn't understand his way of thinking. "Why do you hate me?"

"Why not?" Kiyoshi mocked her, but not playfully like she'd accustomed to. It was sickening, a foul taste in her mouth, and it made her want to vomit badly. "You've wronged me in the past, princess. I'm no saint, there's _no way_ that I'm going to forgive and forget; just like you stupid humans love to do. I'm a _demon_ , a creature like me has _no_ qualms about holding a grudge, _remember_ that."

"How could you hate me for something I don't even remember?" Shinoa asked, frustrated with his straightforward answer. Her heart was chattering within her rib cage, and her eyes were set on fire, almost burning in eternal flame as she blinked back the tears. Somewhere in the depth of her mind, she knew what his answer would be.

 _( and she pushed it away, buried it deep until she couldn't hear her own voice pleading at her to listen listen_ listen _)_

"How could I not?" he threw the question back at her, rendering her speechless.

Shinoa shifted her eyes away from those tantalizingly clear blue orbs, feeling oddly ashamed with her own words. The demon was right, how could he _not_ hate her for forgetting in the first place? How could he _not_ , really? But it's not her fault, at least not _entirely_.

Maybe she forgot about him, maybe she was at fault, but she couldn't accept it just like that.

That was the thing about fraternizing with demons.

You couldn't accept anything but power.

"Are you saying the truth?" she prodded again after a moment of silence, "You're not lying, are you?"

"Of course." The cerulean eyed boy rolled his eyes at her seemingly stupid questions, "You talked with Shii, didn't you?" he countered, staring at her with a sickly sweet smile which made her stomach churn.

"Yes." Shinoa bit out, there was no point of lying after all. "He said that you hate me. He said that you supposed to be asleep. You _need_ to sleep. _What does it means?_ " she emphasized, looking him straight in the eye.

"The truth, I guess." he shrugged his shoulders off nonchalantly, "Anyway, you shouldn't be here, you know?"

"Why?" Shinoa sighed, long and bitter, she knew that the topic was closed off. "I'm stuck here, remember?"

"Not anytime soon." he smirked wickedly.

Shinoa raised her eyebrow, "What are you—"

"Your consciousness." he interjected, the sly smirk upon his face was still intact, and better, it was growing even wider than before, splitting his face in two halves. "It begins to return. You'll wake up soon, princess."

"H-How soon?" she widened her eyes, didn't sure what to feel at this sudden development.

The demon put a thumb under his chin, "Hmmh, maybe like—5 seconds from now?"

Her eyes widened even more that her pupils almost looked like a mere scribbles. "Wha—"

But before she could even finish her sentence, her body began to fade away into sparks of white, pieces of silvery glass flying around; and a few seconds later, she vanished completely into thin air as a white lily fluttered in her place.

She was gone.

Kiyoshi stood rigid after her disappearance, staring at the innocent thing on the opaque floor with cold eyes.

 _White lily, huh? How fitting_ , he thought wryly.

He walked then, feet thumped against the pale surface, reaching his final destination, he stopped moving altogether.

"Goodbye for now, princess."

He stomped over the flower without remorse.

The silvery white petals bled crimson under his weight.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _I like to watch him, most times. When he isn't looking; when he is too far gone to notice me; when his gaze is too focused on something more, more important than me. I always watch, and watch I did—but_ _not_ _anymore."  
_ " _Because you see, back then and even now, what he sees first has always been_ _her_ _. Not me. Never me,_ _always_ _her."  
_ _.  
_ " _The night I saw him looking at her with this look in his face, so different, so foreign, and for me; he looked like a complete stranger. His gaze burned like fire, long, thin fingers traced upon her translucent skin, and when he brushed his thumb across her red painted lips—something beyond his eyes told me the_ _truth_ _, and that instant, I knew that I stand_ _no_ _chance against her. So, not anymore, I decided. No more heartbreak, no more tears. I'm going to stop. No, I_ _need_ _to stop, right?"  
_ _.  
_ _._

" _Because what is worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?"  
_ **-Sanguu Mitsuba-**

* * *

 **the sixth memory  
** [exactly where they'd fall]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Silence fell among them, and it was very quiet, _so_ quiet that it was deafening.

How many days had passed by since she saw his face? Since she looked into his eyes? Heard his voice? How many days it'd been since she'd lost herself to her own weakness?

Forever, perhaps. But that was still to come, a very long time. So not forever then. Shinoa knew that her sense of time had always been a little bit asinine.

A little bit warped.

"Yuu-san…." she whispered, her mild grip on the blanket escalated into desperate clawing. This was not a time to relent, not a time to be afraid either. But she couldn't help it.

He was here, Yuu-san was here, in flesh and all, with her.

She missed him so much.

But at the same time, she didn't want to see him.

A wretched feeling, she knew. But it was better than this rotten, sick longing pulsed on her every cell.

She really did miss that boy so much, that it was almost revolting.

"Shinoa…." she flinched when she heard her name, biting her lower lips hard, drawing rust and blood. "I—You…?"

"I—I'm sorry…." The bronze eyed girl murmured, brushing a strand of wild hair away from her face with a trembling hand.

Why the sudden fear? It was only Yuu-san, wasn't it? So why did she feel like hiding from his presence?

 _( because you love him. you yearn for his presence, and yet you push him away. you're just trying to fool yourself, you stupid girl. you need to fight once in a while, not hiding. you're always hiding; her mind whispered )_

Shinoa shook her head, erasing him and her jarring thoughts from her consciousness; because something inside her always burning like fire when he entered her mind. She needed to block him away, somehow.

But how could she when he was only a meter away from her?

"….noa are you… real...?"

"H-Huh?" she blinked, white walls and green eyes staining her sight. "I—Ano… can you p-please repeat that…? I'm… I don't think I can hear… very clearly now—and… and—Y-Yuu-san…?" Shinoa gasped, her eyes widening into saucers when he closed the distance in one sweep of a motion, dipping his face straight to her. Their noses almost touching, almost colliding for only a breath set them apart.

He was so close, that it hurt to breathe.

"Yuu…. –san….?"

Shinoa didn't really know what she was doing exactly. Sitting on this familiar hospital bed, seeing the pure white painted on the sleek walls and tiles, and the green of his orbs, or the raven of his hair—it made her feel insecure, and she—she was drowning.

Inside a memory she couldn't forget; of fleeting touches and burning fingertips; of feather-like brushes and faint warmth upon her lips. It came crashing down her head like tidal waves, and she asked herself again; it was not a time to be afraid, right?

 _( because you see, Yuu-san was here and Shinoa was here and they were together. her breath was shallow and short, and with a heart which felt like a drum beating strong within her, it was not an easy task. but Shinoa, Shinoa was supposed to talk, to confess, to say something, wasn't she? )_

"Yuu-san…?" she murmured again, her eyes locked with a pair of emerald orbs which was staring at her in astonishment. His eyes were still fierce and fearless, still painfully honest when he wanted to be; just like what she remembered.

It was so easy, to lose herself right here, right now, when the only thing she could focus into was him and _only_ him. Nothing else matter, because she knew that she was lost the moment he drew her name from his lips.

Shinoa was not a fighter, and losing was something bordered to ordinary for her.

And yet it still hurt, to admit one's defeat.

"Shinoa…" he whispered, and her cheeks reddened when his breath fanned her face. See? She was not one to win, _especially_ with him as her enemy. "You're awake." he stated, his wide, green, very _green_ eyes never leaving hers. "I mean— _you are_ awake." he repeated, as if trying to convince himself that it was _real;_ that _she_ was real.

And his eyes. His clear, stunning forest eyes.

The girl blinked owlishly, biting down her lower lip in nervousness.

There was it, that peculiar look beyond his eyes. That nameless, unknown meaning behind his gaze, it made her feel uneasy. Burning and searing a dimmed flame within her, splattering her skin cranberry with its heat. She tried to ignore it, _him_.

And yet, the tight feeling in her chest did not disappear.

Shinoa squirmed uncomfortably under his heated gaze, hiding her eyes beneath dull lavender curtain. Still, she could not tear her eyes away. It burned her, the intensity, but her body won't let her to look away.

But she couldn't stay like this any longer, she _needed_ to look away.

 _( look away, look away, look away! )_

"Uhm… yes." The rust eyed girl mumbled, shifting her head sideways to hide her flaming cheeks. She sealed her eyes shut, bracing herself for his reaction. She expected him to rage, to be angry, to cry; really. But to her surprise, he didn't do any of those and instead he sat on her bed, right beside her, still staring at her with this— _this look_ on his face and she, Shinoa didn't know what to do anymore.

She hated this tight feeling inside her chest, it was alien, so foreign—it made her want to run and never come back.

 _( but she realized, it was too late for her to run now )_

He lifted his hands up, and for a moment there she thought he was going to _hit_ her—maybe from frustration, or anger, which one didn't matter. But instead of hurting her, his palm landed softly on each of her reddening cheeks. Cupping them up with careful hands, as if he were afraid that she was going to break with a simplest touch, as if she were fragile, _breakable_.

 _( somehow, it did not sound wrong. she knew that she was not strong enough. she was always been weak at heart, feeble like paper, vulnerable like thin layer of glass, so delicate, so easily broken, so, so_ hopeless _)_

"You're awake." Yuichiro brushed his thumb across her cheeks, his fingers occasionally grazed a few strands of lilac hair. "You're awake, you're awake, you're awake." he chanted, looking so relieved with his upturned eyebrows and quivering lips.

So relieved, and yet, weak, at the same time.

And she was the one who made him like this.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered then, holding out one hand to plant her palm above his trembling one. "I'm awake Yuu-san…." she looked up into his eyes when she'd mustered enough courage, and smiled at him, a weary, _guilty_ smile.

"I made you worry, forgive me….?"

And his resolve melted down into water, a warm sensation filled his stomach, making him weak on the knees. The raven haired boy surrendered into her presence, closing his eyes in bliss, savoring every bit of her. Her warmth was eternal, and silken silk upon his skin and he was losing himself completely into her.

Yuichiro chuckled internally, he was losing to Shinoa _. Again._

Oh how the mighty had fallen.

Still cupping her cheeks up, Yuichiro buried his face deep into the junction of her neck, taking in her sweet scent. It was so familiar, the smell and the feeling of her sticking close to him. He sighed contently, dragging his nose and lips across her porcelain skin, unconsciously planting light kisses one after another before he settled his senses afresh.

Lavender and vanilla, just like what he'd remembered.

He missed her. How he missed her. Her voice, her smile, her eyes, her touch; he missed everything about her.

But now she was here, and he honestly could not ask for anything better.

"Yuu-san…?" Shinoa murmured softly, as if she were afraid that someone might be listening, might be waiting to ruin everything. But it was only the two of them, right? Just her and him, together, inside this little sanctuary of theirs.

Together, huh?

Yuichiro sighed, resting his forehead into her collarbone, "What is it…?"

She bit her lip, and squeaked a soft; "Are you… angry?"

"At you?" he snorted in response, and she nodded her head yes. "No, not at you." said the boy in a low voice.

"Then who…?" she asked, frowning.

"I'm angry at myself." he confessed, chuckling bitterly. Shinoa shuddered a little when his hot breath scratched the skin of her neck, bruising it red with swirling heat.

"Why…?"

"Because I couldn't protect you when I should."

Ah.

Of course, _of course_ it was the reason, how stupid of her from not picking up the pieces. Stupid, _stupid_ Shinoa.

"It's not your fault, you know?" she sighed. She should have known better, it was a given; he _would_ blame himself. "It's my fault, entirely my fault. So you don't have to feel guilty, okay?" she said, almost desperately.

"I promised you." Yuichiro croaked out, his voice broke like a shattering glass. "I promised you that you would be okay, that you would survive but all I could do was watching. I couldn't do a damn thing, watching—" he laughed, a throaty kind of sounds and she flinched at the pained grin he wore. "It seems like the only thing I can manage these days."

Shinoa bit her lower lip again, this time harder as metallic taste filled her mouth. "But Yuu-san—"

"It's my fault." he said sternly, looking at her with so much self-hatred, so much pain, so much sorrow. So, _so_ much guilt for a thing he could not control, for her doomed life and uncertain future.

Yuichiro was a sucker for lost cause, wasn't he?

"Listen to me, Yuu-san." she gritted her teeth in frustration, pulling herself away from him, creating a distance between. "It's _not_ your fault and you have to—"

 _( listen, listen, listen! )_

And yet—

"It's _my_ fault, okay!" he shouted.

And then, time seemed frozen.

Shinoa widened her eyes when gravity began to slip from her body, a force so great that she was falling flat, and fast, into her back on the soft mattress. She moaned softly; her head throbbing, neck hurting and eyes blurry as she blinked to clear her sight. A pair of hands suddenly planted beside her head with a loud thud, and she looked up abruptly to catch two manic jade orbs which gleamed in the darkness.

It was him. And he was hovering over her smaller frame, caging her within his arms, rendering her helpless under his absolute control. She was trapped, just like a bird in cage.

And his eyes. They were staring at her with something she couldn't name. Something peculiar, something _nameless_ and she didn't sure what to feel of when she looked into that pair of enigmatic greens.

"Y-Yuu-san…?" Shinoa managed to croak his name out from her dry throat, instinctively clawed at the fabric of his uniform and pushed him off weakly with her trembling hands. "W-What are you…?"

He ignored her, hovering still above her before he exhaled, long and bitter.

"….it's my fault." he whispered, shutting his eyes for a moment, before he opened them again. "I'm _so_ sorry…"

"Yuu-san…" she whispered, noting his glassy eyes and quivering lips. "It's not your fault…. please…"

"It's _my_ fault." denied Yuichiro. "I should have been there for you from the start." The raven haired boy gasped out in agony, as if he were being tortured with every word he spoke. "I should have been there when you needed me the most." a chocked cry exited his mouth. "I should have been there when those monsters were trying to kill you." he shook his head, covering his searing eyes, and then; "I should been there when I could, but I _wasn't_ fast enough, and _you_ had to _pay_ for the consequences."

 _( you had to die once )_

"No… it's not… it's not like that…." Shinoa blinked back tears from coming out, "Please Yuu-san… I—I don't… blame you. I… it's me, it's my own fault, and I know from the start that—that it was a lost case." she smiled up at him, desperately hiding the pain from showing up. "That I was going to die, I accepted it."

She really did. Because somewhere, it was heaven. Somewhere it was purgatory. Somewhere it was laughter and joy and no crying ( _no dying, no despair, no dead pretty sister or blood cleansing her red_ ). Somewhere, it was not all hell and twisted world and roaring war in the farfetched distance.

Because somewhere, there was happiness waiting for her, when she'd finally left this world for good.

Happiness was an indefinite little thing, vague and precarious; it was uncertain, hard to find, hard to obtain. But she believed it, even though it was a warped, corrupted thing to hold into.

"Why?" he asked hoarsely, bringing his face closer, looking her dead in the eye. "Yoichi came back, so _why couldn't you_?"

Why, indeed.

"…..It's my blood…" she smiled crookedly, "I—I'm not normal either, Yuu-san… and I—"

 _( i'm going to die )_

Shinoa stopped breathing, stopped moving, stopped smiling altogether because something inside her crumbled when she thought of dying—of leaving him.

 _( no no no. think of summer sky, think of never ending blue yonder, think about grassy green orbs, think about raven silk, think about how the world could be such a different place when there was no leaving and dying and goodbyes. how the world would change. how they would change )_

Ah, she was going to leave him eventually, wasn't she?

She was going to die, right? She was going to leave him behind, right?

Shinoa laughed.

Hard and cold and harsh, dripping with thick venom and acrid bitterness; just like how this world came out to be.

Why was everything so hard? Why her? Why she was cursed with this fate? Why couldn't her life fare normal for once?

She did not deserve this.

No, she did not.

"Shinoa…"

But truly, it did not change the fact that she was going to die regardless what choice she took. Demon's blood flew in her veins, melting into her own, gnawing at her life force and Shinoa honestly knew that she was as good as dead anyway. It was a harsh truth she had known since the beginning.

Could she be saved?

Ha, what a laugh.

She should have known better than asking for the obvious.

"Shinoa..… Hey, Shinoa look at me."

But why? Why she felt like screaming from the harsh fate she could not escape? Why trying when she knew that it was in vain? Why believing when she knew that nothing could save her? Why enduring when she knew that death was better than living when in the end, _in the end_ she could _not_ have that little piece of happiness she dreamed of?

 _( why still staying in this cruel hellhole when she could just die and spare everyone from the troubles? )_

Why really _,_ she wondered.

"Shinoa…"

She flinched when a warm, slender hand brushed against her cheeks like feather kiss, and it was then when she noticed that she was not alone. That there was someone, who, despite all the hardships and pain she'd brought, still staying right beside her.

"Shinoa please…." he murmured, softly, tenderly, whisper like, "Please don't cry…"

 _Cry_.

That word stumped her hard where it hurt the most.

She was…. _crying?_

"H-Huh...? What is this…?" Shinoa chuckled hoarsely, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, but the tears kept pouring down her face like pelting raindrops, "Why…. I'm c-crying?"

"Shinoa…"

Why, really? How many years it had been since the last time she'd cried?

 _Forever_ , she thought. But forever was a very long time, and she wasn't sure that she could remember it anymore. The way drops of water trailed down her cheeks, smeared her blushed skin wet before they disappear from the curve of her jaw. The way her chest tightened, burned ablaze, and her lungs were empty and void and she'd to gulp down a mouthful of air to keep on breathing. The way her eyes stinging and searing with heat, or the way anguish rattled her bones to the core, breaking them all into dust.

The taste of salt between her lips was foreign. Shinoa did not even think that she was capable to cry anymore, because her tears had been lost among the blood beneath her feet and the imaginary corpse of her ( _dead but pretty, dead pretty_ ) sister a long time ago. So where they were coming from?

"I'm such… a hypocrite, am I not?" The girl smiled bitterly, placing an arm over her burning eyes, refusing to meet his pained ones. "To think that I've become such a crybaby…" she chuckled, but what came out was a wet cough instead, "So hilarious…"

"Shinoa… please stop crying…" Yuichiro whispered, brushing his thumbs against her wet cheeks repeatedly. "Please…. I'm sorry if I made you sad but don't cry… I beg you… stop crying…"

"I don't—" Shinoa chocked back a sob, pulling her frail arm from her eyes to clench the fabric of his shirt. She closed her eyes, and another batch of tears fell across her face like pelting raindrops. "I c-can't stop Yuu-san and I—I don't…. Wha—what's w-wrong with me…? Why… why these tears keep coming out….?"

 _( why can't i stop? i want to stop, i want it to stop, the pain )_

Yuichiro stilled for a moment, eyeing her with something akin to desperation, or misery, before he lowered his face down, drawing his face close to hers. He stopped when he was only an inch from her, and the next thing she knew, his feverish lips brushed against her skin softly, kissing the tears away from her searing eyelids, the corner of her eyes, then down her flushed cheeks, and afterwards he dipped low onto her collarbones to kiss the strays which smeared upon her porcelain skin.

"Don't cry, pelase?" he whispered, his hot breath fanned upon her skin, and she shivered from the intimate contact. "You don't have to tell me anything. I'm… I'm sorry… You don't have to... you _don't_ have to remember such _painful_ memories anymore…"

 _( you don't have to cry, please don't cry )_

"I—I'm scared, Yuu-san." she murmured, her lips trembled, and then she fluttered her eyes open to shut them again. "I'm scared of leaving, of saying goodbyes. I _don't_ want to."

"Then don't." his fingers twitched over her flushed skin, "Don't say goodbye, just stay."

 _( with me )_

"I would if I could, but you see…." Shinoa trailed off, placing a half-hearted smile on her face. "You see… I—I'm not _exactly_ human. I was born from an experiment, Yuu-san. Demon blood flow in my veins, a part of me that I wish could disappear and I—my sister, she… _died_ , because of this curse. She died Yuu-san," at this she met him in the eye, uncovering her eyes, and for the first time she wasn't running away from his obscure gaze.

"She died," The girl paused to shoot him a bittersweet smile, _regretful_ smile. "And I think….. I think my time almost run out too."

 _( i think i'm going to die soon— )_

Shinoa was going to die.

 _Die._

The words rang in his head, repeating over and over again just like a broken record.

 _( shinoa would die no please she would die no no no think of summer, think of cranberry eyes and lavender's petals die die no please don't shinoa won't coming back no think about laughter, about joy, think about sunny days and afternoon skies, but shinoa would— )_

Shinoa couldn't die. She _couldn't_. He won't accept it.

Because what the meaning of living, if she was not here with him?

"I'm not going to let that happen." Yuichiro spat venomously, veins pulsing and teeth grinding. "You _will_ live, you hear me? I'll make sure of it." he swore then, loud and clear, and somehow she knew that he was going to live on his promise even when death's door appeared before his very eyes.

Shinoa knew that he would throw off his life away just to live on his promise—to keep her alive and breathing. Yuichiro, that stupid, but stupidly _kind_ boy would die in the process and she couldn't allow him to sacrifice himself for her. She _won't._

"Listen to me, Yuu-san." she began, taking in a sharp intake of breath, then exhaled softly. "Don't…. don't waste your time for a person like me." she smiled, a painfully sweet smile and said; "I'm _not_ worth it."

Yuichiro widened his eyes for a fraction of seconds, before he growled at her. "What the hell are you saying? You're worth it you idiot! Don't ever think that you're nothing to us, to _me_ , don't be so fucking _selfish!_ "

Shinoa gaped at him. Sel… fish? She was _being_ selfish? How _dare_ he.

"I'm not being selfish!" The girl raised her voice, feeling a little bit angry of his accusation. Did he not understand that she was trying to save him from the pain? "I'm not supposed to exist! I'm just a lab rat! My life is _worthless_ ever since my sister's death and they—"

"So what?!" Yuichiro screamed, abandoning his palms from her face to grip her shoulders tightly. "So what? I'm _not_ normal either! I'm a lab rat too, a damned experiment, something is _wrong_ with me, for god's sake I'd gone berserk Shinoa! _You_ almost died by _my_ hands." he emphasized, his face confronted into a painful twist. "But I don't see you giving up on me. I don't see you flinch under my touch even after I almost killed you. I don't see you staring at me like I'm a—like I'm a…. _monster_."

Shinoa flinched back in response, looking at him meekly, speechless; "Yuu-san…."

"You always… always treat me like I'm a normal person, like a mere human." The boy croaked out, wiping his damp eyes with the back of his palm. "Not giving me up, even when I pushed you away. I—Guren…. took me in, raised me, trained me, but you're the one who gave me family and I—I can't… _thank_ you enough." he paused, and she held her breath. "So _thank you,_ thank you so much but _please_ don't say something as careless like that anymore, you're worth it. You really do."

Something inside her flared, to think that he was thanking her, a filthy demon's bastard, for giving him a family he could easily have—

Shinoa bit her tongue hard, tasting the metallic rust between her teeth, hoping that the pain would keep her from bursting out in tears because for the love of all holy, he was _thanking_ her, this disappointment of a trash. For him, she was something precious, not only a toy to play around but an once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.

Shinoa'd never felt so _loved_.

"….you really are a kind person, aren't you, Yuu-san?" she smiled, a hauntingly beautiful smile and the boy drew back in surprise, cheeks heating up and chest heaving.

"I'm not… I'm… not." Yuichiro bit his lower lip, shifting his head sideways to hide his flaming face. "I'm _not_ kind, I'm simply selfish."

True, he was simply selfish. He accused her for being selfish just a while ago, but in reality, the selfish one was him. The irony.

But Yuichiro would do anything to keep her by his side. He won't lose her for a second time, he would not let her slip away from his sight again. He would have her here, beside him, safe and sound and happy and smiling.

And for that, he would tear the world open and break off the sky if needed.

Yuichiro turned to look at her precisely in the eye, freezing her over in the process.

"I'm just stubborn head who want to keep you by my side, that's why… that's why I'm not going to let you go again."

"H-Huh…?" Shinoa squeaked out. Her cheeks burned, her eyes widened, her heart began to beat faster, but who could blame her? "W-What are you…?"

"I'm not going to give you up, not now or ever." Yuichiro promised, his eyes burning with a plethora of emotions she didn't know of and then he whispered; "Please stay with me."

"Yuu-san…" she said, her voice was barely a whisper, "I'm…."

Yuichiro shook his head, looking downright serious with his steel like eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

"Stay with me." he said.

"Hm-m, I'll stay…" The girl curled a smile, nodding gently at him. She'd lost again. "I'll stay with you…"

There was silence, and then; "Call my name, Shinoa."

Shinoa widened her bronze eyes, but then the surprise faded from her face then she smiled softly to him.

"Yuu-san." she murmured, gently.

"Again." he said stubbornly, pulling her even closer.

Shinoa smiled, quite amused but she relented anyway, "Yuu-san."

He frowned, and then; "Once more." and after a second, he added; "With feelings."

"Yuu-san…?" she said, uncertain.

"No, not like _that._ " Yuichiro almost pouted, key word; _almost_. "With _feelings_." he emphasized, strictly.

Shinoa raised an eyebrow at his childishness, fighting a smile off her face.

"Shinoa." he deadpanned impatiently, "Say it."

"I'm home—" Shinoa giggled lightly when he wrinkled his forehead, "Yuu-san." she grinned again, her eyes twinkling in happiness.

Yuichiro grinned back at her, showing his teeth, and said; "Welcome home."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _ **BLAM!**_

The Major General raised his head up, looking straight at the slammed door a few feet away from him in surprise. Not even a second later, a tuft of messy raven hair appeared in the middle of it, stomping his way to his desk with angry steps.

"Dammit!" The man cursed, quite loudly too that Shinya had to flinch from the harsh tone he was using. "They found out. They fucking found out!" he screamed, literally screamed and his face was burning in red, whether from the heat or anger.

He was fuming.

But Guren was not one to fume.

He would keep his anger toned down the lowest level, to the deepest pit of abyss. Guren was boiling molten lava beneath the earth's hard surface, waiting to vomit its flame and burn everything into ashes. Guren was frostbites upon skin, pricking people's senses like an anchor before he exploded into blizzards and storms and then it was all white and ice forever. Once the dam broke, it was going to be hell over the world.

For Shinya, a fuming Guren equaled disaster.

The sapphire eyed man put his paper works down, standing over his chair and looked at the flushed man in worry. "G-Guren just what….?"

"They found out." he thundered, looking pale and hazy with cold sweat trailing down his brow. "I don't know how but they—those bastards found out about her."

"They what?" he asked, dumbfounded, "Just how in earth…?"

"I don't fucking know, alright!" The violet eyed man growled in frustration, raking a hand through his already messy head.

"Guren." Shinya said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Guren, please calm down."

"How can I calm down in a situation like this!" he spat out, shrugging off the kind gesture harshly in the process, still heatedly glaring at nothing in particular. "They fucking told me that they want to have an audience with her, _alone_ for fuck sake, and that balmy Hiiragi fucking Kureto! He had the gall to smile that creepy smile of his _and_ call her his little dearest sister _right in my face_. Fuck that son of bitch."

Shinya ignored the vulgar profanities and focused at the crucial part of his rant, "The Hiiragi family was asking for her? For Shinoa?" he asked incredulously, his mouth slightly ajar.

"They fucking did. How many years it's been since they gave a fuck about her?" Guren grinded his teeth until his jaws became numb, "How many years it's been? Fucking _eight_ years! And now they suddenly want to meet her? What _is_ this? A fucking joke?"

"They must have heard about the incident." he said grimly, "But to think that they want to use her too..."

"Those daft bastards don't care about anything _but_ power Shinya." The violet eyed man hissed, "All they care about is how to protect their little damned household, maintaining their position at the top of food chains, to fucking rule the world, you name it. When the trash they'd thrown away long time ago suddenly managed to do something their late Messiah couldn't even accomplish, what else do you think they would do besides using her like they did her sister?"

The bayonette user widened his eyes, "Are you saying that—?"

"Yes." Guren cut him over, folding his arm tightly. "Those pompous, spineless, off-one-screw shitty asses are planning to make use of her again. And you know exactly what I mean by that."

"This is not good…" he grimaced, the image of his little sister strapped on that metal chair flashed across his eyes. She was trashing around in agony, calling for help but no one ( _not ordinary Shinya, not strong Guren, not even genius Mahiru_ ) came to save her, _no one_ came to spare her from the pain. It made him sick, and the guilt was eating him alive from the inside out when he thought that she was going to experience the same thing all over again.

He was not going to let them to have her again.

"This is so fucking messed up." The raven haired man muttered under his breath, his face twisted in pain as if he were seeing the same thing like he did, like he was experiencing the exact scenarios and Shinya knew that he was too, feeling the same guilt for not protecting her back then.

They were both a coward, a miserably ignorant coward, and they were not going to fall the exact same thing like before.

The hell's depth was too full for a people like them, after all.

"I know, Guren." Shinya sighed bitterly, "But how could they learn about the mission? You told the others to keep it a secret, don't you?"

"Of course I did." Guren threw him a glare, "Do you think I'd gone senile? I told them loud and clear. But why the information is leaked out, I don't know. Just who in hell stupid enough to— _fuck_."

Shinya paused for a moment, blinking his eyes in confusion. "Guren?"

Sadly, the apparently raging man batted off his questioning glance and instead he muttered a small, but venomous; "That sodding overturned trashcan."

" _What?_ " The silver haired man gaped at him. _What overturned trashcan?_

Guren cursed again, clicked his tongue loudly and declared; "I need to talk with that demented shithead eye to eye."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Yuu-san, I'm cold." complained Shinoa.

"You're always cold." The raven haired boy deadpanned, shooting her a flat stare from his place beside her.

The night was brewing ice. The cool, wintry air settled beside them like an uninvited guest, frosting into glassy white and translucent dust upon their skin. Night in Shibuya was always harsh and biting cold, and tonight was not an exception.

"I do not." Shinoa pouted, puffing up her cheeks, acting offended.

"Yes you do." said Yuichiro, flicking her forehead, albeit softly, afraid of hurting her. "You have your blanket already, stop whining."

"I take back my earlier statement." The young Hiiragi puckered up her lips, massaging her sore brow, and sniffled; "You're _so_ not kind."

Yuichiro snorted in response, his mouth lifted at the corner, "As if I care."

"What a rude person." Shinoa said dramatically, turning on her side to give him a wide grin, "Yuu-san you need to act like a gentlemen someti—"

"I'm a perfect gentleman." he cut her off, leaning back into the metal chair, looking sickeningly confident with his statement.

"As if." Shinoa snorted loudly, "Months of knowing you, Yuu-san, has waned my grammatical knowledge significantly. But the sad truth is," she sighed in total disdain, "The word _gentleman_ is not evenly matched with your personality, dare I say. So, it's negative; a total lie, if I may add." The girl informed him, quite cheerfully, coupled with that shit eating grin of hers, and tripled with her twinkling ( _bad sign, bad sign, danger!_ ) eyes.

Yuichiro gritted his teeth, before gulping down a large supply of air to calm his nerves down. "You're using the big words in purpose." he accused, eyes squinting sharply.

"I'm not." she denied him, sticking her tongue out like a child would. "You're just bad with words, Yuu-san!"

"Are you really sick, Shinoa?" Yuichiro rolled his eyes, "I thought sick people don't have the ability to give witty responses, never mind insulting other people."

"Ehhh~ I'm really, really sick, you know." she pouted, "You're being cruel again~"

"Whatever pleases you Shinoa." he sighed tiredly, massaging his throbbing head, "Whatever pleases you."

"Thank you~" she grinned, satisfied that he gave in to her.

After that, there was silence, a peaceful, tranquil one, and Yuichiro sighed in relief because no matter how used he was with her antics, he had only enough self-control and frankly, he prefer not to tear it off anytime soon. He did value his peace sometimes.

Now all he needed to think was how to keep that peace intact, at least for a minute or so. He didn't ask much, let alone hoping for a miracle, a minute was enough for him. He wasn't an excessive by nature but please let the pe—

"I'm still cold, Yuu-san."

—ace be.

Yuichiro moaned into his hand, because dammit, it wasn't even thirty seconds yet!

"Yuu-san~?" The lavender haired girl whined sweetly, "Care to fetch me something to warm my poor body?" she blinked her eyes repeatedly, looking downright cute with a little pout and stuffed cheeks upon her face.

Damn. He'd totally underestimated her.

"Yuu-san~" she whined again, tugging on the edge of his shirt, making him slightly blush under her gaze.

"Fine. Fineeeee." he groaned in defeat. Raising himself from the squeaky metal chair, he stood next to her bed and nudged her gently, "Scoot over."

"H-Huh?" she blinked in confusion, "What do you mean 'scoot over'?"

"Exactly what I said, now move it." he grumbled, poking on her side that she yelped cutely, retiring to the wall behind her. Seeing the space had been cleared, Yuichiro flunked down the tiny bed, lying right beside her, their noses dangerously close that he could feel her breath on his feverish face. Reaching for her waist, he curled his arms around her much smaller ( _and shorter_ , _but he liked it_ ) built loosely, burying his nose into her silken hair.

"Is it enough?" he murmured, painfully shy, whilst his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He was not used with this kind of thing, this touch of familiarity, touch of tenderness, of love and care but he wanted to do this. Providing her with his warmth was the only thing he could manage now, and he won't fuck it over.

"U-Uhn." Shinoa nodded her head robotically, feeling a little bit under the weather. Her heart was beating two miles per hour; this was not a situation she could comprehend. The girl wasn't joking when she said that it was cold, but she didn't expect him to _lie down_ with her, draping his arms loosely around her petite body, pulling her head into his warm chest.

 _( too close, he was too close and the scary part was; she liked it )_

Shinoa was about to explode from the scalding fire inside her when he murmured upon her head, "You're warm?"

Shinoa froze for a while, before she nodded to his chest, and whispered a soft; "Thank you."

"You're welcome." The green eyed boy said nonchalantly, though in the inside he was screaming continuously like a madman. This position was bad for his heart, but he needed to keep her warm, right?

 _Right?_

"Yuu-san?"

"Hm?"

"I—Is there something you want to tell me?" she mumbled into the fabric of his clothes, hiding her flaming cheeks into his chest.

"Huh? What are you….?" Yuichiro paused, his eyes widening into saucers when that particular memory flashed across his head. There was one thing he needed to tell her, but _should_ he tell her? About this weird feeling inside his heart? About—

But this feeling, was it love? Or was it an entirely different thing?

He didn't know, but maybe, _maybe—_

Yuichiro pursed his lips into a straight line, then pushed her away a little to look at her.

"Hey, Shinoa."

"What is it….?" she was looking at him, so innocent, so naïve and unknowing, and unsurprisingly it almost made him falter from continuing on, from telling her everything. And yet, whatever this feeling might be, he couldn't hide it forever, could he?

It was now, or never, they said.

"I—I think…." his heartbeats started to escalate into uncontrolled pounds upon his ribcage. Was telling her a wise choice? "I think I—"

"You think….?"

 _( i love you no no think about anything else, think about her sweet smile not love, don't think about love but think about how everything would change when you said the little magic words. everything would be over. no shinoa and yuichiro anymore no think about about about— )_

"…..nothing." he sighed tiredly, "Forget it, it's not…. important."

In the end, he relented like a coward he was. He couldn't say it after all. He didn't want anything change between them. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her to leave. So for now, _for now_ he would keep this feeling locked away deep inside his heart. Hid its key and waited and waited and waited.

And maybe someday, _someday_ he would certainly—

"Yuu-san….?"

"It's nothing." he said again, not quite sure whether he was convincing her, or his own self.

He was a sucker for a lost cause, remember?

"O-Okay…" Shinoa blinked up at him, before she buried her head into his chest again, "Okay…."

 _( why she felt like she was missing something important? )_

"Shinoa?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Sleep." Yuichiro tightened his embrace, "I'm staying, don't worry."

"H-Huh?" she looked up to find his eyes gazing at her with the same troubled look he'd before, the same nameless emotion beneath his eyes, same obscure gaze, same ambiguous meanings littering beyond that pair of green orbs. And without knowing it, her eyelids dropped ever so slowly before they closed shut, hiding her beautiful pair of bronze eyes.

The last thing she caught was his smoky eyes which glistened in the moonlight, and then it was all black.

She was gone into the dreamland, resting her head on his chest.

Yuichiro stroked her face gently, trailing his fingers down until his thumb brushed against her mouth.

He dipped low, onto her lips but then he moved back almost instantly, as though he were being burned. The cold was playing with his mind, he knew that, but it was easier said than done. It was hard to block this sick temptation inside his mind.

Yuichiro exhaled. He needed to hold this wanting. Needed to. Had to.

"Goodnight, Shinoa." he whispered, kissing her temple softly, and for a fleeting moment, his lips lingered over her translucent skin, before he drew back from her to brush a stray hair from her face.

She was so beautiful, that it took his breath away.

The color of her flushed skin and plum lips. Her soft lavender hair which framed her porcelain face. Her alabaster skin, and the way moonlight kissed her in the darkness. So beautiful and he wanted to—

 _No._

He shook his head again. He had to stop it, he _had_ to—before he did something he _would_ definitely _regret_.

Yuichiro let white smoke exited his blue painted lips. The air was damp and freezing cold upon his sensitive skin. And her breath, it was tickling his neck, a warm sensation filled his stomach. The smell of morning dew and fresh pricked flowers mixed with her scent. And this calm, silent tranquility, it made him still, and also _aware_ of the situation he'd put himself in.

 _( no more running away, no more denying— )_

He could not ignore the fact that he was possibly in love with her any longer, it seemed.

 _( maybe someday )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

I'M **SO** **DONE** WITH THIS FIC. *screeching incoherently*

…..soooooooo, what do you guys think? *smile nervously* I think I'm overdoing it though, or maybe I'm just plainly **inexperienced** with this whole romance thingy (-_-"). Anyway, this is **chapter six!** Wow, I don't know what to say. Still **no kissing scene** ( _oh well, there are kisses on her eyes, eyelids, cheeks, neck and forehead though XD_ ) minna-san, but the story is getting pretty intense here. But still, I suck at romance….

I hope you like this one. And sorry for the late delay! **Last month was hell** and don't forget about the **new ONS chapter** ( _what the hell… god, the ship tease is too strong for my weak heart_ ). The fujobait and bromance and undertones tho…. okay if this **continued on** I think I'm going to ship Mikayuu eventually….. **god bless my soul** … (T^T).

But—BUT, ONS new Bonus CD saved me. It's **awesome as hell** , dammit. I mean, the setting is in **high schoo** l ( _set before Shinjuku arc, in Ikebukuro XD_ )! HIGH SCHOOL I TELL YOU. DAMN. Anddddddd as always Yuu and Shinoa dominate the dialogues, Kagami-san sure knows how to bait us easily ( _I just love Hayami Saori-san voice_ ). And as always, **I recommend this Mini Drama to you all** , please listen to it! (^w^)

Anyway, there's also an **Anon reviewer** in the last chapter, and I think I need to answer this review seriously, because for me it's **very important** , both for me and you Anon-san ( _and also because I don't know how to reply privately since you don't have an account TvT_ ). So I will try to voice my reasons here, so please **don't consider this as anything but my own opinions** , here's your reply:

 **I think you have the writing skill, your plot is good and overall it's a great story.**

Thank you Anon-san for the compliments! (^u^) I'm glad if you like this story of mine~

 **But don't you think it's better to write mikayuu instead?**

Eh, about that though, I can't write yaoi/shounen-ai, especially with explicit scenes…. I don't know why, it's not like I particularly dislike Mikayuu or what, but yaoi/shounen-ai is not really my style. Even if I put GureShin tag for this story, I'm not going as far as making them a couple or what, just a few moments here and there and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. So I'm sorry to tell you that I can't write you Mikayuu story, it's not my thing (T^T).

 **Yuunoa is not really that popular and they have no chemistry whatsoever. It would be better if you write mikayuu. Mikayuu is way more popular and has a large fanbase.**

I'm sorry Anon-san, but _please_ refrain from saying things like that. I really don't wanna to start a ship war like they do in tumblr ( _which is practically a_ _warzone_ _, I'm going to warn you,_ _ALL OF YOU_ _, never,_ _EVER_ _, be caught in a snare inside that hellhole, both sides are terrifyingly scary *shudder*_ ).

I know that you like Mikayuu, and I respect that, so I hope you can do the same with me. I'm pretty aware that Yuunoa fanbase is way smaller than Mikayuu ( _it's pretty gigantic, I know_ ) but I just… well, I like Yuunoa from the moment I read Owari no Seraph, and for me, they _do_ have a chemistry. If not, then Kagami-sensei _wouldn't_ include so many scenes of them together.

 **I'm sure your story will be more appreciated by a lot of people. So well, just write mikayuu I guarantee that you will get more reviews/favorites/followers.**

Thank you for the kind thoughts! (TwT) And I know that you're just trying to help me, but for me it's enough. There are people out there who read this story, and also spend their precious time to review this fanfic of mine. If you ask me if I want more reviews/favorites/follows, of course I would say yes, which Author wouldn't? But despite that, I can't _force_ them, and I _won't_ ; it's up to them whether to review/favorite/follow so I'm happy with whatever they decided to do.

 **Mikayuu shippers also need an ongoing story like this. So please consider it. I'm sure you understand what I mean. Thank you for reading.**

Ah, I guess it came to this. Semper Memento is pretty popular in reviews count, but it doesn't mean that it's the best, no it's _not_. I'm sure there's also another ongoing story which is _better_ than mine ( _I'm pretty inexperienced you know?_ ). So I have to apologize again because I really, _really_ can't write Mikayuu ( _or yaoi/shoune-ai in particular_ ) because it's not my style and I'm afraid that I'm going to disappoint you.

I'm really sorry Anon-san, this is my final answer. I hope you can understand. Well… I guess that's it. I'm sorry if my words are harsh but please don't hate on Yuunoa or this story in particular (ToT), I'm sure you don't really hate yuunoa because if you do, you won't read this story of mine after all ( _are you a multi-shipper? Just asking~_ ). Thank you again for reading! (^w^)

Anyway, back to our usual bonus, the LN spoilers! (^0^) There's a lot of you who asked about Mahiru and Shinoa business, so I will try my best to explain it in short. Enjoy reading~ ( _ **Warning: LN spoilers, beware!**_ )

 **No.1** Eto, to make it clear, Mahiru and Shinoa were born from a demon possessed mother and Hiiragi Tenri's seeds, you can say that they were artificially inseminated solely for experiment needs. And as the result, the sisters were born _with_ demons, or at least, they were _bonded_ since birth with their own specific demons ( _because I don't think even Hiiragis was cruel enough to force a_ _freaking child_ _to contract a demon in her early days, nevermind her origin which is technically half/quarter-demon_ ), Ashuramaru ( _Mahiru_ ) and Shikama-doji ( _Shinoa_ ).

I don't know, the information is a bit vague ( _at least in vol.3 though_ ), and those kanjis are bad news, they're totally driving me crazy as shit. And oh, for you who is wondering about Shinoa's demon type, Shikama-doji is a black demon series ( _and he's listed as male, apparently, and since Shikama-doji means four-scythes child, I'm going to pass him off as a child, literally)._ I like the idea, but I don't know his appearance in canon, so I'm gonna make my own version of him later.

 **No.2** Mahiru's nine years older than Shinoa, she was born in 1996 and Shinoa was born in 2005. Well, to put it bluntly, the age difference made Mahiru as the first victim ever just because of her 'unique' circumstances. As she hit through puberty, the whole demon business ( _like nightmares and illusions and even her demon memories_ ) got worse than before.

Especially the dreams ( _or nightmares, really_ ) and as a person who'd been through such tortures, she didn't want her little sister to go through the same thing like she did. That's why she began a research about demons, and then, _then goddammit_ _Mahiru_ , she stumbled upon Hyakuya sect, and from there, everything went downhill ( _she'd gotten experimented by Hiiragis, and then she'd gotten experimented by Hyakuyas, and then she'd betrayed the Hiiragis, and THEN she'd betrayed the Hyakuyas, excuse me I think I'm gonna cry_ ).

 **No.3** To prevent Shinoa from getting the same treatment, Mahiru took Shinoa demon, and even used it at some point, if you want the real proof you can search light novel volume 5 pictures. There's an image of Mahiru wielding Shinoa's scythe. But well, having two demons inside her mind certainly took its toll on her.

She's going crazy because of it, and most of times she'd got possessed by the demon ( _got controlled or something like that_ ) just like when Kureto kidnapped Shinoa ( _it's just a foul play, tbh, but still makes me want to puke when I remember it_ ) Mahiru said that she didn't care if he hurt Shinoa or not ( _well, good choice of words to say in front of a freaking child, demon-Mahiru, I'm sure she_ _loves_ _you even more_ ) but personally I think it's just to spite her sadistic older brother.

Why? Think about it. It's pretty contradicting, considering all the troubles she went through and the little fact that she started the whole thing to save that sister of hers. So yeah, she's definitely not in a least sane because of the demon business and also coupled with the experiments she'd gotten from the Hiiragis and Hyakuyas, it's not really a surprise that she'd gone crazy. Still, I like that shit eating grin of hers, she reminds me of Shinoa most of times. Even though she pretty much looks like a lunatic, but when she's not doing a freaking dangerous experimentation or fighting artificial enemies, she's decent, at least I think so. You can never be sure with a Hiiragi.

Well, I think that's all ( _the page is getting longer and longer and it's bad news I tell you XD_ ). I hope you enjoy this chapter! Reviews and feedbacks are loved~ Thank you minna-san! See you next time~

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	7. cross my heart and hope to die

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _her bones break into skeletons, painting white and blood  
in this broken and twisted world, she is alone  
but he sits there, waiting for her to recoil her steps away  
lingering and dreaming of fleeting paradise lost to reality  
and yet, she forgets how to breathe and halts into a mere stance  
he watches, from the distance, when she loses herself and sinks and dies  
his smile is bleeding and blue, and he thinks, he thinks  
dead pretty ladies tell no tale, dead pretty lady kisses him goodbye  
he laughs then, and grins, and after a while, he too, dies  
_ _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

you need only tears to fare, so please don't forget to—  
 _always remember to remember?  
_ _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:  
**.the cat's out the bag  
 _.the cat's out the bag  
.the cat's out the bag  
_.that pretty much sums the whole thing up  
. _and for the love of holy cows and flying pigs  
_.have you seen chapter 37 yet?  
. _yamato-sensei is asking for mass suicides  
_.i'm _done  
_.sure as hell not ready for this shit  
. _bye_ *preparing for lots of mikayuunoa moments*

 **disclaimer:  
** I do not own owari no seraph. It belongs to Takaya Kagami-sensei and Yamato Yamamoto-sensei! :)

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The sound of cracking bones and splintered joints echoed between the dimly lighted underground. There was a violent hum of screeching iron against raw flesh, followed by desperate cries from the unknown, before came a batch of inhuman shrill; all mixed into one crazed symphony. It lasted for a long, long time, before it stopped into oblivion.

Then suddenly, there was no sound, except screams and screams and more _screams_.

The boy in red smiled and swung his sword again.

 _( crack, crack, crack, then crush, crush, crush, before it went boom. boom, he thought, and a moment later silence broke in and there – was – nothing. )_

The metal beneath his skin throbbed like hell, his veins running red and hot; just like a burning firecracker. But he did not stop. Still moving, skirting along the splattered wall with trained legs, before he leaped back into his prey—

( _or perhaps, preys?_ )

Hunting.

Blood was hazy and vivid on his deathlike skin, smothering purple and blue among the darkness. The smell of rot and destruction was thick in his nose, almost solid. And yet, he ignored it.

Once more, the berserker raised his stained iron with him, and brought another down in one sweep of a motion. The sickening crunch of bones breaking was like a death march, before it was all screams and _more_ screams again.

 _( n-n-no no no, they begged. p-p-please spare me, they begged. d-d-don't kill me, they begged. )_

He smirked wickedly, spat the blood from his chapped lips, and began to hunt again.

 _( repeat, repeat,_ repeat! _)_

The night was going long.

And the savage party continued to rage on.

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

" _She is precious to me. So damn precious that I don't know what to do anymore.  
Losing her, seeing her tears, hearing her cries…. I don't want to experience it ever again."  
_" _I'd never feel this way before,  
this strong,  
for another people besides Mika and my late family, and I think, I _think _—no,  
_ I know _that I love her more than I thought. More than I like to admit. I love her, I really_ do _."  
-_

" _But I can't tell her. I just…._ can't. _"  
_ " _Because everything would change,  
and I don't want it, don't want her—us—to change. I want her to stay.  
I want her to be happy, to smile without worry, to find….  
that little happiness she yearns for.  
I want to be there for her…. to stay by her side, to support her,  
even if she doesn't see me as something more than a comrade."  
_" _Even if I'm just a friend… and a brother to her, I don't mind. You understand what I mean, don't you?"  
-_

" _I'll do anything for her."  
_ " _Even it means I have to hide this troublesome feeling in the process."  
_ **-Hyakuya Yuichiro-**

* * *

 **the seventh memory  
** [cross my heart and hope to die]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

His sleep was only a dent against his heavy days. It was short, and well, fleeting.

Simply fleeting.

His dreamland ended when someone pulled roughly on his leg, sharp pain pierced his senses, and then his muscles were sore all over the place. He groaned, clearly displeased because hell, this _must_ be the most awful wakeup call, _ever_.

Carefully releasing his arms from the sleeping girl beside him, he stood up from the washout bed with whisper-like sound and gentle movements, afraid of disturbing her, afraid of waking her up.

 _( afraid of hurting her too, maybe. )_

The pine eyed boy stared at her still form, taking in her chalky, alabaster skin and sanguine cheeks. He pursed his lips into a taut line; thinking about how beautiful she was, thinking about how fascinating she was—

—and thinking about how, just a moment ago, he was about to kiss her out of self-control. How he was about to tell her something taboo and was about to break that blurred line of normalcy which drawn between their uncertain days.

How they were about to change, but didn't, because he was such a _coward_ ( _he was not brave enough_ ) to take the first step.

 _So it was not a dream_ , he thought.

He bit the inside of his cheek, hard, and suddenly there was rust and copper inside his mouth, rolling on his tongue easily like foam on water, except it tasted awful, a _terrible_ kind of awful. It tasted bad, bad enough that he had the urge to empty his stomach out.

So it was a blessing ( _really_ ) that she's still sleeping soundly beside him, curved to his side like a little kitten she was. Because to be honest, _to be honest_ , he didn't know what kind of expression he could pull off to hide the vibrant red from his sweltering face. To hide this intense _wanting,_ from her.

Yuichiro looked down again.

He sighed. Still asleep, thank god.

He blinked his eyes then, sharpening his senses anew to his surroundings. To his surprise it was still dark out there.

 _What time it is?_ He thought, wild eyes wandering around. Perhaps a little over midnight? No no, that's impossible. The smiling moon had been there as far as he could recall, a faint, bleary light upon pitch-black canvas. The boy smiled ironically. He knew that sometimes his mind was a little bit warped, a little bit distorted, just like his heart came out to be.

 _( and this girl beside him had warped it further, twisting it between her fingers as easily as wrecking a paper glass. )_

Yuichiro did not trust himself.

He did not trust his sense of time, too. Well, for his defense, he wasn't the brightest person alive, it was _Mika_. So no, he did not trust his own self.

But then again, how could he not when his mind was the only thing he could count on now?

He stretched, blowing a huge displeased yawn, silvery white mist exited past his parted lips. His sleep felt like a blink of eye, just a count of minutes against infinite time. He was tired, _dead_ tired and coupled with his unusually sour mood, the frown which split his face could nearly be classified into a massive scowl. He was not a morning person by nature, so _curse_ whoever soul who dared to wake him up.

After a few exaggerated yawns and occasional grumbles, the boy turned around, ready to give what-his-face a piece of his mind for waking him up—

 _( oh no. dammit no. )_

—but found Guren ( _shit_ ) and Shinya ( _double shit_ ) instead, looking absolutely livid with the image presented before them.

With the image of him and her, all mixed and curled together on a freaking _bed_.

He froze, eyes gaping wide that his pupils reduced into mere scribbles when he realized what position he'd put himself in. They—Shinoa and him—were practically _glued_ to each other just a moment ago; arms entwined and legs tangled; space between only a breath away.

And both of them had seen it with their own eyes.

Yuichiro was a _dead man_. Sooner or later, give or take.

Even though they didn't look like it, those two were quite a force to handle when Shinoa's safety and _innocence_ , as Shinya'd put it, was involved.

He was sure as hell that they were going to skewer him al—

 _Waitwaitwait._

Why the sudden fear? It's not like he was doing something bad, right? He's not at fault here, right? He's just trying to be a _decent_ comrade by cuddling with her, pulling her inside a crushing hug, and kissed her forehead goodnight, _right?_ Right.

 _( why his reasons didn't sound as reassuring, he didn't know. but at least he'd tried. )_

"Oi, Yuu."

Yuichiro cowered, holding his tongue back and unconsciously gulped down a lump of nervousness in his throat. It tasted like hell and destruction, dammit. Of all the people he had to meet first—

He was so, _so_ screwed.

"Y-Yo, G-Guren, S-Shinya-san…." The boy greeted them nervously, battling down the urge to bit his nails off. A bad habit, he knew, but it's not like he could help it, could he? He was facing his death sentence with a pair of demons hot on his tail. Only god knows just what kind of hell they'd reserved for him for touching their precious little sister.

He swallowed, hard. "N-Nice to see you in h-here."

A pregnant pause. Two raised eyebrows. One amused smile, and a deep frown.

Dammit.

 _Dammit you idiot_ , Yuichiro swore viciously inside his head. Now he was royally screwed. _Everyone_ knew that he was never pleased when Guren's involved in the picture. This was one shitty situation he could ever hope for. He knew that he was pretty bad with lies, but he didn't expect it to be _this_ bad.

He was _so_ dead.

"What. Are. You. Doing." Guren spelled out each word with enough venom to bring a lesser man down with a series of painful, excruciating tortures. Fortunately, he was not a lesser man. At least, not your ordinary lesser man ( _he sprouted out wings and tore a freaking crater for god's sake_ ) so he gawked back at him, stuffing his negatives thoughts away into a little corner in his mind.

 _It's not a time to be afraid_ , _be courageous,_ _you can do it!_ He encouraged his almost ( _almost!_ ) depleted spirit.

 _( at least that's what he told himself while sweating bullets and biting back a groan. in reality, his newfound bravery was wearing thin as time passed by. )_

"U-Uh… I'm…. visiting her?" Yuichiro stuttered, obviously nervous and afraid, and also feeling a tad dizzy with all the killing intent aimed at him. He was barely hanging on an almost nonexistent thread for shouting out loud. The stare was _too_ much for him to handle.

"But Yuu-chan," The boy writhed internally when Shinya, with his blue-sky orbs and ivory hair, finally joined the merry party. His eyes were sharp and cold, devoid of any playfulness they'd possessed, and Yuichiro shivered when he caught the usually pleasant man smiling darkly at him. "Visiting Shinoa-chan _does not_ mean that you could sleep in with her, you know?" he said. Or sneered, really.

Either way, his tone was not one bit amiable. More than Guren, that man was scarier when he's mad. Everyday-smiling man had always been that scary, no matter what the situation. And his sister complex probably sit on a whole new level than Guren's. _They do have the same surname though_ , he grimaced.

So, what should he do now?

"U-Uh… I'm—I'm just—"

"You just what? Hmm?"

That's it.

He was digging his own grave by talking alone. The irony. The boy was quite sure that he's officially going to die. What lie could he make up when they were staring at him like he was a piece of raw meat ready to slaughter?

God _please_ help him.

"….. Yuu… -san…?"

Then, time seemed to stop.

All occupants in the small room stilled like a stone, halting their little episode when a soft rustle of fabric and the squeaky sound of metal pierced the tense air. Yuichiro blinked his eyes when a sleepy voice reached his ears. "….is it morning already?"

"S-Shinoa!" Yuichiro exclaimed, relieved, then almost in a verge of tears he pointed at the ghastly pair and said; "T-Tell your scary guardians that I didn't do a thing to you!"

The said guardians, though, spared him no mind as their minds were struck in a loophole, a never-ending loophole. Eyes pinned straight at her lithe figure on the hospital bed, all wide and seeing, they took her in, every little bit of her.

She was the same like before _it_ happened. Cranberry eyes, plum colored hair, small button nose and peach lips. She was pale, almost ghost-like, her ivory skin bordering to translucence but there was rose on her cheeks, blooming beautifully, and her chest, her chest was heaving, her heart beating and _she_ was breathing.

She was— _Shinoa_ was _fine._ No blood-soaked skin or scars marrying her face. There was no noticeable sign which marked her almost death experience. They were sure that she would never wake up. That she would be that pretty little princess who lied in a glittering glass-box, waiting for her prince to kiss her awake, waiting for her happily ever after. They were _so_ sure.

But here she was, nothing but a flawless porcelain doll. An absolute perfection. For a girl who had been deep in coma for more than a month long, it was unthinkable, a farfetched reality.

It's not supposed to happen.

This was not a fairy tale, after all.

Not all princesses could be woken up by their princes charming.

"Y-You… Shinoa you…..?"

"…S-Shinoa-chan….?"

Yuichiro clamped his mouth shut, eyes moving back and forth, from one person to another. He'd completely, _completely_ forgotten about their current situation. As far as they'd known, Shinoa _was_ in coma, deathly still and sleeping and all that jazz. And to see her eyes opened again, hearing her talk in that familiar voice of hers, seeing her conscious and well, _alive_ , he was sure that it'd put them into a _really_ deep pit of shock.

Their faces were the clear indication they didn't expect her to blink her eyes at them, talking normally as if she weren't in coma just the day before.

 _This isn't going to be a pretty sight_ , he thought.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"G-Guren-chusa… Shinya-nii… san…." The girl said quietly after her shock vaporized into thin air. She lowered her gaze, eyes curtained by lilac veil, disallowing herself to look at them right in the eye.

This was not a reunion she'd expected to happen.

She had no word to say. No white lies to make up either.

She was stuck within her own misery, thinking about how she was not ready, not brave enough, to face them head on with nothing but her own heart and bones.

She couldn't do this. She wanted to escape.

 _( such cowardice, her mind whispered. )_

But it was too late.

Shinoa stopped breathing for a moment, speechless, when Guren, in that throaty baritone voice of his, whispered;

"You are awake."

 _( there was a violent stab inside her chest. a throbbing, stinging wound, because somehow, the words sounded more like,_ like _;_ \- you're alive - _in her ears._

 _and_ that _, was possibly the hardest thing he could've ever said after all these years chasing after the shadow of that girl who-could-have-been-but-gone-in-the-end. )_

Shinoa didn't know what to make of that queer remorse reflected inside his orbs, but she supposed that all this time, while waiting for her to open her eyes, he'd been so troubled, so distressed. And maybe, at some point too, he'd remembered a distant memory of a certain someone in the past whose face eerily resembled her own. Whose blood flew within her. Whose smile mirrored her bittersweet one.

Maybe, he'd remembered a girl he'd loved – still _loved_ – so much. Maybe, he'd remembered a love he'd buried deep inside his heart. Maybe, he'd remembered that face he'd loved – _still_ loved, he _still_ loved her, the girl told herself – and yet, wanted to forget, for the pain was too much for his fractured and damaged heart to bear.

 _( shinoa wanted to cry so badly when she thought about the hell he'd put himself in, while her sister's images flashed across his mind like a glaring heat in the summer. he didn't need another regret, she thought._

 _didn't need another Mahiru to mourn again. )_

Shinoa looked so much like her, didn't she? So much that it almost hurt to not notice.

A spitting image of Mahiru, that she was.

Shinoa was her dead sister's solid ghost. A real life personification of her fading existence. Her smiles and laughs and grins, all bore the sick semblances with that girl buried six feet under. With that girl who died and disappear into nothing.

She loved her sister, she really did, but she hated her even more.

She was sick just like that.

 _( loving someone always did that to a person, you know? )_

Her head began to throb as guilt wormed its way into the depth of her heart. That guilt was familiar, she realized, but the churning of her stomach was foul and revolting. It made her sick. It made her want to vomit so badly.

"Shinoa-chan…." Shinya, who had been quiet for the whole time, murmured her name with so much relief, so much _regrets_ too and Shinoa couldn't help the bitter smile which smeared on her face.

She'd messed up, hadn't she?

"I—" she paused, searching for the right words to convey, and yet found none, so she settled with a simple; "I'm sor—"

"Yuu," she was stopped short when Guren, ice in his voice, said; "Come with me."

His voice sent chills through her body. Her blood ran cold, her throat closing in and out, and she was rendered still, just like that of a broken china.

 _It's not supposed to be like this_ , she thought, holding a scream. Not like _this_.

Shinoa could only watch as Yuichiro blinked his eyes in confusion, before he snapped out of it when Guren's hand started to haul him out the room harshly. "O-Oi Guren! Stop dragging me!" he shouted in discomfort, arms flailing around.

Despite the protests, the man didn't stop, and seconds later they disappeared into the vacant hallways, emptiness lucid on their trails.

For a long, long time, she was silent and unmoving, before the thick, solid block of her perseverance melted into water; leaving her all wide and vulnerable.

Shinoa realized, in some sort of sick resentment, that he did not look back, not even once.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Shinoa-chan…." Shinya said softly, looking at her with this— _this_ look plastered on his face. A tormented look. A Guilty look. _An exact carbon copy of Guren's_ , she thought mockingly. She really hated it, to cause him pain. But what could she do besides causing pain for those she held dear?

"How do you feel?" he asked, eyes lukewarm and happy, and yet, there was a slight hesitation behind them. "Do you need a doctor?"

"Ah…. Uhm, no – I feel… fine… Shinya-san and I—" Shinoa paused, biting her lower lip hard. The tremble in her voice was getting noticeable as the time went. She didn't want to cause him pain more than she already had. "I – I… N-Nevermind…." she whispered then, averting her gaze away.

The fair haired man smiled softly at her, as though he understood what she was feeling right now, before he pat her head, tenderly, just like he used to in the past. "You know that you don't need to act so formal with me, right?"

"I'm sorry…." Shinoa murmured quietly, shifting her gaze into the clear obsidian sky. She didn't deserve his kindness, she thought. Not after making him gone through such torture. Not after hurting him. "I—I… made everyone worry… Guren- chūsa… he… he doesn't even want to talk to me, does he?" she asked bitterly. "And you too…. Nii-san, I—I'm _sorry_ …."

Shinya smiled again, this time it was more honest, more _real_ as he noted the familiar honorific she used for him.

It'd been a long time since she called him like that.

The man pulled a chair next to her bed and sat down. "Remember when we first met, Shinoa-chan?"

"Huh? I… don't think I remember…." Shinoa trailed off, lost in her own memories. "I…. I – well – you're… _there_. I don't – I don't know how to say it but – but I _feel_ like you're _always_ been there since the beginning." she whispered, her gaze far, far away to the distance. "Like – you're always, _always_ watching over me."

"That's true." he nodded his head, smiling again. "I guess you can't remember it. You were only a year old after all."

"A year old?" she asked, titling her head.

"Hmm, I was supposed to spend the afternoon with Mahiru in the garden, but she brought you along, her precious little sister." Shinya smiled nostalgically at the distant memory. "I was baffled at first. I didn't have a slightest idea about handling children my age, let alone a frail baby like you." he chuckled softly, mussing up her hair. "My childhood wasn't exactly balloons and sunshine. My parents sold me – for money. I was forced to murder my comrades. I was made a coldblooded killer. It was no wonder I forgot how to enjoy life."

"Shinya-niisan…" Shinoa smiled, a bittersweet kind of smile, before she clasped his digits gently between her smaller ones, as though she were giving him a support, a reassurance, that _it's alright now, you don't have to be afraid_. Shinya smiled at her subtle kindness and squeezed her hand back in return, giving her a wordless thank you.

"For me, who lived alone only for my own sake, there was no meaning beside to survive and fight." Shinya sighed, his clutch fastened. "But that sunny day…. with blaring heat over our head and damp grass between our feet… and you, laughing in the middle of it…. Without realizing it I—"

 _( the little girl grinned, looking absolutely pleased before she laughed heartily—again! she said, flailing her tiny hands._

 _again! she said, giving him another laugh and his heart was—_

"…. I was _smiling_ , a honest, little smile." he said, voice whisper-like. "That ordinary day _you_ taught me how to smile from the bottom of my heart for the very first time." he said, a nostalgic expression passed his unguarded face.

— _beating and bursting in happiness. and all because of her. )_

Shinoa widened her eyes, but he only smiled at her, and continued to talk again.

"You crawled over my place, settling your little body on my lap, just like a puppy." Shinya couldn't help but laugh when he remembered that particular memory. "Mahiru was pouting in the background, muttering about how her baby sister was replacing her easily with some random guy she'd just met." he chuckled, Mahiru's jealous expression was certainly a hilarious sight to bear.

"I did no such thing." Shinoa pouted at him, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

"You did, actually." he teased her, looking absolutely smug with the piece of information. "You were so cute back then. Pulling on my hair with your chubby little fingers, and I suppose you even chewed it down at some point." he snorted, remembering his poor little head which covered with slobber. "You're weird as a child you know?" Shinya dipped down just in time to dodge a flying pillow aimed at his head. "Hey~ No violence Shinoa-chan~"

"You're trying to embarrass me." she grumbled low under her breath, clutching yet another pillow, ready to launch it off to his direction.

"No I'm not~ Just saying the truth, Imouto-chan." he grinned at her, unafraid. "You're truly a remarkable child, you know?" he whispered, looking at her but at the same time he wasn't, for he was searching for her past self within her eyes. "When I smiled at you, you frowned at me. I smiled again, more cheerful, brighter than before, because it was all I was good at, and yet you frowned even deeper, slapped my cheeks—"

"I _what_?" she cut him over, gaping in disbelief.

"Slapped my cheeks." he gave her a sly smirk. "Don't worry Shinoa-chan~ You barely hurt me." he grinned down at her, his lips quirked up, forming a wide grin, a happy kind of grin she missed. "You did slap me, multiple times, if I may add. And at some point, I think you got frustrated and began to rant at me….."

 _( no! the little girl pouted, her palm landed itself on his face, before she shouted a loud; smile!_

 _he did smile, but shinoa pouted again, her eyes flickered in what could have been annoyance, and began pinching his cheeks with her pudgy little fingers, screeching smile! smile! smile! all the way round )_

The silver haired man smiled when that particular memory flashed across his mind. It'd been forever, and forever was a very long time; fourteen years to be exact, yet he could remember it all over again like it was yesterday.

"Thank you, Shinoa-chan…" Shinya said, patting her head again, then; "….and I'm sorry."

Shinoa blinked her eyes. "For what?"

"For leaving you all alone." he sighed bitterly. "For not being there when you needed me the most."

 _( morning had been grave that year. smoky and blurry, just a touch of monochrome and a little bit crimson over battered sky and ruined earth. a girl was crying between it all, begging for salvation, begging to be saved. take me take me take me too, she cried. don't leave me behind, she cried._

 _please stop don't go stay stay_ stay, _she cried. )_

"Nii-san…." Shinoa whispered, looking at the man in worry. She didn't want to see this side of him. This regretful man was not her older brother. She refused to see him mourning for a fault he did not possess, to see him lamenting for a normal childhood she couldn't have. She wanted him to smile, to laugh, to be _happy,_ to be _Shinya-niisan_ and _not_ another remorseful Guren.

Not her important person again, please.

"We…. _forgot_ the most important thing when we were busy fighting our war." Shinya whispered. "I told myself over and over that we were protecting you, keeping you safe, because it's _not_ yours to fight, it was _ours_ —but it was not the case, was it?" he chuckled bitterly. Raking a hand between his silvery white tresses, he thought about how everything had gone _so_ wrong, how he'd failed to protect a person he held dear, and all because his warped sense of protection.

Even though protection had always been different for each person.

For him – for them – the cowards – protection had meant leaving her behind to deal with her grief and pain alone. Away from war. Away from deaths. Protection had meant pushing her aside before the safe line, keeping her unharmed when they'd been busy convincing themselves that they were doing the right things, when they weren't. _They weren't._

Shinya regretted everything. The feeling was thick and solid enough to make him squirm. But it didn't burn like guilt did, didn't scorch like anger did, didn't hurt like pain did. He was numb, there was no feeling and he, _Shinya_ supposed to feel something, but he didn't.

But maybe, it's just him.

Regret was different for everyone, after all.

And for Shinya, regret was; not being there when he should have, not being there when he could have, and not being there when he had the chance.

He regretted it, leaving her all alone, broken and battered.

He truly did, but nothing could change that fact now.

 _Nothing._

"We were… we were just making up excuses. In the end, you're the one who got _left behind_ , you're the _most hurt_ , the _most broken_ among us. Even if you _don't_ have our battle scars, I know you've enough grief for the past years." Shinya shoot her a bitter look, his sky-eyes darkened into molten blue. "Your scars are hidden deep within yourself, aren't they?"

The girl shook her head, tears already pricking the corner of her eyes. She did not want this. Not this again. "I'm not—"

"I'm sorry, Shinoa-chan." he curled a strained smile, and without waiting for her answer he said; "I really am."

"You don't have to apologize." Shinoa sighed, tired with everyone apologizing to her for something they could not even control. She was sick from getting apologizes she did not deserve. "You've done the best, I _know_ that."

"You're wrong—I'm just a coward, no – not just me, both Guren and I." Shinya smiled wryly. "To think that we left you that time… sorry is not enough, isn't it?"

"I don't blame you." she said softly. "I really don't."

"I know." he smiled, though a little bit strained. "But in the end, the only one who saved you was him, right?"

Shinoa frowned, knitting her eyebrows together, just who he was talki—Oh, _oh_.

"He's a good boy, Shinoa-chan." he said, running his fingers through her silken silk hair. "A little bit stubborn, and also a hotheaded, but kind nevertheless."

"I know." she whispered, softly, because it was so true. That boy was too kind for his own good. It was almost sickening, almost repulsing. He was too honest, too ingenuous and stupidly brave for a broken boy that he was.

Sometimes she admired this side of him, but sometimes too, she hated his compassion the most.

Because it could kill him, his limitless benevolence.

And Shinoa didn't want that to happen.

"He's strong," The man continued, and she nodded because it's true too. Yuichiro _was_ strong. "—even stronger than most of us."

Another dulcet smile appeared on her face, and she let out another soft; "I know..."

Shinya smiled, mirroring her own. "He cares about you more than he cares about himself."

"I… _know_." Yes he did. He was always like that, worrying over others even when he was hurting, even when he was in the brink of death himself. And for her, that stupid boy was always trying to lift her pain away, always trying to fight her wars, always, _always_ taking every stab, every punch meant for her.

Sometimes she wondered why he would go that far for her. She was not worth protecting, not worth saving, so why he was so desperate to keep her by his side? Why went through all those troubles to save her?

Why he cared so much about her? _Why?_

"He loves you."

"I kn—"

 _Waitaminute_.

Shinoa stopped in midsentence, her brain busy processing his words before she snapped out of it, jaws hanging. "Wait, _what?!"_

"He loves you. As in he's _in love_ with you." The man smiled slyly at her, egging her on. "He looks like a love sick puppy, really."

"W-What are you s-saying Nii-san!" she laughed nervously, taking the bait she waved her hand in front of her reddening face. "I-It's i-impossible! Y-You're j-joking right? _Right?"_ she hid a grimace when the last word sounded more desperate than she liked it to be.

"I'm serious." Shinya deadpanned. "It's obvious, you know?"

"E-Eh?" The girl cupped her cheeks, trying to hide her blush away. How could he talk about such a thing like it was nothing?!

"Sooo~" Shinya deliberately elongated the word just to get more reaction from her. "Ne, Shinoa-chan, can I beat him up now?" he asked cheekily, giving her a conspicuous wink.

"H-Huh? W-Why?" she looked at him, incredulous expression plastered on her face.

Shinya titled his head in mock confusion, pouting cutely at her. "It's big brother's job to scare their little sister's boyfriend away, isn't it?"

"H-He's _not_ my boyfriend!" she shrieked, literally shrieked with a face so red that it almost rivaled a tomato. "T-That's–that's—!"

"Ah-ha." he grinned, poking her flushing cheek, "Looks like you like him a lot, too. Should big brother get jealous?" he teased.

"W-W-What a-are you—" Shinoa inhaled sharply, biting her tongue from embarrassing her further. "Forget it…. I don't want to know anymore…." she muttered under her breath and pressed her body deep into the squishy material beneath her, as though she was trying to sink into it, before she pulled her whitewash blanked with a jerk of hand over her form. "Go away Nii-san!"

"You're blushing!" he poked again, moving closer to her side. "Shinoa-chan is blushing!"

"I do not!" she denied hotly, sticking one arm from her manmade cocoon to battle his hand off. "Go awayyyy!"

"You're blushing~" he grinned treacherously, catching her hand in his, and kept it there. "Wait until I told Guren about this~"

"Until you _what?"_ The girl emerged from her hideout, feeling totally betrayed by her ( _ex_ ) partner in crime that she forgot about her earlier plan to ignore the annoying-but-lovable man. _"_ Shinya-niisan!" she exclaimed, scandalized.

"Ahahaha~"

"Go away, Nii-san. You're annoying."

"Aw~ You're being cruel!" Shinya pouted, tugging on her blanket. "I just want to know him better, you know?"

She muttered a few incoherent words and kicked him on the side. "You liar."

"I'm not~" he laughed cheerfully, and then; "Na Shinoa-chan, do you think he is afraid of bugs? Or reptiles in particular? Or maybe hairy animals, like spider, perhaps? I have a _few_ amazing collections of them back home and I _can't_ wait to show him."

Shinoa groaned, why her brother could be such a weird combination of sadist-masochist sometimes?

It was going to be a long day, a really long one, but either way—

 _( thank you a lot, Shinya-niisan )_

"Ne, Shinoa-chan, are you listening to me?"

Okay, she was starting to change her mind again.

"No I'm not. Now go away."

And they spent the time like this; Shinya babbling about his ( _ridiculous_ ) big brother's rights, Shinoa ignoring him ( _most of the times_ ), and they arguing over his ( _not really that_ ) cruel plans regarding that not-boyfriend of hers.

For once in a long time, Shinoa felt at peace.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"…..the hell are you talking about?"

"You _broke_ it out." Guren snapped, leaning back to the wall behind him, massaging his sore forehead. "The information, stupid. I can't believe you, foolish child. How could you even forget to keep that big mouth of yours shut?"

"I said," Yuichiro gritted his teeth, baring his sharp canines out. He was angry and hurt of the blind accusation aimed at him, did he not trust him at all? " _What the hell_ are you talking about? I swear to god I didn't tell anyone! Do you think I'm stupid _enough_ to endanger her wellbeing?" he spat, eyebrows knitting in disbelief and disgust.

The violet eyed man held his tongue, weaving silence between them. For a long time, there was no sound. No one was talking, no one was moving, and Guren watched him from the corner of his eyes, contemplating.

"Are you saying the truth?"

"Of course I am." Yuichiro deadpanned, quite taken by the distrust within his voice. "Why I need to lie anyway?"

"Then who?" Guren mumbled, more to himself than the boy, and combed a hand through his messy mop of hair.

"Who what?" he raised his brow. "Stop talking in riddles dammit! Just spill everything out!"

"Someone told the damned Hiiragi about her, okay?" The lieutenant colonel dropped the bomb, watching, as the boy's eyes widened in shock. _Definitely not a liar's reaction_ , he thought. It looked like he was saying the truth after all.

"Who?" he asked blankly.

"I don't know." The phase; _I thought it's you,_ was left unsaid. "And now her life is in danger."

"What do you mean by that?" Yuichiro hissed, dangerously.

"I meant what I said. Her life _is_ in danger. She's not normal either, Yuu. And she's—"

"I know." Yuichiro cut him off. "I know, okay? I know that she's not fully human and all that shit. And about you and her sister and – and those Hiiragi bastards… I know it all."

"…..she told you."

"Yes." he pursed his lips tight, eyes burning cold. "Shinoa told me, so you don't have to fucking filter your words anymore. I'm tired of lies, Guren. Just give me the truth now."

The man was silent, before he puffed out a sigh. "Fine, you brat." he grumbled in annoyance. "They are planning to… make use of her again." a pause, and then; "To make her as their potential human source."

"You mean as their human _guinea pig_." he spat in disgust, throwing his head to the side, hiding his hatred.

"That." the man agreed, grimacing. "And it won't be good for her. She could d—"

A crackle. And then, there was silence. Yuichiro titled his head in confusion. Why was Guren looking at him like that?

His answer came with a name he knew so well.

"…..Shinoa."

 _Shinoa._

His heart dropped into his stomach at the sound of her name. Forcing his numb body to turn around, he found her by the door, her hands hanging limply by her side, eyes deathly hollow and posture rigid. It wasn't a sight to see. It was like seeing a broken, fractured glass. All ragged and sharp along the edges.

He hated that look upon her face, so, so much, that it made him sick.

"S-Sorry…" he watched her gripped the knob until her knuckles turned white. "I—I'm just—"

"Y-You—Since when…?"

Guren wide eyes were giving him the chills.

It's like she wasn't supposed to hear any of this. Like whatever they were talking about, was taboo for her. Like he'd said something unforgivable. Like he was guilty.

But Guren _did not_ feel guilt, and even he did, he won't show it. Not to him, and especially not to _her._

 _( how true, that was )_

"The beginning." Shinoa broke the silence with her weak whisper, hiding her eyes beneath dull lavender curtain.

"How much did you hear?" The man asked again, voice unnaturally hoarse.

"Enough." she said. "Enough to understand."

A rasp in her voice. She sounded like broken glass, shattering broken glass, and he thought that it didn't suit her. Not a bit. Because Shinoa was a shout of life among his monochrome world. She supposed to be the tough one, supposed to be the one who endure, with cliche smile and burning eyes plastered on her face. She _supposed_ to be the strong one.

 _( supposed to be, was a very, very ambiguous phrase. )_

But here she was, bowing her head low, refusing to catch his worried eyes, and Yuichiro didn't know what to say – to do – to erase her pain away, far, far away.

But what was pain when they lived in such a broken world?

The boy began to draw his steps, feet clanking on the tiled floor, before he stopped right before her.

Then, the next ten seconds was a blur, his movements seemed like a mere blink of an eye. He wrenched her trembling hands harshly, and curled his fingers between hers, his palm enclasping her own. Pulling her into him, he lifted her up, holding her much smaller body snugly inside his arms in a princess-like cradle.

"W-Wait Yuu-san—!"

The boy ignored her cry of surprise—

And broke into a run.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Shinoa was a patient girl.

She had known to wait and wait and _wait_ since she was a child. A lot of people had left her alone, promised her to come back and take her away ( _from the raging wars, from the bloodied ground and corpses between her feet_ ), yet in the end—

—in the end they _never_ came.

 _( remember me, mahiru-oneesama? )_

Shinoa was a patient girl.

She understood pain. She also knew how to endure the said pain.

And she knew how to smile when it hurt the most. She knew how to laugh her tears away. How to hide the gaping wound. She knew how to make herself invisible to others. She knew how to conceal herself so no one could ever see past her perfect mask.

 _( i'm fine, she said, faking a smile. i'm always fine. )_

Shinoa was a patient girl.

She had learnt how to nod herself at every sweet promise, every pretty lie, without taking any of it by heart.

Because they always left her alone and broken, the promises, she'd learnt to not let anybody in. Even when it was lonely. Even when she needed someone by her side. Even when it hurt. She decided not to trust anybody else. Not anymore.

 _( i'm sorry, so, so sorry. )_

Shinoa was a patient girl.

She understood that life could be hard. She understood that people could be forgotten easily. But what she couldn't understand was why it happened to her. Why she was forgotten? Why she was left behind? She was a good girl, right? She had been such a good, patient girl so why won't they tell her the truth?

She'd wanted to give up, sometimes in the past. To just let go and disappear.

But then— _but then_ he'd come to her life. Running past her thick locked door like an uninvited, rude guest he was.

 _(_ so thank you _, he said;_ thank you so much but please don't say something as careless like that anymore, you're worth it. you really do. _how could he say such a thing, when i was about to give up? when i was about to throw my life away? when i was about to stop dreaming and let everything go? )_

He'd changed her, that stupid, kind boy. He'd saved her. Patched her up. _He'd fixed her_.

And she—Shinoa, had been _happy_.

But now, when she finally had that little happiness she yearned for, when she finally had someone to love with everything she had, this cruel, _cruel_ world took it away from her like it did her sister. Snatched it away into a place she couldn't reach and left her crying over the broken pieces she could never fix.

Shinoa was a patient girl, but she was also such, _such_ a _miserable_ girl.

"….stop." she whispered then, clawing on the fabric of his shirt. "Please stop…."

"I won't." The boy replied, his grip tightened even more that she was afraid it would leave ugly bruises upon her flawless skin. His steps did not falter, and her mouth coiled, painting blue and purple between her chapped lips. It was cold. _Everything_ was cold.

The wind was harsh and ruthless, slapping and shearing through her face and body like shard of glass. But it was the bitter cold which snipping on her exposed arms and legs that bothered her the most. It made the hairs on her skin stood, sweeping past her sensitive skin like a bunch of cyclones in dark, rainy days.

Shinoa always hated cold. It reminded her of something she rather forgot.

Yuichiro didn't stop, though.

Still running ( _away)._ And the scathing glaze still lingered within every inch of her.

Shinoa watched him from the corner of her eyes, giving him a look, a _begging_ look. A look of; _Please stop running?_ Or maybe a look of _; Stop running away?_ Because she's tired, so, so tired to run. She didn't want to run anymore.

Shinoa's tired of running.

He shook his head in response.

"I won't stop before you do. _You_ need to stop. And smile—" a single pause, "You need to smile, too."

"I can't." she said quietly in response, burying her face deep into his chest, seeking warmth. Or hiding. She had always been one prone to hiding. "You _know_ I can't. The fake one, I can do that but the real—" she choked on her own words, shaking her head weakly. "The real one, I _can't_ pull it off right now. It's too hard, to smile when you _don't_ mean it."

"Then don't." he thinned his lips into a tight line, harsh streak across his jaws. "I don't need your fake smile. But I don't need your tears too, so stop crying." he said, and for a moment there Shinoa thought he sounded like he was begging her not to cry.

Begging her not to give up too, perhaps. But maybe it's just her little daydream clouding her mind.

 _( Shinoa had given up her dream since a long time ago, though. )_

"Stop crying, I hate seeing your tears." he muttered, and she pressed her ear near the place where his heart hung, feeling his chest rumbling in harmony following the rhythm of his short breath. _Heartbeats_ , she thought fondly, a sign of his existence. A proof that he was alive and breathing.

 _( a proof that he wasn't going to leave her all alone in this twisted world, like her sister did. )_

Shinoa didn't know for sure, though, whether it was his heartbeats or not. It could be her imagination for all she cared. But she liked the sound.

The steady beats were reassuring, _comforting_. It made her calm and serene. It made her feel _safe._

How it made her safe.

It'd been such a long time since she felt this helpless, this open, this vulnerable. The feeling was foreign enough to make her tears fell even more, swiftly and continuously, the batch of fat, crystal beads rinsing her eyelashes down her chin like waterfall.

"Oi." The boy groaned. "I told you to stop crying. You know how much I hate seeing you cry."

"I hate it too…. But I can't stop…" Shinoa murmured after a few hiccups, wiping her wet, flushed cheeks with the back of her hand, smearing the salty tears between her quivering lips. She dipped in the liquid, expecting the familiar taste of crisp salt. But somehow, it tasted like mint instead.

Mint, just like his smell.

Shinoa wondered if he tasted the same, too.

Like mint, and perhaps, blood.

He reeked blood too. But it wasn't a wonder. Not that surprising, at least. She supposed, blood was stronger than any flavors could ever be. Because she could still remember the taste, relishing the rust and steel between her teeth like it was yesterday. Her hands had never been clean from that particular sticky, warm substance. Be it her enemies or allies, blood was always there, cleansing her red. And she supposed too, the taste would always linger in the back of her throat forever.

Blood was always been that unforgettable.

Yet sometimes, even she forgot the taste, forgot the feel, and gone numb in the process.

Killing always did that to a person, she thought despairingly.

 _( and she was not an exception. )_

"Don't make that face again." he broke the silence.

"What kind of face?" she bit back, snapping out from her blurry daydream. Her voice was ragged and hoarse, crippled on the edges, just like a jagged shiv. Her hands clenched and unclenched, creating wrinkles on the fabric of his clothes.

"Broken face." Yuichiro mumbled, his movement slowed down for a moment before he picked it up once more, feet thumping loudly on the tiled floor. "Shattered face. Crushed face. Take your pick. You look like you've given up completely." he paused, and caught her eyes for a fleeting moment, green eyes and raven locks blurring into one. "Like you've had enough." he whispered, shifting his eyes to the road again.

Shinoa laughed bitterly, and the sound rattled her own heart down to the core. Tearing it down, bit by bit, leaving it rumpled at the bottom of her rib cage, nothing but a mere lump of bloodied, mangled flesh. How cruel could he be, saying such a thing to this broken her? "You have good eyes." she grinned, a strained little grin before she closed her tangerine eyes.

Yuichiro didn't say a thing, still running and eyes focused on the long, narrow hallway. Silence came in between, tearing down her defenseless walls and she welcomed it with open arms. The raw wind and biting cold, she welcomed them too, because what else she could do besides to back down and accept everything?

Nothing, that was.

"Open your eyes." he said after minutes of stillness. "We're here."

The girl did as she told, cracking her sore eyelids slowly, and reluctantly, to find starlit sky spread wide and clear before her.

Glittering pearly diamonds hung upon smooth black canvas, drawing white and twinkles around the yellowed moon. The vast canopy spread still with constellations dusting its barren surface. It was just like a splash of vivid color on dark, impenetrable darkness. A glaring, sterling hue of mercury and argent among monochrome sky. One stroke at a time, the silver ashes scattered over vast cosmic ocean in irregular, angry streaks.

 _Messy and wild_ , she thought. Every line, every curve, every drop and shape and phase was nothing but a mere glittering fleck against absolute dusk. Crazed lines and chaotic dots, thousands space dust littering all over the sky.

It was madness. It was lunacy.

But it was beautiful.

"W-What is this…?" Shinoa blinked her eyes in amazement, taking in the exquisite view in front of her with hungry eyes. Her cheeks were flushed red and hair flapping in all directions with the raging wind.

"I always come here when I need to think." The boy began, his expression softened, the hard lines upon his face ruptured as he watched her wide, all seeing eyes. His orbs glued on her pale form for a long time, before his vision strayed. Sweeping through the abandoned rooftop with gentle, nostalgic eyes, he smiled, settling her down to her own feet. "It's a good place." he whispered.

"It's beautiful." she murmured quietly, walking to the fenced edge with even steps. She stopped when the end was near, entangling her fingers between the wire hedge. "I'm surprised that you know a place like this."

"This is my secret place." Yuichiro followed her, settling himself behind her smaller build and put his palm on her head. "And now, it's yours too." he added, curling a smile.

"H-Huh?" The girl ducked her head in slight embarrassment, turning around just in time to catch his serene expression. She blushed, crimson hue against pale cheeks. "M-Mine?"

"Yeah." Yuichiro nodded, eyes staring off to the distance. "I want to show you this place." he closed his beautiful pair of emerald orbs to open them again. Straightening his back, he let white smoke exited his mouth. "Even though it sounds stupid, I really want you to see this place." he positioned himself right beside her, basking in the pale moonlight as his hair flew softly by the wind.

"….why?" she murmured, unconsciously moving closer to his side.

"Because it helps me." he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It always does. So I hope it would be the same with you."

Shinoa quieted down, lacing her fingers together and sighed. "It can't help me."

Yuichiro stared at her for a while, and mumbled, his disappointment tangible enough for her to touch. "Though so..."

"Not now." she said, sighing again. She'd sighed an awfully lot today. "And—never will, I think." she added after a second, rasp in her wobbly voice.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just—dunno, hoping that – it will?" he said, blowing his bangs off his greenish aqua orbs. "And I - don't—well, you're not exactly that… predictable but it's… _good_ , to hope, I mean. It's never that, uh, pointless, you know?"

"It is pointless for me." she muttered, shifting her gaze to glittering milky ways above her. "You don't expect me to hope, to _dream_ again after all this time, do you?"

The light in his eyes diminished, a small, dying flame trying to keep burning. He gripped her upper arm, forcing her to face him. "And you expect me to just let it go?" he asked, harsh and bitter, because he knew she wasn't this weak when he met her for the first time. Not this powerless. "To forget everything and move on with live? Do you?"

Shinoa smiled, a painfully sweet smile. Her smile was fragile, _weak_. "No." she said, "But you should."

"You're such a cruel person, aren't you, Shinoa?" he laughed bitterly. "You told me to forget about revenge, to continue on with life, and yet you are the one who take the easy way." he lowered his gaze, dark eyelashes kissing his cheeks. "Who choose to give up."

"Yes. I am a cruel person." Her smile was still there, beautiful, and yet haunting. "A hypocrite. A girl who can't hold her promise. A girl who had given her dreams up. Such a cruel, horrible girl."

Then, it was suddenly still.

He wanted to agree with her. Because she was such a horrible girl for doing this to him. For making him this powerless, this weak, for god's sake she _wrecked_ him without even trying. Smile and cry and scream, and he would be there, by her side, picking up the broken pieces for her over and over again.

He'd never been this weak. He was a fighter. He'd _always_ been a fighter; a flame which couldn't be diminished; a blazing storm and buoyant fire between darkening days. He was strong. He _was_.

But now that she came into the picture, he was reduced into nothing but a bumbling idiot.

"You," he broke the silence. "You are a cruel girl. A horrible girl." he said, chuckling hoarsely. "But You're also the girl who gave me family." he paused, "The girl who loves cheese with all her might. The girl who loves to tease me and got angry when I insulted her height. The girl who smiled at me even when she was hurting."

A breath and a heartbeat, and then;

"The girl who means so much to me, do you think I will ever forget?" he asked, tremors in his voice. "Because I won't. Even if I die, I _won't_."

"No…." she whispered, lowering her gaze to her clenched palms. "Please, don't do this…"

"I'm just saying the truth."

"But I'm going to die!" Shinoa screamed. There was pain in her voice and ice in her veins. "You _heard_ him. They are going to use me again. It's… It's the same like being dead. Sooner or later I'm not going to be here anymore. To stand by your side… I can't… not… anymore…." she shook her head.

"Stop talking like that!" Yuichiro raised his voice a little, and there was so much hate, so much abhorrence that the girl drew back in surprise, eyes widening like gaping holes. Flinching in guilt, he toned down his thumping heart. He didn't mean to scare her. Didn't mean to make her remember bad memories too.

"Sorry." he mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I—just… sorry…"

Silence fell between them. She did not say a thing in response. Not a thing.

And his heart broke a little.

 _(crack, crack, crack it screamed )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"She heard everything?"

"Yes."

"All of it?"

"I guess."

"Where were you? Why didn't you stop her?"

"Why should I?" Shinya bit back, closing his slanted cornflower-blue eyes, heaving a tired sigh. "She has enough lies to last for a lifetime already."

"Some lies wouldn't hurt." The raven crowned man frowned. "You're just making everything worse."

"Am I, Guren?" Shinya smiled in response, drawing a sophisticated line upon his wan lips. "I just want the best for her."

The man raised an eyebrow, a mocking sneer plastered on his face. Guren hated liars. But he hated hypocrites the most. "Even it means hurting her?"

"Yes." Shinya didn't hesitate to nod his head. "Even it means hurting her."

Silence was drawn between them, a prolonged, excruciating lull, before Guren chuckled, all hysteric and mad and uncontrollable.

It was a madman's laugh. A lunatic's laugh.

A fractured-damaged-shattered-broken- _broken_ man's laugh.

"….you're the same." Guren grinned, flicking his inky-black hair from his eyes, sharp canines glinting sharply under the pasty and bloodless moonlight. His eyes were scorching and burnish red against his eyelids. He didn't know why but they felt hot all of sudden.

His heart too, felt hot and tight and burn all of sudden.

The ivory haired man tipped his head to the side, still smiling. His smile was almost hurt, almost fake. Guren hated that smile.

"Like Mahiru?" Shinya said after a moment, and his smile faded just a bit.

"Like Mahiru." Guren agreed, bile rising in his throat. "Hiiragi family is a scary bunch, huh?"

"Ahaha, what are you talking about, Guren?" Shinya laughed, and not playful, Guren noticed, not playful but sharp and hard and all edgy and it was not, _not_ his laugh. An impostor's laugh. Stranger's laugh. "More than me, _you_ are the one who hurt her the most."

Guren touched his chest. There was a throbbing ache beneath his palm and he thought he heard a shattering sound. Whether it was shattering glass, or his shattering heart, he couldn't tell.

But god, it _fucking_ _hurt_.

 _( you're always been the one who hurt me over and over again, Guren. and i you. we have this tendency to hurt each other. to break each other._

 _because you know? it takes two to commit sins. never one. never alone. )_

"...see? The same." Guren smiled ironically, noting the painful resemblance between him and that girl who-could-have-been-but-gone-in-the-end. Between him and the girl who died by his own hands. _Too similar_ , he thought. "You sound just like her. _Exactly_ like her."

Shinya pressed his lips together. "Perhaps. But I don't have a choice, do I? She is _my_ sister too."

"What are you trying to say, Shinya?" he asked.

"You know, Guren. I know you know." The man began, his eyes hardened into deep azure. "The day she died, by your—no, _our_ hands," he paused, gulping down a knot which formed behind his throat. "I promised myself – and you – that I will help you to take care of her, to protect her. Because Mahiru left Shinoa in _your_ care. She trusted _you_ , Guren. She trusted _you_ her precious little sister, but _what_ have you done besides making her feel like _she's_ not supposed to _exist_?"

Guren bit his lip, tasting the sharp metallic tang and rot on his tongue. The taste was revolting. "I don't—"

"She doesn't need more lies." Shinya repeated, his tone mellowed into flaccid whisper. "Lies _hurt_ , Guren. I'm sure you know this more than anyone."

"It's for the best." he said stubbornly.

"For the best, or for your own self?" he shot back, all sky-eyes and pale-frown and Guren staggered back in surprise at how much the words bothered him. It made his insides stirred around, like he was being strapped on spinning wheel, and it hurt.

It made him want to vomit so badly because of how _true_ they were.

"Shut up." he rasped, slapped a palm over his quivering mouth and bit back the tempting ( _so, so tempting_ ) urge to empty his stomach out right here, and then. "Just… just shut the hell up."

The man sighed, turned back on his heel, and walked away. And Guren, Guren did not stop him from leaving.

 _( he supposed to stop him, though. but like always, he didn't. )_

"You know," Guren froze when he whispered, his board back to him. "I – Guren….. They won't… stop. They would – never, ever – stop, and neither you nor I, in this present – our present – has enough strength to keep her safe from them – from _him_. It'll be like eight years ago all over again. Same scenario, same story and I—I…."

Guren watched, in some sick fascination when his friend's ( _was he a friend?_ ) steps faltered, his pale hand hovering only an inch over the steel handle, ready to whisk away, ready to let go.

He did not wrench his eyes, however.

"Whenever I saw Shinoa-chan and Yuu….."

Guren held his breath, body stock-still against the wall behind him, and began to shake.

"….I saw you and Mahiru instead."

Shinya shot him a glance over his shoulder and caught his pair of cloudy violet eyes for a moment. Guren still held his breath. Still shaking.

The tremors which shook his body did not stop.

"….so please," Shinya begged, voice merely a soft whisper in the air, "Please don't make the _same_ mistakes again."

And with that, the door slammed shut, and when there was no more silvery white hair in the distance, Guren tried not to think. He dared not to think. About her. About the girl who-could-have-been-but-gone because it hurt. It was better to forget.

Because that girl ( _woman, guren, a woman, not a girl anymore; she was a woman in the end_ ) always left a horrible throb in his damaged heart whenever he remembered her by.

But as always, he couldn't help it, so he let himself drown in her smiles and her laughs and her eyes.

And drown.

And drown.

 _( sank, sank, sank, sank down the ocean's deep worth of thousand memories. he let himself sank. he did not surface._

 _he'd never learnt to swim in the first place and he had no strength to breathe anyway. )_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Yuichiro watched as she pressed her hand together, fingers entwined, her body shivering lightly. The night had long gone, disappearing over the reddish blue eastern sky in palette of colors. It's almost morning now, he noticed, perhaps a few hours until dawn. The air around him was humid and burning ice, morning dews plump and glittery along the frail-looking hedge in front of them.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw her mouth began to move, perhaps sighing, as silvery white smokes exited her paling lips. Her unkempt, but still beautiful hair was fanning out around her like a halo, drifting by the lulling wind. Her cheeks were sanguine, all red and stuffy because of the cold. She made such a contrast with her surrounding, ashen to black, she stood out like a sore thumb.

But despite it all, the only thing he could think about was _she's cold_ and _how to make her warm again_. So he pulled down the zipper of his jacket he'd forgotten wearing, and tugged the dark material off, before he draped it over her shaking shoulders swiftly in one sweep of motion.

"Y-Yuu-san…?" The girl blinked repeatedly, eyes flashing confusion. "W-What are you…?"

"Wear it." he ordered, retracting his hands from staying longer than it should have. "I know how much you hate cold."

"I—I don't need it." Shinoa said stubbornly, giving the cloth back to its owner, frowning. "It's… yours. _You_ wear it."

"Why you—" Yuichiro grinded his teeth, a cackling sound resounded within his mouth. He pushed the jacket back into her arms, cursing her persistence just a bit. Sometimes she was too stubborn for her own good. "Just wear it, okay? Stop being such a—"

"I said I don't need it!" she snapped back at him, pushing the fabric to his chest. "I… don't need it." she whispered, hiding her eyes from his scorching ones, biting down her lip until it turned red. She looked down, her head dropped to the harsh concrete below, ashen hair falling across her shoulders like waterfall.

Something inside him ( _perhaps_ _his heart?_ ) snapped in halves when he saw her like this.

Sad, sorrowful, miserable—it didn't suit her.

She looked so broken that it hurt.

"Why are you—" Yuichiro paused, catching shallow breaths to fill his void lungs. "—always, _always_ trying to shoulder everything alone? I'm—I'm _here_ , aren't I, Shinoa?" he said, almost desperate. Almost. " _Right here_. Beside _you_. I have always been here but _why can't you see me?"_

Shinoa flinched, gulping down a mouthful of bitterness down her closing throat. Her eyes were set on fire, hot and sizzling through her veins; but she refused to cry. The temptation to say something, _something_ decent and not another stupid _I don't know_ , was hard to ignore too; but she refused to back down, stilling her own tongue frozen.

She couldn't break now, not _now_.

"Answer me." he demanded. " _Shinoa._ "

"I—" she stopped, feeling a knot behind her throat. She clasped her mouth, before she opened it again. "I'm—"

"What should I do?" he asked hurriedly, cutting her off. "What should I do to _help_ you? Shinoa, _tell me."_

"Nothing." she croaked out.

"There must be something I can do!" he shouted, gripping her shoulders so hard that she flinched. "Don't—! Don't just give up. You _can't_ give up yet."

"There is _nothing_ , Yuu-san." Shinoa smiled bitterly. "I have been dreaming for _too_ long. We both know how this end, so let's – let's just stop. I'm… _tired_. Tired of hoping, tired of running away. I'm just so tired…" she said softly, thin fingers brushed against the stubborn bangs upon her eyes to wipe her sight from the color violet. "So please accept it. _I_ accepted it. _You_ ought to do the same."

"Like hell I will!" Yuichiro snarled at her, his grip tightened into desperate claws, fingers digging to her clothed skin. "To accept something like that—You – you must be kidding me. And you—!" he jerked her upwards, forcing her to catch his furious and yet, pained gaze. "You have to _look at me_ in the eye and tell me that you will keep _going_! That you will keep _living_ inside this twisted world. That you will—!"

A soft sigh, and then; "….I won't."

His grip loosened like a broken strap. "….what?"

"Except I won't." Shinoa said quietly, strangely _calm_ , like calm before a storm and it made the hair on his skin stood, shutting him up completely. "I can't." she said again, this time more sharp and determined than before as she held his stare with her own.

She sounded so sure, sickeningly sure that she was a lost case. That she couldn't be saved. That _he_ couldn't save her.

 _Bullshit_.

All of it.

"…..I hate you." Yuichiro whispered brokenly, feeling the tears prickling his scorching eyes. "I hate you, Shinoa."

Her eyes widened for a split of second, before she let out a soft sigh. "I know…"

"I hate you so much, that it hurts."

"I know."

"You are always been than cruel. Always been that fickle. So _selfish_. I _hate_ you."

"I know."

"But I _care_ about you too. I care _too_ much."

"…..I _know_."

Throwing himself to the ground, Yuichiro pulled her along with him. Resting his back against the wire hedge, he drew her even closer and positioned her much smaller body between his legs. Shinoa sighed against his shoulder blade, breathing in and out, pressing her palms on his broad chest. She was too tired to protest, physically, and mentally, so she went with whatever he intended to do.

She owed him this, at the very last.

"I don't know about your past," he began, settling his chin atop her head, one arm wrapped around her shivery built while the other fell to the ground. "And I don't think that I want to know. But – but I _know_ that it _hurts_ you, so much that you wanted to die." he stopped, taking in a calming breath to soothe his nerves. "And I – definitely _don't_ know about the hardships you'd gone through. But Shinoa—"

"— _don't shut me out."_

Shinoa sighed again, moving her hand to catch his calloused one gently. "I don't want to hurt you." she whispered, her breath was bonfire against his clothed skin. "Please," she said softly, "I really don't want to."

"You can never hurt me." The raven crowned boy buried his face into the crook of her neck, feeling her faint pulse beneath her feverish skin. "I _care_ about you, I just want you to _let me in_."

Shinoa licked her dry lips, and for a moment it was all silence and still. No one was moving; no one was talking; and she had this feeling in her chest; a bursting, tight sensation which made her insides churned and toes curled. Somewhere deep in her heart, she knew that she needed to do this; lest she'd drown in more sorrow, more sadness, and lost her chance forever to resurface again.

 _( it's now or never, they'd said. )_

She breathed in.

"My memories are – are a little bit blurry…" Shinoa began, biting her lower lip until it drew blood. To tell him her past was the same like recalling it all over again. And she hated that, the despair which formed inside her whenever her past came back to haunt her peaceful days. "But I remember that – when I was a child, I was – I was…. subjected into some high classified experiments."

"They – cut – through my skin, drained my veins, tore my tendons—" The girl stopped when she felt him balling a tight, yet trembling, fist. She wrapped her palm over his, smoothing out his tense joints, hoping that the simple act could calm his nerves down. "They also injected me with an unknown serums several times." she paused, thinking. "I don't know – what it was, but it _hurt_." another pause, "It _hurt_ so much that I – that I wanted to die so badly, back then."

Shinoa leaned back into his chest, their hands still entwined. "Though my sister had done her best to protect me, she couldn't – spare me, from our power hungry family." she said, her tone was that of a twisted amusement.

"I was used for several experiments before it's stopped for good. I don't remember – much, about, what time it was, what… kind of thing they'd been trying to do but…. it happened before my sister's death." Shinoa couldn't help the bitterness which clouded her words. "I was subjected into _this_ experiment. They – well – apparently, they'd completed yet another serum and – um – they…. wanted to _test_ it out on me, like always. But it didn't go as planned." she pulled her knees and wrapped her arms around them. "My blood—it resisted the drug, I think. And it almost killed me. I almost – died – and then it was all black."

"But…." she trailed off, "But I think someone—perhaps my sister, or Shinya-niisan, had saved me. And whoever it was had brought me into Guren-chusa's care. My memories – I think they're kind of, wiped out? Most of them, at least. Then it was all wars and battlegrounds, and I was… I was left alone." _Forgotten_ , she thought. Forgotten and left alone.

"Guren left you?" he asked after a moment, his lips moving against the sensitive skin on her neck which made her shudder a little.

"He did." Shinoa nodded, licking her lips. "I won't say that I wasn't hurt. I was such a mess. I spent everyday asking myself, just where did I go wrong? Why was I forgotten? Why was I left behind?" she whispered. "But I don't blame him, or my sister and Shinya-niisan, in that matter. It's _war_. Everyone ends up alone."

"It doesn't matter." Yuichiro gritted his teeth. "He shouldn't have—"

"This is why I don't want to tell you." she sighed tiredly. "After all of this, after knowing, what will happen to us, Yuu-san? What will come of me, when it repeats all over again?" she asked rhetorically. "I would be gone. And you would be broken." she paused, "I told you that it would hurt. But you certainly didn't listen."

 _( you never listen, she wanted to scream at him. )_

Yuichiro sighed tiredly. "I'm not… hurt, just—just… I don't know. You keep talking like you're going to die – and I – I'm, dunno, angry? At myself. Because I keep saying… things, about you, when I didn't even know anything about your past. I just – I just feel like a total douchebag, right now."

"And the difference?" she snorted. "You _are_ hurt. You can't fool me Yuu-san."

He buried his face deeper into her neck, inhaling her scent. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not being there when I should?"

"Stop being such a martyr." Shinoa chided, all rose-eyes and cold disapproval. "You _know_ that it couldn't be helped."

"I'm sorry."

Shinoa was silent for a moment, contemplating, before she stood up abruptly.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Yuichiro looked up to her, titling his head in confusion, his face was that of a puzzled look.

"This." Shinoa emphasized, gesturing wildly at her surroundings and him, too. "Torturing yourself? You're…. not like this before. _Not_ this emotionally attached, especially with _me_. So why change now?"

Yuichiro clamped his mouth shut, at loss. _Why exactly?_

There was no immediate answer for him. And he was afraid to know the real truth buried deep beneath his ignorance. He was not ready for this, but at the same time he wanted to know the explanation behind this weird feeling he was having for the past months.

But still, he was _afraid_. That, was a fact he could not deny.

"Yuu-san?" he snapped out from his thought to find her staring up at him, he didn't know just when he had stood. But he did, apparently. And he wasn't responsive for a while, that she was biting her lower lip in what he supposed, concern. That act of hers though, only made his eyes strayed from her face, and focused to her plum colored lips instead.

Then he was suddenly on fire. He couldn't help but wonder what it feels like to ki—

 _Fuck_.

 _Not_ this _again_.

He groaned, cheeks reddened in pure embarrassment at those—those _inappropriate_ thoughts he was having. This wasn't what he wanted to deal right now. Not _now_.

"Yuu-san?" Shinoa knitted her eyebrows, a frown marring her face when she noticed his ( _obvious_ ) discomfort. "Are you okay?" she asked, tucking a lone stray from her eye, freeing her view completely.

"Is it wrong?" he blurted out then, failing to keep the words in. He knew that he needed to shut the hell up, and fast, before he said something he would definitely regret.

But he couldn't.

"What is?" she asked, lacing her fingers behind her.

"To care about you?" he paused, gulping down a lump which formed behind his throat. "Is it wrong of me to think of you as my precious person?"

"No…" Shinoa whispered, cheeks heating up like summer. Such… emotional things, why he told her something like this? "No it's not. But why…?" she raised a hand to tame her hair from the raging wind, and they stayed there, her fingers, curling themselves between her lavender tresses. "I'm—I'm not special, and I'm such a tease and I love to pull pranks on you and I—"

Shinoa paused.

Why she suddenly being defensive? It's not like her at all.

But her skin was tingling, her blood running and heart thumping.

And in front of her, was a cruel boy who told her to keep on dreaming.

"Does it matter?" he threw the question back at her, tearing a smile from her. A bittersweet smile.

"It doesn't…" Shinoa sighed, defeated. "It doesn't. But still, you're not like this even with Micchan or Yoichi-san or Kimizuki-san so I—"

"You're different." he argued hotly, looking at her head on, his eyes burning with a plethora of emotions she could not name. "You're different from them. You have _always_ been different." he said, sighing.

"Why I'm different?" she asked desperately, "I _don't_ want to be different."

"I—" Yuichiro stopped, biting his lip hard until it drew blood. Relishing the tangible taste of rust between his teeth, he cringed in displeasure. He forgot that he could not say the truth to her. He did not want them to change. Not this fast. "You're just different, okay? Don't ask me why. You're just do." he said between gritted teeth.

"You can't just tell me something like that—" Shinoa knitted her eyebrows in distress, hard streaks upon her flawless face. "To tell me something so—"

"Then what do you want me to do?" he snapped back, suddenly feeling a tad angry. "What do you want me to _say_?"

Somewhere inside his heart, Yuichiro blamed her. All red and burning, the feeling was heavy and tangible enough to touch. It was scalding, making his chest hurt and tight, because dammit, it was _her_ fault. It was entirely her fault.

She was the one who made him like this, and she had the gall to ask _why_?

"The truth." she paused, "I want the truth."

The truth, huh? She wanted the truth for him. A fucking truth.

The _hell_ with everything.

He would give her what she wanted.

 _( but don't blame him )_

"Fine." Yuichiro said harshly, his eyes raging storm and fists trembling. "You want the truth, Shinoa? I'll give you one." he spat.

She flinched at his loud voice. "Y-Yuu-san I'm—"

"I want to kiss you."

A pause. A heartbeat.

And a moment later, she broke.

" _W-What?"_ she stuttered, her face heating up in splatter of cherries and cranberries, splashing red and flush against her glowing cheeks. "W-What are you—"

"The truth," he paused, and caught her wide-open tangerine orbs. "You said you want the truth right?"

Shinoa reeled a step, clutching hard at her chest, near the place where her heart hung. "I-I—S-Stop playing around!"

"I'm not playing around!" The boy gritted his teeth in frustration, his vocal chords grinding against each other painfully. "And I definitely wasn't lying when I said that I want to kiss you!" he shouted, angry tears, _desperate_ tears prickling the corners of his eyes. His chest felt tight, like it was ready to burst into ribbons. "I don't know why… I don't—I don't understand why but I want to kiss you so badly that… it… _hurts_."

Her eyes widened even more. "W-Wait sto—"

"And I want to _touch_ you." he continued on, flat out ignoring her desperate pleas. "I want to hug you with all I have, never letting go. I want to lie beside you—watching your sleeping face, listening to your heartbeats." he croaked out, maintaining his calm with much difficulty. "I want to see you smiling at me – real ones – not those fakes. And to hear you saying my name—I – I want it too. I want you to al—"

" _Stop_."

Yuichiro widened his eyes, when a pair of shaky hands planted themselves on his mouth, stopping his loose words from coming out.

It was then when he realized what he had said.

What he had done.

"P-Please." Shinoa squeaked out, looking painfully small and fragile with her trembling shoulders and thin arms. "Stop it." she said quietly, bowing her head low, refusing to look straight at him. Her heart was beating two hours per mile, and it rattled inside her ribcage. It hurt to breathe too, and her lungs felt like burning in flames.

 _She_ was burning in flames.

This was not what she'd expected, not _this_.

"I'm sorry…" she heard him murmured against her trembling palm, his warm breath fanned her scorching skin.

The girl did not raise her head, still bowing, and he took her hands from his mouth, carefully, before he pulled her inside a tight embrace and buried his face deep into the junction of her neck. Hiding his face from her. Hiding the pain from her. Hiding the desperation from her.

 _( hiding the hurt from her )_

 _Only one_ , he thought. One little mistake and everything was over. _They_ were over.

Was it too late to take his words back?

He guessed it did, because she was a smart girl. She was _such_ a smart girl, and he knew that. He really did.

That fact made him cold on the inside. The fact, that everything between them, would change completely.

 _( she was right, he was such a stupid, stupid idiot. )_

"Just forget it." Yuichiro said emotionlessly, and she shivered from the coldness of his voice. "Forget everything I said."

"O-Okay." she murmured, her body stone still inside his arms. Her stomach was curling. Her eyes stinging. Chest heaving. Shinoa didn't know why but she felt like something was wrong with this situation. With him. But she could not put her finger on it. Just what exactly wrong with him? With them?

"I'm sorry." Yuichiro whispered again, and she widened her eyes when he pulled away from her, creating a distance between. "I—I need to go now. I'm going to call on Guren to fetch you. Just—wait. Here. D-Don't go anywhere."

And with that, he left her alone. Disappearing behind that metal door, away, far, far away from her. And a second later, he was gone just like a passing breeze.

The tightness in her chest intensified.

His face—he was making _that_ face she _hated_ so much.

That somber, pained emotion which passed on his face—she caught every bit of it before the bitter exterior was replaced with a blank, empty look.

 _What had she done?_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Congratulations, Shi—" The hooded man paused when he realized his mistake. "Please forgive my impudence, Hiiragi-sama." he smiled stiffly at him. "Congratulations. At least you are chosen to be the one who will uphold the Hiiragi Family tradition in the future."

"A pleasure to serve you." he bowed, silvery white hair falling into his eyes. "When could I meet her?" he asked, sweetly.

"As fast as possible, of course." The man said pleasantly, clapping his hands. "Now, excuse me, I think they need my assistance. Good day, Hiiragi-sama."

With that uttered, the man seceded himself, closing the door behind him shut with a loud thud.

Then, there was a clatter on the floor, and seconds later a bloodcurdling scream pierced the tense air. The boy picked up his weapon from yet another mass of meat littering beneath him, flicking the blood off from its tainted surface.

He stilled for a moment before a smirk stretched wide on his face. Showing his sharp canines, he raised his sword up, the bloodied metal glinted menacingly by his side.

"Wait for me, Noa-chan." he whispered, looking down at his fisted hand. Inside his palm, lone white lily crumpled between his fingers, its petals withered onto the floor beneath him in a swirl of white and red.

He opened his boned fingers one by one, and the flower fell with a resounding thud.

"I'm going to save you."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:  
** … _..what a jerk._

That was my very first reaction when read-proofed this super-long, ultra-long, totally-really-fabulously-long chapter ( _I wrote this in a span of three days, god bless my sanity_ ). I mean, excuse me, Yuu-san? How dare you. Leaving a girl, in a fucking night, on a freaking rooftop, and alone for that matter? Asdfghjklqwertyuiop. What a rude boy he is. But worry not, dear readers, he's gonna get his punishment later hahaha… ha… ha.

*insert cicadas sound here*

Eh… uhm.. etoo… uhhh, hello minna-san…. *nervous smile*

I guess…. I'm back? Well, not really back, though, just giving you my contribution for my belated birthday ( _I'd just turned eighteen this month~)_ and also to celebrate my recent discharge from hospital XD. Well, I had enough of antiseptics smell, gossiping nurses, and big assess needles— _especially_ big assess needles for almost two weeks. I'm soooooooo happy that now I'm free from all that shit (ToT).

Anyway, sorry for my late ( _really, really late LoL_ ) update, but I hope you like this one. Uh, I'm not sure about that but I'm sure as hell that you all want to chop my head off in frustration because shit, this is the most unromantic confession scene ever (^v^). Well, at least, close enough. It's not a confession, per say. Yuu-san hasn't said those pretty little words after all. Yet. But yeah, once again, close enough. Still no kiss, though :) And Big Brother Shinya is bae XD. And finally, a new mysterious character! Who is he? Well, that's for me to know and you to find out :) There will be a lot of twists in the future, just wait for it alright~

* * *

 **regarding the last author's note:  
** Well, I'm gonna start my rant about my recent problem with this fandom. As you can see in the reviews section, Anon-san hasn't stopped sending me hate mails even thought I'd begged him to. And yeah, it's hate mail now (*w*). His/Her words got a 180 degree turn. Or 360? Either way, I don't even want to think about it anymore.

I'd gotten a chance to pour my rant personally at him/her though. I know that s/he must have read my comment. I'm sorry for the rude words, but well, I was moody and in pain, so you can imagine how pissed off I was. His/her words were… plain rude, _hurting_. You can read it by yourself, but I advise you not to, because it's not worth your time, trust me. I wish I hadn't given a damn. I mean, _look at me._

I was tired, and _hurt_. His/her words were plain rude and I'm hurt. I really am. But I can't do anything about it right?

I mean, I thought about deleting those reviews. But then, before I could even execute the plan, my phone rang. And again and again and _again (-v-")_. There was _no_ end. You can imagine the rest. I was so close from banging my head in frustration but thank god one of my bestfriends saved me from my stupid action. By another stupid action, though. She slapped me, _hard_. But still, thank god I have such a brutal friend (TwT).

I have enough angst for a lifetime, so I'm gonna return to my happy and ignorant self. There's no recent activity yet ever since I'd given him/her a piece of my mind, beside a few bloody PM's ( _yes, s/he made an account, I dunno though, whether it's the same person or not)._ But in case s/he begins again ( _spamming on this fic, I mean. I'm cool with him/her sending me stupid PM's but not my fic, please_ ), just let s/he be. Let Anon-san hating on me as much as s/he likes. I'm going to heed those mails like they're nothing because damn, I'm _eighteen_ now (-u-V).

* * *

 **for dear readers:  
** _THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL THE SUPPORTS AND LOVE! *blow kisses*_ You guys really are amazing. I'm blessed to have you all encouraging me on. So don't worry, I will finish this story, not gonna leave it hanging because I'm a reader too, so I know the feeling. The only thing I want from you is patience. And also supports, because _without_ your supports semper memento _would not_ be what it's now (TwT).

So _thank you lots_ minna-san. I don't know what to say, what to do, but _thank you_. Thank you for every support, every encouragement, every compliment, every love and care you'd bestowed upon me. I really appreciate it, I really do. If not for you all, I wouldn't have managed this new chapter. Now I'm going to return to my everyday life. I'll try to update monthly, though no promises, it depends on my college's assignments. But of course, I'll try my best for all of you. Once again, ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU! Until we meet again~ Hopefully next month, when the second cour finally begins. And don't forget to vote Shinoa on ONS Official Popularity Poll! Mata ne~ (^w^)

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**

* * *

 **p.s: for anon-san, whoever you are, please** _ **think**_ **before you speak. And** _ **do not**_ **hate on fictional character, because honestly? It makes you look stupid and uneducated. I'm tired okay? Tired of you hating on Shinoa. Tired of you hating on me and my story. Tired of you spamming my mail. It's not** _ **my**_ **fault that everything turned out this way. It's** _ **yours.**_

 **It's people like you who made ons fandom like this. Full of hate, full of wars. Can't you grow up just a bit? This is not just about me and you, this is about a lot of people out there, who, with all they have, love Owari and love Shinoa and love Yuunoa and** _ **you**_ **, you** _ **can't**_ **take that away from them, from** _ **me**_ **.**

 **And about tumblr—for god sake's I stopped stalking tumblr since ages ago. I don't know a shit about what you're spouting about. I don't know a thing, okay? Do not say that I'm an attention-seeker bitch, because hell, I don't want to experience this at all. I'm tired of hating, tired of running away, so just this once, I'm going to say** _ **fuck off**_ **.**

 **You can bitch all you want, but don't expect me to care. Because I don't. And I won't. Making a freaking account to terror me is not going to help you either (** _ **I don't know whether it was you or perhaps another idiots out there, but hell, this is the reason of why I write this note in the first place**_ **). So you better stop this for once and all because dammit, I've had enough for this shit. Okay? Okay.**


	8. and blood is running blue

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _please stop for a moment and look around you,  
summer is harsh, fire-hot against scorching skin and burning scalps  
autumn is calm before storm, a shade of cinnamon and tastes like gingerbread  
winter is solitary, the world's lonely lady within dreamlike memory  
spring is new beginning, a sweet hue of fuscia and smells like wildflowers  
every season is beautiful, but also equally sad,  
it keeps on shifting day by day, and even today,  
the season changes its colors again  
_ _ **.**_

.

 _it turns again, you know? the world. but please,  
always remember to remember?_

 _ **.  
.**_

* * *

 **author's babbling and a little bit warnings:**

Hello… *nervous glances* Merry Late Christmas and Happy Early New Year! (,,•﹏•,,) Nice to see you again but please put away those fabulously sharp knifes! I come in peace! (T^T). Uh, welcome to chapter eight minna-san! Well, this chapter is going to be confusing as hell. Not like Owari no Seraph is not confusing tho ( _have you seen chapter 41? I'm fucking done. This fandom is truly and utterly cruel. Kagami-sensei is a genius sadist all right_ ). It's like the beginning of a disaster I swear, but don't worry, I'm going to explain every single thing eventually, so please be patient. For now, let's just say that your imagination matters the most XD. Thank you for the reviews/favorites/follows! I'm sorry for the super long wait but please enjoy this chapter~

I dedicated this chapter to Suki-neesan and DS2 Dragon Slayer-san! Thank you for always cheering me on and here's your early New Year Present! You're both are really amazing! Kisses to you :)

 **disclaimer:**

I do not own owari no seraph. If I do—you know what would happen XD.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

The pale, sickly moonlight shone through the creaks of her shallow windowpane, weaving string of dimmed glow upon her wan skin. Shinoa sighed softly against the silk around her body and pulled the fabric to cover her bare arms, blinking out the tiredness from her eyes.

Someone was standing by her door.

Shinoa swallowed bile down her closing throat and pulled her blanket closer. She hated stranger.

But that man in front of her was _no_ stranger.

"What are you doing here?" she spat, her eyes sharp and jaded beyond her age. "This is my room, _get out_."

Kureto pushed himself from the ghastly colored wall and walked to her bed, his boots scraped the tiled floor beneath him. He stopped, bent down, and caught her wild, yet blank eyes with his own. "You have no right to boss over me. Remember _your_ place."

The girl hissed and bit her lower lip hard, drawing blood. It tasted awful, the metallic tang which spilled across her tongue, yet the pain inside her mouth tasted fouler. "What do you want?"

"I just want to ask my cute little sister something." he shrugged.

"What?" she asked sharply.

"Have you made your mind?" he asked, an arrogant smirk stretched on his pale-skinned face.

 _That son of a bitch._

Shinoa bared her pointed teeth, wild tangerine orbs flashing red and crimson as anger pinched every nerve inside her body. How _dare_ he? After all this time, how _dare_ he?

He should have known better. _Should_ have understood that she despised the likes of him.

"I better off dead _, Onii-sama_." she mocked and spat the blood at him. It stained his flawless coat, but she didn't care. "Get out."

The black haired man frowned, eyeing the red blotch with well-hidden disgust. "You sure have gotten cheeky."

"You bet." she smirked. "I won't be your puppet. Not now, or ever."

"You wouldn't say that," The girl flinched when a hand suddenly grabbed hers in a rough manner, before it twisted her small digits inside a tight grip. She felt her bones breaking. It _hurt_. "—when I kill that boyfriend of yours."

Shinoa widened her eyes, pools of chestnut opened in terror. Her body was numb. _She_ was numb. "N-No. You wouldn't—you wouldn't _dare_."

"Try me." he chuckled, eyes shining in some kind of sadistic pleasure she felt her blood run cold.

 _No._

"Try me, _imotou-chan."_

* * *

.

.

Guren pressed his palm against the frozen window glass and counted his measured breaths; the soft, steady melody of an untitled classical piece floating inside his vacant office. The tune reminded him of her, somehow. He remembered how she loved this song. He remembered how happy she was when she was singing with that beautiful voice of her. He remembered their promise to travel the world, just the two of them.

Just the two of them.

But she broke that promise.

 _( and the pieces? were gone. were forgotten as the time passed and her picture got even blurred within his black and white memories. )_

"Oi Guren."

A familiar voice called from behind. Something inside him clenched, twisting and distorting like a never-ending loops it made his insides sting. It made him want to tear his heart out, the ache was antagonizing, but he buried the unknown feeling deep into the corner of his mind and wore another fake smile across his face.

"Yo. Nice to see you here."

The man sneered at him, _raimeki_ strapped by his waist, glinting dangerously as if to warn him to _not_ make a mistake. "We should start everything now." he commanded.

The feeling was back into the surface again, so did the disturbing echo within his mind. His head was hurting, and it was a torture to keep his pain from showing, but he couldn't show any weakness in front of this man. So he gritted his teeth, stilled his body, before he flashed him another strained smile. " _Fine._ "

The thing was, it wasn't fine at all.

"You remember our agreement, right?"

 _No,_ he wanted to scream. _I never agreed_ , he wanted to say. _I never—_

"Of course."

Traitorous, _traitorous_ mouth.

"Good. Because I'll not hesitate to kill you if you forget."

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

 _"She has always been weak at heart. Always been that vulnerable.  
Just like her sister did."  
"It's a sickening show to watch. Both of them, Hiiragi through bones and blood,  
and yet they fell in love. How stupid is that?"_

 _-  
"Love is nothing but a liability. They should have known better  
than loving a person  
they could never have."  
_ **-Hiiragi Kureto-**

* * *

 **the eight memory  
** [and blood is running blue]

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Shinoa feathered her fingers above her silken-silk emerald dress, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles along the embroidered laces stapled on its edges. The material fell onto her feet in soft waves, blooming around her petite form it hugged her body with its tight strings and overlapping knots. Her hair swept by her shoulders down her back in loose curls, rose jewels and expensive diamonds pinned twin braids around her head, scintillating silver and golden between her pale lavender tresses.

Her surrounding was a splash of glittery neon lights and mosaic tiles, a glaring contrast against her ghostlike skin it was bursting with lively people and lively dress and lively colors across the ballroom.

And even though she was standing among a sea of people, Shinoa was solitary.

" _Who is she? She's beautiful."_

" _That ashen hair, I think I have seen her once or twice in the past."_

" _Look! She is walking with Kureto-sama and Shinya-sama! How lucky to be her!"_

" _Wait. Have we ever met her before? She looks awfully familiar."_

" _Mahiru-sama! Is that Mahiru-sama?"_

" _She's a Hiiragi? Mahiru-sama's little sister? Well, her hair is certainly—"_

" _She's a Hiiragi, what do you expect?"_

Shinoa closed her tangerine eyes, her breathing came in short puffs as she bit onto her glossed lip to calm her rattling heart. This was one of the reasons of why she hated society so much. It made her skin crawl, the thought that she would have to maintain her sugary-sweet smile and talk in hushes for the rest of night.

This place wasn't _hers._

Her place wasn't here. She wasn't made for this resplendency.

Shinoa was made for open air meadow between late winter and spring, melting ice all around her she was the epitome of crisp frost raining down the earth. She was made for free-falling in cerulean blue sea, thumping waves hurtled against her skin that she could taste the salt across her tongue. She was made for adventure, running with everything she had and not trapped inside this suffocating box they called as society.

Tears pinpricked the corner of her eyes, her fingers shook, but then a warm hand overlapped her trembling-cold one, and she looked up to see her big brother's reassuring sky eyes staring down at her. That instant, she realized something.

She was made free, but now she was locked within a gold cage of her own misery.

" _Ladies and Gentlemen, there is someone we want you to welcome into our honorable circle."_

Shinoa breathed in and out. _This is it,_ she thought.

" _It's such a pity that she could not manage to join us sooner, but please welcome—"_

No turning back anymore.

" _Hiiragi Shinoa, our lady of salvation."_

The clapping which erupted around her was deafening.

She walked forward into the blinding light.

* * *

 **.**

 _ **.**_

" _This is Shijin Satoru." Kureto said bluntly, gesturing to a person beside him. "Please treat him well."_

" _Hello~" The ivory-haired, crimson-eyed boy chirped happily, waving a hand with a smile etched on his handsome face. "A pleasure to meet you, Noa-chan!"_

 _She ignored him, her eyes hard on the concrete walls, her fingers tight between her fists. She didn't want to meet him—whoever he was, because he's_ Kureto-niisan's _, and she hated him._

 _A sigh was weaved. She didn't know whether it came from Kureto-niisan or that unknown boy, but she wasn't going to open her mouth and that's it. She wasn't going to back down. She wasn't going to talk._

 _Not for him._

 _Not for anyone._

" _Fine. I'll forgive you just this once." Kureto said after a moment of staring at the mute girl, then turned to the boy beside him. "You can do whatever you want with her, just don't be too rough."_

 _Shinoa clenched her palms even more. She could feel the blood seeping past her scarred skin and nails, but instead of loosening her fists, she put more pressure that her sharp nails dug even deeper into her flesh. She needed the pain to control herself._ The pain keeps me awake _, she thought._ It'll keep me awake.

" _Nah, don't worry Kureto-sama." he grinned wolfishly. "I will behave. Thank you for your concern."_

 _The man gave him a hard stare—like he was trying to read him, to decipher his nature, before he removed his eyes and exited the barren room, his midnight-colored coat bellowed behind him._

 _And then, all that's left was silence._

 _The person – the boy – was studying her from afar, though the distance was suddenly cut short when he began to stride towards her. She could hear his footsteps pitter-pattering against the tiles, the rustle of his clothes, and the smooth movement of his muscles clearly. Inside this hollow serenity, she noticed almost everything._

 _Even the muffled earth-shattering scream at the distance._

" _So, Noa-chan," he began softly, like he was talking to a child. "Let's make this short, okay?"_

 _She ignored him. He sighed._

" _You don't want to talk? Fine. But please listen to me."_

 _Another silence followed him._

 _He made a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. "You're still a stubborn head, aren't you? Please—"_

 _Still?_

 _Shinoa narrowed her eyes._

"… _What do you mean by that?" she muttered under her breath. "I don't know you."_

 _He paused walking. The screaming stopped. She still didn't raise her head._

" _Yeah." he whispered, whether to himself or her, she didn't know, before he started to walk again. He was getting closer to her place. So, so close that she could already feel him crawling under her skin. "Perhaps you don't, but I know you."_

 _The copper eyed girl frowned. "How?"_

 _He smiled and took her hand in his._

" _It's a secret." he said playfully. "Now, it's rude to ignore your guest, isn't it? At least look at me head on, Hiiragi Shinoa-sama."_

 _That unknown boy was saying something absurd. Shinoa bit her lips and contemplated. What she was going to do? Acknowledging him was the same as losing, and she hated losing, especially to people she despised. But in the end her curiosity won. This boy in front of her, he didn't seem like he was dangerous. In fact, his voice felt nostalgic to her._

 _A voice that seemed so familiar, just who was this person?_

 _So she looked up to find a smiling boy hovering after her. His pale hair and vibrant colored eyes reminded her of a past gone wrong._

「 Shinoa-chan? Shinoa! What the hell are you doing here? Run away from here they're going to—! 」

"… _..just who are you?"_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Satoru-san, please don't stand too close to me." she hissed low, a polite smile still etched on her pretty face. "And get your hands off my waist. It's unbecoming."

"Aw," The boy pouted, but did as he was told. "I'm having a great time, and it's not like I'm doing a bad thing, you're my—"

"Shut it. Or you prefer that I shut your mouth for you?" she glared.

The ivory-haired boy whistled. "Feisty, aren't you?"

Shinoa growled under her breath, flashing her sliver embed fan in front of her face she hid her frown from wandering eyes. It's not even midnight and she'd already begun to consider the possibility of escaping out from this hellhole for once and all.

Her eyes flickered around. There was still a lot of people went and by, dressed up in their stupid and too flashy clothes which cost them a lot of unnecessary fortune. She puffed. Rich assess.

After a few fake smiles and obviously forced courtesies, she glided across the dance floor, pulling him with her in the process. Her stupidly long dress and stupidly high heels were giving her a run of her money and yet she kept moving. They received a few annoying coos and jealous stares but she ignored it along with the twist in her stomach. Then, when she spotted an empty balcony a feet ahead, she halted into a mere stance before she pushed the boy in hurriedly.

"So," Satoru grinned wolfishly, watching as she closed the stained-glass door he leaned back into the porcelain rail behind him. "You finally acknowledge my good looks and decided to rape me, Noa-chan?"

"Pervert." she bit out venomously. "Now, why are you here?"

"I'm hurt." he said dramatically. "Of course because I'm your—"

"It's not official yet." she interjected him before the dreaded word came from his mouth. Why she agreed to deal with this annoying boy, she didn't know. He was almost as bad as Yuu-san—

 _「_ _I want to kiss you—!_ _」_

Yuu-san… huh?

 _「_ _I'm sorry, just…. forget it. Forget everything I said…._ _」_

She thought of his arms around her, their foreheads touching. She thought of his green, green eyes, blazing sharp. She thought of his bittersweet smile; the way his tears fell; the way he murmured her name. She thought of his warm hands; the wild expression upon his face when he saw her that serene night; the tender kisses he left against her skin. She thought of it all.

Shinoa thought of his desperate cries of _please let me in; let me help you; let me save you!_ and wished that she could take everything back because she didn't ask for this—this laughable, stupid, _stupid_ , feelings.

 _I take it back, I take it back so please—!_

Remembering him made something within her break. She was already warped from the start, barely standing between the fine line of sanity and madness, she was bound to fall down anytime and that stupid boy had warped it further. A thin piece of thread waiting to be cut down, she was fragile, _breakable_. She didn't need him weighing on her shoulder too, no matter how important he was to her, she needed to control her emotions or else she was going to fail and—

No. Shinoa didn't want to think about the consequence of failing that man.

 _You have to calm down_ , she told herself, breathing in and out, and tried to focus on the reality instead. She would deal with her conflicted feelings later. "So, why you're here?"

"It's getting annoying how you always interrupted me." he shook his head, frowning a little. "But to answer your question; I _belong_ here. Even though my status as a Hiiragi is still a secret, I'm from the notorious Shijin family, of course I'll be here."

Shinoa licked her lips. "Is that all? Did Kureto-niisan give you a—"

"How many times I should remind you that I do _not_ work for Hiiragis." he snapped, his dull eyes darkening into lava-red. "You may find this unbelievable but I'm not some idiot who bends on their beck and call just like that adopted brother of yours."

"Watch your mouth." she snarled, copper eyes flashing dangerously. He did not just insult her brother right in her face. He did _not_.

Satoru leaned forward and twirled her hair between his long fingers. " _Make me_."

* * *

.

.

.

"Guren, what are you planning now?"

The man's lips curved at the question. "I don't think I understand. Care to explain?"

"Stop lying." Shinya said sharply. "Stop pretending. What are you planning with Kureto-niisan? Who is that boy? What the hell happened to you!" he raised his voice as the anxiety began to build in him. "I—You are the one who want to save Shinoa-chan the most but now—" he paused, "What… just what happened to you….?"

Guren smiled again, too fake, too bright and Shinya was reminded of another when he saw that smile. "Nothing happened. I'm just trying to protect her, you know?"

"By selling her out to the Hiiragi family?" he asked, incredulous. "By making her live a living hell?"

"No." his eyes darkened. "By helping her control the 《oni 》 so she won't die."

"…..what are you?" he blinked, a flash of confusion crossed his sky eyes. "I don't understand…."

"I guess I should have told you from the beginning." Guren's smile faded a little, the hard lines upon his face softened, and he seemed different again—like he was changing back and forth from one personality to another, and it made Shinya even more confused than he already was. "Mahiru's dead because of the strain brought by two demons inside her body. She was breaking little by little, being forced to endure the pain as the insanity began to take over, and—"

"Mahiru's not dead." he cut him off, smiling forlornly. He didn't know what happened to him, but he wouldn't let him use Mahiru as his excuse anymore. He'd used her a lot, just like she used him, in the past, and even now. "And I know that already, she was—Mahiru was trying pretty hard to save Shinoa, but the things she did—" he stopped and shot Guren a pleading look. "Please don't make the same mistakes."

"You're a fool, Shinya." The man's violet eyes hardened. "Not everything is black and white. Do you really think that Kureto will let Shinoa die?"

"Yes." he said in a heartbeat, no hesitation, no regret. "Many things have changed in all these years, and he too—" he shook his head, silvery strands falling into his eyes. "Kureto-niisan is not the same."

"So do I." Guren whispered low, his voice sounded like a stranger. "So do I, Shinya. I have changed too."

Shinya clenched his hand. "…..what are you planning?"

He gave the man a lazy smirk. "Now that I know you clearly don't support my ideas, I can't tell you anything."

"Guren—" he took his shoulders in a tight grip. "What are you planning?"

The man smiled again, and for a spilt of second, his eyes gleamed red. Shinya leapt back without a second thought when he caught that sinister gaze upon his face. Something about him was off. It was scaring him. Just what he's playing now?

"Just wait and see," he heard him whispered. "I'm not going to let her die again."

Shinya widened his eyes at his words, the air around them suddenly felt tense and thick against his skin. Inside his mind, _Byakkomaru_ was clawing at his cage, getting restless as the time passed. The demon was screaming incoherently at him, not even forming a word but he knew what it was trying to say.

 _「_ _Run—!_ _」_

Shinya took in a calming breath, his weapon materializing before him in a smoke of black ashes.

"You're not Guren." he hissed. "Just _who_ are you?"

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"The hell with those annoying noises?"

"Ah. It's probably the higher ups party, Yuu-kun."

"Party?" he scowled. "Che. Rich assess."

Yoichi chuckled a little, eyes shaped crescents. "Well, the Hiragis always host one of these parties once a month, I think. I'm surprised that you'd never heard about them before."

"It's not important." he rolled his eyes and leaned back into his bedpost. "So, why are you here again?"

There was a moment of silence as he gave the fidgeting boy an impatient stare. Yoichi bit his lip, contemplating. He wasn't quite the smooth talker, but he needed to help him somehow, like he'd helped him a countless time before. But it was so hard, to find the right words inside his mind, and it was even harder to form the syllables at the tip of his tongue.

"Yuu-kun," he began with a small voice. "Ano…. is there something you want to tell me?"

Yuichiro pursed his lips into a tight line, eyes hardening into dull emerald. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"There's something wrong." his eyes softened. He was lying at him, that boy. "I know there's something wrong. Please tell me, ne?"

"Why you—" he gritted his teeth, his eyebrows furrowed angrily. "I told you there's nothing!"

"Is it about Shinoa-san?" he said calmly, and watched as the boy gone stock-still at the mention of her name.

One name and Yuichiro ( _proud, proud Yuichiro_ ) was rendered speechless.

Yuichiro gritted his teeth, hard. His heart was hurting, just like his head, and everything felt like a nightmare when he thought about her. But his live revolved around her, and even now, when he was miles away from that girl he could still picture her broken smile and glassy eyes and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to meet her, to apologize for his mistakes but he was afraid and Yoichi—

Yoichi knew everything.

"Y-Yeah. I guess…" he whispered, blinking his vision into the blur of window glass he drew a calming breath. Panicking wouldn't do him any good now. "I—Well, everything is a mess. And I don't know what to feel and her—Shinoa is not helping. I'm just—I ruined everything."

The cinnamon haired boy tipped his head. "What do you mean?"

"Have you—" he swallowed hard. "Have you ever made a mistake?"

"Of course I have, Yuu-kun." Yoichi was all smiles and laughs but it made the cold inside him intensified even more. "Every one of us, human, is not immune from making mistakes. To be wrong is normal. To sin is normal."

"But I—I've done something I shouldn't have." he mumbled, shifting his eyes into the steel chair beside him. "I said something taboo. I shouldn't have said it in the first place. I should have known better." he paused to give him a desperate look.

"—and now it's gone."

Suddenly, silence washed over them in tranquility. Only soft intake of breaths was heard and the occasional creaks of the wooden floor. Yoichi shifted uneasily in his chair, fear crawling up his arms as his heartbeat hammered loudly within his ears. He didn't know if he was ready for his answer, but he asked anyway.

"….what is?"

"Us."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"You and that shorty scare the hell out of me, so spill."

"The hell are you doing here?" Yuichiro said, looking down to a bundle which sleeping on his couch, unmoving. "First Yoichi, and now you. What is this? A freaking bully-on-yuichiro day?"

"We bully you daily." Kimizuki deadpanned. "Now talk."

"Shut it, telephone pole." he snorted.

"Fine. Insult me. How mature of you." he rolled his eyes.

"I'm mature." The seafoam eyed boy muttered. "You're the immature one."

"See?" Kimizuki shook his head in exasperation. "Just spill it, yeah? It's exhausting to watch the two of you. I mean, cold war? Are you a child?"

"It's not cold war. And we're _fine_." he muttered under his breath. It seemed like his stubbornness was still intact, if not it was getting even bigger now. "Stop assuming things."

"Then what?" Kimizuki raised an eyebrow. "It's been two months since she woke up and yet you never went to see her even once. Am I mistaken to say that you're being a child now? You'd been the most persistent out of us, screaming about seeing her and here you are, locking yourself away and you dare to tell me that the two of you are fine?"

"I know, okay!" he said, frustrated. "There's just something you couldn't fix! And I have had enough of it. I just—I can't see her right now, not when I'm still such a mess." his eyes fell into his outstretched hands. Two months ago, he was holding her between his arms. Two months ago, she was smiling at him. Two months ago, they were together.

But not anymore.

Yuichiro sighed. "No. Not when I'm still lost. I just— _dammit._ "

"What is it?" he asked quietly. He had his full attention on him now. "I won't judge you, and you know it."

"I—I told her that I want to kiss her." he whispered, closing his eyes. His words tasted bitter on his tongue. "I told her that I _want_ her, how fucked up was that?" he laughed weakly.

Kimizuki was silent for a moment, careful eyes lingering on the boy's pained face before he opened his mouth again.

"So you want to say that you love her?"

"I love—what?" he widened his eyes. "What are you—?"

"You love her." he said. "That's why you want to kiss her. Isn't that obvious?"

Yuichiro clamped his mouth shut, face paling to translucence. "…shit."

"Yeah." Kimizuki chuckled. "Shit."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"What's wrong with love, anyway?" Kimizuki asked, flipping a rectangular object between his index and middle fingers with ease. "You look scared."

"Hell yeah I am." The questioned boy grimaced. "There's nothing wrong with love, it's _me_ who's wrong."

"You." he grunted. "Fine. Let me rephrase it. What's wrong with you?"

"I can't love her." he whispered, biting his lower lip hard. "I just… _can't_. It's not supposed to be."

"You love your family. You love our squad." he drawled, eyebrows went past his hairline. He could be really confusing at times. "What's wrong with loving her then?"

"That's different." he muttered, his fingers between his messy hair. "I didn't mean familial love but—"

"Oh."Kimizuki blinked his eyes in realization before an amused smile split his face in two. "You mean romantic love."

"That." he agreed, flinching slightly as if he were stung. "I just—I'm not ready for it."

"Then," he paused to give him a challenging stare, catching the silver box inside his palm in one sweep of a motion. "When will you be ready for it?"

A pause.

"I don't know." he cringed.

Kimizuki sighed. "You know, you're such a fool."

"Huh—!" he paused when a tiny box smacked his face. "What the—"

"Try to apologize for starters, you moron." he said, exasperated.

"The hell was that for…" he massaged his sore nose as he glared heatedly at him. " I know that already…"

"Yeah yeah. Whatever you said." Kimizuki said, completely ignoring the death-glare aimed at him as he was looking out the glass window. "It's getting late, though."

Yuichiro set the box down after staring at it for a minute. Even though he was being completely annoying, the bastard was right. He needed to apologize to her for all the stupid things he'd done. He sighed and brought a glass of puffing coffee into his lips. How nice for that stupid delinquent to make him one.

Still, he was still angry for that throw because hell, it's fucking hurt.

"Those stuck-up bastards." he said after a moment staring at the glittery light across his window. It was still busy out there. "Honestly, it's getting annoying."

"Well, it's the higher ups." he shrugged down, sipping down his own coffee. "I expected no less."

Yuichiro snorted. That was true. "Those rich asses only know to party, don't they?"

"If you put it that way." he smirked.

That ended their meaningless conversation. Yuichiro gripped his blanket around him closer. The night was going late, it's autumn now, almost bordering to winter and the cold had never been this painful before. Mother frost was his favorite, but today the winter's crisp only dampened his mood when it reminded him of her.

Shinoa hated cold. She despised it, and yet he loved the cold with every fibre of him.

He smiled. The irony.

The two of them weren't fated to be together, were they?

"Oi," he blinked when Kimizuki started talked again. "Do you think Shinoa and Mitsuba are there? They are from noble families after all."

"Mitsuba might." he said quietly, somehow her name sounded weird when it rolled by his tongue. It'd been a long time too since he spoke to her since that eventful night. "I'm not sure about Shinoa, though."

"….I guess." The peach haired boy said after a moment of staring. "You're sharper than you look, I didn't think you would ever notice it."

"I didn't." Yuichiro cringed in shame.

"…hah?" Kimizuki put his mug down and raised an eyebrow at him. "You didn't?"

"She told me." he sighed. "She told me that her family hates her. If not for that, I won't notice at all."

"You sure are cruel." The bespectacled boy said, whistling. "You should have realized it the first time you met her. She's a Hiragi, as in _that_ Hiragi, and yet her rank is _sergeant_. It's unheard of, unless there's something wrong with her relationship with her family or—"

"I know!" he bit out. "I know I'm such an idiot but for me it's not important. _Shinoa_ is important. Her family's worth, her reputation, I don't give a damn. It's just… I didn't think that it would be like this. I'd thought—"

"She grew happy?" Kimizuki cut him, smiling bitterly. "With the amount of smiles I would have thought the same but—"

"They're fake, aren't they?" Yuichiro chuckled humorously. "Have she ever smiled for real?"

"…..I don't know." he whispered. "But I hope so."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"Why haven't you go the hell out from my room, anyway?" Yuichiro threw a pillow to his direction with his monstrous strength; an act of vengeance, perhaps. "Your presence makes me wanna puke."

"Suck it up, baka." he chucked a pillow back at him, growling like an animal. "I'm tasked to watch over you. Now shut up."

"I don't need a babysitter." he frowned. He definitely wasn't a child anymore. Why could he see that?

"Tell that to Guren-chusa." Kimizuki drawled, an annoyed expression upon his face. "I'm just doing my job."

"Fuck off, Kimizuki." he hissed. "There's no way I could sleep with you in here. Just go back to your room—"

Then, there was a rattle by the door, startling them up.

"Hey, you heard that?"Yuichiro whispered, rising from his bed as quietly as he could manage. It was two in the morning for god's sake, just what kind of sane person came to visit in such an hour?

"Yeah." Kimizuki narrowed his eyes, alarmed. "Let's check it up."

The moved through the narrow hall, minding their steps. Yuichiro didn't know why, but he had bad feelings about this.

They opened the door to find a familiar ivory-haired man standing by his entrance, looking as though he came from a raging battleground. His attire was in tatters, his hair mussed-up, matted with sweat and blood, and there were bruises and scratches all over his pale skin. He was oozing blood everywhere, but his eyes were sharp and _seeing_.

"Yuu-chan." he said between painful gasps. " _Please help her_."

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

"It's time for waltz." Satoru craned his head back into the ballroom when the flow of the music changed. "Come on, let's hit the floor." he said cheerfully, clasping her hand inside his bigger ones.

"Why should I?" she frowned and pull her hand away as if she were being burned. "You go."

The boy rolled his eyes at her stubbornness before he gripped her wrist again, tighter this time around. "We're together in this. Let's go."

"I'd never said that I approved of this stupid plan of yours." she frowned.

"Gezz." he raked a hand through his long bangs. He really liked this girl but sometimes she'd got on his nerves. Apparently her cute face and flawless appearance couldn't tone down that stubbornness of hers even just a little. "Just follow me okay? You're getting annoying."

With a sharp jerk he brought her into the glittery ballroom. There was a lot of people who stopped to give them a slight bow and admiring stares, before they were back to dancing again. Taking a place right at the center of the ballroom, he swung her body to fit his, an arm around her hips and another was gripping her tiny palm.

Then, when the music began to pick up again, he guided her through the mess of colorful people, slowly moving in accordance with the beautiful melody. Shinoa had never danced before, and even though she was trained how, she wasn't important enough to attend any banquet back in her childhood. And years later, after her sister's wrongdoings, she wasn't even allowed to attend one—not that she wanted to.

But it changed tonight.

All of it.

 _( she didn't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, honestly. )_

The music altered its color again, she noticed; the buoyant rhythm of the previous symphony melted into soft ballads. She fell into a step with him, dancing gracefully despite her discontentment. They were still looking at her, those nameless faces. Not liking the way countless of eyes following their every moves, she shifted her attention on her partner slash enemy instead, trying to figure him out.

His identity, his motive, his loyalty, his desire—all of it were obscure, blurry, just like a reflection upon steady water which could dissolve anytime once you put even a finger on it. He was mysterious, empty, almost; just like a blank canvas ready to be painted. She didn't know what he wanted from her.

This boy did not seem like one to be attached on a person alone. But he also did not seem like a turncoat either.

So what he was exactly?

What drove him to make such an arrangement with her?

"Oi." his low whisper startled her from her musings. "The formation is going to change. I know that I'm irresistible, but it's time to get your mind out the gutter, princess." he teased.

 _That incorrigible piece of—_

Before she knew it, Shinoa found herself being swept by a countless of faces she didn't know of. And everything happened so fast, before a hand was curled around her small body, stopping her blurry world from overhelming her senses. With her vision still a messy smudge, she put her palms on the stranger's chest, pushing weakly to free herself from his hold.

"Stop struggling." The stranger's voice was low and hard when he whispered to her ears, his hot breath searing her earlobe into lava. Something was familiar with his voice, but she couldn't pinpoint what it was. "I'm not going to hurt you."

A small wince escaped from her mouth when his hand suddenly moved around her petite form to land by her back. She bit her lips. His touch was familiar too.

"Here, Shinoa." he whispered again, and she had to wonder how he knew her name, but the thought was soon forgotten when she remembered that almost everyone inside that room had already informed about her name.

But still, she was curious. Though curiosity never turned out good for her, her heart was aching to look at this unknown person holding her. Something about him was familiar, and she wanted to know what it was.

Yet, when she finally raised her head, what she was seeing made her blood run cold.

"Y-Yuu-san!"

The surprise was almost laughable, and the panic which rose within her almost made her shriek but she held her voice down.

 _He_ was here.

The person she was dying to meet was standing in front of her, only a breath away, all dressed up and polite and she—she didn't know what to say, or do, in this kind of situation.

Shinoa was lost.

"Why—How come—?"

"Shinya-san sent me." he said, grinning uneasily at her.

The panic within her escalated even more, her eyes opened wide that she was sure they were going to fall out from their sockets if she were to move even an inch. "Shinya-niisan? W-Why?"

"I'll explain later." he said, apologetic. "For now let's escape."

"How?"

He smirked down at her, and she had to fight by the blush from her cheeks. _No! Stupid brain! It's not the time!_

"Let me show you."

And the next thing she knew—

They were running.

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

"Damn. That was scary."

Yuichiro sighed tiredly, even though it was only for a few minutes of dancing around that damned hall, his foot felt like they were about to snap. Flicking his vision away from the glittering crowds, he set his eyes on her, the dead-silent girl. Eerily blank expression was plastered upon her ivory face, her lips pale, her eyes empty; she didn't resemble the girl he knew. Not the Shinoa he knew of, at least.

And honestly, it made him a little bit afraid.

"Oi, Shinoa, say something." he said, forcing a smile by his handsome face. The situation on hand and the slight anger reflected across her orbs were rattling his bones. The moment he saw her inside that room, all dolled up like a princess from his long forgotten storybook, he had almost lost the reason of why he was standing in this place. He knew that his time was not much, only a few minutes before the waltz ended, and in that short span of time he _needed_ to get here out from here.

But why he could not move his foot?

"What are you doing here?" she coldly asked, her eyes never leaving his. "Why? Yuu-san."

The boy felt like he was being burned. Flinching uncomfortably from the red gaze directed on him, he threw his face to the side. "I've told you, Shinya-san sent me here."

"And you agreed?" she pushed, her tone somehow mocking. Mocking him—as though he weren't accepted here, as though he were in the wrong place and wrong time.

As though she didn't want to see him.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a steady breath. Breathed in, breathed out. He told himself to keep on going, despite his brain calling on him to run away from her.

"Why wouldn't I?"

She laughed, and there was a slight sadness and bitterness inside that laugh. "After all this time ignoring me, I didn't think you would agree to meet me."

"I—" he bit his lips and moved closer. No, she was wrong. He wanted to meet her more than she believed. "Shinoa listen I'm—"

"Don't." she whispered and put a hand on his chest. "Don't say anything."

It was a warning. A threat of _don't you dare come any closer_ and he did, he stopped even though he didn't want to.

Because Shinoa sounded like she was going to cry.

The winter's air swept by them, caressing their hair softly. The moon was high above, illuminating them by pale-honey light; radiant stripes of silver upon their crossed shadows. The clock was ticking, the silence was deafening, and when he couldn't take it anymore—the silence—he moved forward.

He was moving towards her, slowly, before he stopped when he was only a breath away. She was still looking away, refusing to catch his eyes. But then, something cool touched the column of her neck, silvery glint appeared form the corner of her eyes.

It was a necklace. A snow shaped necklace.

"….why?" she asked, her voice whisper-like. It was the only word she could think of right now, her mind was a mess. "Why did you…?"

"It's a gift." he muttered, blood rushing in to his cheeks. "Well, uh, I want to apologize for—for everything, but I don't know if you will forgive me and Yoichi said that girls like glittery things like jewelry so I—"

A gift… huh?

This stupid, stupid boy. She loved him so much that it was ridiculous.

"It's enough, Yuu-san." she cut him off, an amused smile playing on her lips. "You're babbling."

"….yeah. Sorry, I just—" his rigid, almost stone-like posture softened. He looked like he was relieved; for the weight he had been bearing was finally lifted from his tired shoulders. He looked happier, somehow. "I just want to apologize properly…."

Shinoa curled a smile. He was really stupid, wasn't he?

A laugh bubbled inside her throat, and she let it go, watching as the boy blinked his eyes in confusion.

"Stupid Yuu-san." she said softly after her laughter had subdued down, clasping the tiny snowflake inside her palm her eyes were clouded with unnamed emotions. "Thank you. It's really beautiful…."

Yuichiro felt his cheeks burning even brighter when he saw her smile. He didn't know why. Perhaps it was the moonlight. Or perhaps it was her appearance; because she was wearing a dress tonight, just like a faraway princess in some fairy tales he didn't know of. She let her hair down too, it was long and wavy and it was stunning.

He always knew that Shinoa was a beauty since the first time they met.

But tonight was special.

"You look beautiful."

Shinoa blinked her eyes at the unexpected compliment. She must be imagining things. There's now way that—

"You look beautiful, Shinoa." he repeated again, as if he were reading her thought.

"W-What are you—" she stuttered, blood rushing to her cheeks. "It's not time for joking—"

"I'm not joking." he said. "I'm _not._ "

Yuichiro fixed his intense green eyes at her; the same ones which had seen her crying her eyes out in that hospital room; the same ones which had seen her smiling bitterly and had seen her at her very worst; the same ones which had seen her reaching her breaking point.

The same eyes which had seen through her perfect mask and weakness.

The same eyes which she fell in love with.

"May I have this dance?"

And suddenly, Shinoa was back into that room again. Staring at his bright seafoam eyes, she was dreaming once more.

Sitting on that washed-out white hospital bed, pale moonlight shone against their skin; she was a girl who fell in love with a boy she met in her fifteenth year of life.

Her heartbeats were loud inside her ears, her face heating up, but a smile was present on her angelic face.

"Yes you may."

Only by the void balcony, with an almost unheard music by their side, they were dancing. It wasn't supposed to be. He supposed to drag her away from this hellish place—if Shinya-san broken and battered body was any indication he should have run the moment he found her but he couldn't. Not when she was here—looking heavenly beautiful and smiling at him.

He couldn't.

"I missed you." he whispered, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "God, I missed you so much."

"If you missed me," she shook her head, "Why wouldn't you ever visit me?"

"I'm sorry." he sighed. "I was such a coward. I don't want to meet you when I'm still lost. I know you're confused about my words from back then—" he paused to catch his breath. "I—It's okay if you hate me, but will you give me another chance?"

"You know I will never hate you." she whispered. "You _know_."

"Yeah." he breathed out. "Thank you, Shinoa."

"Your welcome, Yuu-san." she whispered back.

The melody was fading, but she was all he could think about. Her face, her eyes, her lips—she was real. Not a figment of his imagination, but the real thing.

There was heat inside his heart, a burning flame, and suddenly he wanted to kiss her. To touch her. To taste her. The urge was primal and primordial, it frightened him with its intensity and it was getting even more intense than before, more stronger that he was literally searing with wanting. Such an animalistic thing, he didn't know how to repress it anymore.

So he dropped his head to level her, before he brushed her bangs aside and left a kiss on her forehead. It was just a peck—nothing harmless, then he moved down, staring into her wide and beautiful orbs for a moment, bright with emotions he couldn't read, and kissed the corner of her eyes. Then down, to her button nose, leaving another kiss, before he froze when he was only a breath upon her lips.

Should he kiss her? The girl hadn't stopped him so far, she was only staring at him with that unfathomable eyes of hers, unmoving. Her cheeks were flaming bright with embarrassment, but she just stood there, waiting for him to make a move. Waiting for him to decide.

 _Is it worth it?_ He asked himself again. _Is it really worth it?_

He didn't know for sure. _And yet today_ , he thought as he moved his face closer, _I want to be selfish._

 _( just for today. )_

But then, a bloodcurdling scream tore the thick silence in half.

And a second after that, the heaven fell upon them.

* * *

— _tbc?_

* * *

 **author's note:**

I'M DEAD. DEAD. LIKE, REALLY, REALLY DEAD. UH-HUH. THIS CHAPTER KILLED ME.

Ahem, sorry about that. It's been a long, very long, long time since I updated this story and damn I think I'm losing my touch. Things have escalated too quickly and I know you must have some questions regarding this chapter, mainly:

1\. What the hell Evil Eyebrows is doing towards Shinoa? _The answer is, for me to know and you to find out :)_

2\. Shinoa is a Hiiragi princess now? _The answer is likely. I mean, it's not like she's not a Hiiragi princess before but now she has the whole society kissing her ass and to put it bluntly, she is Mahiru replacement._

3\. The fuck happened to Guren? Is he working together with Kureto? He hurt Shinya-bae? What the hell? _Ah well, that. I'm sure the latest manga chapter and anime final can answer that question. Unless you're skipping the whole thing, then I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about._

4\. Who is that Shinya-wannabe and what he's planning on Shinoa? What's the deal with this ''arrangement'' between them? _The answer is again, for me to know and you to find out XD._

5\. Is he handsome? _HELL YEAH HE IS XD. We need more bishies. Like Shinya-bishies. Or something like that, seriously._

6\. Where is Micchan? _Well, she's in the middle of crisis somewhere but you'll see her sooner or later. Just keep hoping._

7\. What the hell with that ship-tease huh? HUH? I DID NOT SIGN FOR THIS. _Lol sorry. But you know me, I love to mess with you all. And let me assure you, they will have their kiss but unfortunately they have an evil eyebrow, a mad househusband, and shinya-bae wannabe on their kill-list so the smooching need to wait, okay? That was a close one tho…._

8\. What the fuck exactly happened? Why they need to run away? Where's Shinya? HE CAN'T BE DEAD YOU EVIL WITCH. _Nah, I'm gonna answer that in later chapters. AND OF COURSE HE'S NOT DEAD HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF KILLING MY BAE._

9\. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? _Sorry, dear readers, first I want to apologize because I was being totally irresponsible and childish. Well, you see, the rude anon from the previous chapters was harassing me weeks after I updated chapter seven. That kinda put my mood down, still, I tried to tell myself that they would stop eventually but surprise~! They didn't._

 _So I put this story on hold and wrote another oneshot instead, then after a while, thanks god, they'd stopped. But it's been a month and half and I kinda lost my will to continue this story. Not to mention I was trapped inside a hell we call as university so writing is the least I had in my mind, so really, forgive this pitiful me. I hope you enjoy this chapter though!_

 _And of course, thank you for the reviews minna-san! If not for you all cheering me up, I would never finished this chapter, so thank you so much! I really am grateful and don't worry I'm going to answer them in the next chapter (only the guest ones though, from now on I will personally reply for you who have an account so please stay tuned! And if there's some question you wanna ask, it's okay to PM me too, I'll answer them as soon as I can *smiles*). See you in chapter nine :)_

 _Care to leave a comment or two? :)_

 **-Hinoiri Lwin-**


	9. between here and forever, is infinite

**.**

 **.**

| **semper memento** |

* * *

 _and because we know it'll never last  
because we learn that forever means never  
after a while, we understand how far away the future is  
like a blurry picture painted on a still-blank canvas  
uncertain, unknown, unpredictable  
so we learn, and learn  
and learn  
_ _ **...**_

 _ **..**_

 _ **.**_

 _but in the end, all that's matter is you, so please_ _ **  
**_ _always remember to remember?_

 ** _.._**

 **...**

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

The clash of metal against metal was deafening. Shinya ducked, skittering over the damaged walls as fast as he could, trying his best to avoid the barrage of power aimed at him. A blow was soon delivered against his exposed chest, forcing him to stagger back a few steps behind. He coughed, red substances smeared across his wan lips and trickled down his chin.

"GUREN!" he screamed, Byakkomaru burning bright blue between his fingers. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Another slash came, he leapt backwards, wincing as the sharp edge broke his skin and drew blood.

"Don't you dare—" Shinya hissed, a flicker of red passing through his eyes. "Don't you dare disappoint me, you bastard! Fight her! You're not this weak!"

A blast of energy shot through his side.

Shinya fell.

"Argh!" he coughed up blood. " _Dammit_ Guren—"

He froze when a sharp edge suddenly pressed against the skin of his neck.

"Shinya." The raven haired man said, smiling a mad smile, but his eyes were blank. "Dear old Shinya."

"Guren." he whispered back his name. " _Guren_."

The man's smile widened. " _Checkmate_."

He pushed the sword further, and it began to cut his flesh, tearing crimson from the scarred skin. What should he do now? The man had certainly gone insane, being possessed by his late lover's altered self to fulfill her desires which still lingered within him. But Shinya wanted to see those striking violet orbs again, _not_ the bright red which reminded him of a past gone wrong. He wanted his friend back. He wanted _his_ Guren back.

"Guren… wake up." he gritted out, almost begging whilst clutching his throbbing chest. "Can't you hear me….?"

 _Can't you see me?_

Shinya stopped when something struck him hard, his hand began to tremble as he staggered away from his friend's hollowed form. He looked down to see the metal already buried deep within his stomach, dark red fire eating his flesh raw.

Then, it was all black.

"I'm sorry… Shinya…."

 _Guren you…. you can't see me, can you?_

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

His world was darkness.

He was staring at nothing, and he thought he was probably in a void somewhere across the real world. But the truth was, he was seeing pictures in his head. Pictures of corpses dying him in a shade of nauseating black; of blood splattering against his pale skin; of burning fire-gold which was everywhere he looked – everywhere he touched – because his surrounding was nothing more but ruins.

(It was like he was standing among a land of death.)

"Shinoa…" he muttered. "Where are you?"

He searched, and searched, between the corpses, between the blood. It was carnage. A nightmare. He was sick of the stale smell every time he breathed, he was sick of the horrendous sight of fire and blood and corpses, he was sick of everything and more importantly—

He was sick of himself because he _couldn't_ find her.

The corpse beneath him was still; cold and empty. Void, glass-like eyes were staring back at him in silence. Yuichiro forced his eyes away; dreading the fact that she could be in the same position. That she could be—

No no no no no. Stop. Stop. Turn right.

He could see her, she was there, she was—

" _SHINOA!"_

(Inside someone's arm.)

* * *

— **semper memento—  
** always remember

* * *

 _"He is like an open book, really."  
"Yuu-kun is too easy to read,  
he wears his emotions without any guard,  
and his explosive way doesn't make it any better."  
__

 _"But Shinoa-san—Shinoa-san changes him.  
Somehow, when he's with her, Yuu-kun is not the same."  
"So different, he looks like an entirely other person. And I—  
__

 _I think he's in love.  
I think—no, I know he loves her."  
_ **-Saotome Yoichi-**

* * *

 **the ninth memory  
** 「between here and forever, is infinite」

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

Satoru widened his eyes when some unknown boy yanked Shinoa's unconscious form away from him, not minding his protective grip around her body in the slightest. His eyes widened even more when the boy's irises began to flash from green to red, showing how little control he had over his demon and emotion right now.

"O-Oi! What are you doing!" he protested and held his place, not faltering. "Stop it!"

"Who the fuck are _you_?" Yuichiro growled low, his eyes darkened before they flickered bright crimson. "Get your hands off of her!"

"What the—?" Satoru could only blink at him, a shudder suddenly chilled his body when he saw the killing intent behind his irises. The anger was furious red and it _scared_ him, but he kept his hand firm on her arms because this boy in front of him was _dangerous_. "Stop that! Just who do you think you are?"

"I'm her _teammate_!" he snarled. "Now let her go!"

Satoru clamped shut as realization passed across his eyes. He soaked in the scent of suppressed anger and swallowed it deep into his lungs; numbing his racing heart into a slow beat. He was _that_ boy. _That_ boy who'd left a deep scar across her heart. _That_ boy she'd wanted to meet for the past two months. _That_ boy who'd promised her forever. _That_ boy who meant so much to her.

( _That_ boy whom she loved with all her heart.)

"Oh." he whispered, finally letting go. " _Oh_ , you're him."

Satoru could only watch as Yuichiro nestled the limp girl between his arms, murmuring her name over and over again against her deaf ears which sounded almost like a prayer. There was a haunted look in his eyes, and he looked so jaded beyond his years. Maybe it was something that came with being part of someone else; when they died they took a part of you with them too. But the thing was; she's still alive and she's already too broken to complete anyone – or anything – in that matter.

So honestly, Satoru didn't know what to feel about right now. His fiancée – the girl whom he vowed to save – was being embraced by another man but he could only sit back and watch everything from the distance. Something formed at the pit of his stomach, and it wasn't a good feeling.

(Even though it wasn't mutual; it's fine for him to feel a little bit jealous, right?)

"Hey—" Satoru moved closer, threading carefully to avoid the burnt end. He understood the pain he'd been going through; but they needed to move from this place before it's too late. "She's fine, only unconscious. I think she has a slight concussion because she hit her head but other than that—"

"Shut up!" Yuichiro glowered at him, and only now did Satoru notice the tears falling out from those seafoam-green eyes. "What did you do to her?"

Satoru blinked his eyes at the accusation.

 _Did he just—?_

"You must have done something!" Yuichiro hissed as his eyes kept flickering from electric green to burnish red. Satoru bit his lower lip in distress, he could see that he was only an _inch_ from losing his control over his cursed demon. If this continued, he wasn't sure what would happen to him as there was a little to no chance to turn him back into a human once he changed completely. And if that happened, the plan they – Shinoa and him – had built at the expanse of their own lives would be rendered useless.

 _No,_ he thought as he remembered Shinoa's tears and half smile _. We can't afford to fail right now._

"Argh…. So troublesome…." Satoru breathed to his palm, sighing. "There's no time, okay? Just get her out from here!"

Yuichiro looked blankly at him.

Satoru screamed in frustration.

"Dammit just follow my instruction!" he finally snapped. " _Go_!"

Hearing the urgency in his voice, made Yuichiro aware that he was serious with his words. It didn't take him long to burst out from that wrecked ballroom, a sleeping beauty cradled inside his arms. Satoru stared after their blurry form and prayed to god that he was making the right decision by leaving his fiancée in his care. He could only hope when she wakes up; Shinoa would take the hint and beat some senses into that thick skull of her teammate.

Because he wasn't meant for a cursed life like his. Satoru was enough. The pain was enough.

 _I'm counting on you, Noa-chan._

* * *

 **...**

 ** _.._**

 ** _._**

He moved through the corpses, holding his breath.

Just what he was planning? What he was trying to achieve?

(He couldn't understand it.)

"Satoru." he whirled his head around when a hand landed on his shoulder. "Where is Shinoa?"

"Like hell I know." he sneered, barely managed to hide his disgust from showing. "Just what are you trying to accomplish by this, Kureto-sama? A massacre of nobles? Have you lost your mind?"

"What is this?" Kureto narrowed his eyes at him in return, a flash of anger visible in his eyes at the indirect mockery of his action. "Are you questioning my actions, Shij—Ah, no, _Hiiragi_ Satoru?"

Satoru flinched back from the stare. He knew the meaning behind those words.

 _(_ Remember your place.)

"No. I'm sorry." he managed to grit those words through his clenched teeth. "Please forgive my impudence."

"Good." Kureto said. "At least you still have your manner. That girl has certainly lost hers."

Satoru balled his fists _._ Now, that was an insult he didn't want to hear. _That girl you're talking about_ , he wanted to say, _has more manner than you certainly lack._ He held his words, of course, and instead he took another look at his surroundings. It was a _mess_. There was blood everywhere; on the wall, on the marble pillars, on the floor, on _him,_ on _them_. And the corpses—the corpses were burnt, painted in the color of decaying black with bloodstained chains jutting out their rotting skin.

 _This_ , he thought despairingly _, is_ _not a work of a human_.

A monster—Hiiragi Kureto was no human, he was a _monster_.

(Just a sick monster.)

"Kureto-sama." he forced out the tremble from his voice. "May I know the reason of this—" _genocide_ "—plan?"

He straightened up when the man stared at him. Just like back then, he stared at him like he was trying to figure him out; like he was a stack of puzzles he wanted to solve; an equations full of questions he needed to fathom. Sometimes he thought that the man never seen him as nothing but a pawn to control around. A pawn he could dispose anytime he wants. A pawn just like that poor Hiiragi Shinya.

So he held his breath; waiting.

"Fine. You're technically a Hiiragi now." Kureto scoffed after a minute of silence. Satoru released his breath he was holding. "This _massacre_ , " he said, flicking a knowing – mocking – look at him. "Is done for the blood to control the fallen angel."

 _Fallen angel._

Satoru narrowed his eyes. He was right. It's seraph of the end experiment all over again. But still, there were loopholes. "But the nobles, they were—"

"Not important." he cut him off. "They were Mahiru's supporters—even after her death, they still hauled her as their savior. Those kind of person—" his eyes darkened. "Did not deserve to live."

A shiver ran through his body at the harsh word.

 _This is Kureto Hiiragi indeed._

"So you—" he paused, choosing his words carefully. "You used Shinoa to lure them out?"

The man only gave him a condescending smirk.

"Think of it like killing two birds with one stone." he said carelessly. "Anyway, find Shinoa. I need to talk to her."

 _You need to pull another experiment at her you mean_.

Satoru wanted to shove his sword through him but suppressed the feeling and put on a smile instead.

" _As you wish_ , Kureto-sama."

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

Shinoa groaned when obtrusive light peaked behind her sore eyelids. Her head was hurting badly—it was like someone had pounded onto it multiple times and stepped on it to complete the touch. She shook her head, trying to subside the headache from further annoying her but it didn't pay off as the throb was still there, in the back of her skull, banging on the still-bone inhumanely.

 _Where I am?_

She blinked to adjust her sight; but then bit back a groan when white spots began to form as soon as he opened her eyes. Blinking again, she forced her body to move from her spread-wide position with much difficulties when she realized that she couldn't feel her arms and legs. She winced as something sharp sliced through the skin of her wrists; drawing blood across the pale surface. Vaguely she could see a long, horrendous black cord pinning each of her arm and leg into the white floor.

 _What happened to me?_

She remembered being completely helpless while her older brother had chosen a male for her; binding her within a relationship without asking for her permission first. She remembered sealing a deal with the said male, risking her life – and his life – in the process. She remembered dancing in a hall full of faces she didn't recognize with scarlet gown and high heels strapped on her body. She remembered the anger she felt when Kureto – her older brother – forced her to play princess and sweet-talk her late sister's believers. She remembered seeing him – a person she'd longed to meet since forever – and remembered his sweet words and remembered his warm touch and then—

And then, what?

 _What happened after that?_

She drew a blank memory; unable to recall anything besides sharp pain at the back of her throat.

"Shinoa~"

Hearing her name being called, she finally opened her eyes wide before she dazedly moved them around to find the source of the sound. It was silent before she caught a silhouette of black hovered over a chair in a far-off distance, watching her.

She squinted, bringing her eyebrows together in a line. There was a tuff of lavender hair and sapphire blue scarf being played in the air. She squinted harder and found a pair of piercing cerulean eyes staring back at her.

She knew those eyes.

"….Kiyo-chan?"

The figure smiled.

"Hello, princess~"

Breathing in and out, she tried to remain calm despite the fear which began to overwhelm her senses. She knew that having two demons inside her head was a bad thing, but she didn't think that it would be this _bad_. "W-What are you…..?" she croaked out, "Why…?"

Hopping down the chair cheerfully, the demon sported an askew smile. "I'm just playing my part Noa-chan~ Like you play your part; like Shii plays his part; I'm just conducting my lines."

Her eyes gazed at him in confusion. "W-What do you mean?" she managed to ask between her dry lips.

The demon blinked cutely. "You're really asking me that?"

She shook her head. "W-Why I'm here? What—just what happened?"

"You human never cease to amaze me." he grinned. "It's okay, Shinoa, let me take the pain away."

She bit her lower lip hard. She didn't understand what he was talking about. "W-What?"

"Just like last time," he said, smiling sweetly. "Let me take care of the pain."

 _Let me take care of you._

 **BA - DUMP**

Her mouth opened wide in a silent scream when a searing pain exploded down her abdomen, and when she looked down, the demon's hand had already moved past her body; punctured out her stomach like a metal beam while reddish substance began to pour down from the hole, coating her – and his – skin wet with blood.

 **BA - DUMP**

"K-Kiyo—c-chan….?" she stuttered, blood pooling inside her cavern. _"….why_?"

 **BA - DUMP**

"Why….. do you ask?" he whispered, his abnormally bright cerulean orbs now tainted with crimson. He began to clutch his stomach, his lids stretched even wider as laugh bubbled inside his throat. "Don't make me laugh!"

 **BA - DUmp**

The demon pulled his bloodstained hand, watching as the girl coughed up blood, her eyelids dropping close as time passed by.

 **Ba - dump**

"Sleep, Noa-chan…." he murmured, rubbing his knuckles against her red skin. "I'll take it from here."

 **Ba - du – mp –**

 **ba – dump**

 **ba - du—**

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

He was out of breath.

Raven hair was red-matted to his forehead, blood crusted into his skin, and the smell could have forced him to gag, emptying his stomach all over the ground. Shinoa was weighed between his trembling arms, deep into sleep. His muscles ached, but he kept running along the never-ending darkness, unsure which path to take.

(He didn't know where to go from here.)

Shinya had only told him the basic – _go to the ball, dress nicely, don't be suspicious, and save her god I beg you_ – before he went out cold. Kimizuki had treated his wounds with every medical treatment he knew, but he didn't sure if it was enough. And he – Yuichiro – had been frantic, imagining her head rolling on the floor, or her body squished against some bastard's bed; he had been beyond _scared_.

(He'd been afraid more than he'd thought.)

He took in a breath, the freezing air hurting his windpipe. At least she was safe now, still breathing; still alive.

 _But where should we go from here?_

The night was blinding. There was only pure, taintless black and nothing seemed safe for them. In a broken, broken world like this, he could depend on nothing.

 _What a depressing thought_.

He sighed, pale mist coating his lips blue. They were out from the cage now, slipping from that secret underground passage by the north gate which they'd used ages ago. The dry, barren land crunched beneath the soles of his boots as he moved through the abandoned buildings with careful steps. _One, two, three_ —he counted the ruined skyscrapers along the way without a sound, raking his mind with any useful information that could help them right now. He didn't remember when, but at the count of _thirty-three_ he stopped altogether to find himself standing across the ocean.

Across the _black_ ocean.

It had been years since he saw the sea, and he missed the brilliant blue which remind him of Mika's clear, beautiful orbs—he really did. He knew that he would never see that fleeting color again for the rest of his life, because now the color of the ocean was rotten black, no longer blue.

 _Just like my heart._

Yuichiro stayed for a grand total of three minutes and five seconds before he turned around, never looking back.

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

Finding an abandoned shack on the other side of the sea, he laid the sleeping girl gently against a heap of torn clothes he'd found littering around. He bent down, cradling her pale face between his palms slowly; as if she was some kind of delicate porcelain doll which could crack under his careful touch.

 _Her cheeks are freezing cold_ , he thought as his thumbs brushed across the plump skin. Yuichiro let out a sigh, a relived one, because despite all the shit they'd been through at least they were still alive. At least _she_ was still alive.

(He didn't know what to do if she was gone from his life.)

Yuichiro focused his vision; watching attentively as her chest moved up and down with her shallow breathing. His eyes trailed up, into her peach colored lips and button nose, then into her flushed cheeks, her thick lashes, before he caught her breathtaking hazel orbs looking up to him and—

Wait.

"…Shinoa." he blinked his eyes in amazement. "You…. you're—"

The girl was quiet; frighteningly so and Yuichiro found himself froze when she pulled her body up easily like she wasn't deep in sleep just a second ago. She stared at him blankly, before a wide, spine-chilling smile broke across her face, splitting it in two.

"Yuu-san~"

Shiver suddenly racked his body in waves at the seductive tone she was using to form every syllables of his name. Staggering away, Yuichiro stared into her eyes hard, as if he was trying to figure her out.

 _What's wrong with her?_

The shift was almost unobtrusive; an evanescent kind of thing—undetectable. For a moment, Shinoa was looking at him – only looking – and the next thing he knew, a vicious, _daring_ side of her had taken over. Reddish caramel eyes had sharpened; sweeping their gaze along the dimly lighted room and Yuichiro's frozen form. With the eerie smile still painted on her face she watched her clear reflection in those pair of beautiful seafoam irises, like she was _delighted_ to find that her own had changed from chocolate brown to crimson.

She took a step closer to the boy, not missing the movement Yuichiro's throat made as he swallowed. Keeping her pace steady, she slowly backed him into the wall until they were almost flush with each other. Something in the back of his mind screamed at him to get the hell away from her—but he couldn't move.

"Hello, Yuu-san." she whispered – or more like _purred_ – into his ears. He didn't know when but the girl had pressed herself into him, her burning cold palms against his chest. "I'm really happy to see you."

"S-Shinoa." he instinctively took a step back, baring his face away from hers. "Too close….."

"Hmmh?" she moved closer, her hot breath fanning his skin red. "You smell so good, Yuu-san~"

The boy shuddered when a hot, moist tongue suddenly left a wet trail along his exposed neck. Time seemed frozen as the girl began to go even further with her bold demonstration, completely ignoring the hitch in his dragged breathing as she stopped at the junction between the shoulder and neck and began to suck. Yuichiro shuddered at the feeling of teeth just barely grazing his skin and lips clamped down hard. But the girl only smiled at the display of weakness and instead put her palm to the corner of his clothes, tugging in the loose fabric softly.

His heart skipped a beat as fear began to cloud his senses. Not because of their rather close proximity, or the weird way she was behaving. He was afraid of her _eyes_ , because they were _red_.

 _Demon's red._

As if he was pulled out from a spell, Yuichiro jerked back from the not so innocent touch. Something akin to anger began to well up in his chest, making him uneasy.

"Who are you?" he whispered, holding her wrist in a tight grip.

The girl titled her head, a condescending smirk painted on her lips. " _I'm_ Shinoa."

"No. You're not." he said.

She giggled a bit; but the action only made the boy even furious, anger bubbling through and through his veins like parasites and he had to bit his tongue hard from snarling at the stranger. He wanted _his_ Shinoa, not this impostor. " _Where_ —" he hissed. "— _is she_?"

"Stupid boy." she shook her head, amused. "I told you that _I'm_ Shinoa—you should believe me. After all I'm your _precious_ person, am I not?" she whined, eyes glinting with something he couldn't put his finger on.

"I repeat," he said through gritted teeth. He had _enough_ of this. "Where the fuck is my teammate?"

There was a pause. He glared. She smiled.

"Want to meet her?"

"Yes."

"Then let me show you the way."

Yuichiro widened his eyes when a soft pair of lips suddenly planted themselves against his pale ones.

* * *

 **...**

 **..**

 **.**

The blood pasted moon shone through the creaks of the swaying trees, creating an eerie picture as the pale light contrasted with the darkness surrounding him. Mikaela pulled his coat tighter around his body in a protective manner, sighing into the freezing air. Not like the cold bothered him; it'd been a long time since he could even _feel_ anything. The cold just reminded him of something he rather forgot. _Someone_ he rather forgot. But as always, _he_ was unforgettable.

His second heart; someone who had stuck with him for half a lifetime. A person who made him feel that it's alright to be alive in a broken world such as this.

(A brother he hadn't seen for so long, where was he now?)

He sighed and moved towards the pile of ruins a mile away. Sometimes he didn't understand the point of wandering around these barren lands. There was nothing worthwhile; all they could find was a pack of filthy human asking for protection. Seeing those human crawling after them – vampires; their predator; their _sworn_ enemies – only made his stomach curled; because they were like a personification of his old, _weaker_ self before the vampire queen forced her blood down his throat.

(He was once human, after all.)

The sound of his footsteps faltered as a familiar scent assaulted his senses; making his mind blank with the sudden intrusion. His face crunched up in agitation when he realized that he knew this scent by heart.

It was _his_.

 _Yuu-chan's._

"Mika~" he raised his head to see an annoying progenitor waving his ridiculously long arm at him. For a moment, his anxiety was forgotten because like it or not, he was on mission. He had the responsibilities to carry out his duty. Even though he was aching to abandon everything and ran after that sweet scent of his brother, he needed to execute his job first.

"What is it?"

"Come on, we're going to the north~"

Mikaela closed his blue streaked orbs, breathing in and out. The scent was becoming stronger and stronger by now and it suffocated him. But he didn't let it show; his expression ice-cold; his feet moving towards his squad in even steps.

 _Just wait for me, I'm going to save you._

* * *

 ** _..._**

 ** _.._**

 ** _._**

Shinoa pressed him back roughly; backing him up against the wall behind with their lips still connected with each other. The boy groaned when she began to nip at his upper lip, licking at the soft appendage until it turned angry red. Then there were hands running up his barely clothed chest. She was clutching at whatever she could put her palm into without a second thought and Yuichiro felt his skin just give away beneath her burning fingertips.

He tried to crane his neck to tear their lips away – his lungs began to fail him; he _couldn't_ breathe – but her strong grip on his hair prevented his head from moving. Like she knew about his plan to break free, Shinoa curled her fingers tighter, switching to sucking on his bottom lip instead. Losing his train of thought, he tried to protest, only to have the girl interrupted by biting down on his lip hard.

Yuichiro gasped when pain suddenly assaulted his senses, unknowingly giving her a total access to the inside of his burning cavern. Shinoa's tongue was hot as it traced every nook and cranny of his teeth, trying almost desperately to goad him into responding. Stilling as a taste of foreign tongue thrust past his lips – searching and probing – the only thing he could feel was the fire which began to build at the pit of his stomach.

The kiss become harsher, wilder—she was literally robbing every breath of him and left him in a state of pure wanting. He tried to keep his head clear; his heart steady; his body unresponsive; but with every brush of those tantalizing lips against his bruised ones he was slowly losing his mind into the dark part of himself.

To think that he was going to lose to her again was almost laughable, but he knew he couldn't restrain himself any longer. So he took his chance, responding to the heated kiss by swirling his tongue eagerly over hers.

He knew it was wrong of him – he seemed like a total bastard for taking advantage of her unstable state – but for God's sake he'd been waiting to kiss her for _months_. Wrong or not, he could no longer keep this frustrating feeling at bay; and instead of thinking about what an ass he's being right now or how the girl would pound him when she'd found out, he tried to savor the addicting taste of hers and planted it into his mind so he would remember it forever.

As he began to work himself against her eager kiss, their movement escalated into a full battle – tongue against tongue; teeth against teeth – which had no winner. The corner of his mouth lifted a little when she mewled into their kiss; her breathing getting heavier and heavier as seconds gone by.

Desperate for air; she finally broke their kiss with a little smack and his gaze automatically followed the string of saliva which formed between them. Wincing as he felt the mini crescents where her nails had dug in, Yuichiro tried to compose himself and his scattering thoughts. "S-Shinoa—" he paused when their eyes meet each other; steeling his spine against the tremor that threatened to run down at the look she had on her face. It was that look again; a foreign look she had been wearing for the past months.

(He truly hated that _look_.)

"Yuu-san…."

Shinoa didn't know what _exactly_ happened which landed them into this situation. She didn't even know who the hell made the first move between the two of them because her mind was a mess and the only thing she could register was the warmth of his breath on her skin.

It's like she wasn't herself anymore. It's like she was a different person altogether.

 _Do it little one,_ a familiar voice whispered. _Have a taste_.

Her mind blanked.

 _Taste him._

Threading her fingers through Yuichiro's dark hair, Shinoa pulled his head aside to bare his neck to her before she sank her pointy teeth – fangs – into the smooth expanse of skin. Moaning at the intoxicating flavor which swarmed her mouth and across her taste buds, Shinoa pressed herself closer to him; feeling all hot and bothered with the burning sensation at the back of her throat.

"S-Shinoa….."

Hearing her name uttered through his lips made her moan got even louder. She buckled helplessly against the male's shivering built as she sucked greedily, and even engulfing the red substances which trickled down his collarbone with the sweep of her tongue. Her lips sweltered because of the hunger inside her which could not be satisfied, making her legs weak and leaving white spots across her vision. Gasping for more, her hearing went out completely, her mind shutting down and the only thing she could focused on was the addicting taste inside of her mouth.

"S-Shinoa w-wait….."

She could hear her name being repeated continuously like a mantra, but it was unclear, like the sound was from far off; only an echo, a stifle. Brushing it off as only her imagination – her mind was blank – she continued lapping at the skin beneath her mouth. It was like the whispers of encouragement in her head had increased in frequency and volume, blocking out most of the noise of refusal in her ears. Shinoa inhaled, breathing in the scent of their attraction. Something inside her laughed, encouraging her to keep the game on; to keep tasting him; tasting him until there's nothing left—until he's gone.

 _Do it, little one._

Surrendering to the desire which flared inside; Shinoa prepared herself to drink more from him to quench her thirst, but then stopped when she felt something cold grazed against her neck; cutting lightly through her pale skin.

She froze when Yuichiro's eyes began to bulge out from their sockets; disbelief written across his face. Sound of billowed cloak reached her sensitive ears with fast steps echoing at the background. An animalistic growl accompanied by a click of metal and then—

" _Get the fuck off Yuu-chan_."

Shinoa blinked when a wet sensation touched the back of her throat, snapping out of her trance. Pausing her ministrations, she drew her face away from the crook of Yuichiro's neck and looked at the unfamiliar person behind her dazedly only to have the person snarled, baring his fangs at her. She winced a little when the sensation intensified but except that she didn't make any move at all.

(The sharp edge went deeper, and only then she realized that it was actually blood trickling down her skin; coating it dark red.)

"What the fu—MIKA! Pull you sword away!"

The vampire ignored the order; his grip firm around the hilt, no intention of letting go.

"I said, _get off_."

The girl did as she was told, still blinking in what could have been confusion and slight fear. Mikaela narrowed his eyes.

 _What the hell was wrong with her?_

It was like she's a different person altogether. Although her eyes were still fixated on Yuichiro's mouth – glazed over, a faraway gaze in them – gone was the bloodthirsty look on her face. Mikaela could not even find an _ounce_ of threatening vibes from her which he felt just a second ago but he would rather choke on his own tongue than admit he'd felt almost _sorry_ to put her though his unwelcome assault.

"I—" Shinoa blinked again. "J-Just what….."

His gaze sharpened into her face.

"MIKA PULL YOUR SWORD AWAY FROM HER!"

Mikaela pursed his lips, still examining the shaking girl with great care to gauge how she was taking everything. She seemed to be taking it quite bad, although with her emotionless face, the vampire couldn't be too sure. But there was something he noticed almost immediately.

"MIKA—!"

Her eyes weren't red anymore.

"LISTEN TO ME DAMMIT!"

Seeing that, the vampire began to pull away then tugged his screaming brother into his secure hold; hissing at the high volume which assaulted his sensitive ears. "Can't shut up for a moment Yuu-chan?" he said, annoyed. "I'm just a second away for rendering you unconscious here."

Mikaela snorted when the boy had the gall to glare at him; a scowl apparent on his face. "Just don't point your pointy sword at her!"

"You such an idiot." he sighed, masking his word back into its hostler before he turned to the wine haired vampire behind him. "I need to talk to him for a moment."

"Wait Mika—"

"And why do you have to ask permission?" The vampire titled his head. "It's not like the usual you."

"Whatever." Mikaela rolled his eyes. "Just… don't kill her."

"Aye aye captain~" he mock saluted him.

And just like that—they were gone into the night.

* * *

 ** _..._**

 ** _.._**

 ** _._**

 _What have I done?_

That was the only thing which pasted across her mind for the last minutes.

 _What have I done?_

She licked her lips. The sweet taste of Yuichiro's blood still remained between her teeth.

 _What have I done?_

She had no strength to follow after them, and instead of running away, Shinoa only watched as the man – vampire – joined her wrists against each other in a loose bound. It seemed like the vampire knew that she had no intention of escaping; so instead of binding her hands back to limit her movement, he did it at the front. She made use of this to stare at her palms. They were perfectly still now, completely at odds with the confusion swirling through her.

(She was the worst, wasn't she?)

Ignoring the urge to empty her stomach all over the floor, Shinoa breathed out a shaky breath. Even though some part of her knew that what she'd done was going to happen sooner or later, even though her mind was rejecting the possibility of her turning this fast; her body had already accepted it as truth. As reality.

Now, she felt like a complete fool for believing his words just like that.

 _Nothing will be alright, Yuu-san. You lied to me._

She was a fool for believing in fairy tales. For a girl who grew up with a patch-up family and a bunch of lies, to believe in the boy with the perfect smile and kind eyes was a mistake. Because he couldn't save her – or anyone in that matter – and he couldn't drag her from this hell despite how hard he tried to because she was a lost case. She was broken—and that's it. She was broken and he couldn't fix her up enough for her to feel alive again.

She didn't want to admit it, but when everything finally clicked on place, suddenly it made sense. _Everything_ made sense the moment his blood washed her throat with its tantalizing taste. It explained the weird events of her continuing bad dreams and memory loss. No—not memory loss because she _didn't_ lose her memories. Not if she had never experienced them in the first place. Not if _another_ person had experienced them in the first place.

 _It was you, wasn't it? Kiyoshi?_

(A fleeting laugh echoed in her head, as if answering her rhetorical question.)

 _So it's you._

"It's nice to see you again~" she quickly composed herself when a tall built blocked her sight. The man – vampire – bent down and tugged at the restrain around her wrists playfully. "Looks like a good ol' joke, really."

Shinoa pursed her lips tight. "13th progenitor, Crowley Eusford. What an honor."

"A pleasure to meet you." he did a little bow mockingly.

"Likewise." she mocked back with a little – but empty – smirk on her face.

He frowned at the badly hidden insult, feeling quite disturbed that a mere human like her dare to taunt him. "I would watch that mouth if I was you."

"I suggest to watch your own, Crowley- _sama_." she snorted, her tone ever so mocking. "You're a noble, aren't you? I expected more from you."

The red orbs glittered dangerously, and Shinoa braced herself for the upcoming pain but she was met with nothing.

She raised her eyebrows at him, but he only stared at her blankly.

"He would have killed you, you know?" he said, sharp crimson eyes glowing bright. "When he held you, I was looking through him. I could smell his emotion, and you know what? He really didn't want to kill you. But even though he was uncertain—I could see conflicts in his eyes—his hands were steady, his gaze unwavering. And his heart… his heart didn't miss a beat." he chuckled, a bit amused with the whole thing. Human did wonder to his imagination. "That boy is one hell of a good killer despite his young age. He would have killed you if he had to, you knew that, didn't you?"

"I know." she said softly. "But Mika-san would never hurt him. Not if he can help it."

Crowley titled his head. "That demon boy? You think he didn't kill you because that boy?"

"A part of me does." she shrugged. "Another just because he was— _is_ human. His eyes, they haven't changed. Still blue."

The vampire couldn't help but watch the girl with interest; lest she was joking and just trying to put him off. But as seconds passed her gaze hadn't changed. Only then he finally realized that there wasn't even an ounce of humor inside those words.

 _What an interesting little one._

Crowley doubled over in laughter. "God, you are one hell of a human, girl. I think I like you." he said, smirking.

"Sadly I don't." she fired back, mocking. "So I suggest you watch your back, mister bloodsucker."

The vampire whistled. "Feisty, aren't you?"

She just smiled. His smirk widened.

"Fine, lil' human. Let's see what the queen has in store for you."

* * *

 _—tbc?_

* * *

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **author's note:**

….I think I need to change the rating real quick. That's certainly some kinky material I put up there. But well, there's your kiss! I'm really sorry for tainting any innocent minds out there. The plus-plus scenes must have fried the hell of your brain circuits. I know because it burns mine too but God knows they need to resolve the frustrating sexual tension sooner or later.

(I really need to stop reading those N/C materials… but should I change the rating into M? I'm wondering…..)

 _Ahem._

Hello to you amazing readers of this fanfic. Well, this is _actually_ not an update, but more like a special chapter to celebrate Semper Memento's one year anniversary. Can you believe it? I can't even—wow, it's been a year! Banzaiiiiii! \\(^0^)/

I don't know what to say…. so many things happened, bad things and good things alike; and I find myself growing closer to be a kind writer that I thrive to be when I first started this story. I'm really happy to be here, despite all the hardships and ridiculous hate I'd to put up with for the past months. Even though it's hard, I'm quite proud of myself because at least I could finish this chapter on time.

A lot of you have been asking if I'm okay and even though I can't say that I'm fine _right now_ ; at least I'm healing. I'm human too, I can feel pain too. And what I've been feeling in the past month is really crazy I wonder I haven't burst yet. It's all about emotional pain, you know? No rational thinking will ever work when feeling is involved, and well, it's been _months_. I'm no saint, I guess I've reached my breaking point. Just don't be sorry okay? No one is at fault here. I just hope you guys understand that healing takes time, that's why I need you guys to be there when I finally decide to continue this story again.

June 10th; a very unique date isn't it? I hope this fic will have another June 10th to be remembered. I really hope so.

Last, to all of you, the super awesome reviewers who encouraged me to continue this story, I really thank you for the bottom of my heart. I'm only continuing this story because of you guys and I'm sorry that this is all I could give you now. Despite how small; how _short_ it is; I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. And ah, as always please forgive me for any errors or typos or any mistakes God knows I've tried my best *peace*

Once again, thank you and see you next time ^^

 **-hinoiri lwin-**


End file.
